by Jillian Hart
"My problem is that I don't help you enough, dear aunt." Honestly, as if she could begin to accept such unnecessary kindness from this kind woman. Aunt Peg seemed to think she could not give enough of herself, and all Saydee could do was to offer her a hug and turn her in the direction of the door. "I spoke to the head cook and told her of your preference for lemon pound cake. I happen to know it will be served as a surprise this afternoon at your tea."
"Well, isn't that something? You're a thoughtful young lady, my sweet niece. I intend to keep you around, I can satisfy my desire to spoil you. That's what I want and I'm needy that way, and I need to take care of you. And here you are, talking the cook into baking my favorite cake. I'll get you back for this, I vow it. Take heed and consider that a warning."
Full of love, Aunt Peg patted her cheek as if she were five years old again and swirled away, all elegance and grace and incredible-hearted woman who looked like she had life all figured out, which the answer to that was love and to be loved. She headed straight for the door.
"Have fun with your friends," she called out after her aunt.
"I shall do my best!" Peg's voice trailed after her as she disappeared from Saydee's sight. The cheerful drum of her gait rang like bells fading into silence in the long formally appointed corridor.
Saydee sighed, happier for her aunt's visit and turned back to the soothing view of the window. White mantled the world from earth to sky, between the snow on the ground and clouds layering the sky, stealing away nearly every trace of blue.
A memory in full-blown color filled her mind, dominating her senses and fading the endless white and shadowed gray out the window. She gasped, her heart nearly forgetting to beat as she remembered the man with a black knit cap in a black coat kissing her that night like a lover who had the right. Even now, she felt so attached to him it was almost as if he were there, that's how strongly he filled up her senses. She thought of the way his butter-rum baritone rumbled across the length of a room and made her blood warm and her heart skip a beat.
Aunt Peg had brought up the subject of a man, and what better man could there be? Saydee blinked, gazing out the window and realizing once again where she was, and shivered from the icy air coming through unseen gaps around the window frame. She would be smarter to go stand by the fireplace crackling away in the middle of the large, spacious library-feeling room, but the view of snow, mountains, trees, yard and sky reminded her of Winn.
Maybe because he'd spent time gazing out the window instead of eating the breakfast she'd placed in front of him, watching the outside world assessingly with intelligence bright in his dark eyes. Sitting tall and powerful in his seat, he'd looked like a man who enforced the law, he'd looked the part of a mighty bounty hunter, an honorable and courageous man intent on protecting others at any cost.
I'm not sweet on him, really I'm not. Maybe if she attempted to convince herself of that, she could make it true. Even if her heart dropped just from remembering his smile and her whole body began to thrum in a slow, burning agony. She wanted to roll her eyes because everything was wrong with her. She'd lost her common sense entirely. Worse, she was afraid for him.
When he rode away, what if he was recognized? What if the outlaw after him was hiding in plain sight? Her heart froze at the notion of him being in such danger. She didn't know if she arrived home if he would be there still or not. She imagined he would wait until dark to leave, so he wouldn't leave Jack alone in the house and also would have the cover of dark and night. As long as those thick banks of clouds didn't bring a sudden hard storm down on them. She shivered again, goosebumps racing down her arms and over her body.
"I'm glad to know your cousin is a teacher in town," Winn had picked up the conversation where he'd stopped it to watch the shadows outside in the trees and turned toward her with a hook of a grin digging into the left corner of his mouth. "That's good to know that when Jack is old enough, he'll have a good school to go to. He's a good and smart and can read easy books, as you've noticed."
"I'm was pleasantly surprised. Jack is very bright for his age," Saydee remembered saying. "My cousin is a very fine teacher."
"I'm sure he's a pretty good guy, and I'm glad to know that." His sharp, sad eyes had narrowed, landing on hers like a keen-edged, penetrating spear. "It's a comfort to me, more than you know, and very good news for Jack."
"Yes, it is, and I like to think that you'll like having my cousin for your teacher one day." Saydee smiled at the little boy who was chewing on a strip of bacon across the table from her, looking just like his pa.
