by April Zyon
His eyes closed as he let out a moan. “Oh gods, woman. Are you trying to kill me?” he asked, opening his eyes slowly to look at her again. Then, he glanced down at his lap and let out a groan. “Geez Louise, I’m hard enough to whack nails into a two-by-four, right now. This is what you do to me when you say things in that sexy little voice from that made-for-sin mouth of yours.”
Grinning, she just hugged him. She was happy that she could do that to him, because he did the same to her with just a look. All he had to do was turn his face to her and sport that crooked grin of his, and she felt herself getting wet for him. “I want to give you all the pleasure that you give to me. It’s only fair, right?”
“I suppose,” he said. “And I did say that we could do anything you wanted, so I suppose I did stick my own head in the noose on that one. All right, you have a deal. If I get to give you pleasure, then I should let you do the same for me, however you wish. Just know this, Sophia dearest, it goes against my entire nature.” Dropping a kiss on her mouth, he drew back and pointed at her plate. “Finish your greens.”
She ate, watching him as she did so. Finally, when she finished, she leaned back and stared at him. “Why would me giving you pleasure go against the grain? I should be able to give to you as much as you give to me. Right?” she asked quietly, moving so that she could touch him again. “It won’t hurt me, right? So, why would it bother you?” She wanted to understand him, and what was going on between them, always.
“No, it definitely won’t hurt you. It’s just…” He made a face and wiped his mouth, tossing the napkin onto his plate. “You likely haven’t noticed, because I’ve been trying to behave myself, but I’m a little bit of a control freak. Or so I’m told that’s one of the terms. The other is ‘Dominant.’ I like to be in absolute control, especially in bed. As I said, I’ve been trying to keep it all under wraps, so I don’t freak you out. I know that you had a really controlling father, and I don’t want you to have any flashbacks, not with me.”
Sophia nodded and found herself reaching up to touch the scars on the back of her head hidden by her hair. “He was controlling, but I survived.” She flashed James a smile then found herself asking, “What is a Dominant? Is it like those books with the Mr. whatever color his name was? You know, the ones people either loved or hated? I can’t for the life of me think of the name, but I remember someone talking about them like they were seriously naughty books, or the bible on…crap, what were those letters?”
She had confused herself, so she wouldn’t be surprised if she had him. “You know, with whips and chains and stuff?” So, she was generalizing and likely being offensive, but she couldn’t think of what the letters were for that lifestyle.
He half groaned and half laughed. “It’s BDSM, honey. In a BDSM relationship, there’s the Dominant, or Dom as they’re often referred to, and the submissive, or sub. There are many different forms of BDSM, and as long as it’s one-hundred percent consensual between those practicing it together, there is no right or wrong. The Dominant is the one that’s in control of anything that happens while the submissive is, well, submissive to the Dominant and his, or her, actions.
“Again, everything is consensual and agreed upon ahead of time. I’m not into whips, or bloodletting, or anything that causes another person that sort of pain. I’ve been on the receiving end of a whip a time or two and, even with some of the modified ones these days, I just can’t do it to another living person. Spanking, a little bondage, some intensive play, is about as far as I go. But control is the one thing I always insist upon. ’Cept with you, it seems.”
“That’s a very good thing, because whips hurt, a lot. Especially when they have metal bits at the end that draw blood.” She shivered. She had been there and done that, and had the scars to prove it. “I think I might like you spanking me,” she admitted and bit her lower lip. “What is ‘a little bondage’?” Sophia wanted to do everything that he had in mind. “I don’t mind giving up control to you. I have no idea what I’m doing, so I think it would be nice to be guided. Will you help me be submissive?”
He was frowning at her, his head tipped to the side. “Really?” he asked, sounding completely stunned. “Don’t answer that. Not yet. Maybe a little more explanation will help clear some of this confusion up, so you know exactly what you would be agreeing to. Let’s get comfortable for this talk, though. These chairs really suck when you have a bare ass.” James leaned one way and winced as his skin peeled from the wooden seat then the other with the same reaction.
