by Amelia Judd
“I was wrong,” he said, returning his gaze to hers. “I shouldn’t have bought you a house you didn’t want.” He sighed. “Or need. I’ve called the realtor. It’ll be on the market in less than a week.”
She made face. “That’s ridiculous. Why would you sell such a perfect house?”
He scrubbed another hand down his face and let out a dry, humorless laugh. “I can’t win with you. Never could. Don’t know why the hell I thought today would be any different.”
“I’m your mother. Why would you believe you have to win anything with me?” She shook her head. “I’ve never understood this competitive nature of yours. I attribute that personality trait to your father.”
“Guess you should have been more selective choosing the other half of my DNA. Maybe if you’d picked the guy from page eight of the catalogue instead, you could have had the perfect son.”
“There’s no need for melodramatics.” She sipped her tea, looking unfazed by his jab. “The man I selected had many athletic as well as academic accolades. Combining those with my own achievements meant that I was well aware you were likely to be gifted.” On a small exhale, she returned her tea to the saucer and studied him with a sad expression. “And you are.”
Ethan ground his teeth. “But not in the way wanted. You’ve always been disappointed that you had a son with a great right foot, not a great mind.” He hated but couldn’t seem to hide the bitterness in his tone.
She cocked an eyebrow. “I’ve never been disappointed in your talents. The only thing I find disappointing is your steadfast refusal to nurture all of your gifts. By the age of four, your reading and mathematical abilities were that of a child double your age.”
“I’ve always been a quick learner.” He shrugged off the comment.
“True. It’s a fact I attribute to your elevated intelligence. I had your IQ tested when you were younger. While below Einstein’s level, it still qualified you as a genius and predicted high levels of academic achievement in your future. But rather than joining Mensa, you joined a professional soccer team.”
His mom shook her head. “If a strong right foot, as you say, was the totality of your abilities, I’d be happy for you to have found a career showcasing that gift. But you could have excelled at any of the elite colleges that offered you scholarships. Instead, you turned them all down. I feared that choice would have horrible repercussions in your life after soccer.” She looked at him with a sad, tight smile. “I’ve always believed you have more to offer the world than simply being a form of entertainment—no matter how entertaining your talent.”
“I never wanted to be a doctor, engineer, scientist, lawyer or whatever it is you wanted me to do with my life,” Ethan snapped. “I wanted to be part of a team and play the sport I loved. I’ll never regret that decision. And how would you know about my entertaining talent?” Ethan asked. “It’s been over ten years since you’ve come to one of my games.”
A small shudder shook her body. “I can’t stand listening to the asinine comments the spectators yell at you. Or when they moan in frustration if you miss a shot. As if any of them could handle the ball with a fraction of the grace, skill, and intelligence that you do. I prefer to watch you play on that monstrosity.” She nodded to the large television over the fireplace. “I find its mute button invaluable during your matches.”
Slack-jawed, Ethan stared at his mom. “I didn’t know—” He broke off, shaking his head to clear his thoughts.
“That I watched every one of your games.” She finished his sentence. “No matter how much I believe you should have gotten a college degree instead of—or at least before—you played professional soccer, you’re still my son. As ridiculous as it may sound, watching you play makes my chest fill with pride and accomplishment.” She laughed softly. “As if I had somehow contributed to your talent for the game.” His mom cleared her throat and looked away, seeming embarrassed by her admission.
Ethan froze, not sure what to say or do or feel. He hadn’t known she’d been watching him all these years. He sure as hell had never thought she’d be proud of him for playing a sport.
Still a bit shell-shocked, he watched his mom fumble with her tea cup and dart her gaze around the room. Her uncharacteristic sign of nerves touched his heart as much as her words had.
“Thanks, Mom. It means a lot to hear you say that.” He gave her a teasing smile. “If you’d let me know sooner, we might’ve avoided this whole house fiasco.”
She shifted her gaze back to his, understanding lighting her eyes. “You bought me that house as bribery.”
“Not bribery,” he said, idiotically trying to defend the idiotic decision to buy her a house she never wanted. “I thought you’d appreciate my career choice more if you were able to enjoy some of its benefits.”
She chuckled, looking like she found him funny as hell. “Ethan, dear, that’s bribery.”
He blew out a sigh and shrugged. “Seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“I’m sorry that I didn’t express my feelings sooner,” she said. “You had an entire world telling you how wonderful you were. I never thought you needed to hear it from me as well. Especially since I’m your mother. I’m engineered to believe you are the most talented, wonderful, creative player to ever take the field.”
“Wow. You really are biased,” he teased, reaching for his cup. He took a sip, momentarily forgetting what was inside. He grimaced at the taste of the lukewarm, watered down liquid. “I’ll never get used to this stuff,” he muttered, glowering into the cup.
“You should drink it. It’s good for you. If you plan to return to the game at your age, you’re going to need all the health benefits you can get.”
Ethan stiffened. “Who said I’m returning?”
“Everyone. Are you?”
