by Sarra Cannon
“Shut up,” Parrish said. She stood up, wanting to be as far away from Karmen right now as she could. Otherwise, she was seriously going to hurt that girl. “You don’t know anything about reality. You’ve been living in this perfect little dream world most of your life, too blinded by your own ego to see what’s really going on around you.”
“Perfect?” Karmen sat up straighter, pulling her arms out from under the blanket and flailing them as she shouted. “You don’t know the first thing about my life if you think it was perfect.”
Parrish crossed her arms in front of her chest. “What made it so hard? Being the most popular girl in school? No, wait, it had to have been the fact that teachers gave you perfect grades just because you were a cheerleader.”
“Oh, that’s right. Poor Parrish is the one who has had such a tough life, right? What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you before your mom died? Someone forcing you to wear an actual color instead of black or white?”
“Stop it,” Noah shouted. “Karmen, you don’t know for sure your family is dead. Your brother could still be alive. Doesn’t he live in Bethesda? That’s not that far from here. Maybe we could—”
“I saw him,” Karmen said, her voice flat. “My older brother Todd. He was in my house the other day when I went back to get my things. He looked at me like he had no idea who I was. He just wanted to kill me.”
“What?” Noah moved to the edge of his seat. “Todd was in your house? Why didn’t you tell me? How did he even get there?”
Parrish’s eyes grew wide. She’d seen her brother and then not even told them about it? Why was everyone still keeping so many secrets from each other? It was as if they didn’t want to talk about what they were really feeling because if they talked about it, that would mean it was real. They would have to make the choices they didn’t want to make.
Karmen pressed herself deeper into the couch and pulled the blanket up to her chin. “I don’t know,” she said. “It didn’t seem real, but none of this does, does it? We’re all living in a nightmare and the sooner we admit to ourselves that they’re all gone, the better off we’re going to be.”
Parrish sat down on the edge of the fireplace. No matter what life was like before the virus, everyone left on earth was getting a crash-course in pain and suffering. Even the people whose lives seemed perfect before.
Still, Karmen shouldn’t have said that about her sister. Just because Todd was dead didn’t mean Zoe was.
“Look, you guys do whatever you want,” she said. “Go to the evacuation point and let them take you to the survivor camps. I’m sure they’ll keep you safe and have food and everything you need to stay alive, just like they said. But I’m not coming with you. If there’s any chance my sister is still alive, I’m going to find her. I promised her I’d come for her.”
She stood up and walked toward the stairs. Noah called her name, but she didn’t turn around. She already felt the hot sting of tears in the corners of her eyes and she was so tired of other people seeing her cry. She wasn’t weak. She didn’t want anyone to think she was weak.
She stomped up the stairs, made her way to the guest room that would be hers for one more night, and collapsed onto the bed. She refused to let the tears come. She just took in a deep breath and held it until her lungs burned, then pushed it out in one long exhale.
Someone knocked on the door and she sat up, determined to keep her cool. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore. End of story.
“Can I have some privacy please?” she said.
Noah opened the door anyway, stepping inside. “No.”
She drew her eyebrows together, her face tight. “No?”
“No,” he said. He moved to the bed and sat down beside her. So close their knees were almost touching.
Parrish squirmed. How could he just barge in here and tell her that she couldn’t have any privacy?
“Look, I completely understand that you want to go get your sister,” he said. “I know what it’s like to hold on to that last drop of hope, but Karmen’s right. It’s time we started being honest with ourselves about what’s really going on.”
“She’s still alive,” Parrish said. “I know it.”
“Even if she is, they are probably making her evacuate, too,” Noah said. “She’s in the most densely-populated city in the world. There’s no way we could get to her in time, even if we tried.”
There had to be millions of deaths within the city alone, and if even ten percent of those who died had awakened? Parrish shuddered at the thought. For all she knew, the military may have bombed the city and not even bothered evacuating any survivors.
The thought made her feel ill.
“Zoe’s all I have left. I promised her I’d come for her, and I can’t just leave her there without trying.”
Noah leaned forward and brushed her hair from her cheek. The feel of his skin brushing against hers was electric. “She’s not all you have left,” he said. “And if you’re going after her, then I’m coming with you.”
Parrish looked up. “I couldn’t never ask you to do that,” she said. “It’s too dangerous.”
“You don’t have to ask,” Noah said. His eyes met hers and her lips parted, breathless. “If we’re finally being honest with each other, then I’m not going to hold this in any longer. I’d rather risk dying to be with you than be alive without you.”
“Noah—” His name was a whisper on her lips as he leaned closer, an electric current flowing in the air between them. She’d never wanted someone to kiss her as much as she wanted him right now.
But kissing him would mean opening herself up to something she wasn’t sure she was ready for.
What if she lost him, too? None of them were even sure if they would live until tomorrow. She couldn’t let herself fall for him. It would hurt too damn much when he was gone.
Still, the pull of him was like being caught in the undertow of a mighty ocean. No matter how hard she fought it, it kept pulling her back under.