"I hope so too, Miss Saydee." Jack had shaken his head, scattering dark locks that tumbled over his forehead. He looked down, sad, and gave a small shrug.
Not easy for him, this change to come, she'd thought. Her gaze had caught Winn's, who looked well aware of the hardship of leaving his son behind and stared down at his plate, squared his iron shoulders and looked as tough and as hard as stone. He'd cleared his throat, turned from the table and stood. "I need to get your horse hitched up for you. I don't want to be the reason you're late for work."
His mouth twisted, without hope, and she could not blame him. She felt it as gray as the sky, as cold as the snow and as impossible to stop as the wild northwestern wind. She nodded. "I appreciate that. I'll bring supper home with me, so I'll bring enough for you too, if you're still here. Meals are a part of my pay, because they are used to a live in governess, and so I've benefitted greatly from the fine chefs and cooks at the mansion. Just so you know, you have that to look forward to. I think tonight it's pot roast and roasted potatoes."
"One of our favorites," he's confessed as he'd shrugged into his coat. "It sounds good, Saydee. Thank you." He nodded once in respect, lifted his muscular arms to pull his knit cap onto his head and turned away.
She'd watched him go, shivering in the sudden current of cold wind that breezed in when he opened the door. In the quiet of her schoolroom, she sighed because he memory of his kiss tingled on her lips like a ghost of what should have been. She wished she hadn't enjoyed it so much, that the man hadn't touched a piece of her heart. Because he was all wrong for her.
And because he was leaving.
Voices, faint and happy, rang down the long corridor, as cheerful as Christmas bells tolling. Saydee turned toward the sound, thinking of her aunt having tea with several of her friends in this stately house, so warm and safe and very removed from the hardships of life. She was glad for that, she truly was. She poked her head into the corridor, catching a glimpse of one of the maids swishing down the length of the long runner carpet, black skirt swishing, heading away so that Saydee couldn't see what was on the tray she carried. But likely it was something quite delectable for the tea.
If she turned the other way, she heard the faint and yet halting tones of the piano tentatively attempting another run at a strain from a Beethoven concerto. Saydee sighed, turned around and her shoes tapped echoing and lonely in the high-ceilinged room. She pulled out her chair and she thought of Winn, back straight and wide shoulders braced unflinchingly as he'd walked his way to the barn.
She closed off the part of her that still wanted to dream. The partial view of the sun chose that moment to slip behind a mantle of clouds, and the little bit of brightness died, leaving only grayness and shadows, just like a sign of things to come.
Perhaps another storm.
20
Between her horse's dark brown ears, Saydee spotted saw Winn with relief as she drove closer to the barn door, where the man stood in the open doorway, with his shoulders broad, back straight and a wide-brimmed hat at a no-nonsense angle. So, he was still here. He looked more grave than when she'd last spoken with him, and her stomach fluttered ominously. She bit her lower lip. Was something wrong?
The runners of the little sleigh squeaked on the icy snow as she reined Romeo to a stop in front of the barn. Shadows threatened to engulf them as Winn spotted her and padded closer, bringing the glowing tendrils from the lamp on the wall with
him like a path on the snow. Her heart smiled listening to the now familiar cadence of McMurphy's step and his presence that warmed the icy wind.
Romeo stretched his nose out, whickering as the man's leather gloved hands came around the gelding's nose and gave him a gentle pet. Saydee pulled back the wool blankets covering her to keep out the chill, unable to stop the pleasant, prickling sensation that tickled across the surface of her skin. She squinted up at him, hoping she could hold back her heart. "I'd better be careful or my horse will love you more than me. Whatever would I do about that?"
"You're smiling, so I have to say you don't mind too much. What a good boy you are, Romeo, and handsome, too, and I wouldn't mind stealing this good fellow's heart." One dark brow quirked in amusement. "Don't turn me in to the sheriff for horse theft, Saydee. I bet you rule with an iron fist."
