* * * * *
We watched the game on satellite TV in our armored cars on the way to the satellite crash in the Gila City Hills. Mendoza pitched a no-hitter for the Mariners until the eighth inning, when he developed a sore arm. Seattle put in a rookie pitcher just called up from Tacoma. New York scored five runs in the eighth, and four more in the ninth, to rally for a 9-7 win. The spider commander was ecstatic. In celebration, he fired machine-gun rounds into the air from the armored car turret. “Go Yankees!” he yelled repeatedly for the rest of the trip.
At the crash site we found a single large slab of metal jutting out of the clay hillside. Legionnaires dug it out of the ground, and I cleaned off its surface with a rag. Odd printed symbols and images were etched into the metal. The images depicted scorpions engaged in group sex, among other things.
“That’s some nasty scorpions,” I commented. “What kind of communications satellite is this?”
The spider commander inspected the engravings too. He was just as surprised. Of particular interest to the spider commander was the depiction of a star chart to the scorpion home world. “I think this satellite is part-owned in a joint venture with the Spider Playboy Channel,” explained the spider commander. “We’ve come a long way, baby.”
“I doubt that,” said Major Lopez, also closely examining the etched images and lettering. “This is way too alien to be from the Spider Playboy Channel. The CIA and Fleet are going to want to see this.”
* * * * *
Computer analysis of satellite surveillance data located the source of the alien space probe’s destruction to a remote Arthropodan base in the far eastern New Gobi Desert. General Daly ordered that Legion commandos capture secret technology and any scientists or techs that might be found at the base. The attack would have to be quick and total surprise because of self-destruct mechanisms thought to be installed at all top-secret Arthropodan bases.
* * * * *
Spider marines patrolled the perimeter of the top-secret base. Intelligentsia guarded the inside. It was dull and lonely duty. Nothing ever happened this far away from civilization. Occasionally buffalo wandered close to the fence. Spider guards were told not to feed the buffalo because the Old Earth beasts were unpredictable and dangerous.
Spider marine guards #77 and #82 knew better. They fed the buffalo candy all the time, and found the hairy creatures to be quite sociable. #77 even gave his favorite buffalo names. Today they noticed one of buffalo, a new one, appeared to be sick. It limped and was skinnier than the others. It could be seen rubbing its mange on a fence post. That set off an alarm.
#77 and #82 were sent to shoo the beast away. They fired a couple of shots, but the buffalo just sat by the fence. How odd, thought #77. He had never seen a buffalo sit before. It was difficult seeing at night, but they were assisted by night-vision devices. #77 noticed that the buffalo now had knocked down a fence post. Damn! That meant more work for them, and the team leader would blame him for feeding the critters again. This upset #77 even more, because he had never fed this particular mangy buffalo before. He fired a couple more rounds into the air. To his amazement, the buffalo split in two.
* * * * *
Sergeant Williams in the front part of the buffalo disguise, and Private Krueger in the butt end, fired silenced rifles, killing both spider marine guards. More legionnaires quickly followed through the hole in the fence.
Lieutenant Washington, dressed in an Arthropodan marine uniform, presented himself to the camera at a secure doorway and pushed the doorbell. The door clicked open. The spider legionnaire led his commandos inside. Sergeant Williams’ fearsome rebel yell echoed throughout the underground facility as an alarm sounded. They quickly captured the base and most of its employees and scientists. Helicopters soon transported prisoners and equipment south across the MDL to a secret Legion camp in Jellystone National Park, where Legion interrogators and scientists waited. Legionnaires uprooted every antenna in the facility, and now a substantial pile of equipment lay piled up like a mountain at the center of their camp.
“What is all this?” asked Major Lopez, nodding to the pile of Arthropodan gear. “What are you about?”
“We analyze the weather,” replied a spider scientist. “I am but a simple weather spider.”
“We found empty holding cells,” said Major Lopez. “There is evidence you were holding humans recently.”
“No,” said the scientist.
“You were experimenting on humans?” asked Major Lopez, pointing a pistol.
“No one was ever harmed,” said the scientist.
“I have dined on spider meat with the Butcher of New Colorado!” bragged Major Lopez. “You taste like chicken! What is all this equipment? Talk!”
“We have been sending pulsed energy in an attempt to drive you human pestilence more insane than you obviously already are,” cried the spider scientist. “But the tests did not work, and we were about to close down the facility. We have lost our funding because of the satellite accident. Please do not eat me!”
“You will tell me everything,” ordered Major Lopez.
* * * * *
In the early morning hours, spider commandos drifted silently by parachute over the fence at the Gila Hills Weather and Desert Research Facility. The college complex had no armed guards, and the commandos quickly overpowered the sleepy staff.
“I know this is a top-secret CIA mind-control research facility!” accused a spider team leader. “Who is in charge?”
“I am in charge,” said one of the techs. “What do you army dudes want?”
“I want to know what equipment you use to beam mind-control rays across the border. I intend to seize you and your equipment.”