Sophia winced, too, her eyes never leaving him. When they were settled on the couch, she climbed onto his lap again and snuggled in to him. It seemed she couldn’t get close enough, always had to be touching him, and found herself stroking his cheek or chest far more often than not. “I’m so happy you aren’t running from me anymore. I much rather enjoy touching you than watching your backside as you turn the other way.”
“No more running, honey. Unless it’s toward you.” Hugging her close, he kissed her forehead gently. “Now, where was I? Oh, right, bondage. For me, it would be silk scarves that bind you to the bed, stretching you out so you can’t move too much, yet leaving you fully open to me. We might get a little more adventurous from there, but not a whole lot, unless you are fully on board. Spanking, I’m all for. I think you’d look good with a gently warmed ass before I slid my cock into your pretty little pussy.”
Sophia shuddered. She felt herself getting wet just from the way that it sounded, the pleasure that they would both get from it. “I’d trust you with that—tying me up and spanking me. I also think that I’d like to try more than that. I’d like to try everything that you have in mind, as long as it doesn’t make me bleed, and you’ve already said that you don’t want that either, because of your past.”
“I would never do anything to cause you pain, Sophia. That isn’t what the control is for me. I don’t ever need to do something like that to feel in control. For me, it’s knowing I have your full trust, that we’ve talked things through, and knowing that both you and I know that you’re safe through it all. That is control to me. If that makes any sense whatsoever. It actually sounded really good in my head,” he muttered.
“It made complete sense, actually.” She rubbed her cheek to his chest and closed her eyes. “I trust you, James. Only you.” She’d trusted him before she’d even met him. “We’ll still be able to make love, right? I mean, you won’t be giving up being inside of me. Right?”
“Oh, hell, no,” he said, vehemently. “It’ll be about learning your limits, learning to expand them, and eventually controlling them. Controlling your orgasms will be one part of it. Knowing your own body so well that you can hold off on letting go until I say you can. That denial of instant relief will actually make the orgasm you eventually have much stronger and more satisfying.
“We’ll have to set up some safeties too. You’ll need to have a word that you use to stop anything, and everything, we’re doing. It’s a word you normally wouldn’t use, something easy to remember for us both, and yet, it’s all you ever need to say to have me stop. Whether we continue afterwards would be up to you. You would use it if you’re unsure, maybe a little scared, worried, feeling uncomfortable, whatever the reason. It’s an instant stop signal for me. It’s your safety net and security blanket all rolled up into one.”
“Well, considering that I didn’t even know what an orgasm was until you told me about it.” She felt herself blushing. “It sounds as if there would be a great deal of pleasure that we would find with each other with this, is that right? We would both enjoy it a great deal, I have a feeling. I know that everything you’ve told me so far are things that I want and need.”
“Absolutely, there will be a lot of pleasure. At least, that’s the goal,” James said, softly. “We’ll start slow, work our way through a few things, and learn as we go. I know that you know next to nothing about any of this, Soph. Which is pretty amazing to me, I have to admit. I get to teach you everythi
ng, and we’ll learn everything you love to do together. For now…” He looked around. “I need to find my phone and call down to medical. We should get a time set up sooner rather than later. They might even have a spot right now.”
“Yes, I think that’s good.” She pulled back and brushed a kiss to his cheek before she got off his lap. “Have I mentioned to you just how much I love having you holding me in your lap? Or hugging me? I feel more relaxed, safer, when you are touching me.” Which was the truth. She could be surrounded by a platoon of Marines and wouldn’t feel as safe as she did when James held her close.
“Well, that’s a good thing, because I happen to love holding you, touching you, kissing you even, if I might be so bold.” Grinning at her, he pushed to his feet and headed toward the bedroom. “I think I left it in here,” he called over his shoulder. He dug through his jeans and came up with his cell. Throwing her a wink, he dialed and put the phone to his ear.
