They hadn't. There are never clothes fairies around when you need them.
Finally I pulled out a brown v-neck top, and sighed. Putting it on, I gazed at myself in the mirror. Maybe a red hair band, to brighten things up a bit? Not that Kathy would have one, of course. Far too cheerful.
It doesn't matter! I yelled at myself. Poppy and Jade must have seen you wearing these clothes zillions of times; they're not going to care!
I cared, though. I wanted them to see me as Kat, not Kathy.
Glancing at the clock, I pulled open one of the desk drawers. A hotch-potch of pens, old CDs, half-used nail varnish. So Kathy was secretly untidy! I rummaged quickly through it, and was just about to give up when my fingers closed on a green hair band. Victory!
I twisted my hair back, fastening it. The splash of green didn't liven things up all that much, to be honest, but it was better than nothing. I banged the drawer shut, wishing I had time to paint my nails.
A clattering noise as something fell. Sliding the drawer open again, I peered behind it. There was a sort of space back there, like a dark cavity that went down to the carpet. It looked like a CD had fallen into it.
Beth's voice floated up the stairs. ‘Kat! Poppy and Jade are here!'
My heart crashed against my ribs. I shoved the drawer back into place and glanced at myself in the mirror. I wished the stitches weren't still in my forehead; I looked like a zombie or something. I pulled quickly at my fringe, trying to cover them up. At least the cut wasn't so red and awful-looking around the edges any more.
Relax! I told myself. Come on, it'll be fine. These are your friends!
I put on a smile and went downstairs.
Two girls were sitting in the lounge, side by side on the sofa. One of them had long black hair, and the other a mop of blonde curls. They looked even more nervous than I felt. We all just sort of looked at each other, until finally Beth took over.
‘Kat, this is Jade—’ She put a hand on the dark-haired girl's shoulder. ‘And this is Poppy.’ She nodded to the blonde.
‘Hi,’ I said.
Poppy licked her lips, glancing at my forehead. ‘Hi.’ A nervous giggle bubbled out of her.
Jade looked down at her feet. A long lock of shiny black hair fell over her shoulders.
‘Right, I'll just go and get you some drinks,’ said Beth. ‘Won't be a moment.’ She disappeared into the kitchen.
I kept staring at Jade, suddenly realizing that she looked familiar. She actually looked familiar! I had seen her before; I was sure of it. Where, though? Was it a memory from when I was Kathy?
Poppy licked her lips. Her blue eyes were stretched wide, almost scared. ‘Kathy – I mean, Kat – you really don't remember being friends with us?'
I shook my head. ‘No, I don't think so.’ Sitting down beside them on the sofa, I glanced across at Jade. ‘It's weird, though – I sort of feel like I've seen you before, but I don't know where.'
Jade's mouth twisted a bit. ‘Really?’
‘I think so.’
‘You remember me, huh?’ She looked at Poppy.
I frowned, not sure what her tone meant. ‘Um … I'm not sure. I think maybe I do.'
‘But nothing else?'
I shook my head slowly, wondering what she was getting at.
‘Right, here we go,’ said Beth, coming back in from the kitchen. ‘Cokes and biscuits all round.’ She put a tray onto the coffee table, her dark fringe falling across her forehead as she leaned down.
‘Thanks, Miss Yates,’ said Poppy, reaching for a biscuit. Jade took a Coke.
Beth hovered on the sidelines for a few moments, smiling brightly. When nobody said anything, she let out a breath and said, ‘Well – I suppose I'll go do some work, and let you girls chat in private.'
The three of us sat like birds on a wire as she went upstairs, not moving until the sound of her study door closing floated down. Then Jade looked at me, flipping her hair back. ‘So you don't remember anything else at all?'
I shook my head. ‘No.'
Her eyes cut towards Poppy again. ‘Really? Not about anything?'
Irritation flicked at me. Suddenly I knew where I had seen Jade before. ‘I remember you,’ I said. ‘You were there after I was hit by the car. There was this ginger-haired girl who was crying, and you had your arm around her, saying something to her.'
Jade slowly sat up. Her eyes hardened. ‘Yeah, I was there. Why are you leaving Poppy out, though? She was there too.'
