Grant was such an asshole. He just screwed up everything for me.
Chapter Three
I stayed in my room the next day, watching out my window for the guys to trickle out one by one after sleeping off their hangovers. Kyle was the last one to leave, and by the time his car drove away, it was noon.
My stomach grumbled. I needed to eat. I’d been hiding out in my room all morning trying to avoid going downstairs and encountering any awkward run ins with Kyle or Grant. Though, I didn’t have to worry about Grant; his car had been the first one to pull away early this morning.
Thank goodness for Ellio’s. I shoved a rectangle of pizza in the toaster oven and watched it bake.
The front door opened and Jeanie walked in, her auburn hair pulled back in a clip and sunglasses sitting on top of her head. Jim ran up behind her and squeezed his arms around her waist, placing a kiss on her neck. She pretended it bothered her for all of a second before squealing with delight. I loved Jeanie. But seriously, I hated her in a completely jealous way. Not that she was dating my brother because, gross, but at how easy life was for her.
“Beach time.” She dangled her keys. Her red bikini top showed through her thin white tank top. My brother reached for his sunglasses and wallet sitting on the counter. “You wanna come with us?” Jeanie offered politely.
“No, thanks, I’m busy.”
I’d done the third wheel thing a few times before. It sucked. I’d also done the beach/bathing suit thing. It sucked even more.
Bikini. Bikini. Bikini. Bikini. One piece with a t-shirt covering it up.
“You can’t be in the picture Tori, you’ll just…it just won’t look right,” Melody motioned with her hand for me to step away from the other girls. “It’s a pic of all the girls in their bikinis and you didn’t wear one and it’ll look weird. Plus I’m posting it on Facebook. Do you really want everyone seeing you look different from everybody else?”
I definitely didn’t. I did not want to be tagged in a picture of pretty girls in bikinis as the flat-chested girl with no ass hiding in a one piece. As bitchy as Melody sounded, she was absolutely right. I graciously bowed out of the row of girls linking their arms around each other and stepped away while a hot guy in an orange bathing suit riding low on his hips made the girls pose for endless sexy pictures.
I assigned myself to keeping an eye on everyone’s belongings. Someone had to. At the beach, there was always a lot of pick pockets and it was good that I was there to protect the sparkly beach bags containing towels, suntan lotion, cell phones and money.
I lifted up the short sleeve of my t-shirt to a white patch of skin. All day in the sun in a short sleeved tee had given me a farmer’s tan. I bunched up the sleeves trying to tuck them up into my bathing suit straps to try to even out the coloring. It was already past four pm. No doubt it was already too late.
That night while everyone wore their strapless sundresses and thin strapped tanks, I wore a gray sweat shirt covering up my grotesque tan lines. The shirt may as well have said – Guy repellant – on it. The rest of that night was spent in the background watching everyone dance around and make-out with random guys and wishing I could be part of it all.
“Are you sure? It’ll be more fun if you come.” Jeanie tried again, always going out of her way to be super nice to me. Partly because she knew we’d most likely be family soon enough. Whereas I was about to start my first year of college, Jeanie and my brother were starting their final year. I’d be shocked if a ring wasn’t sparkling on her finger by graduation.
“I’m sure. Go. Have fun. I’ll just stay here and clean up the mess before Mom and Dad come home tomorrow. Someone has to.” I rolled my eyes at my brother. Cans, bottles and sticky glasses lined the counters and I could only assume the mess carried on into the backroom.
“I’m gonna do it when I get home. It’ll take me ten minutes.” He shrugged it off and put his arm behind Jeanie’s back ushering her away before I said anything else about the mess we both knew I was going to clean. Jeanie was going to have her work cut out for her marrying my brother. She’d need to train him well or else their house would be a complete pig sty.
“Hey,” I called out before they took off. “Are your friends coming back over tonight?” A wave of nerves passed through me wondering if I’d see Kyle again before leaving for school.
