Trapped inside an image
With no reason or rhyme
They may think that they know me
What the hell do they know?
They see the shine of the spotlights
But they don’t reach my soul
But you came
And you saw things
Even I couldn’t see
You connected
And perfected
Showed me who I could be
You’re the only one
Who could see the real me
Always kept my true self hidden
Behind a door locked away
From a world who would judge me
And the things they would say
But you have this vision
To see past my disguise
And there’s nowhere to run
From the light in your eyes
Cause you came
And you saw…
Chapter Forty-Seven
Ashland
I saw them on the beach. Linc and Simone. Karen and Ramon. Diesel. But I ignored them. Got back on my board and went out for another wave. I didn’t want to come in. Not yet. I wasn’t ready.
I exited a tube just before it collapsed, pumped the remnants part way in and dropped back into the water. Dipping my head into an incoming wave to get my hair out of the way, I was just about to go back out when I heard him calling.
“Yo, asshole.”
Diesel.
Fuck.
“Yeah?” Throwing my arms around my board, I lifted my gaze to him.
“She’ll be here soon.” His dark eyes sparkled with unexpected excitement. “If you don’t come in now you’ll miss her again.”
“Yeah, I know,” I admitted. “I just needed a little time out here to get my head right.”
Fanny had been on her way to the coffeehouse. She’d missed us because she had gotten stuck in traffic and because we’d had to leave shortly after performing the song due to city ordinances and the growing crowd of fans. We’d been in the Woodie Wagon halfway into a two-and-a-half-hour return trip to OB when Karen had called to relay the information.
I swung my board around turning the nose to the shore.
“Alright.” My thoughts continued to churn. She was coming. And I wasn’t planning on letting her leave ever again.
I turned to regard Diesel. He was kicking in beside me. The waves weren’t propelling us fast enough. “She’ll go to the penthouse first.” I was thinking out loud.
“Yeah, so.”
“So she’s everything, Diesel. I know you don’t believe in love. But she’s it for me. The real deal.”
“I believe in it. Theoretically. For other people.”
“Love is the most powerful compelling wave you’ve ever seen.” I needed to explain this to him in terms he could understand. “It’s knowing even as you take that wave that you’ll never completely master it. It’s using all the skill and life experience you have, but it’s also letting go because you know there’s no other choice for you and no better ride to bring you home to the perfect shore.”
He gave me a wide eyed blank look in response to my explanation.
I sighed, maybe there wasn’t ever going to be any hope for him. “Well, the coffeehouse thing got flubbed. I want this time to be right.” My feet hit the sand. I tucked my board under my arm and jogged to join the others to tell them what I had in mind. Karen got on the phone again to see how far away Fanny was, and how much time we had so I’d know if my new idea was feasible.
“She’s on the Five,” Karen informed us. “Turning off at the Seaworld exit. Thirty minutes tops before she’s here.”
“Ok, everyone. To the Deck Bar. We need to get all the battery-operated blinking candle things Doug has. Karen,” I pointed at my eyes then spun my two fingers around to direct them at hers. “You gotta stall for time while we set things up. Call her again. Tell her to go to the penthouse. Make sure she does. Make sure she gets up on the roof.”
She nodded her agreement, then we all sprang into motion.
~ ~ ~
Fanny
“Can’t you go any faster?” I asked the driver.
“I could, Miss, if there weren’t a bunch of cars in front of me.”
“Alright,” I puffed out an impatient breath and drummed on my legs.
Settle down, I told myself. Stop the drumming. I’d be there shortly. He knew I was coming. After that song, I knew how he felt. We would be together soon.
Shortly felt too long. And soon did not take into account how long I had been in the backseat of this car. From before noon to now with the sun on its way down.
I popped my door open the moment the driver parked. I thanked him and jumped over the curb onto the sidewalk. My yoga pants stretching well with my rapid strides, my Chloés were a purple blur of motion over the concrete. Luckily, there was plenty of light around the building, and I knew my way to the door.
