Does lunch with Cameron and Sawyer count? I doubted it.
Sawyer bounced back into the reception area, stuffing sticky notes into her purse. I mashed my lips together. To say she liked sticky notes was an understatement. It was more of an obsession. “What? I made a few lists for Cameron.”
“I wish I’d bought stock in sticky notes prior to meeting you. No doubt you keep them in business.”
Sticking her tongue out at me, Sawyer walked to the marble-walled entrance that housed the elevators, her red heels clicking on the polished floor.
Thoughts of what to do still had my mind turning. It was supposed to be a full moon tonight. We had a condo on the beach. Maybe walking along the ocean tonight would count as doing something for me. Since I did that often, I doubted my therapist would agree.
Ugh.
What am I going to do?
The elevators whisked us up two floors. As You Wish was on the first floor, a computer programming company on the second, Cameron’s marketing firm was on the third, and Shaw International was on the fourth through sixth. I’d only ever been to the first and third floors.
The elevator was empty. Sawyer popped her gum. “Have you decided what we’re doing for your birthday tonight?”
“How about drinks and dancing?”
Sawyer’s eyes lit up like Christmas trees but then dramatically started looking around the elevator. “Did someone do something with my friend, Knoah?” She pulled my blond hair. “Is there an impostor? Knoah? I’m going to save you! Don’t worry, I’m here.”
I rarely went out. No wonder I’d shocked her. This definitely had to count as doing something for me. Internally, I smiled as I swatted her hand away. The doors dinged open, and I pushed past her. “I think the monkey has made you overly dramatic today.”
She fist pumped. “Yes! Yes! And yes! Twenty-six looks good on you if this is how we’re going to spend it. I can’t wait to tear up the town tonight.”
That seemed extreme for what I planned, but there was no need to pop Sawyer’s bubble. Plus, she’d spend the rest of the day with her pads of paper, listing out reasons why I should let loose and tear up the town versus a more balanced approach. A sticky note invasion was not my idea of a good time.
A weight lifted. I had a plan now. Whew. Wanting to be able to deal with my life and live it had never been the hard part. However, not feeling guilty for surviving was almost unbearable.
Someday…
Sawyer waved to the receptionist. “Cameron had an impromptu meeting but asked you and Knoah to wait outside his office.”
“Thanks, Sara,” Sawyer called over her shoulder. I waved as we walked by.
The space was fun in color and decor with the urban theme throughout. Smaller cubicles filled the area. A hum filled the office as employees worked. All of the offices along the wall had reflective mirrors. It was odd and creepy to me. Why not have regular windows with blinds? The main boss in New York seemed to be a control freak. He wanted his managers’ eyes on the operation at all times.
Cameron was the head of this branch. He reported to the main office in New York City. Only in his midthirties, he had done well for himself. I stood awkwardly in front of Cameron’s office window, not knowing where to look. Someone was in there. An incessant need to look at the reflective glass nagged at me.
My head felt like it swiveled from left to right trying to avoid staring at myself. Finally, I gave into the urge and looked. I only saw my reflection, but something unexplainable kept me there. It was weird yet exciting at the same time. Tingles erupted over my skin. The reaction freaked me out a little. Sawyer grabbed my shoulder, distracting me. “I can’t believe we are going out tonight. Like, you’re going out. We’re going to have so much fun.”
“It will be.” And for the first time in a while, I actually believed we would have fun tonight. Maybe I wouldn’t have to fake it.
This was something I’d been working on extensively with my therapist—moving forward with my life. I felt like I was on the brink of breaking through. Maybe tonight was the night.
Cameron’s door opened, but from where I was standing, I wasn’t able to see inside. That elusive something continued to hold me in place.
Cameron walked out, pulling my attention from the glass. He was obviously related to Sawyer with the dark hair and hazel eyes. “Hey, Sawyer.” He put an arm around Sawyer and gave her a quick hug. I loved how much he adored his sister. Then he gave me a big hug. “Happy birthday, Knoah. I’m sorry. I have a marketing crisis and can’t make lunch.”
