There was only one place that could make me feel better. I crept into the piano room, making sure there was no one around before entering. I even pressed my ear to the door to check that it was quiet. It was.
As soon as I was inside, I felt calm, my mind only concerned with one thing: the feeling of the keys beneath my fingers. Yet I couldn’t help but reflect on the ways in which my life had changed since first entering this room.
The piano was humming for me, calling out, and I was its gracious victim. My fingers rested gently on the keys. They felt cool to the touch as I began to play, the same song from the day I’d met James. The song my father taught me. It was mesmerizing and I couldn’t stop. I kept playing the same notes over and over again, rocking in accordance with the tune; it was the closest I had ever come to dancing. I wasn’t sure how I looked while doing it, but it made me feel graceful for once in my life. Perhaps it was because I was fully in control, something always desired but never fully obtained. It was my revolution, and I would emerge myself utterly in it for as long as I could.
As I continued, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I stopped playing when I caught something out of the corner of my eye. Someone was standing next to the piano.
It was George—the boy James had taken me from.
He smiled. His eyes were feverish with excitement as his fingers ran across the keys without producing any sound. It made me jealous to think he was touching them, as I almost felt like they belonged to me. Anger was quickly and most certainly replaced with fear when I realized I wasn’t supposed to be in there. I had a feeling George wouldn’t let the transgression pass as easily as James had.
“Looks like someone has a naughty side,” George said with a lazy grin.
I stiffened.
“Don’t worry; I won’t tell. I like a girl who can keep her mouth shut about breaking the rules.”
I knew he could destroy me with only a few words. I also knew George could sense my dismay, and he was enjoying it.
“Do you know I could smash every last key of this piano with very little effort? Really, I could do it without even breaking a sweat,” George said.
I glanced toward the door, trying to estimate how long it would take me to reach it. I wondered just how desperate his need for validation was.
He glanced there as well. “Oh, leaving so soon, Tess? That is your name, right? I had to ask around. Shame James snatched you up so quickly.”
“Yes. I’d like to leave, please,” I whispered.
“Well, since you said please,” he replied in a much-too-sweet tone as he motioned toward the door.
I wasn’t going to overanalyze it. I began to walk as quickly as possible to my escape. His arm was blocking the doorway in a matter of seconds.
“Not so fast. I think there are some things we should settle first.” He ran the back of his hand down my face as if it were nothing to touch me. I cringed.
“There she is. I can see her now. The part of dear little Tessie that thinks she actually has a say concerning anything in her sad, pathetic life. I figured you must be different, since James took an interest in you. You’re more foolish than the rest of the girls if you think you have any control over what happens to you here.”
I smacked his hand away. I knew it was a bad move as soon as I did it, but adrenaline was coursing through me, and it was the only thing keeping me from going to pieces. George forced his hand roughly onto my throat, knocking me back against the wall. My hands scratched at his, trying to loosen them. He was choking me.
“Now, now, Tessie, stop fighting and I will let you go,” he growled. It was the only time I had heard him lose his sickly, sugary tone.
I didn’t want to stop; I wanted to hurt him. But somewhere inside I knew I could never win. I grabbed tightly onto the fabric of my jacket in an attempt to control myself, and he loosened his hands from my throat. My body was racked with painful coughs.
“This is certainly not how I planned our conversation to go today,” George said, his usual tone back. He grabbed me by the elbow and led me to the piano bench. I could still feel my body demanding a fight, and I clutched the seat to keep me in my place.
My place.
“Such a rude little thing, and here I have come to offer you my assistance. If you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask. There are so many wants I could fulfill.” His fingers rubbed against my slash mark as he said this.
I tried to crawl inside myself, someplace where I could hide from this. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could control the thirst for violence that surged through me, or fight the deplorable repugnance for his touch that threatened to destroy me.
George cocked his head to the side. “What’s going on in that insipid brain of yours? You don’t actually think you can refuse me, do you? This is all a ruse, you know. I’m a chosen one; I can have whatever of yours that I want.”
I clamped my mouth shut.
George rolled his eyes. “This is boring. You’re no fun, all quiet like that. I thought you had a bit of fight in you.” He sighed. “Guess I’ll be going. But do remember, Tess, this is our little secret.”
If George hurt me, I suspected that James would want to hurt him, and I couldn’t imagine what the consequences would be for James if he betrayed one of his own for one of my kind. I wouldn’t tell James about this encounter.
George crouched down so his eyes were level with mine and his hands were firmly on my face, holding it in place so my eyes were forced to stare into his. “You two really think you can fool me? I half expected him to walk through that door by now,” he said with a small, knowing laugh.
I was so thankful he had not.
“I’ll find you out, Tessie. Not that it really matters anyway. Soon James will realize what you really are and what he is made to be. We were given the power for a reason. We were chosen.”
The nightmares were back.
I was at Templeton but I was alone. Well, almost alone. She was there, Emma. My dead sister. God, she was still beautiful. No one, except for perhaps Robert, had ever found her to be as beautiful as I did. To others, her nose was a bit off center, her teeth slightly too big, her upper lip too thin, but to me she was heavenly. I had always thought so.