Poppy? I looked at her, trying to remember. ‘You were?'
Her cheeks blazed. She stared down at the sofa, playing with a loose thread. ‘Um … yeah. I told the ambulance people your name.'
It came back in a rush. Along with the sideways glances they had all given each other before anyone had said anything.
‘Right,’ I said. ‘I remember.'
Poppy looked away, rubbing her hands in her lap. The three of us sat shifting on the sofa for what felt like centuries. Jade had her legs crossed, and kept tapping her foot like there was music playing. I couldn't tell what either of them was thinking, and it was making me more and more nervous.
Finally Poppy cleared her throat. ‘Um, Kat … is it really weird, not remembering anything?’ Her voice sounded thin.
Jade snorted. ‘Yeah, weird is the word,’ she muttered.
The muscles in my shoulder gave a painful twinge. ‘What do you mean?'
She drummed her fingers on the sofa. ‘Because amnesia sounds like some stupid movie on TV, that's why. And it's just a little too convenient for you to have it, don't you think? Especially now.'
Poppy licked her lips. ‘Jade, maybe—’
‘Oh, come on! You don't believe this!’ Jade glanced at the stairs, and lowered her voice. ‘After what happened, you can't think she's actually telling the truth!'
‘I am!’ I burst out. ‘I have amnesia; you can ask my doctors!'
Jade gave an unpleasant laugh. ‘Yeah, like we're really going to do that. Anyway, it can't be too hard to fake! You just keep saying, I don't remember, I don't remember!’ She wagged her head, making her voice high-pitched and sing-songy. A chill shuddered up my spine.
‘Shut up, Jade!’ Poppy leaned forward. ‘What about Tina? Do you remember anything about her?'
I swallowed. ‘I think my mother mentioned her … Is she a friend of mine?’ Unlike you two, I added in my head.
Jade blew out a breath. ‘A friend of yours – um, yeah, I don't think so.’ She whirled towards Poppy. ‘Please tell me you're not falling for this innocent act! Not after what I told you!'
Poppy sat back against the sofa, staring at me. ‘I don't know,’ she said. ‘It does seem pretty—'
‘Pretty what?’ I jumped up. I couldn't bear sitting so close to either of them for a moment longer. ‘What are you both on about?'
‘I think you know, actually.’ Jade's face reddened. ‘I think you know exactly! Maybe you fooled your doctors and your mum and everyone else, but you don't fool us, Miss Amnesia. God, you make me sick!'
She stood up, grabbing a small black bag. ‘You want to know what I was saying to that ginger-haired girl, by the way? I was telling her that it was not our fault that you ran out into the road.'
I stared at her. ’ Your fault? But – why would it be?’
‘Because you saw us and ran for it, that's why,’ snapped Jade.
My hands turned to ice. ‘Why would I do that?’
‘Hmm, well, let me see. Maybe you were afraid of what we might do to you. And maybe you were totally right. Come on, Poppy. I've seriously had enough of this.'
Poppy nodded, looking grim. ‘Yeah, I guess we better go now.'
Jade yanked on her coat, flipping her hair out from under the collar and crossing the strap of her bag over her chest. ‘Come on, Pop … we can walk into town from here, and your mum can pick us up.'
I followed them to the front door, feeling dazed, like a tornado had just blown through the house. ‘But I don't understand – I mean, I th
ought you were supposed to be my friends …'
Jade ignored me, wrapping her scarf around her neck. My fingernails bit into my palms. ‘Look, why did you even come, if you hate me so much?'
She shot me a slitty-eyed glance. ‘Because my mother made me,’ she said coldly. ‘And I wasn't about to tell her what happened. Some people keep their promises.'
‘Bye,’ muttered Poppy as they left.
I grabbed her arm. ‘Poppy, wait! What's going on? Won't you tell me?'
She yanked sharply away from me. ‘I think Jade's right – you already know. And it's really disgusting of you, Kathy.’ She hurried to catch up with Jade, buttoning her coat as she went.
Beth didn't hear them go – that was the only good thing. I poured the rest of the Cokes down the sink and put the biscuits back in the pack. Then I sat perched on the edge of the sofa, biting a nail and trying to work out what had happened.
