by Rosa, C.
“Ricky.” I felt a tug on my arm. “Dance with me?”
I looked back at Alexa’s face. That beautiful fucking face. My heart slammed against my chest.
“Please?”
Was she begging?
Her touch weakened my stance, and I let her pull me away. But I kept my eyes on Jeff.
“Don’t pay attention to him,” she said, turning my face in her direction. She could diffuse me quicker than sand on a fire.
My arms were wrapped around her waist, and hers around my neck. Damn, she smelled good.
“I didn’t think you’d show up tonight.”
“Why not?” I asked. How long was this song? It couldn’t be long enough. The way she looked at me. I couldn’t explain it. I was so fucking confused. Most of the time, she acted like she couldn’t stand to be in the same room with me. But when she looked at me like this…
“I just didn’t think you’d be into it.”
“I’m not. I promised Mom.”
“Did she eat any of the food I’d brought over?”
Alexa had been bringing over a bag full of take out from her dad’s restaurant a couple nights a week since Mom’s been sick again.
“Some of it.”
She didn’t touch a damn thing, and whatever was on her plate usually ended up in the trash.
“I’m really sorry about your dad taking off,” she said.
I pressed up against her a little tighter, and she didn’t flinch. “I’m not.” I didn’t want to think about that asshole ever again. Especially not now. One of her fingers grazed the back of my hair. Holy shit. I’d never had a girl affect me down there with just one finger.
Just as the last few minutes of the song finished up, Brandon Kelly stomped across the dance floor. He looked pissed.
Alexa looked up at me from under her long lashes, those dark brown eyes burning right through me. “I better get back to my date.”
I didn’t want to let her go. I could have thrown her over my shoulder and hauled her away like some fucking cave man. Instead, I let my hands fall from her waist.
“Thanks for the dance,” she said, walking back toward Brandon.
As soon as she was close enough, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. I had a small urge to break that arm if it weren’t for baseball season starting in a few months.
I spent the rest of the dance dicking around the room, trying not to look like I was watching Alexa and Brandon’s every move. I kept telling myself I would only stay a few minutes longer, but a few minutes turned into three hours.
The DJ announced the last song of the night, and I lounged back at one of the tables.
“How about a dance, Ricky?” Kiley sat a few chairs away. She got up from her seat and held out her hand.
“I don’t dance,” I mumbled.
“Then how come I saw you on the dance floor earlier?” She let her hand hover in front of me. “Come on, Ricky. It’s just a dance.”
I took her hand and led her to the dance floor. She pressed up against me and put my hands square on her ass—not that I was complaining. Kiley and me went all the way back to freshmen year.
“You going to Jackson’s house after this?” she asked.
I tried to keep my eyes on her face, but her tits were giving it too much competition.
“What’s going on at Jackson’s?”
“The usual. I was hoping you and I could catch up.” She gave me that look…the one that told me we could be catching up all night. “I didn’t come here with a date. Just tagged along with Aiden and Candace.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I said.
The song ended, and instead of letting me go, Kiley held on to my hand. I would have put an end to that shit right away if I wasn’t distracted by Alexa and Brandon. They were walking side by side, heading for the door.
“Hey, Lex,” I called out before I could think it through. I tore my hand away from Kiley.
Alexa stopped walking. “What’s up?”
“You going to Jackson’s?”
Brandon was glued to her side. “Yeah, we’re going.”
I ignored his lame ass attempt at staking his claim.
“How about you?” Alexa asked me.
I felt Kiley come up behind me. She grabbed a hold of my hand again. “Yeah, we’re going,” she replied.
I didn’t appreciate her answering for me. What kind of game was she trying to play?
“I guess we’ll see you there then.” Alexa’s gaze fell on our hands.
Brandon pulled her away before I could get another word in. She didn’t look back at me. Actually, it looked like her and Brandon were getting pretty cozy.
I separated my hand from Kiley’s. “Let’s go.”
* * * *
It didn’t take Kiley long to end up shitfaced at Jackson’s. I’d lost her to her friends somewhere outside. I knew what too drunk to function looked like, and I wasn’t in the mood to be puked on.
I’d only seen Lexy once since we got here. There were so many people. The beer I’d been milking was warm, and I was starting to get a headache.
“Hey, Ricky.” Someone grabbed my arm as I pushed through the crowded house.
Dark hair and blue eyes. Shit. I had no clue who this chick was. Never admit you didn’t remember. It’s a good way to get a swift kick in the balls.
“You are Ricky, right?”
“I’m the one.”
“I heard about you…”
I could barely hear her over the music.
I leaned in closer. “Whatever they told you is a lie.”
She gave me this half smile. “I heard you’re pretty good at it.”
“Well, maybe not everything.”
She gave me a little laugh and started whispering shit in my ear. Something about finding a quiet room. I dunno. I stopped listening when I saw Alexa’s face.
“Where are you going?” she asked when I started to walk away. I ignored her.
“Hey,” I said to Alexa. She didn’t have the same smile she did at the dance.
“Hey, Ricky.”
“Where’s Brandon?”
Her gaze bounced around the room. “I don’t know.”