Parrish closed her eyes, surrendering to him.
Just before his lips touched hers, though, Karmen cleared her throat behind them.
Noah stood abruptly and Parrish scrambled back toward the headboard, pulling a pillow into her lap.
“Don’t let me interrupt,” Karmen snapped. “I didn’t realize you two were an item.”
Parrish gritted her teeth. That girl seriously had it coming to her. “We aren’t,” she said.
“Riiight,” Karmen said, her eyes narrow and her lip curled up on one side in a sneer. “Makes me wonder what other secrets we’re all keeping from each other.”
Noah looked down and cleared his throat. Parrish studied him. Was there something else he was hiding from her?
“Did you need something?” he asked, looking at Karmen.
She shrugged. “I was just going to ask if we had a plan for going back to our separate houses to gather our things,” she said. “I never got a chance to get my bags packed, but there are some things I want to get before we leave.”
Parrish pulled the pillow closer to her chest and lay her head against it. There were some things she’d like to get from her own house, too, but they would have to leave in the morning if they were going to get to the evac point in time. “If we’re going to do it, we need to get started soon,” Parrish said. “It could take most of the day to get packed up and ready. We’re burning daylight.”
“So you’re coming to the evacuation with us?” Karmen asked.
Parrish set the pillow aside and stood. “No,” she said, glancing at Noah, unsure exactly where they stood. Unsure where she wanted them to be. “I’ll go with you as far as the hospital, then I’m going my own way.”
Noah
Noah grabbed the gun from the floor beside the door and handed it to Parrish.
“Are you sure you want to come?” He looked at Parrish. She looked so small and vulnerable with that shotgun in her hand, but her grip was strong and from the looks of it, this wasn’t
the first time she’d ever held a gun. And if anything happened to her, he wasn’t sure he could handle it right now. He wanted her here inside, safe.
“I’m sure,” she said, her fingers tightening around the butt of the gun. “If I have to sit in this house with Karmen much longer without some fresh air, I’m going to go insane.”
He tried not to smile, but he couldn’t help himself. Those girls had really been at each other’s throats lately. Hadn’t they once been best friends? He remembered them always hanging out at each other’s houses when he first moved here. He had no idea what had torn them apart, but they obviously couldn’t stand each other now.
Movement at the top of the stairs caught his eye and he looked up just in time to see Karmen disappear into his dad’s old room. She’d probably heard what Parrish said, but could she really be that surprised?
“Karmen?” He called up to her before she had a chance to shut herself inside.
She poked her head out of the door and stared down at him. “Yes?”
“We’ll be back in a few hours,” he said. “We’ll go out the back door. If we’re not back by nightfall, you have to board it back up, okay?”
Some of the hardness in her face softened and she stepped into the hallway, her arms hugging her chest. “You’ll be back, though, right?”
The way her voice wavered made his stomach flip. He hated to leave her alone. She was still pretty shaken up about what happened with his dad. And could he blame her?
But this house was the safest place for her right now. She would be fine as long as she remembered to board the door back up by the time it got dark out.
“Yeah, we’ll be back,” he said, wanting to comfort her. “Just if, for whatever reason, we can’t make it back in time, you’ve got to remember to put the boards back up and lock the door, okay?”
She nodded and stepped toward the banister as if she wanted to say something else.
“Would you rather just come with us?”
Beside him, Parrish groaned. He didn’t really want to take Karmen, either. She’d do nothing but complain the whole time and would probably slow them down, but she seemed so scared.
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I’ll be fine, are you kidding? Some time alone sounds great right now. I’ll probably just take a nap or something.”
She did a good job pretending not to care, but he knew it was all an act. Underneath her fake confidence, she was terrified of being left completely alone.
“We’ll be back,” he said again.
She shrugged. “No problem. See you guys later.”
Her voice caught on the words slightly, as if she were holding back tears. She turned and went back into the bedroom. He kind of wanted to go up and check on her. To make sure she was really okay. And more importantly, to make double sure she understood what to do if they didn’t come home.
But they were already getting a later start than he’d hoped. They needed to get going. With the evacuation tomorrow, today would be their only chance to gather up supplies for the road.
He grabbed a second shotgun from the living room. He stuffed two boxes of shells into his backpack, then handed Parrish an empty backpack filled with old grocery bags.
“I thought we’d go by Karmen’s first,” he said, organizing his own bag then hefting it onto his shoulders. “There’s no way to know if her brother is still hanging around inside, so we’ll have to be extra careful.
Parrish situated her own bag on her back. She picked up the sword she’d brought over with her and threaded it through the straps on her back. She’d spent a few afternoons sharpening it with her dad’s sharpening stone and it shined brighter than ever. “Sounds good,” she said. “I have Karmen’s wish list.”
Taking her cue, Noah added his bat to his bag, too. Guns were great at long distances, but if they got into an enclosed area, the bat might be better.
They walked to the kitchen and he carefully pried the wood off the door until he could push it open. He and Parrish climbed out, leaving as many of the original boards in place as they could.
