There was a time, before Libby and drinking and torching as much as he could, as quickly as he could, that he’d promised to make that loving family for himself—the same as he’d been promising to do it for Chloe since she was conceived. How could he have silenced that part of him so completely for so long?
He laid his guitar on the coffee table. He couldn’t bear to have it close. There was only darkness pouring out of him now.
“Walter thinks it’s codependence,” he finally said. “Something about me being so mixed up, I’m more comfortable being miserable and seeing my daughter unhappy than I am risking trying for a different life that I don’t believe I can have.”
Dan frowned again, the way he had their first few meetings with the lawyer, while Law had described in detail what dealing with Libby’s ups and downs had really been like.
“I think Walter’s a very smart man,” Dan said.
Law nodded, taking in his brother’s empathy, accepting how much they had in common still, no matter how different their lives had turned out. He leaned forward in the recliner and rested his elbows on his knees. He dropped his head to his hands. Maybe he’d blown it for good with Kristen. He might not get his second chance with her. But his brother was there now. Dan had always been there, for years, waiting for Law to come to his senses.
Law pushed to his feet and reached into his pocket. He pulled out the business card Walter had left behind at McC’s. He handed it to Dan.
“I don’t think I can do this alone anymore,” he said, parroting Walter’s parting shot. “Would you go with me?”
Dan studied the Al-Anon card. He nodded without looking up. He pulled Law into a bracing hug that felt like brothers and family and…starting over.
“Thank you,” Law said. “For everything. For all of this. I should have said it a long time ago. I’m sorry, Dan. Thank you for never giving up on me.”
“Damn, Law,” his brother said. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Kristen slowed beside the Chandlerville soccer fields on Thursday afternoon. She parked on the street, near the corner of Baxter and Main. Only a handful of other vehicles were there so far. She’d arrived early, leaving work before she should have, hoping to catch Law before the bulk of his new team arrived for their first practice.
She cut her Mustang’s engine and peered through the windshield like a scared girl. Why hadn’t she just called him, like he’d said?
Because you wanted to see the man again, you twit.
Law’s truck was there. Dan’s Mercedes, and Marsha Dixon’s van. And they were all standing together, not far from her, talking like old friends.
She was among friends.
Certainly she could make herself get out of her car and have the conversation she’d come there to have—in public, the same as Law had approached her yesterday. Except she couldn’t get herself out of her car.
Come back to me, he’d said.
She continued to stare. She’d come to tell Law about the rumors she’d heard at school, and how much she’d been afraid it was disturbing Chloe—who’d seemed more isolated from her classmates than ever today, according to Daphne, even though Brooke and Summer had stuck close by her side. The best Daphne could tell, the other girls had been trying to gather details about what everyone else in town was talking about—Law and Kristen being seen together again.
Kristen needed Law to know all of that. She needed him to decide if she was what he really wanted, regardless. If he couldn’t handle this, then he and Kristen even having coffee together in public was so not going to happen.
When he’d been so close yesterday and saying all the things she’d dreamed of him saying—that he wanted her still—she’d let herself hope. Of course, then she’d gone home to her condo and panicked most of the night. Which would have been fine, if she could be sure Law was going to stick this time. She’d come to the park to basically dare him to back away again. But she’d missed him all day, too, doubts and all.
He looked over from where he was leaning against his truck’s grille, one leg lifted, the heel of his tennis shoe propped up on the bumper. And as she had every other time she’d seen him, she softened, wanting him, wanting to feel the unguarded way she did when she was with him.
Steady, girl.
He raised a hand to stall whatever Dan had been saying. Leaving his brother and Marsha to themselves, he walked toward Kristen, a smile on his lips, determination in his eyes. She got out of her car as he approached.
He looked as amazing as always, this time in his practice clothes: a ripped T-shirt that molded to his lean, muscular upper body, and midthigh shorts that spotlighted the ropes of muscle in his legs, plus the perfection that a sport like soccer sculpted from a man’s backside. He didn’t stop moving until he had her in his arms, crushing her mouth in a kiss, with his brother and Marsha looking on, not to mention that Fin and Chloe had to be somewhere close by.
She clung to his shoulders and his taste, letting herself hope that she wasn’t setting herself up to be hurt all over again. When he eased away, she whimpered in protest.
“You’re here,” he said.
“No…” She couldn’t catch her breath. “Yes, but not about us. Not exactly…” She cleared her throat. “I wanted to talk with you face-to-face.”
He grinned. “Well, I’d say we’ve covered the face-to-face part. What did you want to talk about?”
He waited for her to speak. When she couldn’t remember any of the things she’d rehearsed saying on her way over, his smile faded.
“Marsha’s been telling Dan and me about the rumors spreading from yesterday,” he said. “My guess is my ex is initiating the worst of them. I can’t say Dan didn’t warn me. Fin told Marsha that Chloe had it pretty rough at school—the boy’s actually worried about her.”
Kristen smiled. If nothing else happened, the two of them could be proud of helping Fin learn how to belong to other people.