With my Lakers cap, my knight’s favor, crowning my head, I punched in the code for the elevator Karen had provided. No security guard now to check in with, I was going straight up. When I reached the floor and got to the door, I stopped. I didn’t have a key. I knocked, tapping my foot impatiently.
“C’mon, Ash.” I couldn’t wait to see his face, to throw my arms around him. The door popped open just as I was about to draw my cell out of my pocket.
“Karen,” I said my disappointment evident. She looked windblown, stray strands of blonde snarled around her head. “You ok? Where’s Ash?”
“I’m fine. Just a little out of breath. I was outside. A little errand.”
I touched her arm. “Where is he? Wherever that is, that’s where I want to be.” She cast her gaze upward. “Is he up on the roof?”
“Well,” she hesitated. “Let me show you.”
“No, that’s ok. I know the way. Why don’t you get a drink of water? Sit down. Take it easy.”
“Sure.” She smiled. “I’ll do that.”
“Good.” I turned for the stairs.
“Good to have you back, Fanny.”
“Good to be back!” I yelled over my shoulder before taking the stairs two at a time. Up at the top, I shoved open the door and burst through the opening. A quick glance around left me confused. No one was there.
What’s going on? I wondered as my cell rang. I drew it from my pocket. It was a number I didn’t recognize.
Him?
I answered. “Hello.”
“Fanny.” His deep voice made my heart flutter.
“Ash,” I returned, suddenly breathless as if I’d sprinted the stairs all over again.
“You on the roof?” he queried.
“Yeah. Where are you? What’s going on?”
“Go to the half-wall, baby and look out.”
I did, and I saw. Lights floating on the water, surfers bobbing and holding them up in the air. The little flickering ones that had been all over his bedroom the night he had made love to me. On the shore they were arranged in a line, an arrow on the end. It pointed to a circle where he stood. “You called it, gypsy rose. You knew. The penthouse might be a sanctuary, but it’s a lonely place to be without someone to share it with. Come on down, let’s start living our life right now together.”
I did. I practically flew. The living room was empty on my return trip through it. The public parking lot was full. I skirted through the cars. I rushed down the steps to the beach. Karen and Ramon. Simone and Linc. They were all there. A little puff ball, too. Simone’s dog Chulo bounded around everyone on the sand. A blinking light was attached to his collar. They were my reception line at the shore. I received pats on the back as I slowed to walk to Ash. Inside the circle of light, the breeze tossed his platinum hair around his handsome face. His smile as I stepped into the circle with him nearly blinded me. He opened his arms, and I launched myself into them, knocking him back some with my momentum. His strong arms banding around me, he swung me around in a circle.
“Namaste,” he told me as I slid down
his body, my curves conforming to his compelling strength. “Honor, light, love, truth, beauty and peace are within you, Fanny. I see them because they are also within me, and I share them with you. In sharing them I complete the circle the way you complete me. We are united. We are one.”
“Namaste,” I returned. “I missed you.” I brought my hands up to his face and framed it.
“You decided?” His eyes searched mine while his friends, our friends, watched us.
“It wasn’t a decision. You plus nothing else was all I ever needed.”
“I feel the same. You turned my regrets into peace, my missteps into certainties. You gave me a second chance, a new start when you filled my lonely tower with your light. And now that spark has spread to our friends. Look around. You’ve set the beach and the whole ocean on fire.”
“Where thou art, there is the world itself.” My gaze traveled over his beloved face. I smiled feeling like my mom was there giving us her blessing as I quoted Shakespeare. “You sure you won’t get bored with just me?”
“Impossible, gypsy rose. I have at least a million fantasies involving you to fulfill.”
“I have some with you, too,” I admitted.
