For The Sake Of His Child

by Lucy Gordon

  ‘Et tu, Brute?’ she murmured.

  What was that? he signed.

  ‘It means that everyone laughs at my poor little car-even you.’

  Manners lost the battle. But it’s funny.

  ‘Oh, all right. I’ll tell you how I met your father the other day.’

  She described the incident, including how she’d had to climb into the car from the back, and he collapsed with amusement.

  ‘You do it,’ she said, opening the boot, and he scrambled through in delight.

  They reached the house to find only silence. There was no sign of Mrs Saunders, but the phone started ringing as they entered. It was the local hospital.

  ‘Mrs Saunders asked us to call this number and leave a message on the answeing machine,’ said a female voice. ‘She was involved in a motor accident-knocked down by a car. She isn’t seriously hurt, but she’ll be in here for a few days.’

  So that mystery, at least, was explained. She told Joey what had happened, emphasising that Mrs Saunders hadn’t deserted him deliberately. But he seemed more concerned with the fact that now he would have Gina to himself. His delight was touching, even though it dismayed her.

  ‘Right,’ she told him. ‘Let’s make this an adventure.’

  For dinner, she found eggs and bacon, plus some ice cream in the freezer, and the two of them had a banquet. Between mouthfuls they talked in silence. Joey chattered and chattered, as though something had suddenly set him free.

  She understood. There were people who talked with you as a duty and people who seemed to enjoy talking with you. And when you found one of the latter you made the most of them.

  Gradually the shape of Joey’s personality was becoming clear to her. He was lively, brave and intelligent, with a neat sense of humour. And when he got onto his favourite subject, marine life, he was unstoppable. This was more than a child’s interest, Gina realised. He really knew his stuff.

  As they were putting the dishes away, the phone rang. Probably Carson, to say he was going to be late.

  But the voice on the other end was female, and throatily seductive. ‘I don’t believe I know you.’

  ‘My name’s Gina Tennison and I’m here to look after Joey.’

  ‘Well, I’m Angelica Duvaine. Please fetch Carson.’

  ‘I’m afraid he isn’t here. He was kept late at a meeting.’

  ‘Oh, I can believe that. Him and his meetings! No time for his wife but always time for those damned meetings.’

  ‘But Joey is here. He’ll be thrilled that you called. I’ll fetch him.’

  ‘Whatever for? I mean, he can’t hear me, can he?’

  Gina drew a long breath. The impatience and irritation in the other woman’s voice had been too clear to miss.

  ‘No, but I can do sign language and interpret for you,’ she said.

  ‘Look, can you just give Carson a message?’

  ‘I’ll take your message when you’ve spoken to Joey,’ Gina said firmly. ‘I’ll fetch him now.’

  She heard a sharp gasp from the other end. This woman wasn’t used to being defied. Gina beckoned Joey to the phone and signed, Mother. Instantly the child’s face was brilliant with joy. He seized the receiver, and made a sound into it that Gina interpreted as, ‘Hello, Mummy.’

  Gina took the receiver. ‘What shall I tell him from you?’ she asked.

  ‘Well-say hello-and I hope he’s being a good boy.’

  ‘Shall I tell him that you love him?’ Gina asked, concealing her anger for Joey’s sake.

  ‘Yes-yes, tell him that.’

  Gina signed. Mummy says she hopes you’re being a good boy and she loves you very much.

  ‘Joey says, where are you?’

  ‘I’m in Los Angeles.’

  ‘He wants to know if you miss him.’

  ‘Of course I miss him. He’s my darling little son.’

  Gina signed this accurately, and Joey beamed.

  It was hard but she kept some sort of conversation going, prompting Angelica when she was stuck. Once she knew what was expected of her, Angelica got into the role, managing to say more or less the right things. And occasionally Gina embellished, to make the other woman’s faltering remarks sound better. Joey was in seventh heaven.

  Then the front door opened and Carson came in.

  He nodded a greeting to Gina, and headed for the kitchen.

  ‘Wait,’ Gina called to him. ‘It’s your ex-wife on the line. Just a moment.’ She turned back to the receiver. ‘Joey says-’

  Carson seemed to become aware of what was happening. A slight frown creased his forehead as Gina relayed Angelica’s words, suitably edited, back to the child.

