by J B Heller
He stood up from his place behind his desk and came around to me, “Do you need me to take you somewhere?”
I started to fidget, picking at invisible lint on my top. I’d always been a terrible liar. I could try to sound casual, but I doubt he would buy it. So I went with something I knew he’d back away from, “No, I can go myself. Just have to sort out some lady business.”
He paled; I knew he wouldn’t want to help me with lady issues. But then he shocked me. He rubbed the back of his neck a few times then took a deep breath and stood up straighter, “It’s all right, I can take you.”
My eyes bugged out of my head. He really does love me, like take care of me when I’m sick, make me toast and tea in bed and take me to the store to buy tampons, kind of love. If that’s wasn’t true love, I didn’t know what is.
Launching myself at him, I nearly knocked him off his feet, kissing his face all over and finishing on his lips. I could feel his smile under my lips.
“What was that for?” he asked with a raised brow.
“Just now, I realised just how much you love me.”
He rolled his eyes, “It’s taken you this long huh? I thought you were smarter than that, Angel.”
“Whatever.” I kissed him on the nose again, just for good measure, and because I couldn’t resist kissing him.
“So, where are we going?” he asked again.
I couldn’t lie to him. I had to tell him why I didn’t want him to come with me. I sighed, “I’m going to see Sloan.”
His eyes grew wide and his brows drew up, “Why?”
“I want to talk to her about how she coped with what she went through. I think it would help if I spoke to someone I actually know who’s been through something like me.”
He thought for a while, digested my words and after a moment, he slowly nodded, “I’ll take you.”
I shook my head, “No, you don’t have to.”
Gabe took my shoulders in his hands and looked me in the eyes, “Ivy, you don’t know how this conversation is going to go. You could be an emotional wreck when you leave there and I won’t let you drive like that. Besides, you’ve been dizzy and light-headed on and off and I don’t think it wise for you to drive yourself anywhere.”
Always so concerned with my safety. But a small part of me was still worried that he would see Sloan and still be in love with her. He must have read the uncertainty on my face.
“Angel, after everything I went through with you, I know without a doubt that what I felt for Sloan wasn’t love. I cared for her, but I never loved her. Not the way I love you.”
“Oh,” that was all I could come up with.
He leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose, “Let me get my keys.”
“Ok.”
He turned back to his desk, shut off his computer and got his keys from the drawer. We walked out hand in hand.
This was going to be interesting.
We pulled up outside Sloan’s townhouse half an hour later. My nerves were back in full swing. I flung open my door and hurled in the gutter. Nice Ivy, real nice. Come to the woman for help and throw up out the front of her house. I prayed nobody saw, but I’m not that lucky. I looked up to see Sloan rushing out to me, “Oh my God, Ivy, are you okay?”
Gabe had rounded the car and was holding my hair out of my face. One of his arms wrapped around me protectively holding me up. And then the dizzy spell hit. My head lolled to the side and Gabe cupped my cheek.
“What’s wrong with her, Gabe?” Sloan demanded.
He whispered in my ear, “I’m going to take you inside now, okay, Angel?”
I gave a slight nod, but even that small movement sent my head spinning out of control. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to steady the tangles inside my head. I felt Gabe slide his arm under my knees and sweep me up into his chest before carrying me inside.
He answered Sloan’s earlier question on the way through the door, “She’s been like this since it all happened. Every day she gets worse. Her doctor reckons it’s her body trying to deal with the trauma of the situation. I think her doctor needs to go back to med school because this shit is fucked up. I seriously don’t think this is normal, but she won’t go for a second opinion.”
By the time he’d finished telling her, we were inside the house and he had gently placed me down on a couch. I laid my head back on a cushion and waited for my head to calm. A few minutes later, when the spinning had finally stopped, I realised I was surrounded by a group of concerned onlookers. I recognised Dex, Sloan’s boyfriend, and Stella, Sloan’s identical twin. I wasn’t really sure why she was here though. And there was another man that I didn’t think I’d met before.
