“The dress doesn’t matter. I could wear that white trash bag and be happy,” I say just as Life opens the door, then strides into the room.
Apparently Louvel has a model crisis and needs to go. He helps me out of the dress, then Charlie and I leave and walk across Wilshire Boulevard to Rodeo Drive. We need to look for a dress for Charlie to wear to the wedding. She hates everything with an empire waist, which would allow room for her growing baby bump, and spends the entire visit begging me to move the wedding up so she won’t have to wear a maternity dress to the wedding.
After a few hours of coming up empty, I suggest we give shopping a rest for the day and call for the car. She isn’t in the mood to seriously look at dresses, and I’m not in the mood to peruse the shops.
She looks at her watch. “We still have a few hours before we have to be at the airport. Do you want to see if we can catch an earlier flight?”
I squint to see if the approaching car is ours, but it doesn’t look like our driver. “Actually, do you mind if we pay someone a visit?”
She shifts her purse strap on her shoulder. “Sure. Who?”
“The documentary from our trip to Africa is premiering tonight at the Chinese Theater in Hollywood. Ariko’s in town. I thought since I’m here, I’d pop in and say hello.”
“Absolutely! I’m not going to pass up the chance to finally meet the famous Ariko in person,” she replies.
I text Ariko, and he quickly responds with his hotel information. When our car pulls up, I ask him to take us to the Beverly Hills Hotel. After going through the lobby, we walk around the pool to Ariko’s bungalow.
He steps out of the room before I even get to the door, and he sweeps me into his arms and spins me a few times. He sets me down and inspects me. He looks so handsome in his light-gray suit and sapphire tie.
I straighten his tie. “You look smashing. You’re going to knock them dead tonight. Bradley from Discovery called me the other day to clarify a few details, and he said you have a nice star-studded guest list. It should be a fantastic evening, and hopefully you’ll raise a lot of money.”
“It should be you doing this,” he replies. “This was your baby.”
I wave him off. “It’s much more fitting that you’re the face of this project. All I did was copy you, and people deserve the original, not some copycat. Plus, now everyone will hear about all the work you and your family have been doing for decades.”
He steeples his hands, then leans forward in a slight bow. “I would never have gotten this platform if it weren’t for you. I wish it were under different circumstances, but I am so grateful for the opportunity.”
Clearing her throat, Charlie holds out her hand. “I’m Charlie, by the way. It’s fantastic to finally meet you!”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” I put my hand on Charlie’s back. “Ariko, I’m sure you must remember all the stories I told you about Charlie.”
"Most certainly.” Ariko kisses her hand. “It is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance. Arianna has told me the most wonderful things about you.”
Charlie looks at me warily. “What did you say?”
Ariko winks. “All good things, I assure you.” He turns back to me. “You look different.”
“I do?” I look down. “Not much has changed.”
He shakes his head. “No, you look more radiant. You’re positively glowing.”
“Isn’t she?” Charlie asks. “I’ve been meaning to ask you what face system you’re using, because your skin looks amazing lately.”
My cheeks burn with a blush. “Okay, you two, enough already. I keep telling you eating vegan is good for the body.”
“Oh, Charlie, you should know no amount of cleanser could create beauty this stunning. My Lamm gets more and more beautiful every day. That’s just nature taking its course.”
My body tenses at the sound of a voice I haven’t heard in a very long time. I turn around and see Henrik smiling at me.
“Hello, Lamm.”
My voice feels lost in my throat. I had no idea he would be here. I’m not sure I would have come had I known. I haven’t seen him since I ran away from him in his underwear on that busy Munich street, before I took a nose-dive into the dark abyss of stupidity.
“Henrik,” I manage to squeak out. I stare in his golden-brown eyes, searching for the right words, but nothing comes to mind. Everything seems insufficient.
Charlie points her thumb at Henrik and me. “Perhaps we should give them…”
Ariko offers her his elbow. “Have you seen the view by the pool?”