Smiling, I responded, “Thank you. I understand. Thanks for thinking of asking in the first place.”
“I’ll make it up to you.”
I tightened my grip on my purse as I waved him off, trying not to look back at his office. “You don’t have to do that. We’ll grab something at the deli.”
Shaking his head, Cameron said, “I made arrangements at your favorite Greek restaurant. Everything is all set.”
“You didn’t have to do that, Cameron. But thank you. Your parents took me out to dinner last week and made my favorite meal the week before. It was beyond thoughtful and appreciated.”
Sawyer added, “You know what a big deal birthdays are to us Wades. I’m still pissed you managed to not tell me for so long.”
“I know.”
Oh, yeah, birthdays were a big deal for the Wade family. Each child picked their favorite restaurant at which to celebrate and also received a home-cooked meal of their favorite foods from Tonya, their mother.
Somehow, I’d managed to keep my birthday from Sawyer until about eleven months ago when she realized I’d avoided the topic every time it came up.
My family celebrated similarly, but for the past few years, I requested to keep it more low-key. Dylan had spent many birthdays with my family, and the memories were painful at times.
“Cameron, I have another meeting in thirty minutes.”
The deep voice came from Cameron’s office before a man appeared in the doorway. When our eyes connected, it felt like the earth stopped and the air rushed out of my lungs. Those green eyes were amazing. He tipped his head in my direction and gave a smile that sent goose bumps racing across my skin. Should I say something? My mouth felt dry.
“Yes, let’s finish our discussion. I apologize for the delay.”
Sawyer gave Cameron a quick hug. “Thanks, bro. I’ll call you later. We’re going out tonight for Knoah’s birthday—dancing and drinks—if you want to join us.”
“I’ll check my schedule and let you know.” He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t get into too much trouble tonight, Sawyer.”
The man who hadn’t been introduced kept his eyes on me during the entire exchange. And I liked the way his gaze made me feel. Nervously, I set my bag on the nearby decorative table to give myself a reason to look away.
“Scout’s honor.” She added a little salute for effect and then pulled out her sticky notes. “Here are two checklists for you. I did one for Mom’s birthday party in two weeks. The other is what I need from you to finish your weekend away with Monica.” The scowl on Sawyer’s face belied her friendly words as she choked out the woman’s name.
I envied the relationship between Sawyer and Cameron. All my life, I wondered what it would have been like to have a brother or sister. If it would have made things hurt a little less.
The men disappeared back into Cameron’s office, but the door remained slightly ajar. The stranger had a powerful vibe, something I’d never felt before. His perfectly tailored suit meant he probably was some high-ranking executive. Who is he? Somehow, I’d have to find a way to ask Cameron nonchalantly.
Wait. What am I thinking? I froze when I realized where my thoughts had taken me. For a moment, Dylan hadn’t existed at the forefront of my mind. My chest tightened. Get it together. You’re okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. In my right hand, I held my phone with a death grip.
Sawyer was speaking, but her words weren’t registering. I assumed
she was ready to leave, so I nodded. I needed to remind myself of everything my therapist told me. It’s okay to move forward. It’s okay to want to live. It’s okay to have a life.
“Knoah?”
My head whipped around at the familiar timbre I’d cut out of my life completely three years ago.
What is he doing here?
Chapter Two
Standing in front of me was the popular rock star who had once been Dylan’s best friend… well, mine, too. I swallowed, unsure what to say. For a short time after Dylan died, I’d been part of the band. I’d needed to stay connected. My mother-in-law had been against it, but it kept me close to the life I’d almost had.
Then, after one night when Kurt and I barely crossed a line, I’d needed to get far away. The guilt had consumed me, and I’d left with only a note that asked Kurt not to contact me. And he listened.
Now, seeing him, I felt a sense of regret.
He looked good with his longer, shabby black hair. The essence of a rock star incarnate. Those deep blue eyes watched me closely.
I cleared my throat again. “Hey, Kurt. It’s been awhile.”
“Holy hell. You know Kurt Hendrix?” Sawyer had lost her filter, apparently not noticing the awkwardness in the air. Or maybe this was her way of defusing the situation.
