“Let’s focus on you, Darius. How did that make you feel?”
Clenching his back teeth, Darius’s jaws flinched. “Sad. But that’s when Ma Dear started loving me.”
“Who’s that?”
“My deceased grandmother. My mom’s mom.”
“Oh, okay.”
Darius expected Mandy to say she was sorry to hear Ma Dear was dead, but she didn’t so he continued, “Ma Dear always protected me. She told me when I was wrong but she still loved me the same no matter what.”
“Darius, love is not defined by what people do for you. It is what you do for them that counts. The sparkle in your mother’s eyes for your dad disappeared when you were three years old because the love she wanted to give to your father, she could no longer give. He’d moved on to another woman. Your mother’s sadness internalized into an unspoken rejection. No one wants to feel rejected. Your sparkle is still there. Always has been. But your light inside your mother was blocked by your dad’s light. And you were too young to know how to rekindle that sparkle. It wasn’t your fault. But it’s not too late. You must show your mother that you truly love her. Stop measuring love by what others do for you. Either you love someone or you don’t.”
“I’m an only child. My mother is an only child. And both of her parents were only children. I have one person I’d like to be a friend to. I have a lot of issues. When I was twenty, I found out that the man I thought was my dad wasn’t my dad, and my real dad was a professional basketball player. I hated my mom for lying. I’ve tried, and although I’m closer to my mom, I don’t think I can forgive her for lying to me.”
Mandy stood and said, “We’ll continue this conversation in our next session.” Shaking Darius’s hand and looking up into his eyes, Mandy said, “People lie all the time, Mr. Jones. I’ll see you next week.”
Darius smiled, but he wasn’t smiling on the inside. “What does that saying, ‘Every broken heart isn’t broken,’ mean?”
“The mind can make the heart believe things that aren’t true. Most people who say ‘I love you’ don’t mean it. They don’t show it. But they’ve said it so much that they believe they’re telling the truth. Insecurities, inadequacies, and fears rip the heart apart, but it’s all in the mind. Not the heart. Good day, Mr. Jones.”
What was the point now in explaining the truth—that Mandy was right, his last name was Williams? Darius stopped at the receptionist desk and scheduled his appointment for next week with Mandy. Walking across the street in a daze, Darius saw a big orange laminated sheet tucked inside his driver’s side window.
“Do NOT attempt to move this vehicle or you will damage your tire.”
“What the fuck?” Looking around, Darius saw a small-framed Asian woman walking toward him.
“Sixty dollas. I remove,” she said, pointing up at a sign that read, Parking For Customers Only.
If his flight to L.A. wasn’t leaving in an hour he’d go inside and straighten this bullshit out. Darius handed the woman three twenty-dollar bills and said, “Hurry up.”
“Next time I charge you double for taking two spaces,” she said, holding up two fingers.
Her comment wasn’t worthy of a response. Racing to the Oakland International Airport, Darius valet-parked his car, ran to the kiosk and retrieved his boarding pass, bypassed the long security line, and followed the flight attendants into their security entrance. During the flight, Darius had time to reflect on his session with Mandy.
Mandy had him thinking and that was good. Leaning against the emergency door, Darius thought about Lance and sat up straight. Darius felt remorse for abusing Ciara. Marrying Ciara only to have access to her business was immature and wrong. Fortunately both of their businesses survived and thrived but he was at fault for stealing Ciara’s heart. Saying “I love you” when he never had.
Flipping through a Sky magazine, the seventy-minute flight breezed by. He’d baited Ciara in but he hadn’t force her to succumb to his charming ways. But a man guilty of misleading or mistreating a woman had to apologize. But was an apology enough? Retrieving his Bentley from short-term parking, Darius thought, what if Ciara granted him the divorce but never forgave him? Hopefully Ciara wasn’t playing any more games to complicate his life. Parking in the lot at the restaurant in Malibu, Darius constantly glanced over his shoulder for police cars, sheriff uniforms, anyone visibly associated with the law.
Ending his college year and basketball season with his team having made it to the Final Four was great, but Darius doubted the team would go beyond the Sweet Sixteen without Lance and him. With Darryl’s help, Lance was going to play professionally in Switzerland earning almost a million dollars a year.