They hated me, that was totally obvious. But why? They were meant to be my friends! I rubbed my arms, feeling cold. Had I really been so scared of them that I had run out into traffic?
I swallowed hard. Maybe I hadn't even had any friends.
My head snapped up as I heard Beth coming downstairs. Rushing to the sideboard, I grabbed Richard's deck of cards and quickly spread them out on the dining table. When she entered the room, I was dealing them out to myself, practising the card trick.
She looked around, her face almost comically surprised. ‘Where are Poppy and Jade?'
‘They just left.’ I kept looking down at the cards. I couldn't even begin to try to explain any of this. Especially not to Beth.
‘Oh. Well, how did it go?’ she asked. ‘Did you have a good time?’ Her eyes beamed hopefully, because of course what she actually meant was: Did you remember anything? Anything at all? Pretty please?
‘Yeah, it was great,’ I said. ‘They were both really nice.’ I turned over the nine of hearts. Even to me, my voice did not exactly sound enthusiastic.
‘Well, did you—?’ Beth stopped, clamping her mouth shut. Finally she turned the kettle on and smiled thinly at me. ‘Good,’ she said. ‘I'm glad.'
Chapter Ten
Kathy
6 February
The last thing I wanted to do was go to school today and hear all about the wonderful party at Tina's, but Mum said if I didn't go back I'd have to see the doctor today, so I went. I SO wish that I had gone to the doctor's instead. The absolute worst thing has happened – Poppy, Jade and Tina saw me in town on Saturday! I never even noticed them.
Jade came up to me first thing this morning and said, ‘I knew you were faking.’ So of course I told her that I hadn't been and asked what she meant, and she said, ‘We SAW you, OK?’ It turns out that they all went to see a film Saturday afternoon, and saw me when they passed by Debenham's, when I was in there looking at a jacket.
I tried to explain that the virus had only been a twenty-four hour thing, and that I really had been ill on Friday. I told her she could ask my mum if she didn't believe me. Poppy had come over too by then, and she and Jade just looked at me and didn't say a word. I pulled my phone out and said, ‘Go on, then, ring her!'
Jade said I was being pathetic, and that OF COURSE she wasn't going to ring my mother! I told her to stop acting like a private detective, then, and she got really arsey and said she'd had enough of me being all stroppy and weird for no reason. She said I had really changed, ever since Richard moved in, and it was like I was taking it all out on Tina.
‘Why do you hate Tina so much?’ asked Poppy. ‘We just really don't get it.'
‘I DON'T hate Tina!’ I said. ‘I was ill!’ We went back and forth for ages. I could tell they didn't believe me in the slightest. God, it's so unfair! Why is it such a crime not to like Tina? Is she like a goddess or something, that we all have to bow down and worship her?
Finally Jade said that she thought I was totally lying, and that I hadn't gone to Tina's because I was jealous of her. Jealous! That is just so ridiculous! I mean, of WHAT? Her ginger hair? Her so-called violin playing? Her pony-tailed dad who looks like an utter hippy reject?
I said that to them, and Poppy blew out her breath and said, ‘Oh, Kathy,’ in this really impatient tone. The bell went then, and the two of them walked off together. Before they did, Jade said that Tina thought I hated her, and that she was probably going to ask Mrs Boucher for a different FAB buddy.
That would seriously be all I need right now, for Mrs Boucher to ring up Mum and tell her that Tina wants a different FAB buddy, because I'm being so horrible to her! So when the bell went for break, I grabbed Tina before Poppy and Jade could latch onto her, and tried to explain about being ill. Plus I told her I was gutted that I missed her party, and that I would absolutely love to come round to her house, anytime she said.
She seemed sort of wary of me at first, but finally she smiled and said, ‘Yeah, I've done that before too – thought I felt better than I actually did.'
‘I'm really sorry,’ I told her again, and she said it was OK, but that it was too bad I had missed the party. She started telling me about it, and I'm so incredibly glad I didn't go – it sounds like all they did was hang out with her perfect dad and mess around on the violin. I kept smiling, though, and pretended I could hardly wait to go over there myself.
Then Poppy and Jade came over in the middle of Tina telling me about it, and Jade said, ‘So, are you two all made up, then?’ Which I thought was SO cheeky of her, but Tina just laughed and said, ‘Yeah, no probs.'