I glanced back to Sawyer. Her mouth gaped open. “Yes, we were friends in high school and college.”
“Yes, we were. Still are,” Kurt added. There was a sadness on his face I knew was reflected on my own. Relief flooded me that he still thought of us as good friends.
“Yes, we still are.” I smiled.
“How—”
“How—”
We laughed as we started to say the same thing. The office became quiet. With a quick glance, I confirmed that all eyes were on us. I motioned for him to speak, but Kurt glanced around. “Why don’t we catch up someplace more private tomorrow?”
After three years, I missed him. Maybe I shouldn’t have left the way I did. I pulled a business card out of my purse. “It has my cell phone on it.”
He pulled out his phone and tapped the screen. Seconds later, my phone vibrated in my hand. “Now you have mine.”
“I won’t sell it on eBay or anything.”
He chuckled. “Good to know.” Glancing at his watch and then looking back up. “I have to run for a preshow check. I’ll text you in a bit to see what time is good for you tomorrow.”
“Sounds good. I’m free all day since it’s Saturday.”
Sawyer caught my eye as I turned, and it was obvious from her wide eyes that she wanted an introduction. Poor Kurt. Stepping to the side, I said, “Oh, I should introduce my roommate, Sawyer.”
They exchanged pleasantries, and Sawyer gushed, “I just love your music. Seriously, I play ‘Doubt’ a million times a week.”
“Thanks. It’s one of my favorites.” Kurt gave a grin I’m sure made most women swoon.
Sawyer grinned, and I added, “She’s not lying.”
She pointed a finger at me. “We’ll talk later.”
“I’m sure we will.”
Kurt watched us with a cocked eyebrow. “How about I get you guys tickets tonight to celebrate Knoah’s birthday? Backstage passes. The works.”
Of course he remembered.
Beside me, Sawyer latched on to my elbow and nearly yanked it out of the socket as she jumped in place. “Say yes. Please. Please. Please. Say yes. Knoah, you have to say yes.”
“Yes.”
A huge grin spread across Kurt’s face, and Sawyer hugged me to her, nearly cutting off my air supply. “You’re the bestest friend… ever!”
I giggled. “I can’t breathe.”
“Oh sorry.” She released me but could still barely contain herself.
Touching my shoulder, Kurt drew my attention back to him. “I’ll leave them at will call. See you there, Knoah. Nice to meet you, Sawyer.”
Sawyer was speechless for the first time in her life. Kurt walked away, and I stood there motionless, unsure how I felt. Tonight I would see Kurt perform in front of thousands. It had been Dylan’s lifelong dream to make it big, and the band hadn’t made a name for itself until after Dylan died.
But Kurt had done it. The band, Reverence, would forever be famous. Though it was now Kurt’s band, he hadn’t changed the name.
“Knoah, did you date the Kurt Hendrix? Please say yes and the sex was crazy insane. My word, he is sex on a stick. He would look good as my sidepiece.” At least she whispered it so no one else would hear the insanity.
“Sidepiece?”
She shrugged. “Yeah, my arm candy. He would be my sidepiece.”
“That’s a good one.” I let out another giggle, and it felt good. I shook my head. Maybe if I gave Sawyer an abridged version, it would keep her questions to a minimum. “Kurt and I are just friends. Nothing more. And we’ll never be anything more. We grew apart right before he hit it big, and I never reached out after.”
I thought about it thousands of times but never gathered the courage to reach out. Part of me wished I’d chosen to stay. Kurt had done as I requested and hadn’t contacted me. I still remembered my letter.
If you ever cared for me as a friend, let me go.
It hurt knowing I wrote that. My head hadn’t been clear. Tomorrow we’d talk it through. Tomorrow. I was a little nervous about what was to come.
Everything will be fine. This is Kurt. One of your dearest friends.
Grabbing my elbow again, Sawyer led me out of the office. At the elevator, I stopped. “Wait. I forgot my purse.”