“He and Chloe have become real friends,” she said. “My staff is flabbergasted, but Fin’s stopped trying to one-up the other boys he used to make trouble with. He hasn’t skipped school again. And he and Chloe talk at recess and lunch more than either of them hang with anyone else. Fin’s learning what being a friend is about, because you and Chloe took an interest in him.”
“Because you hauled my butt out of the cave I’d been hiding in”—Law rubbed a strong hand down her arm—“and made me look at someone who had things a lot worse off than I do. You got me involved in this community, in my own life, doing something besides ducking and covering every time Libby turned up the heat.”
“You’ve been a part of Chandlerville since you moved here.” Kristen thought of the kids he’d coached, the lives he’d touched through McC’s, especially the Davis family, and even her own happiness, getting to know Chloe as well as she had through all of this. Because Law had done everything possible to care for his daughter.
She looked over his shoulder to where his brother and Marsha were watching them. Law had looked so relaxed with them when she’d driven up. Something had changed. Something definitely for the better.
“You’re learning to let the rest of us in,” she said. “You’re finally seeing what you could have had all along. I’m so glad.”
He tipped her chin up with his finger, until she was gazing into his stormy eyes.
“Tell me you didn’t come out here in that sexy yellow suit,” he said, “just to talk about Chloe, and how I can now string a few more sentences together when I talk with a friend and my brother. I’m ready to deal with whatever I have to, to have you in my life. Tell me you’re not going to let gossip and Libby’s determination to be the center of attention scare you off. I want all the way in, Kristen. I want to know where this takes us. I want to feel what I feel with you for as long as it’s good for you, no matter what happens next. Tell me you want that, too.”
All the way in…
Kristen nodded her head, feeling her heart flower open, uncurling and reaching toward the light. She brushed his lips with hers again, accepting him, wanting him, needing all of him.
“But what about Chloe?” she asked.
Law braced his hands on his hips, staying close but looking worried. “I have to talk with her about us. She didn’t say a word to me on the way over from school, but I could tell she was upset. I’ve got to try to explain, and then get us both through practice. Some of the other kids on the team are in her class, not just Fin. That might be rough. The only other time I’ve pushed her to talk with me was when she told me about Libby’s drinking…”
Kristen cupped his cheek, rubbed her thumb along the shadow of his beard, bringing his attention back to her. “Talking with Chloe about Libby and me and the two of you, when she doesn’t have to reveal some awful secret she’s been keeping, sounds like a really good thing. Even if it makes things hard for a while, you’ll be talking with her, helping her understand. It will be good for both of you. Have a little faith.”
“You’re good for both of us.” He kissed her palm. “Be here when practice is over?”
Kristen thought of the mound of work waiting for her in her office. She thought of Law and Chloe walking toward her after practice. She wasn’t certain which was making her stomach cramp more.
“I’ll stay as long as I can” was all she could promise.
With his hand curling around her neck, Law leaned in for another kiss. This one lasted longer, a slow caress, until all she could feel or taste or breathe was him. “I’ll come looking for you tonight, regardless. I’ve settled some things with myself and with Dan, and I’m going to settle them with Libby, too, the next chance I get. I’ve let myself off the hook for too long, not expecting more for my life. For Chloe’s. She deserves better. Because of you, I’m beginning to see that we both deserve better.”
He walked toward his truck to pick up a bag of practice balls from the bed. Then he struck off toward the bleachers on the other side of the field, where she could now see Chloe and Fin watching them. Law waved toward Dan and Marsha, not checking to see whether Kristen stayed. She could leave whenever she wanted. But he’d come looking for her tonight, regardless.
Kristen shivered.
She closed her car door and walked along the curb toward Dan and Marsha’s cars.
“You wanna play?” Fin asked Chloe, while they both watched her dad head toward them. “We could just kick the ball around before everybody gets here.”
No. Chloe didn’t want to play. She didn’t want to kick the ball around. She didn’t want to talk, not even to Fin. She didn’t want to be with anybody right now. And she didn’t want to be around her dad.
School today had been the worst, after last night had been so good.
As soon as Chloe got to class, Brooke and Summer had started talking to her about her dad and Ms. Hemmings. Their moms had heard from Chloe’s mom that her dad and Ms. Hemmings had been talking again last night, and holding hands, and she didn’t know what else. She hadn’t known anything, and she didn’t know which of the rumors to believe.
Her dad had said he’d always choose her. So how could he have done this, when he knew that what she wanted most was for their stupid family stuff to go away? Mom would never let that happen now, if he didn’t stop doing whatever he was doing again with Ms. Hemmings.
Chloe’s friends had thought it was funny that she hadn’t known. Then they’d told everyone they could, before school and at recess and lunch and after. They were probably still telling people, even though Chloe’s cell phone hadn’t rung once after school, and she hadn’t gotten a text from anyone—except her mom, who’d wanted to know when practice started tonight.
Chloe hadn’t answered. She didn’t want her mom here, not now, even though she’d kinda been hoping before today that Mom might show up, and that her parents would talk about something else besides what they talked about with their lawyers. And that Dad would see what Chloe saw—that Mom was really trying again and probably not drinking at all anymore.
