Texting time was over. I dialed the phone and Jim picked up.
“Grant said something to you about my birthday?”
“Yeah, I talked to him last night and he mentioned your birthday and then I felt like shit because I completely forgot. He got mad at me, too. He called me an asshole for forgetting,” Jim laughed.
“Oh, um, is he coming to Thanksgiving, too?”
“Not for dinner, but I’m sure he’ll stop by after. Everyone always does. Why?”
“No reason, I was just thinking about having some friends stop by too, but if you are, then I won’t.” I fibbed.
“Really? Are you making a lot of friends at school?” Jim sounded surprised. With good reason, I wasn’t exactly a social butterfly.
“Yeah, school’s great. I gotta go.” I needed to get off the phone so I could process this information.
“Sorry again about your birthday.”
“Uh-huh, no problem, bye.” I hung up.
I didn’t give a crap that Jim forgot my birthday. But I couldn’t get over that Grant remembered. And he was coming over on Thanksgiving. He had said maybe we’d see each other and it looked like we definitely would.
I couldn’t wait.
In one month, I’d see Grant again.
Chapter Ten
It was a day of thankfulness and I was extremely thankful.
My eyebrows were shaped and groomed, and since the big six-dollar change, my make-up looked even better. Kenna showed me a trick with lip liner to make my lips look plumper. I even pulled my hair back like Melody suggested when she was being a bitch that night at the bar. I wore my favorite jeans and a cream-colored sweater. Throughout the day, all my family kept commenting about how grown up I looked since leaving for school. It was just the boost I needed to build my confidence knowing I would be seeing Grant.
Kyle and I shared a few awkward glances during dinner. In the hallway, we had a moment away from everyone and he apologized for his drunken behavior over the summer.
“Thank you for not say anything to Jim about what really happened.”
“It’s over. I’ve forgotten about it.” I honestly had. It was what happened after that night with Grant that had clouded my brain ever since.
“So we’re good?”
“Absolutely,” I assured him, glad to have the awkwardness behind us and move on.
The mature adults stayed at the table sipping coffee while the less mature adults filled the backroom. My cousins, Jeanie and Kyle, and then one-by-one, Jason, Wade and eventually, Grant all joined into the growing party.
I was tucked away on the couch in the back when Grant walked in. He scanned the room, like he was looking for me, but when his eyes landed on mine, he froze. I smiled and he immediately looked away and walked over to shake hands with Jim.
Okay, I hadn’t been expecting a huge romantic reunion—well, maybe a little—but I hadn’t expected that either. Not even a hello or a smile.
We didn’t talk. Not one word. I had gone right back into the ignored-little-sister roll. But I plastered on a smile and sat in the background watching everyone have fun. Jeanie could tell something was off with me. She asked me if I wanted to talk and I told her there was nothing to talk about, and it was the truth.
It wasn’t a long night. Everyone was tired, bloated and ready for bed. My cousins were the first to go. Jeanie rubbed her stomach and said she needed a bath and a good night sleep. Her sweet tooth caused her to overdo it with the pumpkin pie. It was down to just the guys. That was my cue to leave. I stood up from my unnoticed little section of the room and gave one goodbye to the group. Goodnights and goodbyes were mumbled back from everyone except one.
I couldn’t believe it.
I needed to get out of the house. I grabbed my coat and stepped into the kitchen where my mom was loading the dishwasher. “I’m gonna take a walk.”
My mom stopped loading. “A walk? I’m the one who should be taking a walk. What are you trying to burn off? Those extra calories from dinner? You barely ate.”
“Yes, Mom, I’m skinny. I know. But skinny people are still allowed to take walks. Okay?”
“Mmm,” she grumbled. “Fine. Just be careful out there. Stay on the sidewalks. And bundle up, it’s cold.”
“Yes, Mom, I know it’s cold.” I was in college and nineteen, but it didn’t matter; I was still a child.
