She takes my hand, and we walk toward downtown just as the skies open up. We can’t find a cab anywhere, so of course Ari turns our walk into a competition. Who can make the biggest splash in a puddle. Who can get covered in the most mud. Who can catch the most raindrops on their tongue. God, I love this woman. We’re muddy drowned rats by the time we get back to the hotel, and I have just enough time to shower and change before I have to be on TV.
I have obligations all morning, but once I’m finished, I finally get to spend some time with my family. I never get to see my extended family as much as I’d like to, so I don’t want to waste a minute. Ari set up a private tour of the NASA Space Center for all of us, then we go to dinner and end up closing the place down.
Ari falls asleep in the car on the ride back to the hotel. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get her to wake up long enough to get out of the car, so I carry her inside. She’s been trying to hide it, but never in our whole lives have I seen her this worn out. Hopefully now that the season is over, things will settle down and she’ll get some rest.
The next morning, we catch our flight home. My manager has been staying at our house with Heisman, so we thankfully come home to a stocked fridge and everything in order.
We’re not home for more than a few hours before Scott Skypes though.
“Scott, take the day off, man,” I say when I answer. “I know I am. I don’t want to hear from you for a least a week.”
I’m about to hang up when he shouts. “Wait! Armani is back.”
That catches my attention. “What?”
“They’re back, and they want to triple the contract. And not just for Code. They want to do a wedding line inspired by your wedding. They’re throwing in all sorts of perks. They want you bad, my friend! We’re back! And I can feel it—this is just the beginning.”
Heisman drops a ball at my feet. I pick it up and throw it across the living room. “Triple? Are you serious?”
He nods. “As a heart attack. Here’s the deal. They need you to do the shoot in two weeks. The ideas they are pitching are so hot! It’s going to be fucking awesome.”
“Do what shoot in two weeks?” Ari ask as she walks into the living room.
“A Code ad. Armani wants me back.”
“No,” she replies flatly.
“No?” Scott and I say at the same time.
She hands me a water. “That’s what I said.” She plops next to me on the sofa.
“Would you care to elaborate?” Scott asks. “We’re talking millions of dollars here. You can’t just say no.”
She folds her arms. “The last ad you did with them was practically porn. It was banned in six countries. So unless you’re using me as the model, the answer is no.”
Aww, she’s jealous. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen her be outright jealous. Masked jealousy for sure, but to come right out and say it, that’s kinda hot.
Scott rubs his hands together. “A twofer! Oh man, why didn’t I think of this myself? Adding Ari in, we’re going to be talking tens of millions!”
What he’s saying sinks in, and I shout, “Hold on. There’s no way Ari’s going to be in this ad.”
“Oh yes, she is! Think about it! Armani made a fuckload after David and Victoria Beckham were in those ads. They’re going to go nuts over this. I can’t wait to call them. Ari, you are a genius.”
“Do not make that call, Scott.” I look at her. “You’re not going to be in some ad half-naked.”
“You were fully naked in the last ad,” she says with a smirk, practically taunting me to flip out.
“Hey guys?” Scott says.
“I don’t give a fuck,” I snap, ignoring Scott. “You’re not doing it.”
Slamming her hand on the sofa, she rolls her eyes. “Here we go! Why is it okay for you to be out there but not okay for me?”
“I don’t care if it’s a double standard. There is no fucking way I’m going to put you out there for the entire world to see just to sell cologne. It’s not happening, so wipe the idea from your mind now.”
“Guys!” Scott shouts.
“You think you’re just going to strip down and cuddle up with some model? Like I said at the beginning of this conversation—no!” She stares me down. “You have your limits, and I have mine.”
I throw my hands in the air. “Ari, be reasonable!”
“Will you fuckers shut the fuck up for a second and listen to me? News just came across the ticker that you need to hear.”
Our heads snap toward my phone. “What?” we shout in unison.
“Jeb Kane is dead.”
Ari’s jaw drops, and her face turns white. “Wh-what?”
