“Is that ever enough?” he asked. “Is there any way to wipe my hands clean? You don’t know how much I’ve thought about it, wondered how to atone. There’s no way out. I can’t see a way to make up for my crimes.”
“That isn’t you anymore,” I said. “You suffered for a long time, and you were reborn. You’re different.”
“You’re wrong about me. If I was so different, you would never be this close to me,” he said, his eyes half-closed. “I would have sent you somewhere else, somewhere safer.”
“You’re my friend.”
“No, I’m not.” He leaned over and pressed his lips against mine for a split second then jumped to his feet. “I’ll organise your quarters. You can stay in the same room as before.”
He stormed out of the room, leaving me struggling to understand the burning in my veins.
***
Fiadh and I watched through her window as a group of soldiers dressed in green armour prepared to leave to check on Vix’s information about the ships. Brendan moved amongst them, making sure to address each soldier personally. They smiled or bowed in response, but all of them looked eager to please him. I understood the pull of his charm. My fingers moved to my lips in the memory of his brief kiss. But I couldn’t think about that yet. There was too much going on, and I couldn’t afford to read too much into the actions of a spoiled faery king.
Since Brendan had been doing his best to avoid me, I had sought sanctuary with the only Darksiders in the Green Court. Fiadh wasn’t cruel or obnoxious, and her warrior, Conn, was quiet and steady. Their protectiveness over Fiadh’s child made me feel safer with them than with anyone else.
I traced my finger across the glass. “They didn’t believe me about the ships. Vix warned me, and I did my best, but they don’t trust me. This is all I managed to convince them to do.”
“At least they’re doing this. And Vix was certain?”
“She was worried. She wants Scarlet to stay safe, I think. If this happens the way it might, then nowhere in either realm will be safe. Let’s hope these soldiers find out quickly, either way.”
“What if they don’t return in time?” she murmured.
“Then pray Vix was wrong, or lying, or something.”
“I don’t think she was lying.”
I sighed. “Neither do I. How’s Setanta doing?”
“Good. He’s happy he has a playmate. The daoine sídhe’s child is boisterous and strong, but she’s gentle with Setanta, almost as if she senses he needs a little extra care. He enjoys watching her run, I think, and it pushes him to try harder. Conn took them both to the gardens. The girl listens to him far more often than me. I suppose that makes sense. She’s being raised by warriors.”
“Her father was human,” I said. “And I’m human, so what makes our children fae?”
She gestured at the window. “The air we breathe, perhaps. In this world, we see what we want to see. I want to see my boy run and play without help. Sometimes, it seems as though he’s improving, then the melancholy will hit him, and he’ll retreat again. It’s the misery I don’t know how to treat. The taint causes so much unhappiness.”
“Ever think about getting him a pup or a kitten or something? I read somewhere that it can help.”
She smiled. “Your human books know about tainted children?”
I shrugged. “Children are children, tainted or not. It was just a suggestion.”
“And I thank you for it.”
A knock at the door startled me, but Fiadh strode calmly toward the door, her full-length black skirt barely rustling. She was elegant, regal even, and I felt I could learn from her.
“It’s our tea,” she said softly as a servant stepped into the room carrying a tray. She motioned me to a chair beside the table. “Sit, my lady.”
The cups rattled at the words “my lady.”
“Is there a problem?” Fiadh asked sharply.
The servant shook her head, left the tray on the table, and fled.
When the woman was gone, Fiadh joined me at the table. “Not a fan of Darksiders, perhaps.”
I shrugged. “To be fair, I got the same reaction from Sadler’s staff half the time.”
Fiadh poured out the tea. “Well, you must understand they had been hearing rumours about you. We all had. A new story reached us from court almost every day.”
“Most of them were good to me by the end. The Darkside isn’t what everyone makes it out to be.”
She shivered. “Yet in some ways, it’s so much worse.”
“What about what’s coming from across the sea? Is that worse than I’ve heard?”
“What have you heard?”
“That something terrible lives there, and nobody knows what. That the daoine sídhe were chased out of their homes and ended up here.”
“What was left of them,” she said. “They claimed to be a great race of people when they arrived. But their numbers dwindled during the war until a small number of them found a way to escape. They feared something terrible lived here, too, but they survived and settled. My grandfather used to tell me many great stories, but I didn’t believe them all.” She lifted her cup. “Now, I’m not so sure.”
“How did you end up in the Darkside?” I asked. “I mean, you seem so… so…”
She laughed. “Perhaps you shouldn’t finish that sentence. The Darkside crept onto my family’s land. Once you’re caught in its grasp, there’s nothing left for you. Sadler had been secretly growing his troops and subjects, biding his time. He must be a very patient man. When I was young, the darkness was beginning to grow, but something happened to our land when it did. The darkness spread scarily quick, and the soil stopped working. Sadler promised us his help, and he sent us to stay at his queen’s court. But my grandfather became impatient, so we returned. By the time we got back, Sadler had taken over our home. He killed every male in my family. I was the only one left. He promised I could live and keep my home as long as I married a man of his choosing. I had such pride in my home and in the memory of my grandfather that I agreed, thinking that one day I could restore our title.”