He spoke with someone and finally agreed to whatever the person was saying. Hanging up, he nodded to her. “They’re free and clear right now, if you want to head down. But you need to put on some clothes, honey. They’ll only make you take it all back off again, but you need to wear something all the way through the compound.”
“Good point.” She looked down at her feet and grinned. “Would you mind if I left my shoes off? I hate them, to be honest. I guess I’m more of the flower child that you called me when we met than I realized.”
“Can we forget every idiotic thing I said when we met?” he asked, with a hopeful, if slightly pained, look on his face. “I never should have said any of that stuff, Soph. I was wrong, scared out of my pants by you, and freaking the hell out. It doesn’t excuse anything I said, I know that, but let’s forget it all. Please?”
“Hey, it’s okay.” She assured him with a frown. “Really, it’s all good. I promise. It’s the past. You’re in my present and future, so that’s what matters. I now understand that you said and did those things because of the medallion in your head. I didn’t know that I scared you, though.” That was news to her. “I never wanted to scare you. I’m sorry that I did.”
“Yeah, well.” He shrugged. Shoving his hands through his hair, he stared at her. “You still scare me, Soph. What I feel for you scares me. I’m completely terrified I’m going to screw this up somehow and lose you. I never knew I could feel this way for someone, need you so much that I’m actually terrified to let you go, for even a moment. It’ll get better, in time, I’m sure. Right now, though. Fuck.” He laughed softly, shaking his head. “I’m a mess, honey. There you have it. You’re bonded to a big ass mess.”
Sophia wrapped her arms around him. She laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes. When she pulled back, her hands on his hips, she smiled up at him. “I love you, James. That’s all that matters, that, and that you love me, that is,” she teased. “You aren’t a mess. You’re just trying to catch up with me. I’ve lived for eighteen years knowing you in my heart. And I only say eighteen, because I can’t remember the first three years I was alive. I’m happy with you. You are who I need, and that’s important to me. You understand that, right?”
“Yeah, yeah I do,” he said, softly. He was holding her tight, one of his hands rubbing slowly at the small of her back. “Get dressed, honey. Let’s get through this medical stuff first then we can get back to work on me catching up with you.”
“Sounds good to me.” She pulled away from him and winked before going to his closet. She pulled out one of his shirts and slipped it on then one of her long skirts. Once she was dressed, she walked back to him. He was looking sexy as all get out in a pair of jeans and plaid shirt. “Gracious.” Everything he did made her whole body ache with need. “We should go now. Then, we’ll get back to being naked.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, with a smile. Taking her hand in his, he pulled her close to his side as they left their rooms. He guided her through the various corridors, up a couple levels on the elevator, and into the medical portion of the compound. Easy to identify, both by the distinctive scent of disinfectant and by the large sign that said “Medical.”
Sophia wrinkled her nose and looked up at him. “Have I mentioned that I really don’t like hospitals and places like this?” God only knew she had spent enough time in them as a child. “It’s all good, though, right? You won’t leave me. Right?” She tightened her hand in his, because she had to know that she would be with him, always.
James wrapped his arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “I’m not going anywhere, Sophia. But think of it this way—I’d rather be treated in a place like this than by the local dentist back in my day. And that was if you were lucky. Sometimes, it was by just some guy that had zero knowledge, but the biggest knife around. I like the fact these folks need to damn well train to stick their hands anywhere in my body.”
“Goodness, good point. How you lived through all that you did just amazes me. You know that, right? Just the fact that you were able to survive in a time before running water and hygiene.” She shuddered. “How you didn’t wind up with some sort of sexually transmitted disease is just beyond me.”
“Excuse me.” He glared. “I had some standards, woman. Though, I wouldn’t go reading the history books. Apparently, some asshole decided it would be funny to write in me having some sort of disease or other. All of which are false, damn it. Hell, ask these here folks, they like to poke me often enough and still can’t find nothing wrong with me. Despite their best efforts.”