“No. Don’t worry. Last night was it. Kyle and Jason are leaving first thing tomorrow to go back up to school,” he yelled back before the front door closed.
“Oh, okay,” I said to an empty room.
The toaster oven dinged. I burned the tips of my fingers sliding the pizza onto a plate. “Fuck!” Just like that, my mood had completely changed. Suddenly, I felt like crying and I didn’t even know why. It wasn’t like I had feelings for Kyle. I knew he was kind of an asshole. Last night was the first time we’d even spoke more than two words and he’d been friends with my brother for years. But last night he said I was pretty. Maybe he was lying, but I did give him a boner. Boners couldn’t lie. That had to mean something.
My first bite of pizza was cold. Why did Ellio’s always go from blistering hot to freezing cold in a span of four freaking minutes? I ate three more bites and tossed it. My appetite quickly diminished once I learned I blew my one and only chance with Kyle or anyone for that matter. Ha. Ironically, not blowing it, is what blew it.
My ringtone sounded and I received a text from Kenna, the girl who was assigned to be my new college roommate in less than two weeks, asking how many towels I packed. I friended her on all the social media sites and browsed through every one of her pictures. Gorgeous, of course. Blonde, curvy, what every girl would kill to look like.
I was trying real hard to be excited for college, but I just had a feeling it was going to be a repeat of high school. I sent her a text back letting her know I planned on packing four towels for my body and two for my hair. She freaked out telling me that wasn’t nearly enough. It wasn’t? Then she asked what shade of bronzer I use. I didn’t use bronzer.
It was definitely going to be high school all over again. I started to panic.
I panicked to the point where I began frantically looking up bronzer online. Maybe I should use bronzer? Maybe bronzer will change the way I look? Bronzer might change my whole life. What time does the mall close? I glanced at the clock. I still had two hours.
I decided — I needed bronzer.
I spent the next hour at the Clinique counter and charged way more than my budget allowed on absolute necessities. The lady behind the counter explained the importance of all the different products she applied to my face. When she was done the change in my appearance was enough for me to risk the argument with my parents over the unapproved charge of a hundred and fourteen dollars.
I looked…decent.
My mood was back on track when I pulled into the driveway and parked next to my brother’s car. I called out to him when I walked in, but he still wasn’t back from his beach outing with Jeanie. I forgot she drove.
Tackling the mess in the kitchen, I checked my reflection several times in the silver toaster delighting in my new look. A small boost of esteem built up inside. I believed bronzer just might make a difference in my life.
The back room was a disaster, worse than the kitchen. By the time I was done cleaning, I felt sticky and gross. I hated the idea of washing my new face off but the filth of last night’s party really needed to be scrubbed off me. I turned the knob in the shower and stared at my face until the mirror filled with steam. I tried to memorize the way the lady behind the counter got my eyes to pop like that.
After showering, throwing on a t-shirt and boxers, I actually contemplated putting the make-up back on. I felt back to plain and ugly without it. But it was expensive and I knew it was a waste to apply make-up I would just need to take off again before going to bed. It wasn’t like I was going to see anyone.
I took out all the new products I purchased and lined them up. The packaging was sparkly and beautiful. I
was sure the companies did that to entice the shopper. Genius marketing, because it worked. I hadn’t even opened any of the products and I already wanted to run out and buy more. At least I was lucky; it was bonus week and I spent enough to get the prettiest black cosmetic case to store all my new treasured goodies in…for free!
The doorbell ringing made me jump. I ran down, unlocked the bolt and swung the door open ready to bitch at Jim for forgetting his keys.
Only, it wasn’t Jim.
Chapter Four
“Oh, hi,” I mumbled smoothing back the pieces of my wet hair which had started to dry funny.
Grant stood in the doorway. He appeared taller than usual. It could have been from the way I shrunk down still embarrassed from the night before.
“Hey, Tori. Is Jim around?”
“No, he’s out with Jeanie. They went to the beach,” I answered, staring at my feet.
“I guess she drove.” He motioned toward Jim’s car.