“Okay, I’ll meet you at the restaurant so we don’t lose our reservation.” The Greek restaurant we loved kept to a strict policy due to how busy they were—if you weren’t there five minutes before check-in, you lost your reservation.
I hurried back to the table outside of Kurt’s office. A few people stared as I came back. As I picked up my purse, Cameron’s door opened again.
“Hello.”
I stopped and stared at the man again. He rendered me speechless. Those green eyes penetrated me in a way I wasn’t familiar with. “I… uhh… I… forgot my purse.”
Get it together, Knoah. Geez.
His mouth quirked. And, of course, I kept babbling. With unladylike grace, I shoved my hand out. “I’m Knoah. Knoah with a K. It’s like the boy version of Noah, but with a silent K.”
I wanted to slap myself.
Just. Stop. Talking.
I mashed my lips together and something light danced across his eyes. This man, in all his tailored-suit glory, was… simply divine.
“That’s a beautiful name.” His phone vibrated, and he looked at the screen. “I’m sorry. I have a meeting. It was nice meeting you, Knoah with a K.”
“You, too.”
That’s it? “You, too”?
As fast as was acceptable, I took off toward the elevators. The entire time, I felt his eyes lingering. Right before I turned the corner, I glanced back.
He hadn’t moved, and for a brief second, I thought I saw confusion on his face before he turned and disappeared in the other direction.
On my descent down to the first floor, I remembered I hadn’t asked his name. If there hadn’t been people in the elevator with me, I would have banged my head against the wall at my idiocy and how I’d acted.
~ ~ ~
“So, let me get this straight. You were friends. You grew apart. And you never reached out to him or told your roommate about him.”
My gyro lay half-eaten on my plate. A knot grew in my stomach as my nerves climbed. The next twenty-four to forty-eight hours were going to be interesting. Sawyer knew nothing about my past, and I wanted to keep it that way. The worst thing was seeing pity in someone’s eyes after they learned the truth.
I hated pity. It made me feel weak, vulnerable.
“Knoah, did you hear me?”
The information extraction mission was wearing me out. I massaged my temples to ease the ache there. “Yes, Sawy
er. There’s nothing else significant to tell.”
“Knoah.” Her tone said she knew I was holding back.
At that point, I’d officially reached my limit of trying to avoid the details. Without all of them, one piece wouldn’t make any sense. Plus, my thoughts still lingered on my interaction with the mysterious person and the feelings he elicited within me. “Sawyer, please drop it. There’s nothing else I want to share.” My voice had turned distant and cold. Sawyer visibly flinched; I’d never spoken to her like that. So I softened my tone. “There are things in my past I try not to think about. Please just don’t push on this. I don’t want to go there. Especially today.”
Her hand reached out to mine. “Okay, Knoah. I understand. We all have pasts we want to hide from. I hadn’t realized. I won’t bring it up again.”
“I suppose we do. Thank you.” Staring into Sawyer’s hazel eyes, I realized she was hiding something, too. Maybe that was why neither of us ever pressed the other. So much more made sense now. Why hadn’t I seen it? Sawyer had perfected the ability to keep things hidden better than I had.
Like a switch, the devastation left Sawyer’s face and she became my happy-go-lucky friend. “So, I heard Mickey say we could leave work early. I cannot wait to rock our socks off tonight.” She barely took a breath before continuing, “Backstage passes? Oh my gosh. I’m going to see Kurt sing from the sidelines. You are officially the best friend I’ve ever had.”
“I can’t wait, either.” And I meant it. Maybe it was time to reconnect with my past. After seeing Kurt, it didn’t seem so daunting.
Lunch went by in a blur. The owner brought out two pieces of baklava; one had a candle in it. Cameron had gone above and beyond—a wonderful birthday, indeed. Those two words hadn’t been associated with each other in a long time.
Stuffed, we walked through the doors of As You Wish. The receptionist, Chelsie, handed me two messages and winked. “Delivery for you, Knoah. I put it in your office. Mickey left for her regular Friday appointment and said I could leave, too. I’m about to wrap up.”
Untouched Perfection Page 2