“You okay?”
She shook her head. “It’s too loud in here. I can barely think straight.”
“Come on.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her through the living room, to the steps, and upstairs. The first few rooms I tried were already occupied. I finally found an empty laundry room.
Alexa leaned up against the dryer and pressed her fingers to her temples. I just stood there and waited, sipping from my piss warm beer.
“I don’t know what I’m doing here,” she said.
“What happened to your dress?”
She looked down at her clothes. “I brought a change of clothes with me.
“Damn, wish I thought about that.”
She gave me a once over. “I think you look good in a suit.”
I crept closer to her and leaned on the washer. “That’s the second compliment you’ve given me. Exactly how many beers have you had tonight?”
She laughed. I almost died; the feeling was fucking heaven. Her smile tortured me. “None, actually. Brandon’s had enough for both of us.”
“How did you end up going to the dance with Brandon?”
She gave a little shrug and looked down at the tiled floor. “He was over at the house with Drew one day and just asked me. I didn’t even want to go, not after everything that just happened. I mean, it’s barely been two weeks since Dad’s funeral. But you know my mom…she practically forced me into it.”
I scratched the back of my head. Why the fuck was I so nervous? “They’re good at doing shit like that.” I was sweating like I did at practice. Hope I didn’t smell like it, too.
“She just doesn’t get it, you know?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’ll never be that girl who wants to buy pretty dresses and get made up to go to a dance. I’d rather be working at the restaurant. I felt so out of
place tonight.”
“You definitely didn’t look out of place.”
“Well, an amazing dress can work miracles for a girl.”
“I dunno…” Take a deep breath. It was just a conversation, you idiot. “You still look pretty amazing to me, even without the dress.”
I could tell the comment caught her off guard. She stared at me—didn’t say anything—just studied me with her eyes. It was so quiet in that small ass room; I could barely hear the drunken chaos outside. I wanted to say something smooth, something to make her think I wasn’t who everyone thought I was—who everyone expected me to be.
Without any warning, someone busted through the laundry room door. Alexa jumped back away from me.
“Oh shit!” Ben, red-faced and glassy eyed, had his arm draped over the dark hair, blue-eyed chick from downstairs.
“Ben, what the fuck, man,” I groaned.
He hiccupped. “Sorry, dude. I didn’t know you were getting busy in here.”
“Nobody here is getting busy,” Alexa said.
Ben trudged out into the hallway, dragging whatever-her-name-was behind him. “Listen up, everybody,” he shouted over the railing that overlooked the first floor. “Do not, I repeat, do not, go in the laundry room. It is being occupied by the great Ricky Perry!” He said my name like a fucking sports announcer. The whole house erupted with hoots and howls.
“Oh my God,” Alexa mumbled. She stomped past me and made a run for it.
“Alexa, wait.” But she was out, sprinting for the stairs.
I shoved Ben and seriously considered rearranging his face.
He raised his hands in surrender. “Sorry, dude. Didn’t mean to mess it up for you.”
Good thing I was more worried about catching up to Alexa. I released my grip on his shirt and pushed him aside. I jetted down the steps and shoved through the crowd to get outside.
“Alexa, wait!”
She ignored me and continued down the driveway.
“Lex!”
She slowed to a trot and then eventually stopped and hunched over. “Just leave me alone, Ricky, please.” Her voice had that same sound Mom’s did when she was about to cry. “Please.”
“Don’t worry about Ben. He’s drunk.”
She stood up straight and swiped at her eyes. Fuck. She was crying, and it was because of me. Nice work, loser.
“Yeah, and now everyone at the party probably thinks you nailed me.”
“What?” I cried. “Nobody thinks—”
“Oh please,” more swiping under her eyes, “I was alone in a room with the great, Ricky Perry.” She mocked Ben’s drunken slur.
“Relax, it’s not like we were doing anything. You know I would never—”
“I know,” she said. “You would never…but what do you think people will think? We were playing Scrabble?”
“Look, I’ll make sure to straighten this all out, okay?”
She held up her hand. “Just do me a favor and don’t say anything. It will only make it worse. I should have known better.”
Damn, it was like getting hit in the gut with a bat. “Let me take you home.”
“No, it’s fine. I’ll find my own way.”
A few girls passed by, stopping their conversation when they saw us.
“Madison,” Alexa called. “You mind giving me a ride home?”
“Sure,” she replied.
Alexa gave me a short wave and disappeared down the driveway.
I turned around and walked back to the house, ready to forget what just happened with a few more beers.
Chapter Three
January
My day started off shitty, and I had a feeling it wasn’t going to get any better. Mom was up all night, getting sick, so I’d spent the night on her bedroom floor, holding the trashcan to her face. I’d overslept that morning, and my car wouldn’t start right away, which made me super fucking late to homeroom. I ran to my locker and realized I’d forgotten my first period book at home.
The bell rang, signaling homeroom was over, and the halls flooded with people.
“Yo,” Drew called. “What happened to you this morning?”