Gabe was crouched down beside me with a cool washcloth in his hand, gently wiping my forehead with it. When I made eye contact with him, I saw concern, worry and most of all, love. Seeing Sloan hadn’t affected him the way I’d feared it would and I was so relieved.
He stroked my cheek and I felt his love in the small gesture, “Hey, Angel, feeling better?”
I smiled back at him, “Yeah, much.”
I took my time sitting up on the couch, careful not to send myself into a head spin again. I looked at all the people gathered and Sloan must have understood my confused expression, “I asked Stella to come around too cause she’s better at this stuff than me. I’m not a big talker, especially when it comes to the past. And I know that’s what you need to talk about. But Stella has been through something closer to your situation than what I did. So I thought she could help too.”
I never knew that Stella had ever had anything happen to her. But I didn’t really know her either. I’d met her a few times, but that’s all. I looked over at her and smiled. The other man in the room had his hand on her waist. So I assumed he was her boyfriend. They both smiled back at me, then he reached his hand out towards me, “I’m Brayden, Stella’s, lesser half. It’s nice to meet you, Ivy. I’m just sorry about the circumstances.”
“Thank you, it’s nice to meet you too.” I didn’t really know what else to say. I felt kinda awkward and wondered if coming here was such a good idea. Before I could say as much, Stella leapt into action, “Gabe, you should probably get Ivy a glass of water. Dex and Bray, you should help him.”
Gabe kissed me on the head before walking out, followed by the other two men. They were all tall and super good-looking. They made quite the trio. I hoped they got along all right without us girls in there to break the tension. I knew that Gabe and Dex had never gotten along, for obvious reasons.
A few minutes later Gabe came back in with three large glasses of iced water. “I’ll leave you ladies to talk. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me, Angel.”
Then he was gone again, and Stella and Sloan were wearing matching looks of glee. I looked back and forth between the two. It was normal for Stella to have a smile on her face, Sloan, not so much. “What?”
“He really loves you,” they said at the same time.
I nodded slightly, and picked up my water.
Sloan smiled at me, “As much as I want to know how it is you finally got him to open his big fat eyes, I know that’s not why you’re here. So, is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about first?”
The girls sat on the couch on either side of me. I didn’t really know where to start. Then Stella rested a calming hand on my leg and smiled at me, “It’s okay, you can say anything to us and it won’t leave this room. Sloan and I have both experienced—”
She paused for a full minute, trying to find the right words, “Horrific things in our pasts. Sloan for her part hid what she had endured. But I couldn’t. We may be twins, but we deal with things very differently. Sloan buried her anguish down deep and wore a false bravado, but not me. I was a shell of a person. I went through the motions of everyday life, but I never really lived it. Not until I met Brayden and he helped me work through my issues.”
Then Sloan took over, so smoothly you wouldn’t have even known it was someone else sp
eaking, except for the slight huskiness to Sloan’s voice. “I dealt with it by learning how to defend myself. But that only takes away some of the fear. You see, half my battle was in my head. I couldn’t forgive myself for what I had done. You see—”
Sloan’s pause was different to Stella’s. When Stella paused, it was to find the right thing to say. But when Sloan paused, it was to decide what she should tell me, and what she should hold back, “Two men died at my hands during my ordeal.”
I blinked a few times, flashes of a man in a pool of blood at my feet, the man I’d killed.
Sloan continued, “I knew they deserved it, without a doubt, those men did not deserve to live. But to take a life, it does something to your soul. I thought I was unworthy of love after that, unworthy of happiness. But Dex has shown me otherwise.”
The words spewed from my mouth like vomit. I couldn’t hold back, “I killed him. I shot him. I don’t feel bad about it. Not even a little bit and I know I should.”
Both women were silent beside me. Then Sloan took me in an awkward hug. “I’m not a hugger, but I have to hug you. You are a strong, amazing woman, Ivy. And I have no doubt that you will get through this, especially with the big man watching over you like he is.”