So now I guess I have to go over to Tina's house. Please, God, let her forget about inviting me!
8 February
I tried to talk to Mum tonight. I should have known it would be a massive mistake! But Richard had to work late, so Mum made tea for a change, and it was just the two of us, like it used to be. I mean, it's not like we always got on even then, but we got on about a million times better than we have been lately.
She asked me how school was going, and I told her about my science project, and the history paper I just got back (another C, argh – didn't tell her that part). I don't know – we were just getting on really well, so for some daft reason I thought maybe I could talk to her about Dad.
I wasn't sure how to put it, though. Finally I just said that I wished I could have seen Dad again. She said that she wished I could have too, and I said, ‘But I could have, only you didn't let me.'
I wasn't trying to get at her, I really, honestly wasn't! I guess – this is so stupid – I guess I just wanted her to say sorry. Or something. But instead she started talking about how difficult the divorce was, on and on, until finally she said there were things I didn't know about that had affected her decision at the time.
‘Like what?’ I asked, but she wouldn't tell me. So I said, ‘Oh, right, I bet there wasn't even a reason at all!'
I could tell she was trying to be calm and understanding, but she still said she couldn't tell me and that I just needed to trust her. Trust her, right. I pointed out that she let Richard move in, even though she knew I didn't want him to, so why exactly should I trust her? Which didn't go down too well – under-statement! It ended up with both of us shouting at each other, and her calling me selfish again. Finally she sent me to my room. I banged the door so hard that a bit of plaster chipped off the wall. Good!
IT IS SO UNFAIR!! He was my father – why won't she tell me what happened? If there really is some mysterious reason, which I doubt. Personally, I think she was angry with him over the divorce, because I know he didn't want to give her as much money as she wanted. It's like she put a price tag on me, and wouldn't let him see me until he coughed up!
Later
I feel so sad now. I keep remembering all these things about Dad. Like, how scared we used to be of him sometimes, the two of us tiptoeing around the house like little mice. And how he used to smack her. He didn't do it that often, but it was so incredibly awful whenever it happened.
I didn't get a chance to say any of that to Mum.
I don't BLAME her for leaving him, OK? I just wanted to see him again, that's all! Yes, I know he wasn't very nice sometimes, but he was my dad. Besides, sometimes he was fantastic. He honestly was. Like when he gave me Cat. And I know for a fact that Cat was really expensive, so that obviously proves that he loved me, right?
I just heard Richard come in. He and Mum are talking downstairs now, whispering away. I hate it that Mum is even talking to him about this! He's nothing to do with me!
9 February
Mum said she's ‘sorry we lost our tempers with each other'. Whatever.
Happy face at school, as usual. Tra la la.
10 February
Jade's getting all excited about Valentine's Day, because she's madly in love with this Year Ten boy called Ian Lindley. She's planning on sending loads of cards to him, all signed ‘Guess who?’ I guess if he guesses right, he gets her for a Valentine's Day present.
Tina's still going on and on about her dad, violin, etc., etc. What else is new? She's such a broken record, even if Poppy and Jade can't see it for some weird reason. In fact, Poppy was saying today that she wants to have a sleepover at her house soon, for the four of us.
I might actually go to that if she does. It's just her and her mum, and no violin in sight!
13 February
NOOO!!! Tina's asked me to sleep over at her house on Friday night! Just me this time, without even Poppy and Jade along. I tried to make an excuse, but it was after school and her dad was right there, picking her up. He said, ‘Oh, come on, it'll be fun. Though mind you, the house still hasn't recovered yet from Poppy and Jade coming round.'
I almost said I'd have to ask Mum, but I was afraid he'd ring her right then and there. And Tina was standing there smiling at me, and that was it, I was trapped.
So I had to say yes.
14 February
Tina keeps talking to me about what DVDs I want to rent, and whether I like pepperoni or pineapple or both on my pizza. She really seems excited that I'm coming round. I'm supposed to bring my overnight bag with me to school tomorrow, and then go home with her and her dad. I feel like my face is about to crack from all the smiling I've been doing.
Kat Got Your Tongue Page 7