“I wasn’t going to. I’d been making arrangements to stay in Silver Bay. But now …”
His mom tipped her head to the side, considering his words. “But now you want to leave?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” He stood up and started pacing around the room. “Claire broke up with me. I can’t imagine living here—seeing her and the kids around town every day—and not being with them.” He shoved a hand through his hair and sighed. Again. “Going back to soccer is the easiest and fastest way to get Silver Bay out of my mind.”
“It’s true.” His mom nodded in agreement. “It’s easier to quit than to fight for what you want. But the easier path is rarely the best. You of all people should know that.”
“She doesn’t want me in her life,” he snapped. “I proposed. She said no. End of story.”
His mom rose from the couch and walked up to him. “I’m sorry to hear that,” she said, placing her hand on his arm. “I like Claire, Ty, and Grace. I’d hoped they could become a significant part of your life after soccer.” She took a deep breath and paused. “You’ve never enjoyed solitude. Do you remember begging me to have more children when you were a child?”
“I do.” Ethan said. “I wanted brothers and sisters to play with.”
“It’s why I registered you for soccer in the first place.” His mother sounded both resigned and slightly amused.
“How many times have you regretted that decision?”
“Not once.” Her expression grew serious. “You thrived in a team setting. It’s why I spent countless hours driving you to trainings and attending weekend-long tournaments. Not to mention the cost every year.” She shook her head slowly. “But I couldn’t ask you to give it up. It fulfilled you in a way I’ve never quite understood.” She looked away. “I suppose it’s one of our many differences.”
The small break in her voice and the hint of moisture he’d seen gathering in her eyes wiped clean the last of his frustration. He’d only seen her cry one other time in his life. That night years ago when they’d fought over his decision to turn professional rather than attend college.
Pissed off and righteous as only an eighteen-year-old could be, he’d called her a co
ntrol-freak who wanted to keep him from his dreams. Even worse, he’d accused her of never being there for him and never truly understanding him. Even though he later apologized, he could still hear the sound of her quiet sobs as he’d thrown his stuff in a bag and left.
And maybe his mom had never understood his love of soccer, but she’d supported it anyway. To a cocky, barely-turned adult, her demand that he say no to a chance to play in the MLS seemed ludicrous. Now, a bit older, he could see she’d only been trying to help him secure a good future, not hold him back.
“We have some differences,” he said quietly, waiting to say more until she met his eyes again. “We also have a lot in common. We’re both stubborn, determined people who know what we want out of life and aren’t afraid to work hard to make it happen.”
“That’s true.” A hesitant smile curled her lips upward. “Maybe I have played a small part in your soccer success after all?”
“Are you kidding?” He grinned down at her. “There’s a part of you in everything I do.”
Her expression softened, sending a wobble through her smile and a tear down one cheek.
“No tears.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest for the first real hug they’d shared in years. “I promised myself I’d never make you cry again.”
Resting her head against his shoulder, she hugged him back and sniffled. “I’m not crying. I’m just experiencing an overflow of positive emotions.”
Ethan chuckled. “I believe ‘happy tears’ is the term you’re looking for.” He felt her smile against his shoulder, and for the first time since losing Claire, he didn’t feel like complete shit. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too,” she said, eventually leaning back to study him with a long, hard look. “I can see you’re hurting. I hate it.”
“I love her.”
“Give Claire time to change her mind. Most parents try to make decisions based off what they believe to be best for their children. But I can say from personal experience that we sometimes let fear or pride or past-experiences muck up those decisions. At least, reconsider putting the house on the market right away. It really is the perfect home—for you and Claire.”
A vision of raising kids with Claire in the laughter and love-filled lakefront home flashed through his mind. Just as quickly, the knowledge that he’d never achieve that dream nearly brought him to his knees.
“When do you need to let your team know if you’re accepting the offer?” she asked.
“By the end of the weekend.” The thought of returning left him cold. The raging fire that used to fuel him to compete at the highest level had nearly extinguished. Hell, he’d felt it cooling for years. But one last push in the pros might be the perfect distraction for a brokenhearted dumbass like him.
“Are you going to leave Silver Bay?”
Shaking his head and wondering how the hell he’d gotten himself into this sorry state, Ethan clamped his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose hard enough to bruise. “I think I have to.”
“When?”
“Sunday morning.” He’d rather put Silver Bay—or rather, his heartache—in his rearview mirror sooner, but he loved Claire too damn much to abandon her on Saturday night. “Are you going to the charity auction this weekend?” he asked.
“Of course. The entire town is talking about it. Will I see you there?”
With a wry smile, Ethan heaved another massive sigh. “I’ll be hard to miss.”
•••
Balancing a full glass of wine, a box of tissues, the remote, and a bag of assorted chocolates, Claire plunked down on her couch with no plan to get back up until she needed a refill. Or the bathroom.
It was the night of the infamous bachelor and bachelorette auction and she was beyond thankful to be sitting at home rather than hiding her pain from the town. Thankfully, her little sister had texted that morning to excuse Claire from the event. Too brokenhearted to care that it was an act of pity, Claire had gratefully accepted.
