I didn't dare look over at my friend. I meant it. Shit happens, sure, but kissing Elise and nearly getting caught together like that was not something that should have happened. That was most definitely not shit that should have happened.
“Yes. Grab Trevor. Tell him it's time to eat,” I said, feeling more annoyed at myself than anything.
My anger seeped out, spread out into the room, and filled it with a tension that didn't belong there. I couldn't help it. I was pissed at myself, and it was easier to take it out on the others than let it eat me up from the inside. It was wrong, and it was fucked up, but I wasn't exactly thinking super clearly in that moment.
I sighed, vowing to just keep my mouth shut the rest of the night, otherwise, I might say something I'd regret. I might hurt someone, and that was the very last thing I wanted to do.
If I didn't keep myself in check though, or if I didn't quash the emotions and feelings that suddenly welled up inside of me, there was always the chance I might be the one hurt. Fuck me, I hated emotions and feelings. They were messy, and they often clouded your logic, reason, and thought. There was a reason I'd avoided relationships up to that point. I didn't want to feel vulnerable, and yet, there I was, feeling hurt that Elise and I could never be together all the same.
“If you say so, man,” Chase said, thumping me on the back before walking back toward the dining area.
Nolan followed him, leaving me alone in the kitchen with my erection, which was still hard as a fucking rock. I cursed myself as I stood there, trying to forget about what had just happened. It wouldn't be easy, but it was the only way I could face my friends.
It was the only way I could face myself.
6
Chase
It was hard to not notice how quiet Elise was throughout dinner. She ate, hardly speaking to anyone, and that was unusual for her. Elise was always a bright, chipper, girl who enjoyed lively conversation. It was strange, but I thought maybe it was the stress of the whole situation weighing down on her. I imagined it had to be one hell of a burden to bear.
All the same, I kept an eye on her throughout dinner, trying to figure out what might be bugging her. Trying to see if I could glean some small insight into her thinking, or what might be eating at her. Was it just the situation with Brad? Or was there something more going on with her? I'd walked in on her with Sean in the kitchen, and even though I hadn't seen anything, it looked to me like something had happened between the two of them.
I wasn’t a fool. I knew Sean, along with Trevor, had a thing for her. Hell, if I was being honest, I'd admit that all of us did in one shape or form, it seemed. Honestly, the more time I spent with her, the harder it was to deny that her smile made me feel things deep inside of me as well. She made me feel things I hadn't felt in a very long time, and sometimes it was entirely disconcerting to me. I often didn't know what to do with what I was feeling and had to constantly remind myself that she was Aaron's baby sister – and that Aaron's baby sister was way off limits.
Elise pushed her chair back and quietly carried her plate into the kitchen, not making eye contact with any of us. I wasn't finished, I'd barely eaten honestly, but I did the same. I picked up my plate and followed her while the other guys continued laughing and joking about something or another. I hadn't been paying attention, so I had no idea what they were going on about, and I was guessing neither had Elise. She was apparently so caught up in her own head that she didn't even notice me following her into the kitchen until I was right beside her.
“Jesus, Chase,” she said, holding a hand over her heart. “You scared the crap out of me.”
“Sorry, I need to make more noise when I walk, I guess,” I said. “Maybe I should wear a bell.”
She sized me up, the corners of her lips pulling back in a grin for a split second before it evaporated, and her face fell again. She was trying to keep up a brave face though.
“Who'd have thought someone as big and strong as you could sneak up on a person,” she teased.
“To be fair, you were pretty deeply lost in thought,” I said. “Which is what makes me ask, is everything okay with you?”
Elise sighed as she rinsed off her plate. Rolling her eyes, she reached for my plate, but I held it just out of her reach. No way was I going to make her wash my dishes for me. She wasn't my servant. I cocked an eyebrow, waiting for her response.
“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” she asked.
“Probably because you've been through a lot the last few days, and we're worried about you,” I said simply.
“I appreciate it, but you don't have to worry about me,” she said. “I'm a big girl.”
“That's true,” I said. “But, we're friends. Family. It all comes with the package deal.”
She sighed again, shaking her head. “I'll be fine,” she muttered.
“I know,” I said.
She looked surprised. “You do?”
“Hell yeah,” I said, scraping the remainder of my meal into the trash can. “You're one of the strongest, toughest people I know. You're just like your brother like that. You can handle anything life throws at you. You're not a fragile glass doll or anything. You take a hit, you keep on going. That's just you. Like the Terminator.”
My words brought a smile to her face, and I was glad to see it.
“Thanks, Chase,” she said. “That means a lot.”
Shrugging, I said, “It's just the truth. Aaron would be proud of the woman you've become today.”
Her smile wavered a bit, almost like she wasn't so sure. Or perhaps the talk of her brother stirred the embers of grief inside of her. Looking away, she bit her lip and focused on her chipping fingernail polish instead of me.
I noticed that she still hadn't answered the question though, and I knew she'd continue to avoid answering as long as I allowed her to. I closed the distance between us and dropped my plate off into the sink. Elise stepped back, but I moved closer to her, lifting her face up by the chin, forcing her to meet my gaze.
