He had actually forgotten, just for a little while, but the shadow was back. He was sick, and his children were going to watch him die.
He checked his watch, was astounded to see that the children had been home from school a while now. He was suddenly reluctant to see them.
He imagined the days ahead. How he would feel. How the kids would feel, watching. There would be times where they’d all be convinced he would beat this. And down times, where they’d all be afraid of his death.
Was it kind to drag them down with him? Easier for everyone, himself included, if he went off on his own a while, till he won or till he lost.
He was in the bedroom packing when he heard or felt a presence. Lisa stood in the doorway, barefooted, book tucked under one arm. Her hair was braided, coming loose. Her shirttail was out. She noted the open suitcase on the bed and looked up at him, and he thought he would remember the look on her face for the rest of his life.
“I knew this was going to happen. You’re leaving us, aren’t you, Daddy?”
He sat down on the edge of the bed, clutching the sides of the mattress. He held out his arms and she came to him, hugged him tight.
“I’m not going to let you go, Daddy.”
“I’m sick,” he said softly. He patted the edge of the bed and she sat down beside him. He saw ink on her hands, where she’d written herself a note to get her math test signed. “Mama and I were going to talk to you guys all together. But I have a very bad sickness. It’s something you can’t get, so you don’t have to worry.”
“I wouldn’t care, Daddy. Please don’t go.”
“This sickness is very bad, Lisa. Sometimes when people get it they die. I’m just going for a while, till I get better.”
“Are you going to the hospital?”
“Not yet, maybe later.”
She pushed her glasses up on her nose. “Then where are you going?”
“I just need to get away for a while. Be by myself.”
“Is this divorce stuff?”
Cut to the bottom line, every time. David smiled weakly. “I’m going to get sicker, I think, before I get better. I don’t want you to have to see that.”
“I think you’re mad at us.”
He grabbed her shoulders. “At you kids? Of course not. Not at all. How could you think that?”
“But don’t you love us? Us kids?”
“Yes, of course—you know I do.”
“Then why are you leaving, Daddy? What if you do die? Don’t you want to be with us some first?”
He was going to tell her that it wasn’t about her, or about Mattie or Kendra or even Rose. He was going to give her a garbage speech about a man facing up to mortality, when he realized that he was kidding them all. It was about them, it was exactly about his difficult wife and his precious children. He didn’t want to see their pain when he had enough of his own.
He looked at Lisa. Crossed his legs and leaned back. “The truth is, kidlet, I’m scared.”
“Of dying?”
“I’m scared of my children watching me die.”
She nodded; it made perfect sense to her, but she wasn’t through with him yet.
“You can’t go.”
“No?”
She shook her head. “You love us, right?”
“Yeah.”
“You want to be with us?”
He hesitated. Nodded.
“Then that’s that.” She went to his bag, and began to unpack.
THIRTY-EIGHT
They had a family dinner, A rare event these days in the Silver household. David did not eat much, Rose even less. But the children, being children, forgot the shadow, ate like field hands, and laughed a lot. Rose had given everyone the same meal tonight—pot roast, mashed potatoes. Comfort food. They were going to have pie and ice cream for dessert.
David and Rose finished with coffee on the back porch.
“How do you think the kids are taking it?” Rose said.
David shrugged. “Too early to tell. But they volunteered to do the dishes and they’re all getting along.”
Rose took a sip of coffee. “Yeah. They’re taking it hard.”
“They don’t really believe it,” David said.
“Me either.”
Dead Meat groaned and David scratched the dog’s neck. “He really is a pretty good dog, even if he did eat my garden.” The tightness in his chest came suddenly. He took a deep, hard breath.
“David? You okay?”
“It’ll pass, just need a minute.”
She watched him. “What does it feel like?”
“I’m hot, then I’m cold. Then hot and cold all at once, which is weird. Doesn’t seem physically possible. Then I sweat, and then I shake and my teeth chatter. My chest feels tight, kind of frantic, like some kind of panic attack. Sometimes I ache. That enough symptoms for now?”
“David, what you said earlier. I want to get along with you. What if you do die? I want to be at peace with you, one way or another. It doesn’t matter why, or what brings us to peace, just so we get there.”
David put a hand on her leg. Nodded.
The sun was going down, the heat of the day turning loose. Yesterday he wouldn’t have noticed. Today, he noticed too much. In all honesty, he liked yesterday better; he preferred taking things for granted. Before he’d had purpose, work to do, a case to solve. Now he had mortality. Big deal.
“Is there anything special you want, David?”
He looked at her. “What do you mean by that, Rose?”
“We could pull the kids out of school and go on a trip. Borrow money and do something crazy.”
“And leave you guys in debt? I don’t think so.”
“If it makes you happy, I don’t care. Tell me what you want, and let’s do it. I’m serious.”
She was leaning close, and he thought suddenly how sweet she could be. She had stayed up with him all night the night before. He had not heard word one about contagion fears, worries about what she would do on her own, how she would work if she was looking after him.
“What are you thinking, David?”