You’ll always be my number one, Chloe, he’d said. But Ms. Hemmings had been the “something important” Aunt Charlotte said he’d had to take care of after school yesterday, instead of picking Chloe up.
“It’s not so bad,” Fin said. He was standing next to where she was sitting on the lowest bleacher—while they’d watched her dad and Ms. Hemmings talk and kiss and talk some more, like they would keep talking all night, the way Chloe had never seen her parents talk.
“What do you know about it?” She couldn’t let any of the other boys see how upset she was. She couldn’t look like she was going to cry by the time everyone else got there for practice.
“I know you don’t want anyone to think this stuff bothers you. But it does.”
“Go away.” She wiped at her eyes.
She didn’t really want him to go away. Fin was like the only kid she wanted around her most of the time now, because he was cool with her, however she was. He never made her feel like she had to be someone else. But her dad was coming. She didn’t want Dad to see her crying, either, and Fin’s talking to her was making it harder to stop.
“What do you care what anybody thinks about what your parents do?” Fin asked.
“I don’t.”
“Summer and Brooke dump on you every chance they get. Why do you still want them to like you?”
“I don’t.” She just wanted things to stop getting worse and worse.
“Don’t be mad at your dad,” Fin said. “It’s not so bad. My mom…” Fin was the one who looked mad now, even though his voice didn’t sound like it. He sounded sad, making Chloe remember that he didn’t have any parents at all, even messed-up ones. “You’ve got the coolest dad in the world, even if your mom’s a total zero, and people are talking about your dad and Ms. Hemmings again. Don’t be stupid and not see that it doesn’t matter, Chloe. As long as you have your dad and he takes care of you, the way the Dixons take care of me, who cares about anything else?”
Law heard more cars pulling up, announcing the arrival of his team. He checked his watch. Practice needed to start in about five minutes.
He had five minutes to say more of what he’d tried to say to his daughter last night—things he should have been trying to help Chloe understand for years.
“Hey, Thomas!” Fin yelled. He took off toward one of the cars, leaving Chloe sitting on the bleachers.
She stayed where she was, even though she’d known Thomas Kilpatrick for years—since they’d first started playing soccer on the same five-and-under team. She glared up at Law. She looked miserable.
“We’re going to work this out,” he said, believing it himself for the first time.
“Mom’s mad.” His daughter sounded terrified by that—exactly the way Libby seemed to like her, whenever Libby needed someone to feel worse than she did.
“Mom’s going to have to be mad, then, if that’s the way she wants to be every time one of us feels good.”
Chloe glanced after Fin, and maybe even toward Kristen.
“My friends are being mean about it,” she said, “about you and Ms. Hemmings. Fin says that means I shouldn’t care what they think, or if they’re even my friends anymore.”
“Do you want them to be your friends?” Law had been proud of her lately. She wasn’t trying to be so much like the mean girls who’d been giving her a hard time as far back as November. “Is that why you’re so upset?”
Chloe shook her head. She sighed, like she was trying not to cry.
“Is Ms. Hemmings your friend?” she asked, honest and needing to know, the way she’d asked about his music last night. “Is that why you were kissing her?”
Suddenly, Law didn’t think he could answer. He didn’t know how he’d deal with Chloe telling him she didn’t want him wanting K
risten in his life. But he was handling this and a whole lot more with his daughter from now on. His not handling things, not handling people, had damaged too much in their lives.
“Yeah,” he said, as several of the boys laughed and headed across the field from the cars. “Even if it makes your mother mad, Ms. Hemmings and I want to be friends. I think Kristen will be good for both of us, darlin’, if you’ll give her a chance. What you think about all of this is important to me. I’m sorry I wasn’t ready to talk with you about it last night. But I’d like to now.”
There were tears in Chloe’s eyes while Fin and Thomas ran past them onto the field, passing a ball Thomas must have brought with him. Another group of boys followed them, scrapping over the one ball. Law tossed the net bag onto the field, and the kids attacked it like piranha on a fresh kill, ripping open the ties and each of them claiming a practice ball.
“Warm up first,” Law called out. “Stretch. Dribble two laps around the field, solo. Then another two passing with a partner. I’ll be out there in a minute, and then we’ll all be running for the next hour and a half until your folks get back. So hydrate, but don’t drink too much. I don’t want to have to answer for you puking all the way home.”
Everyone laughed and took off to do their laps.
Everybody but Chloe.
Law knelt until they were eye-to-eye. “I want you to be happy, Chloe. I meant what I said last night. But we can’t let Mom decide what makes us happy. She has to take care of herself for now, and we have to decide what we want. We have to make choices for us, for our family, based on what we all need—even if it upsets Mom. You keep telling me how nice Ms. Hemmings is to you at school. I think she’s nice, too, and I’d like to get to know her better, even if it upsets your mother.” He squeezed her hand. “Do you think that would be okay?”
Love on Mimosa Lane (A Seasons of the Heart Novel) Page 21