"I absolutely do." The bubble of laughter escaped, betraying her. The air seemed to disappear as if he'd drained all the oxygen away as he stalked closer with his hard-edged gaze arrowing straight to her heart.
"How did the rest of your work day go?"
"Good. Emilyleigh failed her music lesson again and has to stay on the same piano pieces. Maybe she will resort to practicing, finally. Who knows if she will? It's anyone's guess." Loving and light-hearted, she thought of her little charge with grand affection, but still was unable to find any oxygen in the air to breathe with. "The cook suggested she be consoled with slices of lemon cake, so she and I had a treat in our schoolroom and then our day was over. All in all, it was a good day."
"That's a pretty fine way to spend an afternoon." He halted next her sleigh, towering above her and too close. Framed by the dark of twilight, he looked like a myth of old, a western legend come to life. "It sounds like you have a charming job."
"It is, and I love the work. My little student couldn't be sweeter." She pushed back the blanket, grabbed her basket and then his hand. With a warm zap of his lightning touch that scorched through her, he helped her out of the vehicle and into the snow, leaving her hand feeling alive and on fire when he let go.
"Here, give me that. It is heavy." His baritone dipped gruffly as he took the food hamper from her. "This smells darn good. I hope it's as tasty."
Saydee turned toward the stairs. "I hope so too. In truth, I wasn't sure if I would ever see you again after I drove away this morning."
"I don't like the look of that sky, but since two blizzards have kept me hidden and safe here, there's no way to track me through that, so finding me comes down to good guessing, and that isn't Brant's strong suit. So I can stay a little longer and leave when it's to my best advantage, and I can't see it when I look at that sky. Maybe, I'll have to see how this storm goes. Besides, we have more things to talk over."
"Jack is no small thing. He's your everything."
"True." Winn drew his jaw tight, emotions held back as he shadowed her up the steps. He brushed by her to open the door, mighty and strong. "One thing you didn't mention if your former beau. Edwin did mention that you had an ultimatum to marry. I don't know if he showed up again, would you give him a second chance?"
"My brother must not have mentioned how hurt I was that the man was not interested in tenderness, caring and love, just a pretty wife for his arm, as he said and to please his friend, my stepfather, so no, Jack will not have to worry about another man in my life." Saydee stopped to stomp the little bit of snow off her boots.
"Good to know."
She swept through the threshold and into the warmth, embarrassment stinging. She tugged off her gloves. "Few people know of my stepfather's idea to marry me to a stranger who I thought wanted to love a wife."
"Something tells me your aunt might have a lot of sympathy, not just love for you." He set down the hamper and tugged the door closed. "I'm glad you had family here to turn to. You clearly are doing very well here."
"I am, and I am grateful for it and for my aunt and uncle who have tried to make my life so much better. I can't do enough for them, and Nola too." Saydee gave the final button on her coat a tug and began to shiver out of it, but he was there, big hands gripping the garment by the shoulders to help her out of it. "Thank you, sir. Aunt Peg is not the only one spoiling me. Look at what you've done here. Helping me and taking care of my horse. Don't think I can't see that you fixed the sagging hinge on all the doors, and, oh, you did the laundry. That is no small amount of work."
"I don't know if it was proper to wash your clothes, but doing your work was the best way to show my appreciation that I could think of. At least, it's a start." He knelt to give Jack a hug, for the boy had quietly padded into sight. Winn took a long moment to hold his son tight before letting him go and straightening back to his full height. The little boy took one long look at his father and sorrow pinched his eyes.
"Do you want to know what the cook packed for our dessert?" Saydee set out to wash her hands, since she noticed the table was already set for supper. She merely had to unload the hamper and warm up the food a tad. She reached for the bar of soap, watching Jack wordlessly watching her and then his father as the large man set the hamper on the extra chair for easy unpacking. Jack cleared his throat, looking unsure.
"How can I help, Miss Saydee?"