I smiled; a true smile of happiness. These two had such troubled pasts, yet they had moved on to live happy lives. Then I stopped, “Did either of you get sick after everything you had been through?”
Stella’s mouth twisted to the side, as did her head, as she thought about it. “I was in the hospital for a little while, I was sick but that was because of my injuries. So I don’t really know.”
“And I never got ill. I just kind of died inside. But that’s not to say that what’s happening to you isn’t normal too. Everyone deals with things differently, as you can see from Stella and me,” Sloan explained.
I felt a little better knowing that things would improve eventually. But the nauseous feeling in my stomach still wouldn’t settle. Maybe Gabe was right, “Maybe I should go see another doctor? I’m sick every day, to the point that I can barely hold any food down. I’m in bed most of the day because whenever I try to get up, my head starts spinning and I nearly collapse. I know I’m not over what happened yet. And I know I’ve got a long road ahead of me, but I thought I was coming to terms with everything.”
“I’ve accepted that there isn’t anything anyone could have done to save Tessa, my cousin. And I know he won’t ever be able to hurt me again. Now I just want to be able to move forward with my life, but I’m so sick, I can’t do that.”
I started to cry, tears seeped from my eyes in a steady stream. Stella rubbed my back while I sobbed. I’d been so emotional lately that when I saw an ad on TV the other night— when Gabe and I were in bed— about saving baby monkeys, I’d burst into tears. Sure it’s sad, but normal people don’t cry about that sort of thing.
I peeked through my fingers at the girls, and noticed them casting each other curious glances. I wiped my eyes and sat back, looking between them, “What?”
Stella kept rubbing soothing circles on my back. It felt nice actually and it was a lovely gesture. She was a very compassionate person. I think I would really like to spend more time getting to know her.
This time when she spoke, she was very cautious, “Ivy, is it possible that you could be pregnant?”
I jerked back. What, No. Surely not. “No, I mean, maybe, but, no. No, that can’t be it.”
“How long have you been feeling like this?” she asked again.
“Umm, a few weeks, it’s gotten worse since, well, since everything happened.”
Her lips pulled to the side as she thought on it some more, “So you were feeling ill before?”
“Well, yes, a little. I was nauseous and really tired. But that was because he was watching me and sending those poems. I wasn’t sleeping well.”
I saw Stella’s eyes flick down to my tummy. I did the same. I’d put on a little weight since moving back in with Gabe. That just meant I was getting better, didn’t it?
“Honey, I think maybe you should do a pregnancy test, just to eliminate it as a possibility,” she said.
She’d added that last bit when she’d caught the horrified look on my face. A pregnancy test? Oh my God. Really? I hadn’t even considered it seriously before now. I didn’t want to worry Gabe.
I was chewing on my bottom lip when Sloan touched my arm, startling me out of my thoughts, “Do you want me to go get you one? I can tell you don’t really want to let on to Gabe about this yet. I don’t mind. There’s a pharmacy just down the road. I can go, and be back in ten minutes. Then you’ll know one way or another.”
I let out a heavy breath. These women were being so nice to me. They really were beautiful, inside and out. Even if Sloan did look a little rough on the outside, I could see she had a heart of gold. “If you wouldn’t mind, I’d be grateful. I just don’t want to worry him if it’s not even—”
She took my hand and gave it a squeeze, cutting me off, “I know, it’s okay. I’ll be back soon all right and we can work this all out. I’ll tell the boys I’m going to get you some camomile tea.”
I smiled at her as she strode from the room. Stella took me in her arms and sat back on the couch, just offering me comfort. I wished I’d come to see Sloan weeks ago.
When Sloan got back; she had the test, or should I say tests, stuffed inside her jacket. She talked as she pulled them all out and laid them on the coffee table, “I had to smuggle them past the boys. I got some tea too, so they wouldn’t catch on. Right, I didn’t know which one to get, so I got a few.”