Greeted by the cool air, my thoughts immediately drifted to Grant. I wondered if that week spent together before school was all made up in my head. Maybe it had just been a stupid week of watching television and I played it up to be something much more because I was some desperate loser.
I walked fifty yards and turned around. Shit. It was freaking cold, way more than I expected. I walked back into the house and my mom walked into the hallway and laughed. “I told you it was cold.”
I ignored her. Yes, it was cold. She won. I was a child. My blood was boiling. I couldn’t be in the house one more second. I grabbed my purse and keys. “I’m going for a drive.”
The only place I could think of to go was Dunkin’ Donuts. Since Grant introduced me to their coffee, I was hooked. Since Dunkin’ Donuts are every few feet in Jersey and most of them are open all night, my addiction was an easy one to feed.
I went through the drive thru, got my fix and parked. The car stayed on and the heat flowed through the vents keeping me warm along with the coffee.
Red lights reflected and a car backed into the spot next to mine, lining us up driver to driver. My heart leapt when I looked up and saw Grant.
We rolled our windows down. “I followed you,” he said before I even asked how he knew where I was.
“Why did you ignore me tonight?”
“Why don’t you turn off your car and come into mine. I’ll try to explain.”
I did what he asked and shut my car off, making my way over to his. He reached over and opened his passenger-side door from the inside. A toasty stream of air welcomed me and his seats warmed my cold backside through my jeans. The inside of his car was dark, making it easier to hide how anxious I was to hear what he had to say.
“I haven’t stopped thinking of you since that week we spent together.” He started and suddenly the temperature in the car felt too warm. “But before you misunderstand, I need to explain that it’s not a good thing. You are confusing the hell out of me. One minute you’re Jim’s little sister getting in the way and the next you’re all grown up and sitting on my couch tempting me to make bad decisions.”
“I’m sorry.”
“See, that’s another thing. Why are you apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong. The only thing you’re guilty of is being naïve, yet another reason why this is just so wrong. You’re young. You’re innocent. You’re just a kid.”
I cringed. I hated being called a kid by him.
“When everyone left for school and it was just me and you that week, I started seeing you differently and how grown up you were. Then I walked into your house tonight and you were in the backroom, just like always, the little sister hanging out in the background. The guys were there, and all I could see was how wrong it was that we spent that time together.”
“But you said we were just friends, so why did it matter? Why couldn’t you at least say hi to me?”
He lowered the heat in the car. I wasn’t the only one getting too warm.
“I’ve been asking myself that same question all night. And all I can come up with is that maybe that week I started to look at you as something more and that’s not good.”
“No, it is good.” I reached out and touched his forearm. “Why would you say it isn’t good?”
“Because I just told you, I’m seeing these two sides to you and I’m not sure which one is right.”
Oh, wow, my heart pumped; he was seeing another side to me. I wanted him to let go of the kid and see me as a woman. Could he do that? There was only one way to find out.
“Finish the kiss.”
“What?”
&
nbsp; “Finish the kiss we started before I left for school. Then see how you feel.”
“Tori, that’s just looking for trouble. We shouldn’t do anything until we know for sure what this even is.”
“If you won’t kiss me, then I guess we know how you feel. There’s the answer.”
Grant gulped and nodded. “It’s better this way.”
Nooooo. All of the life was knocked out of me. My shoulders slumped. “It’s not. But I’m used to stuff like this.”
I moved for the handle on the door and he stopped me.
“If we did this, whatever this even is, and it went wrong. I have a lot to lose. Jim and I go way back; he’s my best friend.”
“Okay.”
“Plus, I wouldn’t even be able to see you a lot with school. We’d be doing the long distance thing. That doesn’t always work.”
“You already made the decision. You don’t need to keep piling on the excuses.” I tugged on the handle and stepped into the cold night air. “Goodbye, Grant.”
“Bye, Tori.”
A few steps later, I was in my car and on my way home.
