by Anne Mercier
"I loved her," he whispers brokenly.
I nod. "She loved you too, " I tell him.
"We waited. We wanted to be sure, you know? So we didn't ruin our friendship. Stupid. So much wasted time," he mutters more to himself than me. Then he looks up at me, giving me strength to do what I never imagined I'd have to.
"I don't want to see him like that. I-I don't know if I can," I murmur, tears still falling. I don't even notice them anymore.
"You have to. If he's just unconscious, we need to help him. The ambulance is almost here," he informs me, and when I listen, I can hear the siren is louder, closer. I've tuned it all out… it's all a void. Everything around us is nonexistent.
I take a deep breath, then a second, knowing this is going shatter me. I know he's gone. I just know.
I move the light behind Simon and I let out a piercing scream. I can't help it. I feel as if my body sucked in and then expanded, exploding into a million pieces. I ache clear down to my bones.
"Fuck. What, Liv? What?!" he yells, bringing me back from the pain, so excruciating I can't breathe and I know I’m going to end up living there for a long time.
I try to speak, finally the words come. "A tree branch… it went right thorough his neck," I tell him and Simon howls at the injustice of it all. They've all been taken from us. For what? By who?
We were so good about it, the drinking. We were responsible, always having a DD, rotating each time there was a drinking party. We knew we wouldn't be able to live with ourselves if we'd hurt or killed someone by driving drunk.
I can't help but wonder if the people in the other cars were drinking. Were they people we knew? Graduated with?
I lean down and kiss Simon's forehead when he groans in pain.
"You're going to be fine. They're right there. I can see the lights around the bend."
He shakes his head, his breathing labored, his eyes glazing over.
They need to hurry. God, please hurry.
"I'm not going to make it, Liv. I lost too much blood. It's cold… so cold," he whispers.
"Don't you dare die on me, Simon Meerdink! You're all I've got left! I don't know how to live without you!" I wail, begging him to stay with me.
He smiles a little. "You do too. You've always been the toughest of all of us."
"Don't leave me alone. Please, don't leave me all alone," I beg.
He coughs and blood trickles out the corner of his mouth. "You'll," gasp for breath, "never," gasp for breath, "be alone." He struggles to breathe, looking me in the eyes and I hold steady for him. Knowing he needs me to. "We'll," breath, "always be," chest-heaving breath, "there with you." Deep breath. "Always."
And then the last of his breath whispers out and I scream. I scream at the paramedics who finally arrive, swearing and saying things I don't even remember. I'm too busy praying. "Please, God. Please." Maybe they can bring him back. He's only been gone a few minutes.
"Hurry! Help!!!" I scream so hard my entire body heaves.
A big man in a paramedic uniform finally makes his way to me, running quickly. "Miss, you need to sit down."
"Not me, don't look at me. Him, Simon, the driver. Help him! He just stopped breathing. Help him!"
He nods and turns to help Simon.
Please, God. Please. I go to church. I pray. I believe. Please. Please. Please. I keep screaming "please" over and over in my head, watching and waiting. He puts his fingers on Simon's neck and I know. I'm alone.
"I’m sorry," the big man says.
I keep screaming "please, no," in my head, so loud it hurts my ears. When a second paramedic comes up, grabbing my shaking body, that's when I realize the screaming wasn't in my head.
"Miss, stop. Stop!" he orders, but I can't. Can't he see that? Can't he see that they're all gone… all gone and I'm alone. My friends, my life as I knew it is over. How do I move on after this? Can I? Do I even want to?
I ignore them when they try to tell me what to do. I can't move and I can't stop screaming and crying. The pain is down deep to my soul.
"… her leg. …sedative so we can treat… drivers were drunk… she's the only survivor…"
Then the haze begins to form around the edges of my vision, like on TV when they fade out slowly. The blur gets bigger, filling up the screen until it's all that's left, and then I begin to fade to black. I welcome to black. The darkness will take the pain. The darkness means nothingness and I want to be nothing right now. I am nothing.