“Yeah, she did.” I put my hand on the door ready to shut it. “Okay, I’ll tell him you stopped by.”
“Thanks. Tell him I need to talk to him about something really important that happened. Something that’s been bothering me all day.”
I nodded, started to close the door and stopped. Wait. What?
“Grant, what do you need to tell him?” My voice quivered. He wouldn’t dare tell Jim what happened last night, would he?
“Don’t worry, Tori. It’s Kyle who Jim’s going to be mad at, not you. You did nothing wrong. I had a feeling Kyle was going to try some shit last night and that’s why I went looking for him.”
“No. Kyle didn’t do anything wrong. Please, Grant,” I pleaded, “you can’t tell Jim.”
“What Kyle did was fucked up. He went up to your room and tried to take advantage of you. Jim needs to know.”
“I am begging you. Please don’t do this. Kyle was not trying to take advantage of me. I was fine with him being in my room. I wanted him to be in my room.”
“You wanted…Kyle?” Grant looked up and thought about it for a few seconds. “No, you didn’t.”
“I did. I swear.” I met Grant’s eyes, desperate for him to believe me.
“So, if I hadn’t come upstairs last night, you and Kyle would have…and you would have been okay with that?”
“Um, yeah…yes. Definitely.” Why the hell did I stammer? The way I said it didn’t even convince myself.
Grant didn’t believe me. He sighed and I knew he was unsure what to say next.
“Please don’t tell Jim what happened,” I pleaded one last time.
“Tori, I don’t understand. Why are you protecting Kyle? His intentions going up to your room last night were not good. I’m sorry, but they weren’t.”
“I know they weren’t.”
“Then why? Why don’t you want me to tell Jim? Why are you okay with Kyle barging into your room like that? He was using you.” Grant’s voice was gentle and his eyes were so trusting. I looked away.
An embarrassed, anger-fueled adrenaline rush kicked in.
“He was the first guy who ever wanted me. And yes, I know he was just gonna use me. But I didn’t care. Don’t you get it, Grant? Girls like me can’t be choosy. Kyle may have only wanted me for a short time, but I was willing to take it. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a guy interested in me. Even if it meant nothing to him, it would have meant something to me.” I changed my tone. “You took that away from me last night.”
“Tori?” Grant stepped back at a loss for words.
“See? You know it’s true. You should have minded your own business last night.”
“No, it’s not true. I’m just not understanding what you’re saying. I wasn’t prepared for a conversation like this. Guys um, guys uh,” he hesitated.
“Guys what? Want me? Think I’m beautiful? Talk about how big my tits are when no one else is around? Is that what you’re gonna say?” I felt a surge of ballsy-ness kick in and kept going. “At least I know I’m not the fucked-up nipple girl, because no one’s ever seen my nipples. But just for the record, they are pink and perky and not fucked up.”
His jaw dropped. No words came out. I left him speechless once again.
“Goodbye, Grant. Thanks for all your concern. If you want to tell Jim about it fine, go ahead. But just know I’ll have my own version of it to tell him as well. Kyle wasn’t the only guy who came barging into my room last night.” I crossed the line from ballsy to threatening, but he threatened first. I was just saying what I needed to in order to keep him quiet.
He took another step back and I shut the door, or rather, I slammed it. Then I stood there staring at the back of it stunned by the conversation that took place. I never talked to anyone like that before. But he deserved it. First by ruining the moment with Kyle, and then by coming over and making threats to tell Jim.
The doorbell rang again. My heart stopped. He didn’t leave? What did he want? I opened the door just a crack and peeked out.
“I don’t feel bad for you.” Grant lifted his shoulders in a shrug.
“Excuse me?” I opened the door a little wider.
“Your whole boo-hoo speech you just gave me, I don’t feel bad for you. And if you thought doing God knows what with Kyle last night was going to make you feel better about yourself, you are sorely mistaken.”
It was my turn to be speechless. I stood like a stump while he continued on.
