CHAPTER SEVEN
AT the end of the morning surgery she said to him, ‘Would the two of you like to come for a meal tonight? It would save you cooking as long as you don’t mind eating somewhat later than you usually do.’
He was observing her with raised brows but his reply when it came was easy enough. ‘That would be very nice, except for the fact that Dad is picking Toby up from school and taking him back to his place for his evening meal to celebrate him being well again. Thanks for the thought, though.’
As she’d listened to what he had to say she knew that the obvious thing to do was to say that the invitation was still open if he wanted to come alone, but she’d been relying on Toby as the bond between them to keep the atmosphere less taut than it had been since Nathan had asked her to marry him as those hurtful moments haunted her constantly.
He was tuned into her thoughts on this occasion and said, ‘I’m sure you would prefer it if he was with us, so perhaps another time would be better, and by the way, as I don’t have to pick Toby up from school, I’m available until we close here if you want an early finish for a change. I can imagine what the workload has been like while Hugo and I have both been absent.’
It was her turn to refuse his offer. ‘I asked you to come for a meal as you look as if you haven’t been eating much over recent days, and as this evening will be your first free time since Toby was ill I wouldn’t want you to be putting in extra time at the practice on my behalf. So do we understand each other? The offer still stands if you would like to come on your own tonight.’
She wasn’t going to tell him that she was achingly aware of the strain he’d been under, and that she could not stop herself from caring about him just as long as he understood that was where it ended. He’d spoiled the rest of it by making her feel that he wanted her as a mother figure for Toby and was seemingly prepared to go along with the wife part of it for the child’s sake.
He couldn’t refuse again, Nathan was thinking. The thought of having Libby to himself for a couple of hours until his father brought Toby home at his bedtime was not to be refused twice, so he said, ‘Yes, all right, I’d like that, but before I set off on my house calls I’d like to make it clear that I will be working the extra hours this afternoon in spite of what you say.
‘I know that you would rather see less of me than more, which makes your invitation to dine with you tonight somewhat of a surprise, but with regard to this place I’m part of a team and am already conscious that my contribution is a lot less than yours, so today I am on full steam.’ While she digested that he went out to his car and within seconds drove off to visit the sick in the cottages and in the bigger houses on the leafy lanes that surrounded the village.
Hugo followed him shortly afterwards to do his share of the house calls and while they were gone Libby went across to Lavender Cottage and prepared a casserole, which she put in the oven on a low setting.
Once that was done she laid the table with the cutlery and crockery that had been her mother’s pride and joy. Then it was back to the practice where the waiting room was filling up again for the second surgery of the day.
As she crossed the space that separated the cottage from the practice building the lake was glinting in the distance beneath a pale winter sun and the house on the island was caught in its rays as a reminder that soon she would be there, away from the practice for a little while and from the man who was never out of her thoughts.
Maybe when she wasn’t seeing Nathan all the time at the surgery and in his comings and goings to the cottage next to hers she might find some peace of mind, if only briefly, she thought, but loving him had become a way of life, a reason for living, even though she was miserable most of the time because of that same love.
At the end of the day they left the building that had once been her home together and separated outside the cottages while Nathan went to change and Libby hurried inside to check that the casserole hadn’t dried up.
It hadn’t, so she dashed up the stairs, flung off her working clothes, and after a quick shower put on pale grey slacks and a black silk top and was coming down the stairs when he rang the bell.
Her eyes widened when she saw the bouquet of all the flowers she liked best that he was holding, and as she stepped back to let him in, with her composure slipping into confusion, he handed them to her and said whimsically, ‘I’m not going to use the “thanks” word, but I don’t know how I would have got through the last couple of weeks without you, Libby. You were my rock to hold onto in the midst of the horror of Toby’s illness.’
He was explaining the other side of that ghastly proposal, she thought with tears pricking, and unable to stop herself she reached forward and kissed his cheek.
As he turned his head, surprised by the gesture, their lips met and the moment became a torrent of longing as his arms tightened around her and she gave herself up to kisses that were a much better thing than her lips against his cheek.
The ringing of the doorbell broke into the moment and Nathan groaned as they drew apart. ‘Are you expecting someone?’ he asked.
She shook her head. ‘No, but I’d better see who it is.’ Moving towards the door reluctantly, she pulled back the catch to reveal John in the porch, holding a heavy-eyed Toby by the hand.
‘Sorry to arrive so soon,’ he said apologetically. ‘When Nathan rang to say that he would be eating here tonight I told him that I would bring Toby back at half past seven as he’d already been asleep for a couple of hours after school, but his first day back has taken it out of him and he needs to be tucked up in his bed.’
Nathan had appeared behind her. ‘It’s all right, Dad,’ he said, and with a smile for Libby, ‘Would you consider bringing the food over to my place while I get Toby settled for the night? It would solve the problem.’