They're all gone.
I'm not sure when Cam pulled me onto his lap, but that's where I am now as I struggle to come back to the here and now instead of the nightmare that I can't seem to fully escape.
I blink steadily, breathing deeply, tears streaming, my body shaking.
I look up at Cam whose eyes, those gorgeous green eyes, are filled with moisture. I watch as one lone tear falls down his cheek. I wipe it away. I don't want him to shed any tears. I look away, over to Alexa who's crying silently on the sofa.
"Now you know," I tell her hoarsely.
"I didn't want you to go there, Olivia," she pleads. "I never wanted you to go back to that nightmare. Promise me you'll never go there again. Promise me."
I shake my head. "I can't promise that. I go there in my nightmares and sometimes in my daymares. I'm not free of the past just yet."
"How are you still sane?" she asks, and I don't answer. I don't have one.
I'm not sure if it's because I'm not ready or because I hadn't told anyone the whole story until now that I'm still not free of those nightmares. They should have decreased in intensity but instead they seem to be unchanging. At least they're not getting worse.
"They didn't get to walk away from that accident, but I did. I didn't walk away just broken mentally, but also physically."
I strip off my top and Alexa sucks in a breath at the sight of all my cuts.
I look at Cam as he watches stoically. "I don't know how much you saw of this. It's always been dark or with low light, but you should see it all."
I turn around and Alexa gasps again.
"That's not all," I tell her with a mirthless laugh. I unbutton my jeans and struggle pulling the wet material down my legs. Finally, off come my socks.
I stand before Lex and Cam in my panties and bra, my wet hair dripping down my back, the cold water making me shiver.
"First, there's the broken leg. You both knew about that, I'm sure. But there are two long scars. They put two metal plates in because the bones were totally broken." I point to the one on my thigh and the other on my shin, wondering, myself, how I managed to pull myself over to Simon and stand there for so long.
"There is a bright spot, though," I tell them. "You see, there was glass everywhere and I didn't notice. I was in shock and numb—at least that's what they told me. I mean, otherwise how could I have not felt this?" I ask, lifting the leg that was broken and showing them the bottom of my foot.
Cam mutters under his breath, his hands clenching into fists. That's not what I wanted. I don't want him to be angry or sad. I just want them to finally know.
"Don't," I tell him and he looks up in surprise. "Don't get bent out of shape over it. Please. It's done. Over. And that bright side I was telling you about? The foot that was cut so deep is on the leg I broke which meant I was able to get around on crutches since this foot," I break off, lifting the other, "only had superficial ones that didn't even leave scars."
"You already saw this one on my side. This one on my chest?" I point out, noticing Cam is staring at it. He lifts his gaze to mine. "They told me I must have went through the windshield and cut it on the glass. I had a crash landing against a tree… with my leg… then falling to the ground and landing on my back which is how I got…" I trail off, turning around to show them the two other cuts on my back, "these. All the others were scratches really. These were pretty deep, layered closures and all that fun stuff. I was out cold when they fixed me up. I don't remember a thing, not for two days after I went all hysterical an
d they had to sedate me."
"So, this is me. The scars will fade over time becoming less red, but I'll always know they're there. They'll serve as a reminder of the people I lost because some adult assholes chose to get behind the wheel of a car drunk and act like irresponsible teens. They were in their early thirties, the ones that were racing drunk. Did you know that?" I ramble.
Cam shakes his head.
"Yep. We listened and did the right thing—teenagers. And they did the wrong thing—adults. Isn't that fucked up?"
Alexa comes up behind me, wrapping my bathrobe around me, and I'm thankful. I was starting to shiver.
"Thank you, Lex," I tell her and she hugs me so tight I can barely breathe.
"I'm sorry for everything you've had to go through and I'm really glad you're alive," she tells me and I nod.
She pulls back and walks to her room, grabbing her purse. "I'll be back later." And like that, she's gone, leaving only me and Cam.