Smiling at the hostess, Darius said, “Reservation for Darius Williams.”
“Are you sure your reservation is for today?” she asked, scanning the list.
“Check Ciara Monroe.”
“Oh, here you are, right this way, sir.”
En route to the table, Darius avoided staring at the sexy women in thong swimwear playing volleyball on the beach. To Darius’s surprise, Ciara had reserved a window table for two. Briefly Darius closed his eyes. The warm afternoon sunshine toasted his freshly shaved face.
Opening his eyes, Ciara looked amazing, strolling toward Darius dressed in a tapered crisp white business suit resembling the outfit she’d worn the day they’d met. Except today she’d worn a skirt that stopped several inches above her knees.
“To say you recently had a baby, you look great,” Darius complimented her, pulling out a chair for Ciara. “Must be some sort of afterglow.”
Lifting a brow, Ciara said, “Thanks, so do you. I know you’re glad the basketball season is over so you can find out which NBA team you’ll be playing on.”
“Yeah, I am excited. But honestly, I’m more excited that you agreed to sign the divorce papers.”
Ciara’s hair was amazingly straight and layered against her head. Her luscious lips were covered in brown with a shimmering glittery gloss. Her breasts, bigger than before. Man, that kid was lucky.
Breaking his concentration, Ciara said, “Darius, the reason I wanted to see you was to tell you that I still love you. I’m not sure I’m ready to be a single parent.”
“I can respect that. But I don’t think it’s me you love,” Darius said, not wanting to have a relationship conversation with Ciara. “Let’s open the results to our paternity test and then continue this discussion.”
Lord, please, please, please. If the homeless lady was correct, and so far she was, then Ciara’s child was not his. Removing the envelope from his pocket, Darius picked up the knife and slid the tip into the small opening on the side. The ridges sawed along the top from side to side. Carefully he removed the enclosed letter. Staring at Ciara, Darius unfolded the bottom, then the top of the page. Glancing at the results, Darius smiled, shaking his head, knowing his Ma Dear was smiling, too. He was not the father of Ciara’s child.
“Let me see that,” Ciara insisted, reaching for the paper.
Gladly Darius’s fingers released the page.
“This can’t be true. The only other person I was with was Solomon,” Ciara whispered. “And he’s dead.” Pleading, Ciara said, “Darius, you have to be the father. Even if he’s not your son. My baby won’t have a daddy.”
What in the hell was wrong with women wanting him to raise their kids? First Ashlee when she thought Kevin was the father, now, of all people, Ciara, the woman who practically hated him. Then claimed she loved him. Which one was it?
“I’m not willing to do that. I care for you but it’s time we part and move on with our lives. Ciara, I’m in love with Fancy. And I want to marry her.”
Tossing the paper on the table, Ciara hung her purse on her shoulder and scooted to the edge of her seat. “I’ll call you after the draft selection.”
Darius yelled, “Ciara, you are not going to force me to be a father to someone else’s child!”
Whispering, Ciara stood over Darius, star
ed down into his eyes, and said, “You can go to jail or raise this baby. The choice is yours.” She walked away.
Gripping Ciara’s arm, Darius said, “Wait. Sit down. Let’s talk,” then released his grip. Exhaling, Darius said, “I don’t how to be a good father to your son and be a true friend to the woman I love. What if you want more than I have to give?”
“You can start by visiting the baby once a week.” Ciara spoke like she was dictating to her secretary.
Frowning, Darius asked, “The baby. What’s his name?”
Ciara smiled, then said, “Darius Jones-Monroe.”
Darius stood, shaking his head, and said, “Give the child his real father’s name,” then left the restaurant. He might need to call Mandy before next week. Ciara’s decision not to sign the papers had nothing to do with the baby or Darius. Any single woman raising a child alone wasn’t completely happy. That’s why his mother married Lawrence. Maybe she loved Lawrence enough to be his wife, but more importantly she wanted a steady companion. Darius couldn’t remember his mother ever dating before Lawrence. Not that she didn’t; Moms didn’t want to introduce him to any man who wasn’t going to be a part of their lives. With all the gossip in Hollywood about Ciara being a single parent and a lesbian, Ciara wanted a celebrity husband to complement her and hush the film industry media critics.