Even in my dream I knew she was dead. As I slowly turned around I shuddered, waiting to see the signs of decay mar her lovely face. But as she faced me in the dark hallway of Templeton, she looked radiant.
Emma reached out her hand to me. I rushed to her and clutched her palm to me with all my might. I should have known it was a dream then; in reality, I would never be able to openly express such emotion. She reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and tapped my chin with her finger.
But as I looked down to take in all of my sister, to convince myself she was really there, I saw it. Her death. There was no running from it. Her white dress was saturated in red from her waist down. Blood sloshed onto the floor, leaving evidence of her secret for me to clean up later.
Even the blood couldn’t keep me from her. As I followed Emma up the stairs to the servants’ quarters, I didn’t care if I stepped in the blood that flowed from her in a never-ending stream. It was too much a part of me anyway.
There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but even in my dream the emotions sat rotting in my throat. My sister stopped in front of the door that I’d entered to clean up the girl who had been attacked. She wanted me to open it, and she began to pull her hand from mine when I hesitated. I clutched onto her fingers, forcing her to stay by my side. If only I could be by her side forever.
I opened the door and the air was sucked from inside me. There laid the girl on the bed. Just as before, she had curled in upon herself. This time I could see bloody scratches on her back, working their way through the thin white fabric of her nightgown, fighting for recognition. My sister thrust a bowl and washcloth into my hand.
The girl moaned in pain as I sat her up to pull off her nightgown. That was when I saw him: James, standin
g in the darkness of the corner. He looked past me as if I wasn’t there. Then he walked slowly to the girl, crouching in front of her.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” he whispered.
I felt the world tilt. Had he done this to her?
“You have to see what’s real and what’s not,” my sister said from behind me.
Suddenly, I wasn’t looking at James anymore, but instead at George.
The girl’s head fell to the side—she was too weak to hold it up on her own. I pushed the girl’s hair from her face. Then I dropped the bowl to the floor with a crash that rang of finality.
I was looking at myself.
Chapter 14
The next time I saw James was at a party late one night at Templeton. It had been a week since I had last seen him, and I wondered if his offer of friendship was still valid. Every time I met my supervisor to receive my tasks for the day, I both feared and desired another meeting with James. I liked his company. It was the only company I could one day cast off, which made it all the more alluring. It allowed me to see what I could feel without the pressure of anything permanent.
But I also knew there were many things to fear in this world. I had little knowledge. I didn’t think I needed to be afraid of James, but maybe I did. Templeton held more secrets than I’d thought was possible. My meeting with George had proven that.
In the end, I merely wanted James to distract me with his music and books. I needed an escape, to close myself behind the door of his room, hoping for a place where I could practice being me. Or at least find out who I was before I finally had to give her up for good.
But a week had passed and he hadn’t called for me.
A select group of girls were told they would need to stay late at Templeton—we were to help with a social event that was being held for the boys. We didn’t know the purpose of the party, what they were celebrating. All we knew was what to wear and where to be.
Our usual uniforms were replaced. We were forced to wear long satin dresses. I had never worn the material before, and it felt invasive over my skin, settling and emphasizing places on my body that us girls were always told to hide. Each of us wore a different color. Blues, reds, yellows, and pinks filled the rooms, reflecting off the marble floors like someone had figured out how to trap a rainbow in the mansion. The front and back of the dress dipped dangerously low in a V-neck shape. The bottom of the dress flared out. We were told that our hair was to be left down. I’m not sure why, but I’d begun to panic at the thought of it. I couldn’t even bring myself to look in the mirror with my hair so free, so unrestrained. It made me feel open, naked.
For most of the night I stayed in the kitchen. When they asked for volunteers to wait on the boys in the study, I let the other more willing girls take their desired places. I couldn’t count how many glasses of champagne I filled, how many trays of unfamiliar appetizers I put together. Alcohol and ridiculous finger food seemed so wildly out of place in my hands that often I would lose myself to simply staring at the absurdity. I had no idea these sorts of things still existed. Decadence was a word that could have very well been erased from the naturals’ dictionary.
But these boys weren’t naturals. James was not a natural.
…
It wasn’t until late in the night that I was summoned to enter the study. The room was smoke-filled and warm. I recognized the chosen ones—all the same boys from before. They were dressed to the nines in black tuxedoes with little bowties. My leg muscles tightened and my stomach clenched. I felt fear as I searched the room until my eyes found James. He wouldn’t look at me. But damn if I didn’t enjoy looking at him all dressed up.
“Well, hello there, Tess. I’ve missed seeing you around.”
George. Here. He moved closer to me in an obviously exaggerated way. His eyes were big and his hands were out by his sides. The boys behind him snickered.
“Why so scared? Do I frighten you? We’re all friends here.”
As if to prove his point, he hit the backside of a girl walking by with a tray of empty glasses. She yelped in response, then tried to cover her fear with a sort of giggle.
I was not giggling.