Charlie hooks her arm through his, and they take off down the walk.
Henrik laughs and nervously scratches the back of his neck. “That was subtle.”
I smile at him, but he avoids my gaze. “Come on, that was pretty subtle for Charlie.”
“You’re right. I’m amazed she didn’t lock us in a room together.”
“Had she known any of this was going to happen, she might have planned for that. But this was a spur-of-the-moment stop,” I reply.
He steps toward the bungalow door, then opens it. “Well, let’s stop standing out here. Come in.”
After taking a step toward the room, I hesitate. Walking into my ex-boyfriend’s hotel room alone seems like a very bad idea. If roles were reversed, I’d strangle Chase and use his larynx as a new chew toy for Heisman. “Maybe a walk instead.”
He picks up my left hand. “That is quite a ring.”
Oh man, this is awkward. Why the hell did Charlie leave me alone?
“Thanks,” I murmur as I gently pull my hand back.
I start walking in the opposite of the direction Charlie went, and after a moment, he follows suit. Our footsteps clack on the concrete, making the uncomfortable silence between us much more apparent. Henrik and I have so many unresolved issues, there isn’t just an elephant in the hall with us, there’s a whole herd. With each click-clack of my heels, I feel as though they’re multiplying.
“So…” I say, desperate to break the tension.
“So…” Henrik tugs at his collar, then loosens his tie a bit.
“You in town to see the premier?”
He gives a small nod. “Yup.”
“That’s nice.”
“It should be.”
I sneak a peak at him out of the corner of my eye. He looks unsettled, as though he suddenly doesn’t feel comfortable in his own skin and he doesn’t know what to do about it. I’m taken aback. Henrik is never uncomfortable. He’s the most laidback, confident person I’ve ever met. Nothing rattles him. It’s bizarre seeing him in a state of disquiet.
“Ah… here for the whole weekend?” I ask.
“Um-hmm. Till Sunday.”
Are my click-clacks getting louder? How is there no one else at this hotel? A complete stranger walking by might ease some of this strain between us. This is just painful. I’d have an easier time talking to that potted plant.
“Gorgeous weather,” I say.
“It is quite lovely.”
Quite lovely? Henrik doesn’t say “quite lovely!” This has to stop. I can’t do this anymore.
I step in front of him. “This is ridiculous. We can have a conversation like mature adults.” I put one hand on each of his arms. “How are you?”
“Good, good,” he replies in an obviously fake tone.
I lower my chin and glare at him. “Henrik….”
He nods his chin toward the sidewalk, which I suppose means he wants to keep walking. “Honestly, Lamm, I’m okay. I just keep doing my thing.”
“I’ve been following your season. You look good,” I say to be polite.
Actually, his game has gone to crap. He’s slow, distracted. It’s obvious to me by the pallor of his skin that he’s partying too hard, not eating right, and not getting enough sleep. But that’s the great thing about telling someone they look good. Good compared to what—well, that’s a different story.
His lips curl up into a dangerous smirk. “You�
��re still keeping tabs on me?”
“Absolutely. Chase and I watch your games whenever we see one on.” I regret the words the moment they slip out. He got flirtatious, and I just had to put him in his place. Way to go, Arianna. So much for mature adults. Biting my lip, I say, “Sorry, I—”
I’m not even really sure what I’m apologizing for. It’s not like he doesn’t know about Chase—they’re friends. But I feel as though I’ve broken some sort of cardinal rule of socializing with an ex.
He forces a smile. “For what? You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m flattered you’ve been watching my games.”
“Of course I do. I still care about you.” If I could facepalm right now, I would. What the hell am I saying?
My brain says neutral topics, and my mouth says, “I still care about you.” What’s wrong with me? It’s like I’m daring myself to make this go south.
We reach the end of the sidewalk. He points one hand in either direction. “Which way?”
I have no idea what’s in either direction, so I guess. “Right?”