“Sorry, car wouldn’t start.” I slammed my locker shut and made my way to Music Theory. It was my favorite class of the day. Mr. Thompson’s theory lessons only lasted about thirty minutes, and I usually spent the rest of class playing the drums.
“Don’t sweat it. Got a ride from my sister.”
“How’s she doing, anyway?” I hadn’t talked to Alexa since the night of the dance a couple of weeks ago. She was doing a good job of staying away from me.
He let out a deep breath. “Not good. I don’t even know why she bothered coming here this morning.”
I nodded and spotted her across the hall at her locker. I wanted to go up to her and say something. I didn’t know what—but the urge to talk to her wasn’t leaving me alone. Brandon Kelly was hovering over her locker, but she was barely looking at him. Couldn’t this guy take a hint?
“I’ll catch up with you later, dude.” Drew disappeared into a classroom.
I had to piss so bad during Music Theory and swiped a hall pass from Mr. Thompson. After I was done doing my business, I caught Alexa just leaving the main office.
This was my chance. There was no one else around, and she couldn’t ignore me like she did when she came over to the house.
“Hey,” I said.
She didn’t look up at first. “Hey, Ricky.” Her cheeks were all splotchy, and her eyes were puffy.
My heart rate shot up. I hated seeing her this way.
“What’s going on?”
“I’m leaving early. I don’t want to be here. ”
She shuffled past me.
“Lex, wait.”
She stopped and turned around, flopping both hands by her sides.
“I’m really sorry. I still feel really bad about what happened at the—”
She shut her eyes for a few seconds. “I don’t want to think about that ever again. I felt humiliated and just want to forget about it.” I walked a littler closer, but she just kept walking in the opposite direction. “I lost my dad, now his restaurant, and thanks to you, people probably think I’m just another notch on your belt.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but she turned around and hustled down the hall.
I spent the rest of the day in a foul ass mood. I couldn’t wait to hit the weight room after class. Of course, the first fucking face I saw belonged to Brandon Kelly.
He was eyeing me the minute I walked into the room.
Not today, man.
I popped in my ear buds and grabbed a couple of weights. I needed to burn off some of this pent up frustration that was messing with my head.
I started the first rep of curls. The music blared in my ears and muted out whatever was going on around me. I counted in my head, trying to get Alexa’s pissed off face out of my mind.
Ten minutes later, and the battery on my phone died, which meant no more music.
Great. Another wonderful addition to my fucked up day. I finished my set, leaving the buds in my ears. It was too bad for Brandon Kelly that I could hear every word out of his big mouth.
He liked talking shit during the games. Nobody took him seriously. Mostly, we all just laughed.
But this was no fucking baseball game, and he was talking shit about me.
I set the weights down, still listening to Brandon run his mouth. My hands were sweaty, and I wiped them against my shorts. I shook out my hands—my fingers were feeling twitchy. I huddled over a row of dumbbells and took a few deep breaths. I lost all focus when I heard Alexa’s name.
I ripped the ear buds out of my ears and charged at Brandon, knowing there was no talking myself out of what I was about to do.
* * * *
I sat in Mr. Shaw’s office with a swollen hand and a ripped shirt. Sit down and stay put—the exact directions out of his mouth before he went down to the nurse’s office to check on Brandon.
Fucking pussy. I’d barely touched him. Only took one good swing before he ran down the hall. The other guy in the weight room—some JV player—had been too terrified to move. I didn’t make it very far before the security guard had wrangled me up and brought me here.
Mr. Shaw stomped into the room and slammed the door shut. He didn’t bother to sit down.
“That’s it, Ricky.” He made the same move with his hands as the umpire did when you were safe over the plate.
But I wasn’t safe. I was seriously fucked.
I knew it was coming. I knew it before my fist met Brandon’s face. Talk all the shit you want about me. Bring Alexa into it, and you’ll wish you never opened your mouth. I’d make sure of it.
“That was your last strike. You leave me no other choice but to expel you from school. As of today, you are no longer a student at Holy Cross.”
I slouched back in the chair and stretched my fingers, trying to seem as unaffected as possible as he picked up the phone to call my mom.
Chapter Four
June
I never thought I’d say it—but I missed those Catholic school girl uniforms. I’d turned eighteen a week after I’d been kicked out of Holy Cross. Technically, I could have given up on school altogether. But no one loved a high school dropout. Plus, if getting kicked out of school didn’t do mom in, then the thought of me never graduating would have done it. So, I had enrolled in public school to finish the rest of my senior year. I’d have to go to summer school, but I’d get my diploma when it was over. And that’s all I cared about.
I sat in the school parking lot, waiting for Mia to come out. I’d promised her I’d pick her up on her last day.
My eyes scanned all the faces flooding the parking lot. A few girls waved but no one came up to the car.
Mia came trotting toward the car, looking happy as hell to be out for the summer.
“Finally,” she said, plopping in the seat. “Practically three months of freedom.” She slipped off her shoes.
“What the hell are you doing?” I said, cringing.
“Taking off these stuffy knee socks.” She stripped them off one at a time.
“You’ll smell the car up.”
She scrunched her face. “My feet do not smell.” She dangled a sock in front of my face.