I can't help but think how crazy it is that it's Cameron Stone who's soothing me right now as he holds me close. It's Cameron Stone who I trusted to share my pain as I purged the horror of that night. It's Cameron Stone who I've fallen in love with.
I step back to look at him silently. Him, with those emerald eyes filled with emotion I can't decipher, and those full lips pressed together as if to keep his words in, and I wonder if maybe I loved him a little all along.
I need to… there are things I need to do before I can tell him. I can't move forward until I stop looking backward. That isn't fair to him or me.
Tomorrow I need to go.
CHAPTER 1
7
"I’m much more me when I'm with you."
- Unknown
Cameron
I have never imagined something so horrifying as what Olivia had to live through. Like Alexa said, how is it she's still sane? I'm not sure I would have come out of something like that as whole as she has.
I shake my head. She's so much stronger than I ever gave her credit for, than she even realizes. She's incredible.
She stands here shivering, just looking at me, and I wish I could tell what she's thinking. Is it good or bad? Is it even about me?
"You need to warm up," I tell her.
She nods then takes my hand and leads me to her room.
"That's not what I meant, Liv. I don't—"
She cuts me off with a press of her finger to my lips.
"Shh. You can warm me up."
She drops the robe, bra, and panties and then she's under the covers while I'm still standing here like a dummy.
I take off my t-shirt and my sweatpants, but I leave on my boxer briefs. I'm not sure what she wants or needs from me right now, but whatever it is, it's hers.
I slide in beside her and she immediately snuggles up on me. I suck in a breath when her cold flesh meets mine.
"Damn, you're freezing," I tell her, stating the obvious. Her teeth chattering. I roll to my side and pull her icy body into mine, wrapping my arms and the blankets snugly around her, warming her as best as I can.
"Oooh, you're so warm," she purrs.
"You stayed in those wet clothes for too long."
"I know, but I wasn't thinking about that."
I nod. "I know."
We snuggle in silence for a few minutes before she breaks it.
"What are you thinking? Do you think I'm a disaster now?" she asks.
"I thought you were a disaster before," I tease and she lightly pinches my side. "No, I don't think you're a disaster. I think you're incredible. I don't know how you made it through, but I'm glad you did," I tell her, my chin resting on top of her head as she burrows deeper into me.
"For the longest time I'd wished I died with them. I was lost, you know? I mean, we'd all been best friends our entire lives and now I was the only one left. I was alone and I didn't know how to be—I never had to be before," she confesses.
"You were inseparable."
She nods.
"I hated finding you like that. Drunk and so… I don't know. Broken is how you seemed. You were giving up."
She nods again. "I had no idea it was you but I'm glad it was."
"No one else knew where to look," I tell her, her shivering stopped, her hands gliding over my body. Shit. Now is not the time to get hard but her hands feel so good, her naked body pressed against mine. Fuck.
"I'm warming," she murmurs against my chest.
"Good." I'm silent for a minute, debating whether or not I should tell her. I let out a sigh, knowing I have to.
"That's an awfully heavy sigh."
"Yeah. Liv, there's something I need to tell you."
She immediately stiffens and who can blame her? Usually after those words are muttered bad shit is said.
"Cam… you said we could always tell each other anything, right?" she asks.
"Anything."
She sits up, the blankets falling from her naked body, the light in the corner illuminating parts of her bare skin while other parts of her are mere silhouettes. Damn, she's beautiful.
"I want you to touch me, Cam, warming me inside and out."
I wasn't expecting that. "Liv…"
"I need you, Cameron. Your hands touching my body just now and the smell of you… it makes me want you," she confesses.
"Well, when you put it like that," I answer with a smirk. Who am I to deny her when I want the same thing. I'll tell her after…
I pull her on top of me completely so she's straddling me. When she feels how hard I am, she wiggles against my cock.