Darius drove along Santa Monica Boulevard and dialed Fancy.
“Hey, Darius! Where are you?”
Why did women always question a man’s whereabouts immediately after saying hello? “Just chillin’. Missing you. You ready for our trip to London this weekend?”
“For sure, daddy. I can’t wait to pounce on your big dick while we’re in the sky. I’ll give you a sample when you get home.”
“So is that all you want your future husband for?”
“Not at all. But Slugger does add appeal to your proposal.”
Darius had so much on his mind that Slugger was limp. He sighed, then said, “The ten-hour flight will give us time to talk.”
“Talk? What’s wrong?” Fancy asked.
“Nothing’s wrong. We just need to discuss a few details. That’s all.” Fancy didn’t know about Desire, or that that was why Darius was going to London—to find out if Desire’s son was his. Although Darius doubted Desire had told the truth, he had to make certain he didn’t have children out in the world unbeknownst to him. Nor did Darius want any newsbreaks hitting the paper about him before he went pro.
“Oh, no. Whenever you say ‘that’s all,’ that’s not all.”
“You found a wedding gown yet, woman?”
Fancy laughed. The sweet melody in her voice indicated her smile behind the laughter was genuine. “Yes, I have. My mother helped me pick it out. It’s so exquisite and sexy.”
“Don’t have my twins on exhibit. Those are for my eyes only,” Darius said, driving by his house. He wasn’t in the mood to make love.
“Nothing wrong with a little foreplay on your wedding day.”
“I gotta go. I’ll call you back later.”
Darius couldn’t tell Ladycat the truth so he drove to his mother’s house. Maybe Mom could help him come up with a solution to please everybody. One thing was certain, Ciara was going to have to sign the papers whether she wanted to or not. And Desire’s baby, Darius prayed, wasn’t his.
CHAPTER 30
After all the disappointments lingering in her past, today was a day filled with wonderful surprises for Darius and her mother, and Fancy couldn’t resist doing something great for herself. She deserved it. The seventy-five-degree temperature resonating from the bright burst of sunshine made Fancy happier. Gathering her designer purse and keys, Fancy skipped to the elevator, into the garage, and cruised onto the hillside. Pausing momentarily, she shifted her gear into park. The sweeping view of Oakland and San Leandro was calming. Houses, bridges, and freeways were filled with people in transit. Fancy wondered how many little girls in those homes were being abused and how could she help them.
Shifting into drive, Fancy cruised into the driveway at her old condo building on Lake Merritt and waved at Mr. Cabie. “Have a great day!” Fancy yelled, then drove away. The beautiful day graced the outdoors with joggers of all ages, kids on bikes, skateboarders, and roller skaters. Memories of times spent with Darius at her condo warmed her insides. Briefly Fancy thought about Thaddeus. But this was a day to give thanks and be grateful so Fancy refused to allow any negativity into her space.
“Lord, please forgive me,” Fancy whispered, then drove to Caroline’s—oops, she’d meant to say her mom’s—house in East Oakland. Punching in the telephone number for the movers, Fancy inquired, “I’m calling for the estimated time of arrival for the move of Caroline Taylor. When will the driver arrive?”
“Hold, please,” the male clerk said.
A minute later he said, “They’ll be there in about twenty-five minutes.”
“Oh, good. Thanks.”
Fancy parked in front of her mom’s house then knocked on the door. When Caroline opened the door, Fancy stepped backward instead of forward. “Hey, how are you feeling?”
“Fine, considering I don’t have a man. Come in.”
Here we go, Fancy thought, slowly entering the living room and following her mom to the bedroom. This visit wasn’t about her past so Fancy focused on her mother’s concerns, sympathetically asking, “No, what happened?”
Plopping on the bed, Caroline replied, “Marvin told me he loved me. And like a fool I believed him. Now he’s telling me he has a younger woman. Can you believe that?”
Actually, yes. Holding Caroline’s hand, Fancy asked, “What about his baby growing inside of you? He can’t just leave you pregnant like this.”