“But he chose Glic.”
“Glic.” Her upper lip curled. “Barely a man. Noble by default. And I had nothing, so I was reduced to his level. I had lived alone in that wretched house for so long that the misery had engulfed me. It wasn’t so bad at the castle, but after I agreed to marry Glic, he sent me home and abandoned me there as soon as I grew pregnant. I was alone again, but I had my child to care for. And Conn remained with me. Sometimes, I believe the taint doesn’t affect him at all. He’s the same, no matter what happens. I let myself be taken by the blight on my home, and it’s only now that I’m free that I see Sadler must have interfered somehow. The darkness couldn’t have spread so quickly without outside help.”
“I hear that it’s spreading quickly again, that maybe my journey to the Fade made it worse.”
“Perhaps it did, but I wouldn’t put anything past Sadler. He cares nothing for anyone. He’s consumed by his own hatred. I’m sorry you were forced to marry him.”
“And you, Glic.” I chuckled. “I think I got the better deal.”
She smiled. “You have your own troubles to bear. At least my child is with me. How are you coping?”
“I’m not. I’m just… functioning. I’m walking, breathing, talking when I have to, but my mind is elsewhere. As soon as this is over, I’ll be with her again. That’s what I live for.”
She gave me a pitying look. “Have you made plans for an escape in case ships do arrive?”
“No. I suppose I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that. You’re free to stay or go, you know. You don’t have to stick around because of the Scarlet thing.”
“I know,” she said softly. “But it’s best for Setanta to stay here for now.”
I shivered as I reached for my cup. “Do you think I did what was best for my daughter?”
“You’re the only one who can answer that.” She hesitated. “You miss her terr
ibly. I can see it in your eyes every time I look at you.”
“I feel like a piece of me is just… gone. I’ve never felt anything like this before.”
“I heard what happened at the dinner,” she said. “The idea of marriage between King Brendan and your child. Arranged marriages have been part of our beliefs for a long time. We are matched to someone worthy, and the world keeps turning.” She sighed. “That’s how I ended up with a husband like Glic instead of Conn.”
“I had a feeling there was something between you.”
“Oh, there’s nothing. He won’t damage my reputation.” She grinned. “Damn him.”
“If I ever have any power, that’ll be the first thing I fix. There’s not enough love in the fae realm. That’s everyone’s problem.”
“You have power.”
“Not enough to help anyone I care about.”
“Don’t underestimate yourself. You wielded a kind of power over Sadler. There was a difference in him.”
“He’s crazy. If anything, I made him worse.”
She cocked her head. “It’s funny, but you would make a better leader than he.”
“Don’t spread the word.” I laughed. “I just want a peaceful life.”
“Yet you keep ending up back here.”
“Well, I’ve never been smart.”
“You’re smart enough to have survived being Sadler’s wife.”
I held up my ringed fingers. “That hasn’t quite played out yet.”
She rubbed her bare ring finger. “I took off my rings when I came here. They’re heirlooms, all I have left of my family, but it feels wrong for me to wear them when I feel so trapped by them. I hoped to keep them for Setanta to give to his bride, but what kind of woman will want to marry a broken, tainted man?”
I reached out and squeezed her hand. “One who’s actually good enough for him.”
“You’re so kind to us. It’s hard to understand sometimes.” She nodded. “And is the stress and worry in your eyes all for your daughter?”
“No.” I let a breath whoosh out of me. “I think she’s safer than anyone else. I’m worried about the Darksiders who are stuck with Sadler. They’ll be the first to die. And I’m worried about Brendan. He’s beating himself up over the past, and I don’t know how to help him. Then Drake…” I shook my head. “He’s not the man I thought he was.”
“He hasn’t claimed your daughter as his own. That was cruel, but perhaps he feels it’s necessary to protect her. A child of a king has the most to fear from the woman whose children will have the same claims.”
I stared at her. “You think Sorcha is a danger to my daughter?”
“If she has children?” She shrugged. “You’ve seen enough cruelty to know how this world works.”
“I can’t let her hurt Scarlet.”
“I know,” she whispered. “And the Darksiders won’t stand for it either. Do you understand me?”
“What are you saying, Fiadh?”
She held my gaze. “Deorad was nothing. I know you killed him, but I don’t blame you. It was a kindness he didn’t deserve, if I’ve heard the truth. But this child has a name. She’s an heir. Her loss won’t be tolerated. If she is killed by either of the other courts, Darksiders will rage against the murderer, be it queen or servant. And if the Darksiders kill his queen, the Silver King won’t need an excuse to start a war. If he kills Sadler, the Darksiders will be forced to fight for their own survival, but they won’t win. It’s impossible. And if these reinforcements of Sadler’s land, who is to say they won’t ravage the land and everything in it?” She leaned closer and lowered her voice. “If you want the Darksiders to survive, then you have to control the outcomes. You’re the only person in the war councils who cares what happens to the Darkside. You’re all they have to depend on.” She leaned back in her chair.
“How do I do any of that?” I asked, my voice trembling.