He clapped his hands. “Come, enough of this silliness. Step into the light so we may see you better.”
Still, James wouldn’t look at me. He kept his eyes on the floor.
I stepped clumsily into the center of the room, crossing my arms protectively across my chest. George laughed again. I wanted to rip the chosen ones apart. I wanted to trash their pathetic room. I wanted to smash their champagne glasses and throw their food trays against the wall, to rip apart their fancy clothes, clothes that no natural man would ever be allowed to wear. Clothes that screamed of the chosen ones’ obsession with the past, a past they were never even a part of.
“Aren’t you a sight?” George’s words snapped me from my spell, pulled me out of my slow retreat into anger, the descent into myself where darkness thrived.
“Here,” he continued, handing me a glass of champagne.
“No thank you.”
“I insist.” While a pleasant sort of smile crept across his face, I could hear the implication in his tone—I had no choice.
I glanced at James as I brought the glass to my mouth. It felt too thin, too empty against my lips. Had I ever drank from something other than tin? Slowly, as if the whole world moved with one glance, James looked up. George turned back to him; grabbed him roughly, playfully around the shoulders; and pulled him in front of me.
“About time we let her join in on the fun. Right, James?”
James smiled and patted the boy on the back.
No choice.
I opened my mouth and gulped. The bubbles fizzled in my throat, each one trying to inch its way out of an unfamiliar home. I gagged as champagne dribbled down my chin. The boys began to laugh hysterically.
“Aren’t you just darling? James did say you were quite pretty. I tend to disagree with almost everything he says, but for once he seems to be right.” George winked, taking the glass from me. “I think we’re going to have a lot of fun tonight.”
I wanted to remind him that he had called me ugly only days before, but I sensed he was trying to get a rise out of me. He was baiting me—reinforcing the knowledge that James wasn’t the only chosen one I kept secrets with.
Before I could make sense of anything, James grabbed me by the wrist and led me out of the room, closing the door behind us. I leaned against the wall, my arms crossed, my eyes down on the floor. The faint echo of a song traveled from inside. How I wished James and I could be listening to the haunting waltz in his room and not at some ridiculous council-sponsored event I didn’t even understand.
The murmur of the boys and a few girlish giggles from inside almost ruined the song.
“Tess—”
“What are they doing in there?” I interrupted.
James cleared his throat. “I believe they are dancing.”
“Dancing?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “Chosen ones dance?”
James shrugged. “Why not? Might as well enjoy ourselves now, right?” he answered, a note of bitterness creeping in.
“Right, because playing maid is my idea of a hell of a time,” I replied. I pressed my lips together as my cheeks burned red. We may have been friends, but this wasn’t the way a natural talked to a chosen one. I was surprised to hear James chuckle.
“Would you like to dance with me? I’ve never actually done it before,” he said, taking a step toward me.
“I-I don’t. I mean…maybe,” I stammered.
“For purely scientific reasons, of course. I mean, it’s my job to understand the naturals’ culture, right? You’d be helping me out. Besides, it’s less time you’d have to be ‘playing maid.’”
I took a deep breath and nodded. It would be harmless. I felt myself swaying along with the current of the music, and I suddenly found James close to me. Usually, this would have been frightening, but in that moment the music was ca
lling us both.
I could see hesitation in his eyes. He cleared his throat and slowly placed his hands on my waist.
I should have moved away. I could feel the electricity in the air, but I didn’t want to be even one more inch from James. I placed my hand lightly on his shoulder, hoping to urge him on. His free hand grabbed mine. It was how I had seen dancing done in movies long ago, but I never could have imagined the tension associated with it. It pained me to be this close when I knew I could be even closer. There was still a part of me that refused to allow this to happen, and I was almost thankful for that.
Almost.
I wanted to let someone carry me for just one moment.
We were moving together. I wondered if my breathing had become louder than the song. I could barely hear the music at all, but still we swayed. It was as if some stronger force were directing us.
Dancing was heavenly.
This was being a teenager.
It was easily the most dangerous thing I had yet done in my life, and at the same time the happiest I had been in years. I inched my body slightly closer to his and he welcomed it, wrapping his arm tighter around my waist. I knew this was my limit, but how wonderful it all still was. The song ended far too soon and we were left frozen in our position, staring into each other’s eyes. I could feel my chin lead me forward to his face but struggled fiercely to control it. James took a step back. At least one of us was being reasonable.
I followed suit and casually moved myself away, crossing my arms. “That was nice,” I mumbled, feeling my cheeks blush.
Before he could utter a reply, the door behind us swung open. George stumbled out, laughing, pulling one of the Templeton girls with him. When he saw us, he stopped dead in his tracks. “I knew Tessie had a bit of life in her. Come here and dance with me.”
I didn’t have time or the right to utter a refusal as he yanked me from James and crushed me against him. I couldn’t stop myself from struggling. The more he forced my body to move with his, the more I fought back. And the harder I fought back, the tighter he held onto me.
Chosen Ones (The Lost Souls, #1) Page 9