‘Yes, of course,’ she agreed weakly, still under the spell of his kisses and the joy of being in his arms. There had been none of the awful feeling of being used, just the supreme delight of a moment that had come out of nowhere and might have progressed into something special maybe.
Yet, she thought as John said a brief goodbye and Nathan picked Toby up into his arms ready to take him to where he belonged, some things that happened came in the form of a lesson from life and were meant to cause those involved to stop and think before committing themselves.
As the door closed behind them she took the casserole out of the oven and placed it on a tray, then followed them across, and while Nathan was putting Toby to bed set the table in his dining room instead of hers.
‘The sleepy one is asking for a kiss, Libby,’ he called down some minutes later. ‘Can you come up?’ When she appeared in the doorway of the smaller of the cottage’s two bedrooms Toby was smiling at her from the pillows and clutching his comforter, which had been with him all the time he’d been in hospital.
As tears pricked she thought how wonderful it would be if she was there every night at his bedtime because Nathan loved her for herself and not her usefulness.
Nathan was watching her expressions change and knew that what his father’s ring on the doorbell had interrupted was not going to happen again when Toby was asleep. It had been a moment of bliss that had ended as quickly as it had begun. Once again the timing had been wrong.
His surmise was correct. As they ate the meal that Libby had prepared the conversation was about everything except those kisses, such as their day at the practice and village affairs, including the barbeque and bonfire that was to take place on the coming Friday night.
‘There has been that kind of thing on Bonfire Night ever since we were young, hasn’t there?’ he commented, remembering how she had always been somewhere near on the night. ‘That is what is so enchanting about this kind of community. I would imagine that everyone rallied around like they do when you lost Jefferson.’
‘Yes,
they did,’ she said quietly, wishing he hadn’t brought up the awful mistake she’d made out of loneliness and rejection while they were in the middle of chatting about general things, and that wasn’t the end of it.
‘You never talk about your marriage, Libby. Did you love him?’ he asked gravely, and more importantly, ‘Did he love you?’
He was remembering them again, those ghastly moments in the church porch, and suddenly he had to know if he’d made the second-biggest mistake of his life in thinking that Libby had been totally happy on her wedding day.
‘I think I was more in love with love than I was with Ian,’ she said, as if the words were being dragged out of her. ‘I was in my late twenties with no family around me. I’d lost my mother, and my dad had moved away because he couldn’t stand the thought of how he’d had to sell the farm due to his own carelessness.’
There was a pause and he felt himself tense as she continued, ‘And you’d made it clear that you had no feelings for me. You never came back. Not even for a visit.
‘Ian had already proposed to me twice and I’d turned him down, but the third time…well, you know the rest. With regard to if he loved me, not in the true sense, I felt. He wanted a wife. I was sitting there on the shelf. In truth it wasn’t the marriage I wanted it to be, but the way it ended was a tragedy and not something I’d wish on anyone. It’s not something that I like to talk about, Nathan, so can we please change the subject?’
‘Yes,’ he said with the gravity still upon him, ‘but just one thing before we do.’
‘And what is that?’ she asked tonelessly.
‘How in a thousand years could you have ever thought you were on the shelf? Not every guy in Swallowbrook was as blind as I was at that time.’
She shrugged slender shoulders inside the black silk top. ‘Maybe they just didn’t appeal to me. Ian was different, he didn’t ask a lot of me because he was so absorbed in his own lifestyle. I asked him once why he’d married me and he said he’d felt he was at the stage in his life where he should have a wife, and I obviously fitted the bill for him. So you see, neither of our hearts was ever in it. If Ian hadn’t died we would have been divorced by now, I’m sure of it.’
They were closer than they’d ever been in these few moments, he was thinking, but Libby wanted to talk about something less revealing and he had promised her that he would, so returning to the subject of Friday night he asked, ‘What about the bonfire and barbeque? Have you got something planned, or should the two of us take Toby? Today has exhausted him, it was plain to see, but by Friday he should be more his usual self and if he’s not we won’t take him. Agreed?’
‘Yes,’ she told him. ‘I haven’t made any plans regarding it. I don’t have much time, or inclination, for socialising these days.’
‘So can’t we do something about that? When things are really back to normal with Toby, and Dad will have him for the night, why don’t we live it up somewhere in the town, or hereabouts if you know of somewhere special?’ As she observed him doubtfully he said dryly, ‘With no strings attached.’
‘Yes, maybe we could do that some time,’ she agreed, and thought it wasn’t strings she was concerned about, it was bonds, the bonds of the love that bound her to him, while for all she knew Nathan might be wanting to use her for some light relief in the restricted life that was now his.
She didn’t stay long after that. His questions had opened old wounds, brought back the uncertainties of the past that were always there somewhere in the background, and just because the moment they touched they became two different people she wasn’t going to turn back into the romantic innocent that had been given her marching orders that day at the airport.
Her timing had been so horribly wrong. There had been weeks before he’d gone when she could have told him how much she loved him, and when he’d casually suggested that she go with him she’d begun to hope.