"Shit," I wrap my arms around her upper body, pulling her in for a kiss. I want to take my time with her this time. No rushing. I want to learn her body and what she likes—something I've never taken the time to do with other chicks.
Rolling us, I hover over her, kissing down her neck. Her legs lift and wrap around the back of my thighs. I kiss down further to her chest, along the jagged scar the doctors took time and care to sew closed. Jesus, I think when I realize it's over the left side of her chest. As deep as it was, she's lucky she didn't cut something in there—an artery or her heart.
I lick and nibble at it and she squirms.
"Is this okay? It doesn't hurt?" I ask.
"No, keep going."
I do. Kissing between her tits, which are perfect—not too big and not too small. I cup one, using my thumb to circle her puckered nipple. I shift so the light hits her body. I want to see her. Know her.
Her nipples are a dusky rose, hard and waiting for my mouth. I suck one into my mouth, swirling my tongue around, and she moans for me. The sound of her moans are incredible—low and throaty. They make me want to plunge into her and fuck her hard.
Not this time. She shared everything with me today. This time it's about more than lust.
Slowly I make my way down her abdomen and she freezes.
"Liv?"
"It's okay… I-I'm just. I only had that done a couple times and never for long so it's new," she confesses.
"I'll go slow. If you don't like it, just let me know and I'll stop."
"Okay."
I'm almost there but I divert to her right thigh, kissing, licking, sucking then moving to the left and treating it to the same. I nudge her legs apart with my hands, then shoulders, and she spreads them willing. She's so timid, almost as if she and Danny didn't really fuck a lot. I wonder if his being a lousy drunk had something to do with that. She didn't seem happy with him when she told the story about the accident. I wonder if she consciously realizes that.
I nuzzle my nose into her soft curls, then I use my hands to pull her open, baring her sweet pussy to me. I, again, shift, so I can get a look at her—the heart of her. She's uncomfortable but she'll have to get used to it. I'll never get tired of looking at her.
I don't give her a warning. I just lean in and lick her from her opening all the way up to her clit, giving that hard nub some soft flicks. I love listening to her breath catch like that. Sliding one hand over, I gently push
a finger inside her, licking around her opening, her folds, then back to her clit.
She moans when my finger's as far as it can go, her hips lifting and I don't think she even knows she's doing it. Fuck, she's sexy. I raise my gaze and watch her—her eyes closed, lips parted, hair spread out on the pillow, and then she moans and my cock throbs. I grind my hips into the mattress and moan with her.
She's meeting the thrusts of my finger steadily now, so I slip in another.
"Oh, yes. Mmm, that's so good," she moans.
I'm so turned on by that sound, the need to make her come is all I can think about, all I want.
I use my tongue on her while my fingers fuck her deeper, harder. I want her there, at the edge, begging.
"Please, Cam, please…"
Just like that. I curl my fingers inside her, searching for that one spot that will drive her wild, and when I find it, she gasps.
"Ohmigod. Cam," she cries out and I focus, harder, softer, then steadily. I look up just as she flies apart, screaming out her pleasure, her pussy clamping tight around my fingers, her cheeks flushed.
I ease her back down, then slowly remove my fingers, leaning in to taste her. She lets out a soft whimper and I thrust my tongue inside her. She says something I can't understand and I grin, making my way up her body, to her gorgeous face.
What she does to my heart is something I've never felt before and it scares the fuck out of me. But I know I want this. I want her. I hope she wants more than just this, that she'll want something long-term because I'm in this for the long haul.
"You're so beautiful when you come, Kitten."
She blushes. "Gawd, what do I say to that? Thank you?"
I can't stop the laugh.
"You don't have to say anything." I tug down my boxer briefs and reach into the bedside table where we decided to keep the condoms. After I put it on, Liv straddles my lap. "You want to be in charge?" I ask with a grin.
"Yup," she answers, sass in her tone.
"Have at it," I tell her, positioning my cock at her opening, waiting for her to sink down and take me inside her.