“Dude, you need counseling for paranoia,” said the tech. “That’s some heavy shit you are talking. There are no evil rays aimed at you. Just wear tin foil on your head if you think that’s going on. That’s what my brother did before we got him into rehab.”
“Does the full moon mess you up, too?” asked another tech.
“Talk!” yelled the team leader, holding a large jagged combat knife to the tech’s throat. “I don’t care about your brother! I will cut you if you don’t talk!”
“That’s harsh dude,” said the tech. “Okay, I didn’t mean to piss you off. Our job here is to conduct weather modification by seeding clouds with silver iodine. It’s top-secret stuff. We’re rainmakers!”
“Show me what you use for mind control!” yelled the team leader, pressing the point of the knife for emphasis. “Do it now!”
“In my foot locker!” cried the tech, pointing to a large wooden box secured with a pad lock. “You can have it all. Please don’t cut me, angry spider dude.”
The team leader kicked open the foot locker. It was stuffed with baggies of marijuana. “What is this?” he asked.
“The best mind-altering marijuana in all of New Colorado,” explained the tech. “We grew it ourselves at the college’s experimental greenhouse. You should try some. That shit might mellow you out, dude. There’s some magic mushrooms in there, too.”
“Magic mushrooms?” asked the team leader, as he stuffed baggies into his pockets. “What is that?”
“Yeah, I picked the psilocybin mushrooms off cow shit myself,” advised the tech. “I minored in fungi at Gila Community College. I got straight A’s, dude. Don’t use too many at once, until you’ve built up some resistance.”
“Load this locker and the rest of their equipment when the Air Wing shuttles arrive,” ordered the team leader.
“Take it all dude,” sighed the tech. “See if I care. We have more where that came from. There’s Outlaw Beer in the cooler. Take it, too. Go have a party, but just go.”
“You human pestilence will be coming with us for further interrogation,” said the team leader.
“I never thought I’d be the victim of an alien abduction,” commented the tech, as he was led away in wrist restraints. “You aren’t going to probe me, are you? I don’t do Close
Encounters of the Third Kind.”
“Shut up, fool.”
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Chapter 15
I met the spider commander at the MDL to defuse the current crisis over the commando raids. He wore a high-frequency personal jamming device on his belt to prevent the Legion from reading his mind. This was in response to persistent intelligence that Legion officers might now be able to read Arthropodan minds with brain-chip-implant technology. It was suspected that humans could detect and translate unconscious thought from spider antennae. Paranoid bastards.
Actually, the spider commander’s fears were justified. Long ago I had bought a black-market prototype chip that allowed me to read spider thoughts. I used it for interrogations and to win big bucks from spiders at poker. I discarded the technology because it gave me a headache as more and more spiders joined the Legion. Rumors got out about what I was doing, and soon no Legion officer was allowed in any poker game anywhere. Spider recruits took to singing to themselves to jam their thoughts during inspections. Corporal Wayne even assaulted me during one such inspection to protest the invasion of privacy. That was one of the many times Private Wayne got busted back to private. I suspect that Major Lopez has now obtained the technology from his military intelligence and CIA friends. Spooks have no ethics.
“I am here to negotiate a prisoner exchange in an effort to de-escalate border volatility,” I announced. “I do not know why, but General Daly wants those idiots from our weather research station returned.”
“Did you know two of my marines were murdered because of your adventurism?” asked the spider commander. “How do you propose I get them back?”
“I truly regret any loss of life,” I said. “But you were aiming dangerous pulsed energy across the border at us. Be glad we didn’t just nuke your facility. That was my first suggestion, but General Daly turned the idea down.”
“We harmed no one,” insisted the spider commander.
“I doubt that,” responded Major Lopez. “We also want returned the human captives your scientists were experimenting on. If they were harmed in any way, your lead scientist will be put on trial for crimes against humanity. I know first-hand how you treat prisoners.”
“I do not know what you are talking about,” replied the spider commander. “I hold no one but those drug-addicted, brain-damaged weather fools. You will return all our scientific research staff at once!”
“Three tourists hiking along the MDL in Jellystone National Park are missing,” added Major Lopez. “We suspect they strayed across the border near Frost Bite Falls, and we know you captured them. Worse, we know you held them to conduct your evil pulsed-energy experiments.”
“That is a ridiculous and irresponsible accusation,” fumed the spider commander. “We are not barbarians like you.”
“Your mind-jamming devices don’t work as well as you think,” stated Major Lopez. “Your military intelligence officer knows what happened to the tourists.”
When the military intelligence officer did not deny the accusation, the spider commander exploded. “Find those hikers!” he ordered. “You will keep me fully informed of such matters!”
“Until the prisoner exchange is completed, our business here today is finished,” I said.
“Not quite,” said the spider commander, lowering his voice and pulling me off to the side for a private conversation. “Will you have any more tips from Texas Red?”
“Texas Red promised to call me when Seattle travels to New York next month,” I said. “But that is of no concern of yours. There is no longer any goodwill left between us.”
“Oh, come on,” wheedled the spider commander. “You can’t let one little commando raid and some mad scientists working for the Intelligentsia mess up a good deal.”