Caroline rubbed her protruding stomach. “He can. And he did. I don’t know what went wrong. We were so happy together. Baby, I’m too old to raise another child by myself.”
This wasn’t the time to say I told you so, so Fancy hugged her mom tight. Her mother barely knew Marvin. A few drinks, dinners, and good times did not make a woman marriage material. “Everything will be all right, Mom. I have a surprise for you. Hopefully it’ll cheer you up.”
Lazily, Caroline looked up at Fancy, partially smiling, and said, “I hope so. What is it?”
Removing the keys from her purse, Fancy said, “Remember the three-bedroom house in the hills close to my condo that you said you liked?”
Fancy’s mom’s eyebrows lifted as she stretched her spine. “Yeah.”
Handing Caroline the keys, Fancy said, “Well, it’s yours. The movers will be here any minute to move you.”
Caroline stared into her palm. Tears dropped into her bosom. “Today? I haven’t packed a thing.”
“Don’t worry, Mom. You’re expecting. You can’t lift anything heavy. I paid them to pack and unpack everything for you. All you have to do is shower and get dressed. You’re going to L.A. with me today. I have a surprise for Darius.”
The smile on Caroline’s face didn’t erase the hurt sitting in the windows of her eyes. “You’re just full of surprises. Fancy, come here.” Fancy’s mom opened her arms wide. “I love you, Fancy. I always have. You were always so strong and so beautiful. You’ve always taken care of me. Even when I was too drunk to care for myself. I never felt like your mom. It just seemed like when your father and I broke up after I decided to keep you, one day I was single and the next day I was a kid, single with a kid, but not a single parent. I very much wanted to live my life the way I’d always lived it. Partying. Dating. And working just enough to make ends meet and meet the next guy.”
The lump in Fancy’s throat choked her. Fancy wrapped her arms as tight as she could around her mom and cried. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you tell me you love me. I love you, too, Mom. And I forgive you. Please forgive me, too.”
“Forgive you for what?” Caroline asked, heaving over Fancy’s shoulder.
Fancy softly said, “For being ashamed of your obesity. For hating y
ou because you loved your men more. For not trying to understand your pain.”
Caroline’s arms fell into her lap so Fancy sat back and listened.
“Yeah, child. Life for me as a child was rough. You think you had it bad. Not to minimize what I did to you, but I had to clean up from sunrise to sunset. Cook dinner every day from the age of ten. I wasn’t allowed to go to movies or dances, or just play outside with my neighbors. I can’t call them friends because outside of school I never played with them. Fancy, I never told you, but I’ve never graduated from high school. When I turned sixteen, I left home and never went back. Shortly afterward I was pregnant with you. I’d already had one abortion and didn’t want to have another. When my mother died, I didn’t go to the funeral. When my father died, I didn’t go to his funeral. And when I became pregnant with you, I was happy. Until Thaddeus left me. Then when I had you, you were more of a burden than a blessing. Now here I am pregnant again with a child God knows I don’t want.”
God. Getting closer to God didn’t mean that Fancy had to go to church every Sunday. If somehow, some way, she could dedicate her life every day by helping someone else, God would continue blessing her. “If you honestly don’t want your child, I’ll raise my baby brother or sister.”
Caroline hugged Fancy then said, “Fancy, I can’t ask you to do that.”
Hugging her mother again, Fancy said, “You didn’t. I offered. I’d rather raise him or her than have him or her go through what I went through. And you are going to go back to school. I’ll pay for your education.”
Looking at Fancy, Caroline’s eyes sparkled with love. “Was I that bad of a mother?”
“Honestly, yes. Now let’s go see your surprise.”
“I don’t deserve the house. You keep it,” Caroline proudly said, “to help pay for my GED.”
Fancy stood and insisted, “I said, let’s go.”
Caroline showered while Fancy selected the best casual outfit from her mother’s closet. Caroline replaced her slippers with the flat shoes Fancy selected. Greeting the movers on their way out, Fancy said, “Here’s the keys to the new residence. Move everything in. Don’t forget to lock up this house and leave those keys at the new house, too. By the time you finish in about eight hours, we’ll be at the new residence.” Handing the driver a hundred-dollar bill, Fancy said, “Here’s your tip in advance. Earn it.”
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