But in love with him though she was, her loyalties to the practice, his father, her father and to the place she loved most on earth had made her refuse. Hoping all the time that he would change his mind about working abroad if only for a little while, and begin to see her as something other than just a face at the practice.
When she opened the door to leave there was a chill wind blowing and Nathan took a jacket of his off a hook in the hall and wrapped it around her protectively. When she looked up at him from the circle of his arms it was there again, the awareness that was so strong between them. Turning it into trivia before it took hold of them again, she said, ‘My door is only yards away. I’m not going to catch cold.’
‘Nevertheless,’ he said, releasing her from his hold, ‘you wouldn’t be out in it even for such a short distance if it wasn’t for my affairs, and there’s no rush to return the jacket. I have others.’
He gave her a gentle push. ‘Away with you, and thanks for the food. It would seem that the next time we dine together will be at Friday night’s bonfire, subject to Toby not being too tired. Every time I think about what he has recovered from I feel weak with thankfulness.’
‘Yes, you must be,’ she said gently. ‘I was only on the outside of things and I was transfixed with horror, so what it must have been like for you I shudder to think.’
‘You helped us to get through it, Toby and I. Without you I would have been in despair. I am so sorry I presumed on your good nature by asking you to marry me, Libby. Obviously we aren’t on the same wavelength about that sort of thing and it won’t happen again.’
‘I would prefer not to talk about that if you don’t mind,’ she said with sudden coolness, stepping out into the darkness. ‘Goodnight.’
He nodded, he’d got the message. After watching her safely cross the distance between their two cottages and close the door behind her, he went in and did the same.
As the week progressed Toby was getting stronger with every day and the three of them going to the bonfire on the Friday evening was becoming a certainty that Libby was looking forward to in one way, but not in another.
She hadn’t forgotten the conversation she’d had with Nathan on the Monday night. How he’d wanted to know how much Ian had meant to her. If she’d known that within seconds of her becoming Ian’s wife Nathan had rushed through the churchyard and onto a passing bus to get away from the scene he’d just witnessed, she might have understood his questioning better, but as it was she’d found it unnerving.
The morning after the bonfire she was going to the island for the long-awaited break that she’d arranged, and on the Thursday night was intending going into the town to do a big shop as there was no way she wanted to be going backwards and forwards between Greystone House and the village or the privacy she was looking forward to would be gone.
She’d arranged to be taken there and brought back the following Saturday by one of her patients who owned a boatyard on the lakeside and also offered transport on the water to anyone requiring it.
‘I’d be obliged if you could take me to the island early Saturday morning before anyone is about,’ she’d asked him. Easygoing Peter Nolan, who saw her from time to time for diabetes checks, had said, ‘Sure, Libby, I’ll take you in the middle of the night if you want, and you can park your car at the yard if you like, so it won’t be on view. But are you sure you’ll be all right out there on your own?’
‘Yes, I’ll be fine,’ she told him. ‘I just want a rest and some privacy.’
‘All right,’ had been the reply. ‘I’ll be waiting for you at crack of dawn on Saturday, and by the way the other day I went for my yearly retinol check that the NHS insist we diabetics have.’
‘And?’ she asked with a smile for the burly boatman.
‘The optician said everything was OK behind my eyes and she’ll be writing to you with the results.’
‘Good. Keep on watching your weight still, won’t you, Peter?’ she reminded him g
ently.
Whenever anyone at the surgery asked Libby where she was going for the winter break that she was planning she was evasive and Nathan decided that it was because of him. What did she think he was going to do? he thought sombrely. Ask if he could go with her, like some hungry dog begging for a bone?
After her chilly farewell the other night he felt that their relationship was back at square one again and no way was he going to ask what her plans were. Sufficient that they were going to spend Friday evening together with Toby, who was counting the hours.
But a week without her was going to be a long one, though he supposed he shouldn’t complain as originally her winter break had been going to be two weeks instead of one.
He didn’t know that quixotically she was desperate to be away from him to sort out her thoughts about the two of them. Ever since the night he’d rung her doorbell to ask if she had any milk to spare for Toby’s drink Nathan had never been far away.
Yet she also felt that a week would be long enough without seeing him, so she’d reduced her winter break to one week instead of two and saved the other one for Christmas.
He’d seen her arrive home with a big shop from one of the supermarkets on the Thursday evening and decided that wherever she was going it would seem that it was self-catering. When he’d told Toby on the Friday that Libby was going on holiday the following week he’d asked with the uncomplicated mind of a child why they weren’t going with her, as to him her presence was now an accepted part of his life.
Toby knew that she loved him just as much as he, Nathan, did, so he would be unhappy too while she was away. He told him gently that it needed two doctors to look after the people of Swallowbrook, especially in winter time, which meant that he was needed at the surgery while she was away and that was why they weren’t going with her.
Swallowbrook's Winter Bride Page 10