He didn’t want me. He had a million excuses for why he didn’t want me. What was I really hoping for? That he had fallen for me? With my record for attracting men, his rejection wasn’t surprising. I didn’t know why I expected him to be any different.
Chapter Eleven
“Coming back to school for three weeks is bullshit. Holiday break should just start at Thanksgiving,” Kenna complained, annoyed she was being forced into studying for finals. She’d had four amazing days home with her boyfriend and all she wanted to do was go back home to him.
I was actually glad to be back at school and dreading going home for the long holiday break. Thankfully, my parents were too wrapped up in themselves to notice how depressed I was the rest of Thanksgiving weekend, and my brother, as usual, was too wrapped up in Jeanie to notice anything going on, so I was able to wallow in my room without any interruptions.
Kenna slammed her laptop shut. “I have to get out of here. I’ll go insane if I study for one more minute. Get dressed. Let’s go out.”
“No.” Kenna asked all the time. I always said no. Always.
“Tori, I’m begging you. I’ll go anywhere you want.”
“I want to stay in and study.”
“Why don’t we compromise and go out and study?” Kenna wasn’t going to give up easily. I could fight her on it or get it over with and give in to a compromise.
“The coffee shop. To study. That’s it.”
“Yay!” Kenna clapped and ran right over to her drawer sorting through all the beautiful bras lined up in row. She whipped off her shirt and threw on a striking black lace bra with red trim. Her yoga pants slid down and she replaced her pretty blue panties with a black lace thong that matched her bra. Skintight jeans and a low-cut red blouse, sheer enough to give away hints of the sexiness lying underneath, finished her look.
“I said the coffee shop and studying. What is all this?” I swirled my finger at her trolling-for-guys look.
“What, I can’t look good at the coffee shop?” She reached for her make-up bag and began applying eye shadow, glancing at me in the mirror. “It probably wouldn’t kill you to look a little nicer.”
I liked Kenna but…
Bitch.
I got up and rummaged through my clothes looking for something nicer than what I had on. I chose dark jeans and the cream-colored sweater I wore on Thanksgiving. Kenna forced my face up and dusted it with some bronzer and added a few strokes of mascara before I pushed her away. This was just studying, not a party.
The coffee shop was ridiculously crowded. We waited a few minutes before scrambling to get a table. I saved the seats, and Kenna went up to grab us a couple of coffees. She came back super quick with two steaming cups.
“I cut the line and they were free. You’re welcome, Miss Why-Do-You-Need-To-Dress-Nice-To Study.”
She smirked. I envied her.
I opened my laptop to start studying but Kenna kept hers shut and scanned the room, throwing flirtatious smiles around.
“What are you doing? I thought you were all happy and in love with your boyfriend and excited to go home so you can see him again over the holidays.” The coffee burned my tongue and I started blowing on it to cool it off.
Kenna huffed and rolled her eyes. “If my life was as boring as yours, I’d shoot myself.”
I tried to think of a quick comeback. There wasn’t one. Geez…maybe I should shoot myself.
“There’s the guys who bought us the coffee.” Kenna nudged her chin and I discreetly turned my head to look. They were looking at our table and discussing something very serious. They were cute. I wondered what they were discussing, but I couldn’t read lips, so I just shrugged and went back to work.
“Close your laptop. They’re coming over,” Kenna instructed, then reached over and did it for me.
“Hey,” guy number one said checking out Kenna. Guy number two didn’t say anything but his eyes were raking over her as well. “My name is Chase, and this is Brendan.”
“Well, hello, Chase and Brendan. I’m Kenna and this is my friend, Tori. Thank you again for the coffees.” Her voice flowed like honey. The sweet tone even grabbed my attention and I heard her talk all the time.
“Do you mind if we sit with you guys?” Chase asked, still beaming down at Kenna.
“Please.” Kenna kicked the chair next to her out with her heeled boot.
Chase sat down and looked back up at Brendan who was still standing. “Sit.” The two of them had a silent war with their eyes before Brendan took the seat next to me.