He nods, and we turn, then walk. His face lights up, showing the first sign of the man I used to know. “Oh, I’m thinking of doing Everest.”
That was something we had always talked about doing together. A small part of me aches at the loss of what we were. Even though we weren’t the best couple, we were very good friends. Based on how this interaction is going, I’m not sure we can even call each other acquaintances anymore.
“That’s really great,” I say, trying to sound chipper. “I’d heard they were closing it again this year after the avalanche.”
“Yeah, the Sherpas are repairing the Khumbu icefall, and I’ve got a friend who’s going there to help, so I’m going to tag along.”
“Do you really want to go while they’re repairing the mountain? That sounds awfully dangerous. Maybe you should consider waiting a season or two. Make sure the changes they make are sound.”
“If I’ve learned anything, Lamm, it’s that life is too short to wait. You have the world at your fingertips one day, then you’re grasping at sand the next. It’s too good of an opportunity to pass up, and I promised myself I won’t do that anymore. I won’t let another good thing pass me by again.”
We’ve reached the front of the hotel. Unless we want to go floor by floor, we’re out of road. Maybe this is a good time to walk away. The conversation is getting a little heavy for my taste.
He gestures to the door. “Why don’t we go to the lobby bar? I’m sure Charlie and Ariko are sitting in there, talking about us.”
I offer him a weak smile. “Sounds good.” This might be less painstaking if other people are around to carry the conversation.
He opens the door for me. “After you.”
We don’t say a word as we make our way into the lobby, where we’re stopped by a group of college-age kids. They ask for selfies and autographs.
“I saw that YouTube of you,” one of the girls says. “Those Denver fans are animals.”
Urg, I do not want to talk about this. I sign a cocktail napkin, then hand it to her. “Thanks so much. You guys have a great weekend.”
Thankfully, they take the hint and head out to the pool. We look around for Charlie and Ariko, but they’re nowhere to be found.
“Let’s sit. I’m sure they’ll be around. As we know, the hotel isn’t that big.” He leans forward and in a hushed tone says, “Unless Charlie is showing him the town. Maybe she’ll bring him down to Sunset and take him to a strip club.”
A few years ago, Charlie met Henrik and me in Amsterdam. I was at a photo shoot all day, and since it was Charlie’s first time in the city without her family, she dragged Henrik through the red-light district. They saw things that made even Henrik blush.
I snort. “I could see her pushing him to see just how red she could make his face.”
Henrik pulls out a chair at a high-top table. “His skin is so ebony it can be hard to see, but it does happen.”
“Charlie loves a challenge.” I take the seat, then he pushes me in. His hand brushes my arm, and goosebumps spread across my skin. Being in such close proximity to him feels so strange, familiar and foreign at the same time.
He sits across from me, then fidgets with the stack of coasters. A waitress stops by the table, and he says, “I’ll take a double vodka tonic and she’ll have water.”
Tapping her pen on the table, the waitress turns toward me. “You sure you don’t want anything? Glass of wine? Beer?”
“Nope, no drinks for her,” Henrik says before I get the chance to answer. “But if you’d like to go light on my tonic, I wouldn’t be disappointed.”
She smiles, then walks back to the bar.
Henrik fishes his phone out of his pocket and toggles around a bit. “I texted Ariko and told him to meet us here.” He places his phone on the table, then leans forward, resting his elbows around his phone. “I was actually in New York meeting with Pepsi. I picked up the phone a million times, but I…”
“Don’t worry about it. So how’s your family? I just saw an article on your mom, um, online. I can’t remember the magazine. But it was a great piece.”
“I should have called.”
Can’t he take the hint that I don’t want to talk about that? I’ve ducked and covered several times now. He should have picked up the hint. But then again, this is Henrik.
He reaches across the table, then touches my hand. “I should have found you so you weren’t alone. I should have found those guys and pounded their heads into the pavement. I’ve been a erbamliches arschloch.”