He looked at her and they both laughed. “‘What are you thinking?’ My favorite marital question, second only to ‘Do you think I should get my hair cut?’ but nowhere near as dangerous as that all-time favorite, ‘Do these jeans make me look fat?’”
She gave him a hard shove. “Come on, David, get serious.”
“I’ve had enough serious for one day, thank you very much.”
“No, but David. If there’s something you want.”
“I want my life back, Rose. I want to find Miriam, and Luke Cochran, and work like a maniac, and come home to you and the girls.” I want Teddy, he thought, but didn’t say it.
“So do it.” She waved her hands in the air. “Wish granted.”
He looked at her.
“I mean it. As long as you want it that way, as long as you can stay on your feet. You can’t be easy with Miriam missing, I know you. You haven’t lost your life, David, unless you give it up.”
“You don’t care?”
“Of course I care. I don’t mind. I mean, we could all sit in the kitchen and stare at each other. But.”
“And I want to work on my motorcycle. Do things with my hands.”
“Have at it.”
“I’m going to take some money out of savings, just a little, not much. I want to buy things, little things, for you and the girls.”
“Not me. Buy stuff for the kids, spend the money on them.”
“On whatever I want, which means you too. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“And I want homemade mashed potatoes every night.”
“Don’t push your luck.”
He laughed. “Just testing.”
THIRTY-NINE
David knew, When he walked into the bullpen, That Aslanti had told. It was there in Della’s eyes when he walked toward his desk. It was there in the way String slid toward him, then faltered. And while eve
ryone else went about their business, the three of them looked at each other in silence.
“Hi, guys,” David said finally.
Della moved toward him, eyes hard, chin up. She gave him a quick, hard hug and he patted her back.
“You will get well. Is that clearly understood? You are going to eat a lot of chocolate, and that’s going to increase the endorphins in your brain, to the point where your body has to get better.”
“Della Detective, you cannot—”
She looked at String. He slid backward, then reared up on his bottom fringe.
“Yesss, most correct is the chocolate. Much of it.”
“’Bout time you showed up.”
David turned, saw Mel trying to look at his watch and not spill the two extra-large cups of coffee he was carrying. He handed one cup to David, and smiled.
“We got work piling up, David,” he said, tone brash and friendly. “You picked a helluva morning to be late. That Sifter Chuck guy’s waiting in Three.”
Was he was going to ignore it? David wondered. He gave his partner a sidelong glance.
Mel took a large swallow of coffee. “We all got tested yesterday afternoon, by the way. Should know by late today if any of the rest of us are infected.”
David felt a welcome sense of camaraderie, as if his illness was a mutual problem they all had to tackle.
Mel was still talking. “Nobody had any cuts or wounds, like you did, and nobody else is having any symptoms, so Aslanti don’t think there’s much chance any of the rest of us got it.”
David nodded matter-of-factly, marveling that he actually felt matter-of-fact. “I took that injection yesterday. So I’m not contagious.”
“Good thing,” Mel said.
Della glared at him. “As if we’d worry about that.”
Mel gave her a sour look. “Get real, Della. This is a fatal disease.”
“Not always,” she said quickly, looking at David.
Mel leaned forward in his chair. Motioned for them all to come close. He seemed so clearly confident, so in control—in contrast to his recent mental state—that they all drew toward him, to hear his low-pitched advice.
“Sentimental crap isn’t going to help, is it, David?”
It was a rhetorical question, but David nodded anyway. Maybe a little sentimental crap would have been nice, but he liked the way Mel was setting the tone. It was comforting to find himself still in the everyday world, relationships the same as ever. He didn’t really want everyone to be kind and tiptoe around him. He didn’t want Della’s chocolate.
Mel scratched his nose. “Had a long talk with the captain yesterday. Sooner or later this virus thing is going to blow sky-high. He’s already letting the Feds in on it, going through channels, whatever.”
“Be nice if he could wait till we get this case solved,” Della said.
“Cannot let the raging of infection take hold,” String said.
“The fact is,” Mel said, “and I got this from Halliday—the fact is, they’re more than likely to be slow on this. Nobody’s going to want to step on any Elaki toes—fringes, whatever. We’ll probably have a free hand, we get on this. David, we all know you’re sick. You work when you want, we carry you when you can’t. We know you had that shot. I got no problem working with you one way or the other, and I just want to say that right out. You, Della?”
“Hey, I’m female, in case you forgot. It’s nothing to me, but for the record.” She put her hands on her hips. “I ought to smack you for even having to ask.”
“Have been Elaki vaccinized, but ditto the Della,” String said.
Mel looked at David. “You want to work this Sifter over, you and me?”
FORTY
Mel stopped on their way down the corridor. “How are you really?”
David shrugged. “Hell, I don’t know.”
“Rose and the girls?”
“Stiff upper lip. Kids don’t really get it. How are you doing?”
“Thinking about Miriam night and day. Hoping I don’t have to go to her autopsy.”
“Maybe later we’ll go get a beer.”
Mel paused. “You know, I haven’t had a drink since I read that list Miriam made. You remember, when she brought out all my bad points?”
“Sure. Forget I asked.”