The sun was shining today, but there was a slight breeze that made the heat more tolerable. It was the kind of summer morning everyone would have loved. There should have been a dozen kids playing in their yards today. People should have been out jogging or walking their dog. Cars should be packed up for a day at the park or on the lake. Noah could picture it so clearly in his mind.
But in reality, the street looked like a wasteland. Trash bags were piled up in front of houses. Some had ripped open, their contents spilling into the streets and fluttering on the overgrown grass. The flyers that had been dropped from the helicopters were still scattered along the sidewalk and in the yards.
Several of the houses were boarded up just like his, but he had no idea if anyone was still alive inside or not.
From somewhere on the next street, the smell of fire and ash floated on the breeze.
Noah wondered how many people were alive in the neighborhood, hiding out in their houses like they were? How many were left in the world at this point?
Parrish stood near the middle of the road looking toward her house. In the bright sunlight, her hair was shiny and black. She’d pulled it up into two pigtails, almost like a little girl. At the same time, though, she looked strong.
“You ready?” he asked.
She nodded and started off toward Karmen’s house across the street.
The door stood wide open. Had he left it like that the day he came over here to find her? He couldn’t remember. Either way, if the door had been open for the past few days, they might find more rotters inside than just Todd. Or what used to be Todd.
Parrish walked through the door, fearless. She had one hand on the hilt of her sword. Her other hand held one of the large flashlights she’d grabbed from his house. He took the smaller one out of his pocket and swept its light around the entrance area.
Noah wished the power was still on. At least then they’d be able to see what they were dealing with.
Inside, the house was hot and muggy. He stepped around Parrish to open the blinds on either side of the entryway. Light streamed in and most of the stairway came into view. “Karmen’s stuff should be upstairs, mostly. What all is on her list?”
Parrish pulled a piece of paper from the top of her boot. “Her makeup bag. Surprise.” Her tone was laced with disdain. “Hair brush. Deodorant. Razor. Cell phone and charger. Clothes. Basic Karmen stuff.”
“Yeah, that should all be in her room, I’d think. Do you know which one is hers?”
Parrish nodded. “Unfortunately, yes I do.”
Noah let her lead the way up the stairs. Just in case, he pulled his gun from his bag and flicked the safety off. As they passed doors to some of the bedrooms, he closed them off, not wanting anyone—or anything—to sneak up behind them in the dark. He wasn’t sure those things could even open doors on their own. So far, they didn’t seem to be very intelligent. They were more like animals than people, really.
“Her room is the last one here at the end of the hall,” she said, shining the flashlight on the closed door.
The deeper they got in the darkness of the enclosed hallway, the more fear began to play with his head. With no power on, there was almost no noise at all. Just the thumping of his heart against his ribs.
He kept looking behind him, to be sure no one was back there.
Parrish reached out and turned the knob on Karmen’s bedroom door. She pushed the door open, then stepped back, her hand moving back up to her sword. Noah pointed his gun straight inside the room, half expecting Karmen’s brother to come lumbering out at them, teeth ready for chomping.
But a quick sweep of the flashlight inside the room showed no hungry zombies.
Noah relaxed his shoulders and stepped past Parrish into the room. Karmen’s suitcases were already laid out on the bed. She must have been working on getting some of her things packed last time she’d come in here. She hadn’t gotten much done, t
hough.
“Did she have a list of clothes she wanted? Or just random clothes?”
“Oh there’s a list,” Parrish said, handing it to him. “I’ll go get the stuff from the bathroom and leave you here to try to figure out where she keeps her thongs.”
Noah laughed. “Thanks,” he said. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”
Parrish disappeared into the bathroom and the two of them worked on getting Karmen’s belongings packed into some of the small plastic grocery bags they’d brought.
Noah did his best to get the specific things Karmen listed, but some of these things he had no idea what they even were. What was the difference between a sports bra and a racerback? Or were they the same thing? He shook his head and grabbed a couple different bras from the pile in her drawer. She listed black yoga pants and black capri pants, but he wasn’t even sure what a capri was. He laid a couple options out on the bed and went in to ask Parrish for help.
In the bathroom, she was just finishing up. She had two large bags full of hair bows and makeup and brushes and things.
“I think I’m done,” she said. “What do you want to bet she’s not going to be able to use half this stuff once she gets there? I mean, do you really think they’re going to have a curling iron station in a refugee camp?”
Noah took the bags she handed out and stuffed them into his backpack. “Hey, if it makes her feel better to have them, let her believe that she’s going back to some kind of normal life,” he said. “But you’re probably right. There’s no way to really know what to expect, but I doubt it’s going to be a life of luxury.”
He swallowed, then looked up at her in the half-darkness. He wanted to talk to her some more about what they were going to do. Did she really want to go to New York? Did she even want him to go? There was a moment before Karmen interrupted them that he thought she wanted to kiss him as badly as he wanted it, but now he couldn’t be sure. She’d closed herself off just as fast as she’d opened up. He never felt like he really knew where he stood when it came to Parrish.