“His plane went down on the way back from Houston, outside Fresno. Him, Marcy, three of his kids, the crew. Everyone’s gone.”
I’m speechless. I put my arm around Ari, and she leans into my side.
“I can’t believe this,” she whispers. “I just spoke to him this morning before we left.” She looks at my phone. “Are they sure? Maybe it’s a mistake? Maybe there are survivors?”
Scott shakes his head. “I’m looking at footage of the wreckage. They flew into a mountain and exploded on impact. There’s no way anyone survived.”
I pull Ari closer. “I’m so sorry, Blondie.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chase
The FAA still has no idea what caused the plane to crash. Jeb’s pilot was experienced. The plane was top of the line with all the latest technology. The pilot had been communicating with air traffic control, and everything seemed fine. The investigation is ongoing, but even if they do find an answer, I’m not sure it’ll bring much solace. Jeb will still be gone.
It’s crazy how fast life changes. Everything you have can be gone in a split second. Poof! Up in smoke, never to be seen again. I’ve seen it a million times—hell, I’ve lived it—but it’s so easy to forget that and continue to take life for granted. It takes a tragedy like this to wake us up and make us remember to cherish everything that matters. To stop wasting time and energy on stupid shit that means nothing, and focus on the things and people that mean everything.
Ari is taking Jeb’s death hard, though not so hard that I’m worried about her. I know she’s strong enough to get through this, and unlike in the past, she isn’t trying to carry this burden herself. She’s leans on me when the sadness becomes overwhelming and doesn’t hesitate to talk out her feelings. We’ve spent the past few nights up until dawn, talking about life and death and grief. In many ways, we’ve grown even closer.
I can’t shake the realization that Ari flew on that plane last week. What if whatever mechanical failure or pilot error or whatever made the plane go down had happened when she was on the plane? She’d be gone. That thought rocks me to the core. I can’t shake it. Every time she leaves my sight, I have trouble breathing until I see her again.
Every night since Jeb died, I’ve had the same nightmare. I’m running through the desert, surrounded by burning wreckage. There’s so much smoke, I can barely see. I call for Ari over and over, but she never answers. I stagger around, looking for her everywhere. I pick up huge smoldering pieces of plane to see if she’s trapped underneath, burning my hands and arms in the process. I never find her.
I wake up drenched in sweat, gasping for air. My heart only begins to slow down after I watch her sleep for a bit. Making sure her chest continues to rise and fall. Watching the way her eyelashes flutter as she dreams.
The night before Jeb’s funeral, the dream is worse. The smoke is thicker, so thick it’s hard to breathe without coughing. I hear her calling for help. Her voice is so strained and weak with fear. I swear I see her in the distance, but when I run after her, she disappears into the smoke.
I don’t even try to fall back to sleep after that. I don’t want to go back there. I’d rather stay awake in bed, where I can hear her cute little snore and know she’s okay. As I watch her sleep, my mind wanders, and crazy ideas churn. I begin to understand what the
dream means, what my subconscious is trying to tell me. Either that, or it’s what I want the dream to mean because it fits the plan I’m formulating.
Today isn’t the day to talk to her about this though. She’s giving the eulogy at Jeb’s funeral later. The last thing I need to do is stir up any more emotions or stress today. I’ll wait a few days.
“I think we should bump up the wedding and get married right away.”
Or I could just blurt it out the moment she opens her eyes. The words fly out of my mouth spontaneously. Way to go, dipshit. I drop my head in my hands.
She sits up, then leans back on her elbows. “What?”
I opened this door. I can’t take it back now, so I might as well just put it out there. “I don’t want to wait until May. I’ve realized that so few things in this world really, truly matter to me, yet I keep wasting time on inconsequential stuff. I don’t want to do that anymore. Marrying you is the most important thing to me—it has been for a long time—and I’ve continued to allow it to be pushed off so we can plan the perfect wedding. Any wedding with you in it will be perfect, so what are we waiting for? Let’s just do it! Let’s get married now!”