"Maybe you want to come wash your hands too." She smiled, moving aside to dry on the hand towel. The boy padded toward her, and it felt good to see him attempt a tentative smile for her. Leaving him to tackle water and soap, she skirted the end of the counter, warmth gathering in her heart for the boy she was determined to love. She set the hand towel on the counter next to Jack and turned her attention to his father.
"I won't be long." Winn smile was a slow one and curved his hard mouth upward, softening his granite face until brightness lit in his eyes and also in her heart. Oh, he made her wish.
His smile faded, and he gazed out the window next to the door where the evening's dark stretched like loss. "It's been a luxury spending this day here. No one is looking for me right here and right here. That's good. I've been keeping an eye out, and even the deputies haven't traced the prisoner back here to me. So far, so good."
"Maybe you're safe for now." Maybe for good, she thought but didn't dare give voice to.
"Maybe. I wish." A muscle jumped in the hard line of his jaw and he continued staring out the window at the darkness. His throat worked. "I would have liked that, Saydee, but I can't."
He lowered his chin, turned the doorknob and glanced at his son, who stood quietly drying his hands, and Winn's eyes pinched, showing a depth of hopelessness that felt endless, drawing the light and the warmth from the room. He grabbed the doorknob with one broad hand, pulled open the door and strode out into the icy wind because the horse was waiting to be unhitched.
* * *
With the barn work done and the horse stabled and chewing on some oats, satisfied for a bit, Winn headed back toward the house. He squinted at the lit windows, curtains closed against the coming night, and regretted the fabric blocked his view of the beautiful woman who lived within. That troubled him more than he wanted to admit. He longed to set his eyes on her.
Back when he'd been on the run and desperate for mercy, his plan had seemed simple when he'd fled with Jack in tow beneath a partly cloudy, moonless sky. Look her up, he'd thought, grateful running into her brother had given him the option of knowing where she was. He wasn't surprised to see she still had a tender heart of gold. He'd been too numb in life when he'd been a boy to know much of girls, he hardly paid attention to his own life. But he remembered watching Edwin ride away with his sweet little sister from the orphanage grounds, rolling away in a polished surrey behind fine-stepping horses.
Their ma had found and married herself a man with some small means and while it should have been good news, Edwin had been saddened by it without saying why. All those years he'd never known why, but he could look into Saydee's eyes and see the sorrow. Sometimes life, and families, where not what you deserved. He crunched his way through the newly falling snow, feeling
the mean on the wind. He hurried up the steps, knocked the caked snow off his treads and tumbled into the heat and warmth of the pleasant, cozy home.
The hard hit of the wind, the leading edge of a new storm, followed him in and, surprised by the speed and intensity of it, he wrestled the door shut. Whew, the storms up in these mountains could be surprising and strong. He tugged off his gloves and shrugged out of his coat. By the time he'd left his boots by the door, he wasn't shaking so hard from the icy cold. The warm vestibule had driven off the worst of his chill, so his teeth weren't chattering when he looked up and caught Saydee smiling at him from across the kitchen counter.
Although he tried his best not to watch her, he could not command his eyes away from the sight of her, he could only stare and admire her, watching her, so willowy and womanly as she walked around the end of the counter and into the glaze of the lamps lighting the eating nook.
Her skirts swirled around her long, slender legs and snapped in rhythm with her gait as she crossed to the table carrying a platter of the roast she'd warmed in the oven. Steam poured off of it, but his gaze remained upward, although his stomach rumbled with hunger, unable to move away from her face, which was framed by golden locks that were twisted into a disciplined bun and tumbled down in whimsical, airy tendrils to curl around her heart-shaped face.
She moved like a sonata, looked like a song, and he ached from head to toe simply because watching her made his iced-over heart threaten to come alive again. With the way she made him feel, it was a daunting thing that the evening stretched out ahead of him trapped inside the house with her. How was he going to survive spending every minute of those pleasant hours to come around Saydee? To see her, talk with her, be charmed by her and adore everything about her? To want her when she wasn't his to touch or hold.