My eyes went wide. I didn’t even know there were that many to choose from. What possible reason could there be to have five different types of pregnancy tests? They all did the same thing, right? Told you if you pregnant or not.
Sloan got right to it. She lined them all up; two of them you had to pee in a cup and dip a little strip of paper in, and the other three you just peed on.
“Ok, so do you need to pee yet?” she asked casually, like it was a totally normal thing to discuss.
I smiled nervously, “Umm, I guess. Which one should I take?”
“Well, would you rather pee in a cup and risk peeing on your hands? Or pee right on the test and pop the lid on so you don’t get the pee everywhere?” She was so blunt about it, but I suppose there was no point sugar-coating it.
“I think I’d rather pee on the stick.”
She pushed three packets towards me, “These are the pee on the stick ones. Take one, two or all three. I’d do all three myself. But it’s your call.”
I nodded and scooped up all three, “Where’s the nearest bathroom?”
Sloan showed me to a bathroom just down the hall. We got there without having to go past the boys in the kitchen and I sighed with relief. Gabe would know I was up to something straight away, if he saw me right now.
Stella and Sloan waited outside the bathroom for me, “We’ll be here if you need us.”
When I got inside and closed the door, I started to cry. This was something I should’ve been doing with Tess. It took me a few minutes to pull myself together. If Tess were here, she’d be bouncing up and down on her toes, telling me to hurry my arse up and get my pee on. Thinking about her like that made me smile again.
When I’d peed on all the tests and had put the caps back on them, I lined them up on the bench and washed my hands. I opened the door and let Sloan and Stella in; I didn’t want to be by myself when the results began to show.
And for some reason I felt so close to these two already. Knowing we’d shared something, even though it was not pleasant, gave us some common ground and understanding.
We stood together, with me in the middle, staring at the tests. Slowly, one by one they all showed the same result. One had a smiley face, the next had two pink lines and the third said pregnant seven weeks.
Holy shit! I started to hyperventilate. My hands were shaking so hard, I gripped the counter in front of me
to keep myself from falling flat on my arse.
I’m pregnant.
We were sitting in the lounge again when Gabe poked his head in to check on me, “You all right in here, Angel? I made you some of the tea Sloan got for you. It smells nasty. You sure you don’t just want normal tea?”
I didn’t turn around to look at him. I couldn’t even speak. What was I going to say to him? Oh, you know how you were worried you might have gotten me pregnant two weeks ago? Well the good news is you didn’t. Bad news is it’s because you already did five weeks before that.
When I didn’t answer or respond at all, he came all the way into the room. He was right, that tea did smell nasty. Just the smell of it made me want to hurl again, “Oh God, take that tea away.” I blurted it out just before I dashed out of the room for the bathroom again.
I was in the middle of heaving when I felt his hands pulling my hair away from my face. Worry was written all over his handsome face, his dark brown eyes were almost black, his gaze was so intense. I had to tell him.
But before I could get the words out he spoke instead, “I really want you to go see another doctor. This is not normal. It was the smell of that tea that set you off just now, wasn’t it?”
I nodded, and glancing at him from the corner of my eye, I could tell he was thinking really hard about something. “Angel, would it be too early to tell if we did get pregnant that time at your house?”
I didn’t answer him right away. This wasn’t something I wanted to tell him while bent over a toilet bowl. I took a few breaths to steady myself before I stood up with his help and washed my mouth out at the sink. He kept his hands on me the whole time, making sure I didn’t fall. We went back out to the lounge and the tea was gone, thank God.
When he was satisfied that I was comfortable on the couch, he sat down beside me and pulled me into his side. I snuggled in to his warm body. I knew this wasn’t something we’d planned, and I didn’t know how he’d take it at first. But I was sure we could work through it. I looked over to Sloan and Stella sitting on the opposite couch with their boyfriends. They both smiled and gave me encouraging nods of approval.