“Right, so we’ll take turns fulfilling them to be fair. After we work our way through the back catalog we’ll start working on some new ones. I calculate that we’ll be through…right about ‘never’.” His expression reverent, his eyes were no longer dark anymore. They glittered with hope like the beach all around us. “It’s just you, Fanny.” He lowered his head. “I only want you.” Oceanside eyes of blue filled my vision. “I only love you.” I closed my eyes as his warm lips touched mine, and I received his perfect kiss again.
The first one he gave me made me his.
This one made him mine.
Epilogue
Fanny
I woke to the sound of the automatic blinds whirring as sunlight streamed into the room. I turned my head from the windows to look at him. Well, what I could actually see of him. His face was buried in the side of my neck beneath a ruby jumble of curls. He teased me about having my nose always pressed to his skin, but his obsession with my scent seemed to be just as intense.
My lips curved as his strong arms tightened around my waist. It was good to be back in our own bed. Not that there was anything wrong with sharing a bunk on the tour bus. Being on the road with the Dirt Dogs felt like taking an extended road trip with friends. Still we both preferred the privacy of our penthouse.
Home.
We’d had lots of room to play last night and we had taken full advantage of the space. Up to the roof for dinner then making love in front of the outdoor fireplace under the stars. Then downstairs and the shower. Then the bed twice.
I’d worn my man out.
My man.
Swoon.
Ash was sound asleep, his breath soft and rhythmic as the sea where it unraveled at the shore. I stroked his arm, a light caress of my fingertips over golden skin dusted with fine platinum hair. My gentle touch woke him.
“Hey, little one.”
“Hey.” My heart hitched and then restarted faster in response to his slow lazy grin.
“You sleep ok?” I asked.
“I always sleep well with you.” His voice was a raspy rumble.
“Me, too.” One of his hands glided up my body. He stroked his thumb across the underside of my breast. My breath did more than hitch in response. It raced.
“So soft,” he purred. “Like a rose.”
“Ash,” I breathed as he found and pinched my already taut nipple.
“Right here with you, gypsy.”
“I know.” There was a smile in my voice. “Hard to dismiss your presence when we’re tangled together, and you have your hand on my tit.”
“I’m hard all right, and I’ll have more than just your tits in a moment.” He came up in the bed throwing a heavily muscled thigh over my leg, the hair on his rough against my smooth skin
“Promise?” Unabashedly I stared up at him while he gazed down with eyes cobalt blue like a wave rising from the depths ready to unleash its power.
“Promise.” Shiny sheets of platinum curtained his handsome face. “When have I ever not delivered?” He settled his hips between my thighs. I started to throb. Ok, truly I’d been throbbing since he had opened his eyes and smiled at me.
“There was that time in San Francisco,” I reminded him, inhaling sharply when he brushed the pad of his thumb over me.
“There’s no tour manager with a walkie talkie here.” He swirled a seductive circle around me.
“So stop teasing,” I said huffily. “And deliver.”
“You like my teasing.” His voice was low, the lines of his face drawn. I lifted my hips. He pressed his thumb right where I ached. “You’re so wet.”
“Please,” I moaned.
“Yes.” Balancing on one arm, his bicep flexed as he grabbed a condom and rolled it on. When his gaze hit mine, it glittered knowingly. He had caught me watching him.
“Babe.” He gave me the smile that creased his cheek and wrecked my heart. “Spread your legs wider.” I did. He slid in. My body stretched eagerly to accommodate him. He pulled out, he sank back in. I grabbed his tight ass and lifted my hips. He pounded into me one deep delicious thrust after another.
“Hold on, baby.” He seized my hips in a masterful grip. I placed the soles of my feet on the back of his tensed calves. He started to hammer into me. Toes to scalp, my entire body shimmered with the heat of his possession.
“Ash,” I warned, feeling it building, my breath catching on his next thrust. “I’m close.”
“I know, babe.” He growled. “You feel so good.”
“You do,” I countered, though he was pounding me so hard my voice rocked, my breasts bounced and my nipples tingled.