“By playing the game. Don’t be fooled. I have a stake in this. I want my home back. I want my son to be free to move around the realm without worrying his father or Sadler will snatch him. None of us are unbiased, so choose your advisers wisely. But know this: you might see yourself as human, but you’re a part of our world now.” She reached out and picked up my left hand. “These rings claim you. The fact that you still wear them means you have accepted that claim. Your daughter could be a true queen one day, but she needs you to pave the way.”
“Queens and kings have a habit of dying around here,” I said wryly. “Why would I want that for my child?”
“Because it will give her power that nobody else owns. She’ll be able to protect herself even after you’re gone.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because you need to hear it from someone other than yourself.”
I flinched.
Her smile spread. “I knew. As soon as I met you in Sadler’s court, I knew.”
“Knew what?”
“That you were the one who could change everything. We’d been waiting so long for change, and then you appeared. You have something that most fae pretend they don’t—a heart without weakness. And I don’t envy you, Cara. This is going to be a long and difficult road. But if your daughter becomes queen of the Darkside, I will pledge my fealty to her. You will have an ancient house at your back. Titles sometimes count, especially when they have strength on their side.”
I gazed at Fiadh and saw how calculating she could be. I had more to learn from her than just grace.
I nodded, but a shiver ran down my spine. I wasn’t sure whose side I was supposed to be on anymore.
Chapter Seven
I strolled through the rose garden, trying to figure out who I could trust and what I had to do to survive. I couldn’t imagine Brendan doing anything to hurt my daughter, but he was a desperate king with a dark past. He was upfront about the fact that power had changed him, and his kissing me was just an attempt to control me. Did I really know what anyone was capable of? I had been so wrong about Drake. Líle had seemed sincere when she offered to kill Sorcha for me, but I had to wonder if she’d been sent by Drake as a means to free him of the banshee and give him free rein to start a war. If I counted as a Darksider, then I could have been the instigator. I could have ruined everything with one word.
I was out of my depth. I wasn’t trusted, and I didn’t belong—not with Drake, not with Brendan, not with any of my faery friends. I was seeing them in a different light, and I couldn’t tell whether it had to do with the taint in my veins or not. I kept remembering the mirror, how I had looked and the darkness in my eyes. I didn’t want to be that person. I didn’t want blood on my hands.
But what if it hadn’t been a warning of a possible future path? Maybe the mirror had been helping me by showing me the only way to survive. To beat the fae, I had to act like one. And the thought of going up against Sadler gave me a weird kind of thrill. I wanted to face him again, but as someone who wasn’t completely powerless or friendless. I wanted to fight back. I wanted to be a person the fae couldn’t easily use. I needed power.
“You look as though the entire world is weighing on your shoulders,” a familiar voice said.
With a fright, I looked to my left and saw someone I hadn’t expected to see again. But he looked… different. That line of colour around his over-sized pupils was once again sky blue instead of white. Bart grinned and performed a little bow. Perhaps I only imagined it, but his back didn’t seem as hunched as before.
“I thought you were dead,” I said breathlessly, rushing over to him. “You were about to die. I saw them raise their swords against you.”
His smile turned cocky. “I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Never worry about that. And how are you, my lady?”
“How am I? Holy crap! I feel like I’m talking to a ghost.”
His laughter rang out. I glanced around to see if anyone was nearby, but we were completely alone. I shifted uneasily, wondering how he had gotten past Brendan’s soldiers.
; “You’ve nothing to fear from me,” he said as if sensing my discomfort. “I won’t harm a hair on your head. But I heard you had returned and had to see for myself. And here you are, as if no time had passed. Are they treating you better here than we did at the Dark Court?”
“Everything’s… fine,” I said, unsure of what to say to him. Bart was a Darksider but different.
“You looked worried on your lonely walk,” he said. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
I shook my head. “You helped me escape from Sadler. Why?”
He shrugged. “I enjoyed the mayhem that followed. The birds sing of an heir to the Dark Court, a daughter. Is she well?”
“Very. No taint. She’s just a regular human baby.”
He showed his teeth. “I doubt that. Walk with me. We have much to speak about.” He took my arm and led me farther away from the castle. “I don’t want to be seen by the Green ones. I’m of the dark, after all.”
“So am I,” I murmured.
He glanced at me. “We’ll see about that. The warriors here look alert. I take it you’ve heard news of Sadler’s plans.”
“What do you know, Bart?”
His nostrils flared. “He makes deals he doesn’t understand. The dead are coming to fight his war.”
“The dead?”
“It’s complicated. Unique. And it’s hard for the fae to understand because the last time this was attempted, those responsible were buried, and even that story is a myth. This world is older than any of them even dare to dream.” His lips twisted into a scowl. “And these ships, these reinforcements, may appear to come from lands across the sea, but they are instead risen from the water, revived from the Nether’s touch.”
“Are you serious? How is that even possible?”
“Almost anything is possible for a god, and Sadler’s god isn’t restrained by many rules. Chaos never is, and Sadler’s actions have fed Chaos, giving him a lot of power. What happens next will have irrevocable consequences.”
“What does happen next?”
Usurper (Chaos #4) Page 7