“Nah, hell, we got to do something when the world turns to utter crap. What do women do, when they’re upset?”
“Eat. Eat chocolate.”
Mel looked at David. “We could at least try it.”
David followed Mel into Interview Room 3. Sifter Chuck was in a corner of the room, and David caught the side-angle view before the Elaki turned and faced them.
He knew he was a long way from being able to read Elaki as well as he read people, and yet. He still liked Sifter Chuck, even felt sorry for him. The Elaki was nervous, that frozen stillness had settled over him, but he turned toward them affably enough, waving a fin in the comradely Elaki Hi-sign.
“Much the greets, Detectives.”
“Yeah, right.” Mel headed for the Miranda-Pro, which hung over the edge of the table. He scooted it backward.
“How you doing?” David said. He gave Mel a wary look. He’d seen that intense attitude before.
David was tired, but feeling better than he had been. Aslanti had given him something to boost his immune system. Maybe it was helping. Maybe he was getting better. Maybe he wasn’t as sick as everyone seemed to think.
“I have been done the rights advisement.”
Mel nodded, checked the machine. Sat on the edge of the table. He spoke very softly.
“Mr. Sifter. Sir. I wonder if you have any objection to donating a scale or two for analysis by our crime-scene people?”
“I had been to think that here I was questions solely.”
“Should I take that as no?”
David willed Sifter to agree. They could get scales from him through channels. It would look better for him if he agreed.
“I do not wish to submit with no explanations.”
David felt his stomach drop. He still didn’t believe Sifter Chuck had killed anyone.
Mel swung one leg. “You think we owe you an explanation? Let me ask you a question, then. What were you and Luke Cochran doing out at the Bailey Farmstead Preservation the day he disappeared?”
“Was not there.”
David shook his head slowly. The Elaki twitched an eye prong, looked from David to Mel and back to Mel.
“You don’t want to change your mind about that answer, do you?”
“Was not there.”
“Was Cochran still alive then, or did you haul his body there yourself?”
“Isss dead? The Cochran isss dead?”
“We got a witness, saw you out there. We got a statement from Cochran’s car, putting the two of you there.”
One false, one half-true, David thought. Business as usual.
“We got soil samples and digging tools, and blood we’ve identified as Cochran’s. We got Elaki scale samples I got no doubt are going to match with yours. So hold out if you want, but you can’t change your DNA, my friend. Soon as we get the match, you’re going to be charged. You got nothing to say, that’s fine.” Mel looked at David. “I’ll get the ball rolling. You coming?”
“Give me a minute.”
Mel nodded. Left without a backward look.
Sifter Chuck was swaying slightly, as if buffeted by an invisible wind. “Big macho tough guy, that one. You got nothing to say, that’s fine. I’ll get the ball rolling.”
David had never heard an Elaki imitate a human before. Sifter was good, very good. David tried not to smile, couldn’t help himself. Bad cop, he thought. Bad policeman.
“How long have you been waiting here anyway?” David asked him. “You hungry, want something to eat? Taco?”
“Elaki want a taco? Polly want a cracker? Have never seen with law trouble, Detective. Have been truthful all out with you on the statement. Do not understand why the treatment. I
sss good cop bad cop this?”
David leaned back in his chair. “My partner has a personal relationship with the woman who’s missing. He’s upset. He thinks you’re it. I don’t think there’s any way we’re going to talk him out of that, unless you’ve got something you haven’t given me?”
“Isss maybe time to up the shut.”
“That’s your best bet. Unless … Never mind.”
“Unless?”
“It’s not difficult, Sifter. If you killed Cochran, you ought to keep quiet, don’t talk to us. Make us work for that scale sample, come up with our own motive, the whole drill. But here’s what worries me.” David got out of the chair, sat on the edge of the table, and leaned in toward the Elaki. “I’ve worked homicide a long time. Talked to a lot of people, been lied to regularly, stonewalled—and I’m not saying that’s what’s going on here, I’m just giving you a little friendly advice, Sifter. Most people we talk to have things they’d rather not discuss with the police. Everybody has secrets. The problem comes when these secrets make them withhold things we need to know. Even if you were innocent of anything else, withholding is obstruction of justice. And whatever it is somebody might be hiding, it might be something we’d be willing to overlook—if somebody deals with us on the up and up. But if not, if we don’t get the real story without a lot of time and red-tape rigamarole, we come down hard.”
Sifter slid from one side of the room to the other.
David gave him a moment, then started up again. “If there is a scale match, you’re going to look pretty bad. I already explained, didn’t I, that my partner has a personal interest here? That’s going to make things pretty intense. We got tools out of Cochran’s trunk. We’ve got blood, we’ve got soil samples. And we’ve got Luke’s employer and supposed protector—that’s you—who admits being with him the night he disappeared. I’ll tell you the truth. We’ve gotten a lot of media attention on this thing. We’re under pressure from our captain to wrap this up. And what we have, the best thing we have, Sifter Chuck, is you.”
The Elaki’s inner belly quivered, then went rigid. David kept his voice gentle.
Alien Rites Page 15