“Excuses don’t interest me,” I said. “You have shown your true colors.”
“I never admitted to having those lost hikers in custody,” said the spider commander. “And, if there ever were any hikers, I doubt they were lost just sightseeing along the border. It’s more likely they were spies photographing border defenses. The dungeons of the Intelligentsia are deep and cruel. They do not give up their victims easily. Those tourists might never get out without my help. Remember that before you start spouting off about true colors.”
“You will return those tourists or else,” I warned as I turned to leave.
“Whatever.”
* * * * *
The spider commander immediately went to Guido’s guard shack. “How about those Yankees?” he asked cheerfully. “New York had their rally caps on big-time!”
“Even a blind dog finds a bone sometimes,” commented Guido. “You got lucky.”
“If Colonel Czerinski bets heavy on any of the games next month when the Mariners travel to New York, you be sure to inform me,” ordered the spider commander. “Understand? This is very important.”
“Does Czerinski have inside information?” asked Guido. “That was a nice chunk of change you two made the other day. Mr. Bonanno is upset and looking into it. Don’t expect your luck to be allowed to continue.”
“How should I know what Czerinski knows?” replied the spider commander, innocently. “I just want one more big win. You tell me if Czerinski makes another large bet.”
“You’re holding out on me,” insisted Guido. “Is that any way for friends to treat each other? If you want my cooperation, you had better share the wealth. I want in.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said the spider commander.
“”I’m not feeling any love,” said Guido. “After all I’ve done for you. Come clean, or you can go to hell. I’m just asking you to be reasonable.”
The spider commander gave that some serious thought, then told Guido all about Texas Red and the East Coast fix. Guido showed interest.
“I know Texas Red, too,” commented Guido. “He’s a good egg. If the tip is from Texas Red, it’s good. He owes us big time. We are going to make some serious money.”
“What is Texas Red’s connection to New Colorado?” asked the spider commander. “Is that his real name?”
“You’ll have to read Private Knight’s last book,” mumbled Guido.
“What?” asked the spider commander. “What did you say?”
“Nothing,” said Guido. “It’s classified, top-secret, paradoxical Legion stuff you do not need to know. I’d have to kill you if you found out.”
“Whatever,” said the spider commander. “There is another matter I need to ask you about. Just between you and me, can Legion officers read spiders’ minds with new brain-implant technology?”
“Just between you and me?” said Guido. “I can read your mind.”
* * * * *
I stopped by the Blind Tiger Tavern & Casino for a drink or two. Lydia saw me and bought me a drink, a capped Outlaw Lite Beer.
“Your place or mine, Legionnaire?” she asked, seductively.
“Fool me once, shame on you,” I replied. “Fool me twice, shame on me.”
“It’s a shameful galaxy,” gushed Lydia, resting her hand on my knee, caressing my leg. “Does that mean you are turning me down? I didn’t know you had such willpower.”
“No,” I answered. “It means my place this time.”
* * * * *
Guido sent the spider commander a text message: ‘Czerinski just bet ten million dollars on the first Seattle / New York game.’
The spider commander texted back, ‘I want to bet ten million dollars, too.’
‘You don’t have ten million dollars,’ replied Guido.
‘I borrowed the money from Arthropodan Home World loan sharks based out of Capital City,’ texted the spider commander. ‘Bet ten million dollars on the Yankees to win in the first game against Seattle.’
‘Are you sure?’ asked Guido.
‘YES,’ replied the spider commander. ‘The money is on my card. Do it now.’
Moments later, Legion military police arrested Guido and locked him up i
n dungeons below Legion Headquarters. Major Lopez immediately interrogated Guido. “Corporal Tonelli, did you text the spider marine commander of New Gobi?” asked Major Lopez. “What have you done?”
“All I did was place a bet for him,” explained Guido. “You know I run a bookie business on the side.”
“What bet?” pressed Major Lopez.
“He bet ten million dollars on New York to win tonight’s game against the Seattle Mariners,” answered Guido.
“Why would the spider commander make a dumb bet like that?” asked Major Lopez. “He’s not stupid. He knows tonight’s game is fixed. It’s Seattle’s turn to win.”
“I don’t know,” said Guido. “I was about to explain that to the spider commander when the MPs barged in and arrested me. When do I get out? This is bad for business.”
“You stay,” advised Major Lopez. “Colonel Czerinski ordered you locked up indefinitely.”
* * * * *
The spider commander listened smugly to his radio at Marine Headquarters as New York built up a 12-0 lead going into the top of the seventh inning. Ecstatic, he decided to drive down to the border crossing and watch the rest of the game on Guido’s big-screen TV. Guido was not present. That’s odd, he thought. Border guards gathered about the TV, cheering for the Yankees.
A team leader stiffened and saluted upon seeing the spider commander. “Sorry, sir,” said the team leader. “I’ll disperse them.”
“Don’t worry about it,” said the spider commander. “Carry on! Enjoy the game. I am. Where is Guido?”
“Guido was arrested by Legion military police,” answered the team leader. “Corporal Valdez will be making the payoffs in cash tonight.”
Enemies Page 8