“So I'll ask you again, Elise – are you okay? Because it really is perfectly okay to not be okay, you know.”
She hesitated for a moment and looked to be on the verge of blowing off the question again, but then her shoulders sagged, and her face was filled with a darkness I didn't think I'd ever seen in her before. It made me want to reach out and pull her to me, to comfort her. But, I resisted.
“Not really,” she whispered.
She closed her eyes, clenching them tightly, still finding a way to not look at me when she spoke. After a few long moments, she let out a deep breath, and opened them again.
“It's not just Brad, you know,” she said.
I had an idea, and I thought it had to do with Sean, but I let her continue speaking. It didn't even occur to me that I still had my hand beneath her chin, forcing her eyes up to mine, until she leaned into my touch, relaxing her face against my hand. The feel of her smooth cheek against my palm sent a warm tingling throughout my hand and body. I almost yanked my hand away, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
She continued after a second's pause. “I mean, it is Brad still, but it's not – all him. I mean, it is, but it's not,” she blew out a frustrated breath. “God, I don't know if I should be telling you this. I haven't told anyone yet.”
“What is it? You know your secret is safe with me,” I said.
She looked deeply into my eyes, as if searching for the truth in my words. As if searching for something she could hold on to that would make her trust me with her secret. Whatever it was, I could tell it was massive, and was really weighing heavily not just on her mind, but on her heart as well. She needed to talk to somebody about it, but she didn't have anybody. I was glad I was there, pressing her to talk to me. She needed to get that poison out of her system.
After what seemed like forever, she finally spoke. “I – well, I think I might be pregnant,” she said.
The words were like a punch to the gut, and I felt the breath being driven f
rom my body. It was hard to breathe for a second, and when I finally managed to pull myself together, I looked at her, blinking stupidly for a moment.
“You think?” was all I could think to ask.
She nodded, freeing herself from my grasp. Her lower lip trembled as she spoke.
“I haven't taken a test yet, but my period is late. A few weeks back, I forgot a couple of my birth control pills, and, well – I was with Brad at the time. And only Brad. So if I am –”
“It's his,” I finished for her.
“Yeah,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper.
She began biting her nails – a habit she'd broken years before. Or, at least, I thought she had. Apparently, the stress and tension of the situation brought old habits rushing back to the surface. She nibbled her fingernail and refused to look at me.
“Okay,” I said, trying to find the words that would help in this situation. “Even if you are, it'll be okay.”
“Will it, though?” she asked. “I broke up with him, I want nothing to do with him, but I may be having his child. That means he's going to be a part of my life forever. I'm never going to be free of him. What am I supposed to do, Chase? If Aaron were here, he'd be so disappointed in me.”
Her trembling lip only got worse, and the tears, fat and wet, rolled down her cheeks. I couldn't bear it anymore, so I scooped her into my arms, pulled her to me, and held her face against my chest as she sobbed.
The guys were still laughing and carrying on in the dining room, which was a good thing. I didn't want anything to interrupt this moment. I didn’t want anything to force Elise back into her shell now that she was out of it. She needed to talk to me. She needed to get it out because it was obviously eating her up inside.
Suddenly though, the sound of footsteps heading our way startled us, causing us to pull back.
“Want to go upstairs and talk about it?” I offered.
She nodded her head, and without saying another word, led the way up to the loft. It wasn't the most private place, but it was all we had at the moment. It would have to do.
Trevor walked into the kitchen, empty plate in hand. He shot me a look that was inscrutable, and as I followed Elise out, something shifted in his eyes. Jealousy, maybe? Why would he be jealous? It wasn't like anything was going on. Now wasn't the time to worry about Trevor's feelings though, so I ignored it and pushed my way past him and out the door. Nolan and Sean were both at the table still, and Sean looked up as we exited the kitchen. He stood up, as if to join us, but I shook my head.
I didn't know what happened between the two of them earlier, but it didn't matter. She was opening up to me, she'd wanted to talk to me. If she wanted Sean or Trevor or Nolan there, she'd have asked for them. Sean sat back down, a similar look on his face that Trevor had only moments before.
Nolan just gave me a knowing look, like there was an unspoken understanding that he might end up sleeping down there in the living room tonight, though not for the reasons most would assume. I knew I could trust him not to intrude. He was the most level-headed of the guys, after me, of course.
Elise walked up the stairs slowly, staring at her feet with each step, her mood seeming to be growing even darker as we ascended. She stumbled, and my protective instincts took over, catching her before she fell. I had my hands wrapped around her waist, holding her steady. The stairway to the loft was rather steep, and it could have been an ugly fall. She smiled back at me, steadying herself once more.
“Thank you.”
“Of course,” I said.
There was no reason to thank me. I'd have done anything to save her from falling. I’d have done anything to ever keep her from feeling any pain ever. Even before the possibility of her being pregnant I would have protected her. Now though, that there might be more than her life at stake there, I was protecting not only my best friend's little sister, but potentially her baby as well. I had to admit, in all my years of serving in the Army, I'd never felt such a heavy responsibility resting on my shoulders.