“You are pretty. I don’t know why you think otherwise. I’m sure plenty of guys notice you and you don’t even realize it. Maybe it’s the whole self-pity, wallflower thing you got going on that scares them off. As far as we’re all concerned, you are Jim’s much younger, little sister. You’ve always been off limits and what Kyle did last night broke a code. So if you don’t mind, I’ll be out here waiting for Jim to come home.” He finished talking and sat down on the front step with his back toward me.
The conversation was over. His mind was made up.
There was no other choice. I closed the door and went back up to my room. I lay on the bed staring up at my ceiling, thinking long and hard about everything Grant had said. It certainly was a lot to take in. Being called pretty was the main thing repeating on loop in my mind.
My phone sounded and my brother sent a text that he and Jeanie drank too much at dinner and were spending the night at one of the old motels near the beach. I almost felt a little bad knowing Grant would be out there waiting a long time for a guy who wasn’t coming back anytime soon.
An hour later, a glance out my window showed Grant’s car still parked in the street. He really was going to wait it out. I went back downstairs, opened the door and plopped down next to him on the top step.
“Pretty how?” I asked. “You said I was pretty before. How am I pretty?”
“I’m not answering that.”
Just as I thought, he’d said it in the same empty way Kyle did.
“I figured you wouldn’t.”
“Tori, I explained before. You’re off limits. I don’t look at you as anything more than a friend.”
“Friend? Since when are we friends?” I actually laughed out loud. These guys were my brother’s friends, not mine.
Grant gave me a side glance. “I guess we’re not. But I’ve known your brother for a long time. You were a kid when I met you.”
“Yeah, I was. I’m not anymore.” I didn’t know what I was trying to accomplish by saying these things to him. Was I hoping for another chance at an encounter like the one I almost had with Kyle?
“I know you’re not anymore. You’re all grown up, but you’re still Jim’s sister.”
“Jim’s ugly sister.” I stood up. “You forgot to say that part.” Before I walked back into the house, I let him off the hook. “Jim and Jeanie are spending the night at a motel. You can go home now. If you still feel the need to tell Jim what happened, go ahead, I can’t stop you. You just won’t be able to do it tonight, and by the time you tell him, Kyle will be gone anyway.”
By the time I was back in my room, Grant was in his car and driving away.
Two nights in a row ended really shitty due to my brother’s friends. Both of them called me pretty, and neither one of them meant it.
Chapter Five
My parents arrived back home a few hours earlier than expected. My mom rambled on and on about the food at the resort and how much weight she must have gained indulging. “I had to unbutton my pants on the flight home,” she leaned in and whispered.
“I need more towels for school.” I was back to being in a bad mood. “And don’t freak out. I bought make-up and charged it.”
“Oh, okay.” My mother was insulted I changed the subject and didn’t want hear more about the food she ate on her week away. Sorry, but I just didn’t care. I wasn’t normally such a witch. I think that was why she let it slide and left me alone the rest of the afternoon going about her usual routine of ignoring me.
Jim came home in time for dinner and I held my breath waiting to see if Grant had been in touch with him. His calm demeanor showed he obviously hadn’t. Who knew, maybe what I said got through and Grant changed his mind about telling Jim about Kyle.
A phone sounded and both Jim and I reached for our phones. Mine had no messages; it was Jim’s. He looked down at his text and then up at me. I started to freak. It had to be Grant.
He responded. His phone went off, and again, he looked back up at me. This was not good. I couldn’t keep from staring at my brother watching his reaction to whatever texts he was reading. Would he confront me about Kyle in front of our parents?
Jim placed his phone down and threw his hands up. “What the hell?”
I had no clue what to say. My mom placed her fork down and turned to my brother. “What’s the problem?”
“I’m texting Jeanie, and Dopey’s just sitting there gawking at me the whole time.”
“Jim, cut it out,” my mother scolded. “Please don’t call your sister names. My God, you’re twenty-two years old. Grow up.”
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