“Let it go,” he demanded. So I did, and the heady sensations tore through me.
“Ash!” I screamed as I detonated. “Yes! Yes! Oh, yes!” My ecstatic cries matched his powerful thrusts. The headboard slammed the wall. My climax crashed over me like a massive wave. I went under as he groaned, stiffened and erupted inside me. Our bodies melded by heat and passion, we tumbled through the pleasurable aftershocks together.
“I love you.” His voice was the lifeline I followed to return to the surface. The flame in the water. The heat. The light. My light.
~ ~ ~
Ashland
I watched her as she cooked us breakfast wearing nothing but my shirt. I watched her beneath my lashes as we did yoga side by side on the roof. I watched her while we surfed. But I wasn’t sitting on the sidelines of life anymore. I was an active participant because of her.
“Yo, Ash? Where’d you go just now?” Ramon bumped his shoulder against mine jostling me a little harder than was necessary. The dude was punchy from sleep deprivation since Dominica started teething. He and his surfer girl took turns rocking her back to sleep every night.
“Thinking about Fanny.” My gaze sought and found her, out on the dance floor, her eyes alight with her spirit. She held her own dancing with our friends. Karen and Simone were shimmying just as frenetically to the punk beat Freewave was laying down.
“They look good out there,” Linc decided as he returned from the bar, fresh brews in hand.
“Thanks.” I took one and we raised and clinked our bottles together.
“Fortunate fucks. All three of us,” Linc pronounced as he slid into the barstool next to mine.
“Yes,” I agreed wholeheartedly. “Only…” I shut down that thought. She said it didn’t matter. But it mattered to me. I wanted to give her the world. And I had wherever it was in my power to do so. Having, holding and keeping my gypsy rose happy were my goals. We only lacked that one piece that would make us a family.
“I know you’re anxious to get started since you’ve fulfilled all of our touring commitments,” Linc said watching me closely.
Yes, my preference was now. Everything was in place for us to have a bab
y. With Simone’s blessing Linc had donated his sperm in anticipation of Fanny’s eventual assisted reproductive procedure. Much on-line research, medical guidance and heart-to-heart discussions among the four of us had resulted in our decision. And it felt almost like closing a circle for Linc to be our sperm donor.
I glanced over at Simone as she appeared at my cousin’s side. Linc stood, pulling out her chair and helping her up into her seat.
“You ok?” he asked her, his gaze sweeping her head to toe.
“Yes.” She placed her hands over her significantly swollen abdomen. “Baby’s just kicking a lot.”
Linc grinned and put his hand over hers. “He likes to boogie.” His smile widened.
“She likes to boogie.”
“We’ll see,” he returned. They had agreed not to know the gender until the baby was born.
They were blitzed out happy about the pregnancy. We were all happy for them. But sometimes, because I watched Fanny so closely, I noticed her sadness when she regarded our friends. Our love was a beautiful miracle. She never made me feel like she was settling with me. Quite the opposite. But I knew with love there was always sacrifice.
“Want a soda?” Linc asked Simone.
“Yes. Please.”
“I’m on it.” Linc kissed her cheek and moved to get the overworked bartender’s attention.
“Glad to be home?” Simone asked me.
“Hell, yeah. We all are.”
“Karen and I are certainly glad you guys are back.” She turned her head. I followed the direction of her gaze. “Fanny’s happy.” Her tone was part statement part question.
“She is,” I clarified.
“Has she heard from Hollie yet?”
“Nothing on that front.” My gaze was frozen on my gypsy. She was making her way back toward our table, but periodically stopping to receive congratulations for her second academy award nominated song. The one she had written about the two of us.
“I wouldn’t worry.” Simone’s tone was as soothing as a gentle breeze. “Hollie just got back from filming in Switzerland. Once she gets a moment to unwind and relax, it’ll happen.” She cocked her head at an inquiring angle. “She is ready to start a family, right?”
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