Elise climbed onto the bed, crossing her legs. and then hugging them against herself. She looked so small and frail against the giant bed. With those giant, baby blue eyes of hers, she looked at me as if I'd held all the answers and more, or that I could solve all of her problems. I was feeling even more pressure to do the right thing now. She'd trusted me, and I needed to make sure she was taken care of, for better or worse.
I sat down on the edge of the bed, facing her. I waited for her to speak, but when she didn't, I knew I needed to prompt her to get the ball rolling.
“What do you need from me?” I asked gently.
The question seemed to throw her off guard, and she wasn't quite sure how to answer it for a minute.
“I don't need anything from you, Chase,” she said slowly.
“You say that, but I'm here,” I said. “I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you and your baby, if there is one, are okay. That we can keep you away from that asshole.”
“I just want Brad out of my life, that's not something you can help with,” she said, her voice tight. “Not if this is his child.”
The next part I was about to say, hurt me to even speak, and filled me with an overwhelming sense of dread and fear. I knew that it was wrong in most cases, but in this one, Brad wasn't the type of guy she needed to be tied to for the rest of her life. The bruise on her arm was evidence of that.
“What if – and just hear me out here,” I said, licking my lips and thinking hard about what I was about to say, “What if he wasn't the father?”
Elise cocked her head to the side, shocked. She sat upright, stiffly, and her mouth opened wide, the outrage and anger clear upon her face – and it was in that moment, I realized exactly how she'd taken it. Which was the polar opposite of how I meant it.
“What do you mean? Chase, I know he's the father. He's the only man I've been with. What kind of woman do you think I am?”
I cringed. “No, not like that. I didn't mean to imply – no, that's not what I meant,” I stammered, trying to clarify quickly. “What I meant was what if he didn't have to be the father?”
She threw her hands in the air and shook her head. She looked like she was about three seconds from throwing me out of the cabin altogether.
“But he is the father, Chase. I can't change that.”
Her voice rose a bit, then she caught herself and lowered it again. I wasn't communicating what I was trying to say clearly enough. She wasn't getting where I was going with it. I screwed up my face, trying to find the right way to put it, and was coming up empty. I wasn't normally that thick or obtuse, but I knew I was treading on dangerous, uncertain ground, and I needed to make sure what I was saying wasn't misunderstood, or misconstrued.
“What are you trying to say, Chase?”
I blew out a frustrated breath and decided to dispense with the niceties. No need to beat around the bush. So, I just went for it.
“What if I could step in and be the father to this child?” I asked. “Leave Brad out of this entirely? He wouldn't even have to know.”
The look on her face shifted before my eyes. Her eyes grew as wide as dinner plates, and her mouth open in a cute little “O” shape as if I'd taken her by surprise. I'd taken us both by surprise with that offer, but it felt right. Not just because I'd be doing the right thing for Elise and her child, but because I cared for her. I loved her, and I wanted to be there for her.
“I don't mean we have to be together, like that,” I added. “Just – well, we'd co-parent. You know I'm good for it. I'm financially stable, I love kids –”
“Chase, I – I don't know what to say. I couldn't ask you to do that.”
“You don't have to say anything, Elise,” I said. “And you're not asking me to do anything. I'm offering. Just promise me you'll think about it.”
“Seriously. I couldn't ask you to do that.”
“You're not asking. Like I said, I'm offering,” I said softly. “You know I've always wa
nted kids. I don't care if they're mine or not.”
She nodded. She knew me well. The other guys, sure, they might have visions of settling down and starting a family one day, I honestly had no idea. We'd never talked about it in depth. But I'd always wanted to have a family. After my ex and I split, I feared I'd lost my opportunity for that.
I scooted closer to Elise, taking her face in my hands. “We don't have to be together, like I said. I don't care about all that,” I told her, my voice earnest. “You just wouldn't have to raise the child alone. Or even worse, raise it with Brad.”
She swallowed hard, tears welled up in her eyes. “I – I'll think about it,” she said.
“Good.”
Before the conversation could go any further, there was a loud banging downstairs coming from the front part of the house. I cringed as I heard Brad's voice shouting from outside. Elise's face fell, and she curled into herself even more, shadows dark and conflicted in her eyes.
“It's alright. Stay up here. Lock yourself in the bathroom if you must, but don't come downstairs,” I said. “We'll handle it.”
I slid off of the bed and rushed downstairs. Trevor had already opened the door and was screaming at Brad, who looked inebriated once more. His speech was slurred, his eyes were glassy, and the closer I got to him, the more he reeked of whiskey. Great. Dealing with a pissed off drunk. Seemed to be a regular occurrence with him.
Brad started shouting, “Elle, I love you, baby. I swear, I won't lay a hand on you again. It was a mistake. It won't happen again. I promise.”
Trevor grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him against the wall. Brad spat in his face and giggled to himself, apparently pleased with his little victory. Trevor drew his arm back and was ready to put his fist through Brad's face. I got there just in time to grab his arm before his hand collided with Brad's nose again.
“No,” I said. “Violence won't solve anything.”
“What the fuck, man?” Trevor snarled. “This asshole has it coming.”
His eyes were filled with anger, a rage boiled just underneath the surface, and part of it was directed at me.
One Lucky Girl Page 22