Chase and Kenna sat close, leaning in for an intimate conversation. The way it looked, they’d known each other for years not minutes. Brendan and I sat struggling to make small talk. Our boring conversation consisted of classes and finals. We clearly did not have the chemistry that Chase and Kenna instantly had.
I was trying. It just wasn’t working.
“So, what do you think I should get my mom for Christmas?” Brendan asked when the school talk died down.
We really had nothing to talk about.
“Oh, um, I don’t know, does she wear perfume?”
“I think so. That’s a great idea. I’ll be right back.” Brendan stood and motioned for his friend to come with him. Chase grunted his annoyance but followed his friend to the back of the shop.
Alone at the table, Kenna reached for my hand and squeezed it. “This is awesome. I met someone, you met someone. I think we’re both getting lucky tonight.”
“You’re crazy. Brendan and I barely have anything to talk about. He just asked me what he should get his mom for Christmas.”
“No, I just talked to Chase. I’m gonna go to his place and Brendan is gonna go back to our room with you.”
“What? No way. He’s not interested, and besides, how would I even get him into our dorm?”
“He is interested. Are you?” She smiled. “And he’s cute. You finally ready to get a little action up here?”
No. I wasn’t. Or maybe I was.
Getting Brendan into our dorm wouldn’t really be that hard. Kenna had figured out every trick there was. It would be easy to sneak him in. He was cute. Nowhere near as cute as Grant, but that didn’t matter anymore. Grant wouldn’t kiss me and if there was someone else who would, then yes, I guess I was ready to get a little action. I had to. It was time.
The guys returned and Chase helped Kenna into her coat. Brendan played with the sleeves of his coat while I put mine on. Outside the shop, Chase wrapped his arm around Kenna pulling her in to keep her warm. Brendan kept his hands in his pockets.
“Here take my laptop, too, since you’re going back to the room.” Kenna piled her laptop on top of mine.
“Get her home safe, Bren,” Chase yelled over his shoulder and he and Kenna took off down the street.
“You owe me,” Brendan shouted back. “Big time!”
His resp
onse was a kick in the stomach. I was naïve, but I wasn’t stupid.
“You don’t have to walk me to my dorm,” I said politely.
“What does that mean?” Brendan asked snidely.
“It means I don’t want you to walk me to my dorm.”
“Oh, you don’t want me? That’s funny.” He threw his head back and chuckled. “That is fucking priceless. I take one for the team and play the ultimate wingman and now you don’t want me to walk you to your dorm. Fucking. Priceless.”
“Sorry, goodnight.” I turned to get away from him. The change in his demeanor from bored to mean was intimidating. I started shaking.
“You don’t need to be sorry - Gory.” He emphasized so I knew just how ugly he thought I was. “You are letting me off the hook big time. For the record, I wouldn’t have hooked up with someone who looks like a ten-year-old boy. In fact, are you actually a boy? Do you have a dick?”
I began running. Tears streamed down my face. I need to get away from him as fast as I could, but I had to be careful because I was stuck carrying two fucking laptops. I made it back to my room and the tears turned into sobs. The hits just kept on coming. No matter where I was or who I was with, I was rejected. How had simply studying and coffee turned into that?
It took a long time to calm down. The hatred and self-loathing was building up brutally inside. I washed my face, changed into my pajamas and hid under my covers. My cell sounded and I figured it was Kenna probably checking in on me and making sure I was okay. I wondered if she knew what happened. Had Brendan gone back and told them? Were they making fun of me? Did Kenna feel bad?
I looked at the number and saw it was my brother, not Kenna. I wasn’t crying anymore so I answered.
“Hello.”
“Hey, what’s up?” Jim’s voice actually made me homesick.
“Nothing, just studying.”
“Listen, what do you think I should get Mom for Christmas?”
A sob built in the back of my throat and I wasn’t able to answer.
“Tori?”
I couldn’t say anything; if I did I would cry.
“Tori, is everything okay? Answer me.”
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