She looks at me with knitted brows. I’m not sure her brain is fully functioning yet. “Like right this minute? I haven’t even brushed my teeth.”
She’s really adorable when she’s sleepy. “Not now as in today. We have to go to the funeral today, and I don’t want our wedding to be overshadowed by so much loss. We need time to grieve, but soon. Very soon. I’ve already emailed Bryan.”
She wipes the sleep out of the corners of her eyes as she snickers. “He’s going to love that. I bet we’re his first clients that he’s had to plan three weddings for.”
I study her face, trying to see if she’s on board or if she thinks I’m nuts. “So you’ll do it?”
“I’m not even awake yet. Give me a second to process.” She grabs her glass of water from the nightstand, then takes a sip. “What brought all this on exactly? I thought you liked the Ode to San Francisco plan.”
“I do, but it’s at the end of May. That’s five months away. Think about the last five months. We’ve been to hell and back. What if something else comes up and we have to push it back again? I don’t need LED starry skies and Train and cable cars.” I take her hand and thread my fingers through hers. “I just need you.”
She tucks a curl behind her ear. “Every time we try to rush it, our options are places like an abandoned missile silo or that hotel that inspired ‘The Shining.’ Although I really thought that one was pretty cool.”
“I’m not going to make Bryan search all over the globe again. I actually have an idea which you might hate at first, but I think you’ll love when you really think about it.” I notice the time out of the corner of my eye. “But we’ll talk about that later. Right now, we’ve got to get ready or we’ll be late. What can I make you for breakfast?”
Grimacing, she grabs her stomach. “Nothing. I’m a mass of nerves over this eulogy.”
She’s been off for weeks now—months, really. It’s been understandable under the circumstances, but at some point, she has to slow down. “I’m not going to push you today, but you have to start taking better care of yourself. You know, eating, sleeping.”
“You make it sound like I’ve been on a hunger strike. The stress has just worn away my appetite. Just when we started to feel like things were okay, Jeb… it’s just been a tough time. I’m sure everything will even out soon.” She kisses my cheek. “You worry too much. I’m fine. Really.”
An hour and a half later, a limo picks up my parents, then swings by to get us, and it takes us downtown to the National Shrine of St. Francis. The Gothic-designed church, with its vaulted ceilings and stained glass, is really gorgeous. It reminds me of a few churches Ari and I saw when we were in Europe years ago.
The pews are crammed full, and the standing room is virtually gone. It’s obvious from the turnout how much Jeb and the Kane family meant to the community. In the pews, I spot a number of team owners, the commissioner, former Niners players and staff, politicians and government officials, a few famous actors, and several notorious businessmen. Since Ari is speaking, we move directly to the front of the church to the reserved rows.
During the service, the priest focuses on finding ways to celebrate Jeb’s life rather than mourn his loss. A number of people give eulogies: former players, the former NFL commissioner, a former mayor of San Francisco, and Ari is slated to go last. She grips my hand throughout the entire service. I know she’s worried about her eulogy, but she’ll be amazing. She’s a brilliant public speaker.
After one of Jeb’s grandchildren finishes speaking, Ari stands and takes the podium. Her speech is captivating, humorous at times, and emotionally evocative. She stumbles a few times, and I can see from here that her hands are trembling. That’s not like her, but not surprising considering the circumstances. As she steps down from the altar, she stumbles on the last step. Jeb’s son-in-law catches her and leads her into an alcove. I squeeze out of the pew and make my way to her.
Her face is sheet white, beads of sweat have formed on her brow, and her hands are trembling. Perhaps she’s more upset than I realized. When I approach her, she leans her head on my shoulder and cries. I rub circles on her back as she quietly sobs.
After the priest concludes the service, we give the church a little time to clear out before we leave the alcove. Ari still seems unsteady, and being crammed in the crowd as everyone heads to the door doesn’t seem like a good idea. But once the crowd has thinned, we make our way to the limo to attend the brief private service at the cemetery. The service at the church was mainly for Jeb, but the service at the cemetery is for all the Kanes who perished in the accident.