The feel of his rough skin on mine makes me want to pull my hand away, but when my eyes meet his and I see a storm of torment and anguish, I leave my hand where it is. “You’re not an asshole. And the last thing anyone would ever call you is a coward. There was nothing you or anyone else could have done for me.”
“You don’t need to try to make me feel better.” His fist clenches as he looks around the room. “You needed someone, I was there, and I just let you walk away by yourself. Again.”
I guess we’re doing this now. I glance over both of my shoulders. “I’m a big girl, remember? I handled it, and I’m fine.”
“This time,” he mutters.
I slap my hand on the table. “Clearly you have something to say, so just say it.”
“You came to me, and I pushed you away. Chase told me what happened after you left. I can’t stop thinking if I’d put my pride aside and been there for you, none of that would have happened.”
I tug on his arm, forcing him to look at me. “What happened after I walked away from you was entirely my doing. My choices. My mistakes. Nothing that happened was your fault.”
The rims of his eyes turn red. “But you ran to me for help. I got so caught up in my hurt that I couldn’t see you were hurting. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I should have seen how much pain you were in. I should have known. I should have been there for you.”
His use of present tense doesn’t escape me, but I let it go. His guilt is a bigger concern for me. None of this is his fault.
I put my hand on his cheek. “I know it may be really hard to see, but you did exactly what I needed. I needed to stop running every time life got hard. I needed to face my problems. I did a really horrible job of it at first, but I’m getting better at it. I know it sounds messed up, but hitting rock bottom was one of the best things that ever could have happened to me. I’m a better person because of it.”
“You’re missing the point!” He puts his hand over mine. “You shouldn’t have had to hit rock bottom. I should have saved you.”
“I needed to save myself. Please stop blaming yourself.”
The waitress arrives with a bright smile, and Henrik and I pull our hands apart. Henrik slides his stool back, then looks down. It looks as though he’s wiping his eyes, but he’s trying his damnedest to hide it.
The waitress pops the tray on her hip and tosses down a few
more coasters. “A water and a vodka tonic, light tonic.” She sets the glasses on the coasters. “Flag me down if you need anything.”
Henrik gulps down his drink. “I’ll have another,” he shouts as she walks away. “Make it two.”
I point at his empty glass. “You’d better be careful. You have to sit through a fascinating but slow documentary in a few hours. Once they turn the lights down, you’ll be out cold and snoring if you keep this up.” I slide my water across the table. “Drink this. As long as you rotate a little water for vodka, you’ll be okay.”
He gives me a sheepish grin over the rim of the water glass. “You’re worried about me.”
I motion for the waitress to bring another water. “I’m worried about you snoring so loudly, no one in the theater will be able to hear the documentary.”
“And there’s the Ari I know and love. Always so practical.”
There’s that present tense again. I squirm. “I wonder where Charlie and Ariko are? Has he texted back?” I pull out my phone and beg Charlie to get here ASAP.
The waitress brings Henrik’s refills. She places one in front of him, then one in front of me. “Bar policy says I can’t serve you two at a time, so I’ll give you each one. Whoever ends up drinking it is up to you.”
“Thanks,” I reply. “More water please, and keep that coming.”
Henrik takes a big gulp of his drink but thankfully doesn’t polish it off. “He helped you? After?”
I really hate talking about Chase with him. I know he has a wound, and he’s begging me to pour salt in it. “I never would have bounced back without him.”
He sniffs and clears his throat. “Are you happy?”
I pause, wondering the best and least hurtful way I can answer this. “Yeah, I am.”
He picks at the frayed edge of his coaster with his thumb. “That’s all I want for you. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. I just didn’t know the right way to do it. I’m glad he does.”
Why does this feel harder than when we actually broke up? We had a touching and sweet conversation and we went dancing. He honestly didn’t seem that upset. Now, with how upset he seems, it’s hard to believe we were in the same relationship.
Love To Love You (Love/Hate #3) Page 32