Sophia laughed. “Well, that’s a very good thing to know.” She squeezed his hand and turned to the woman that approached them. “Looks like this is where I get to put on the paper dress, huh?” She offered her hand to the doctor with an open smile. “Hi, I’m Sophia.”
“Doctor Browning,” the woman introduced, shaking Sophia’s hand. “Janet is just fine too,” she added, with a friendly expression. “Why don’t you come on back and get changed? We’ll leave him out here for the time being. No sense having him hovering around.”
“She means me,” James muttered under his breath.
“He’d be able to come with me if I wanted, right?” Sophia didn’t move from James’s side. “Because I have to tell you, I’d much rather have him with me. I really don’t like doctor’s offices, medical facilities, and so on. No offense or anything. I’d be more comfortable to have James with me, if you wouldn’t mind?”
“It’s highly irregular, especially with a female patient. But it’s your call. If you want him with you, who am I to refuse?” Janet turned and led her down the hall to a door. Pushing it open, the doctor stepped back out of the way. “The gown’s on the bed. I’m sure you know how it works. I’ll be back in three minutes, and we can get started. We’ll do the blood draw, blood pressure, and such first, so you can sit on the bed for that.”
“Sounds good.” Sophia smiled. She was happy now, knowing that James would be able to remain with her. “Thank you, Janet,” Sophia addressed the woman as she walked out of the room, closing the door respectfully behind her.
“Okay, time for me to get on this beautiful fashionable gown. And no matter what they do, please don’t shoot them?” Sophia had a feeling that if James felt she was being hurt, he would shoot first and question never.
“I’m not armed,” he assured, with a grin. “Didn’t you notice the metal detectors on our way in? It’s to ensure that the patients don’t go shooting the doctors for the assholes they are. Doesn’t mean I couldn’t do some damage. I’m definitely not helpless without a weapon, though I do prefer having one on me. Get changed, Soph. She’ll be back in two minutes.”
“Oh, I didn’t notice them.” She had been too focused on James, keeping her head up, and forcing herself to walk in. “I know you could do damage.” She was stripping while talking to him. “You’re a very, very dangerous man, James. I knew that the moment I met you. Heck, even before I met you.” She shrugged. “And I’m good with that, because I know you would never hurt me. Even when you
wanted to when we first met,” she teased him, winking as she did so. “Although, if you would have turned me over your knee then, you would have realized that you just couldn’t live without me.”
“Don’t think I didn’t consider that. I did, a couple of times, but then you’d get this look on your face that had me wondering what was going on in your head. I figured it was better not to risk it and stay hands off. Fool that I was.” He moved around behind her and did up the ties. Then, he lifted her up to sit on the bed, staying close between her legs, his hands resting lightly on her hips. “How are you doing, honey?”
“As long as you stay with me, I’m good.” She put her hands on his shoulders and allowed her thumbs to massage the tense muscles there. “I don’t want to be alone. I’m fine with you just sitting off in the corner, but I don’t want to have you leaving me. If they don’t want you in here, then that’s on them, and we’ll leave. Are you going to be okay sticking around here and keeping your hands to yourself?” And from around the neck of the doctor.
“I’ll be fine. This is what needs to be done, and I can handle it. As long as you’re good with it, I’m good with it. I won’t be happy about it, but I’ll survive. I even promise not to strangle the doctor when she sticks you.” He chuckled.
His timing was impeccable, too, because the doctor did the knock-and-enter just in time to hear that last part. Her huff of disgust was clearly heard by them both. James just grinned at Sophia and winked. Leaning in, he kissed her before moving out of the way to a chair in the corner. Stretching his legs out, he crossed his ankles, tucked his hands behind his head, and assumed a perfectly relaxed pose.
Chapter Five
Six weeks later
Sophia was walking along the base of the mountain with one of the guards that seemed to be filling the place now. Not only were there Guardians, but there were also now military men fleshing out the rankings. Sophia knew that it was because of Riley, another Vestal Virgin.