After the service, we travel to Jeb’s home for a reception. His mansion was built in the late eighteen hundreds and was modeled after some French palace. The place is bigger than a lot of hotels. When Jeb started making his millions, he bought the house for his wife, and it was her pride and joy. He had his team, and she had her house. It’s hard to believe something this big is right in Presidio Heights.
Ari does everything she can to be there for Jeb’s grandchildren, who have just lost their parents, and Jeb’s only surviving child, who wasn’t at the Super Bowl. Alice stayed home for her daughter’s ballet recital. They’re all completely grief-stricken. Ari does her best to console them and act as a family spokeswoman of sorts, to keep the pressure of greeting the guests off the family.
We lose track of each other during the reception, but about an hour and a half after we arrive, Charlie finds me and pulls me down the hall.
“Her hands started getting shaky again,” she whispers as we walk toward Jeb’s study. “She looked as though she was about to pass out, so I got her a plate, dragged her into the study, and told her if she didn’t eat, I would force-feed her. Jeb’s son-in-law Rick saw her. He’s a doctor, and he’s looking at her right now. I’m really worried. Something’s not right with her. I think this is more than stress.”
I try not to gasp. “Let’s not jump to any conclusions, okay?”
When we enter the study, Ari is talking to Rick as she pushes some salad around on her plate.
Rick stands and holds out his hand. “Hey, Chase.”
I shake his hand. “Rick, I’m so sorry about Jeb.”
He nods. “Thanks. Alice’s a complete mess. I should really get back to her.”
“Of course,” I reply. “Thanks for sitting with Ari.”
“I think she’s probably just going through what the rest of us are—grief will wreak havoc on the body—but it wouldn’t hurt to pop by the doctor tomorrow. Her pulse was a little erratic, and with Aiden’s history, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s anemic. That would explain the exhaustion.”
Charlie gives him a quick hug, then Rick leaves to return to his family.
“You’re going to the doctor tomorrow,” Cha
rlie says in her Mom-no-nonsense voice. “I’ll drag you there if I have to.”
“I’m sure I’m just anemic like Rick said,” Ari replies. “It’s so easy for vegans to not get enough iron as it is, and with my crazy eating schedule lately, I’m sure that’s it.”
******
The next morning, Ari goes into her doctor’s office. The doctor sends Ari for blood work and a few heart tests. As soon as she gets home, I start planning a trip to the Bahamas. She needs to get away and unplug. She says she needs a few days to get things settled here, like hiring a manager and a new agent. Hopefully once she gets a little more support, they’ll lighten her load tremendously.
The following afternoon, we’re making lunch when the doctor’s office calls and asks her to come in right away.
After clicking off the call, she leans against the center island and bites her lip. “They don’t ask you to come in if you’re anemic. Every time I’ve had low iron in the past, they would just tell me to take some iron and come back in a few weeks. They only ask you to come in if something’s wrong.”
I put my arm around her shoulder and pretend I’m not freaking out. “Maybe she just wants to lecture you in person to make sure you do a better job of taking care of yourself. She’s a very hands-on doctor, that’s why you like her. Isn’t that what you said?
She nods. “But what if it’s my heart? What if I did more damage last year than we thought? Cardiomyopathy can be genetic. What if—”
“That’s a lot of what ifs. We won’t know until we get in there. So let’s go hear what she has to say.” I pull her close. Closing my eyes, I say a silent prayer, begging God to let everything be okay. “Right now, all we have is a doctor’s appointment, just like you had yesterday. As of this moment, we don’t know anything more than that. So let’s not worry until there’s something to worry about.”
She nods against my chest. “I’ll try.”
******
I put on my best “playing it cool” act, but I’m coming apart. Ari hops in my truck, which is a clear sign she’s upset. She never lets me drive. I end up driving like my grandmother, because if I didn’t, I’d drive like a madman and that would really put a crack in my “coolness.”
Love To Love You (Love/Hate #3) Page 34