It had been a week since her engagement to and her disengagement from Ethan. A fresh wave of pain coursed through her at the memory. She closed her eyes and braced herself until it passed, or at least until the worst of it passed. The pain never fully left her. But it did lessen when she was with her kids or distracted at work. She hoped someday memories of her time with him would bring a faint smile to her lips instead of crushing her soul with the brutal knowledge of what could never be.
If only her stupid romantic heart would stop tricking her into thinking she could make a relationship work. First, she’d married Jack and thought they’d live happily-ever-after, and look how that turned out. Once he got to know her—really know her—Claire was fairly certain Jack didn’t even like her that much.
Then she fell for Ethan and thought it was different because he saw and loved her for who she was in a way Jack never had. So she threw caution to the wind and gave him her heart, took his ring, and had the best sex of her life in an airplane bathroom. And what happened? She’d deserted her responsibilities and her children when they needed her the most.
At least no lasting harm had come to either kiddo. Grace came through the surgery with flying colors and had already snapped back to her happy, chatty ways. But the event still haunted Claire. It always would.
The old-fashioned buzz of her doorbell announced an unwelcome guest had arrived at her pity party for one. She cranked up the volume on the television and steadfastly ignored one, two, three more buzzes. Gritting her teeth and holding her breath, she waited in the silence following the last buzz, hoping like crazy the person had finally decided to—
Buzz.
“That’s it,” Claire grumbled, jumping from the couch and charging toward the door. Like a smoke detector alerting of a low battery, this annoyance was not going away until she took care of it. She assumed an expression of hardened disinterest and swung the door open, ready to tell whoever was ringing her bell to go the hell away—nicely of course.
Wearing a dark-red sweater dress, heeled, knee-high boots and an adorable baby bump, Gemma stood on her doorstep frantically waving for Claire to come out of the house. “Come on, we have to hurry. Jack thinks I’m in the bathroom.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to take you to the auction.”
“No way. I’m not leaving. The kids are sleeping over with friends, and I have a full bottle of chardonnay and The Bridges of Madison County on DVD. Thanks anyway.” Claire slowly began to close the door. It didn’t count as slamming it in Gemma’s face if she did it slowly, right?
“Did you know Ethan took your place in the auction?” Gemma’s perky voice drifted through the remaining two inches of open doorway a moment before it shut.
Wide-eyed in surprise, Claire swung the door fully open. “He took my place?”
“Yep,” Gemma said, stepping into the house and closing the door behind her. “Jack and I were talking to Kat a few minutes ago. She said Ethan offered to be in the auction instead of you. He made her promise not to tell you though.” Gemma smirked. “But no one made me promise to keep my mouth shut, and I really thought you should know.” She glanced at her phone. “We need to hurry. Ethan told Kat he’s leaving town in the morning, so he’s being auctioned off first so he can go on the date tonight with whoever buys him.”
“He’s leaving town?” Heart pounding, Claire’s stomach dove at the thought. “Where is he going?”
“I don’t know.” Gemma shook her head. “You need to talk to him and figure all this out before it’s too late. Come on.” She held up her car keys. “I’ll drive.”
“I can’t.” She forced the words past the big lump of emotion in her throat.
Gemma wrinkled her nose in confusion. “Don’t you love him?”
“Yeah,” she whispered, her voice breaking over the word. “I love him, but I had to walk away.”
“Why?”
Even though there were a couple of good reasons, Claire decide
d to share the one that was easiest and least embarrassing to justify. “Because I’m a mom, and my kids are my first priority. When I tried to add Ethan into my life, my kids ended up getting less of me in theirs.”
“I thought Ty and Grace loved Ethan. They can’t stop talking about him whenever they’re with us. Their adoration makes Jack a little grumpy. I think it’s totally adorable.”
“They do love him and he loves them.”
She wrinkled her nose again. “Then what’s the problem? Isn’t it a good thing to bring one more loving person into your kids’ lives?”
“Well, yeah, but—”
“When you had Grace, did you love Ty any less?”
“No, but—”
“Exactly! Love is a limitless resource. Plus, isn’t it a great example for your kids to see you in healthy, happy, committed relationship to a man that treats you really well? Don’t you hope someday they can be happily married and have kids of their own to raise with their spouse?”
“Yes, but—”
“I know you feel bad about not being with Grace when she got hurt, but do you really think you can be within minutes of your kids all the time? Don’t you travel for work? Or how about when they get older and want to go on vacation with their dad and me and our kids? You can’t be an arm’s length away for life. Come on, Claire, you know I’m right.”
“Okay, fine! I can’t always be by their side.”
“So, you admit that you overreacted.”
Claire puffed out a sigh. “I’ll admit that the guilt of not being there for my kids may have led me to misplace blame. Doesn’t matter though. Ethan and I still wouldn’t have worked out.”
“Why the heck not? He’s so sweet and hot, and everyone can tell you make each other happy.”
“Everyone?”
“Oh yeah,” Gemma said, nodding her head in a big exaggerated movement. “You two were always smiling at each other or looking like you wanted to rip the other one’s clothes off. It was really sweet. And hot.” Her eyes brightened. “Like Ethan.”
“Ethan is sweet and hot”—and a whole lot more Claire thought with another sigh—“and I love him. He’s not the reason it won’t work. I am.”