  ‘Mummy has to go now, but she says she loves you-Joey says he loves you too, very much, and he wants to know when-’

  She broke off as Carson snatched the phone from her. ‘Brenda, what the hell are you playing at?’

  Gina shepherded Joey away. Luckily he was too happy to be troubled by his father’s abrupt action. She tried not to eavesdrop but Carson didn’t bother to lower his voice.

  ‘I told you to deal through my lawyer-and don’t give me that yearning mother act, because I’m not fooled any more. I was fooled for years-about that and a few other things-but not now.’

  He hung up sharply and swung around to Gina. ‘I ought to ask what the hell you imagine you’re playing at,’ he said furiously. ‘Do you think I can’t see through that little farce? Brenda, sending loving messages to her son! I’ll bet she was never so surprised in her life.’

  ‘But it meant the world to him-’

  ‘Got his hopes up, you mean. How will he feel when she doesn’t follow through? Did you stop to think of that?’

  ‘No,’ she admitted, dismayed. ‘I just wanted to give him a little happiness. I didn’t think about afterwards. I’m sorry.’

  ‘Of all the stupid-!’

  Then he realised his son was watching him.

  ‘Hello, son.’ Joey couldn’t hear the words, but he saw his father’s hand outstretched to him. Carson’s manner was awkward, but there was affection in the way he ruffled the boy’s hair. And when Joey’s arms went around him Carson returned the embrace fiercely. Gina caught a glimpse of his face before he bent it over Joey’s head, and she looked quickly away.

  She hadn’t been meant to see the mixture of unhappiness and helpless love in Carson’s face. That was for his child, if he could find the way to show it.

  ‘We’ve eaten,’ she said, following him into the kitchen. ‘But I’ll make you something.’

  ‘What’s happened to Mrs Saunders?’

  ‘She’s in hospital. She went out-to do some shopping, I suppose-and was knocked down in the street. It’s not serious, but she’ll be there for a few days.’

  ‘A few days?’ he echoed, aghast. ‘Damn! I’m sorry she’s hurt, of course, but she had no right to leave Joey alone here, even for a moment.’

  ‘I agree. But he managed brilliantly. He remembered my address from the other day, wrote it down and found himself a taxi. He’s a really bright child.’

  ‘Yes, he knew exactly who to head for, didn’t he?’ he asked heavily.

  To her astonishment, she realised that he was hurt. He hadn’t wanted his meeting interrupted, but it hurt him that Joey hadn’t even tried.

  ‘He knows how busy you are-’ she began.

  He flung her a look. ‘Don’t rub it in. Just tell me what’s going to happen now-without Mrs Saunders.’

  ‘Well, obviously I’m going to be here until she returns,’ Gina said lightly. ‘I thought you’d have decided that already.’

  ‘I-was going to ask you if you’d consider taking us on for a while,’ Carson said, picking his words carefully. ‘You seem to be able to cope with anything.’

  She smiled. ‘I guess I can cope with you and Joey.’

  ‘What, both of us?’ he asked, rallying his defences.

  ‘Both of you. Joey’s the easy one.’

  ‘Thank you,’ he said w
ith a touch of ruefulness. ‘I don’t know how I’d manage if you weren’t here.’

  She scribbled a number on a piece of paper, and gave it to him.

  ‘That’s George Wainright’s home number. You can settle it with him while I put Joey to bed.’

  He regarded her askance. ‘Think you’ve got me sized up, don’t you?’

  ‘Well, it’s not difficult,’ she said indignantly. ‘I just take it for granted that your juggernaut will ride on over us all, and I get it right every time.’

  ‘And you think that’s all I am? A juggernaut?’

  No, she thought, remembering the first day. There was something else in him, something that had seen the funny side of their collision and behaved generously, tried awkwardly to reach out to her, and then drawn back hastily. Something she wanted to know more about.

  ‘I think you’re a juggernaut when it suits you,’ she said.

  ‘And you think it suits me a lot, don’t you?’

  ‘Since you’re virtually my employer now, it wouldn’t be proper for me to answer that question.’

  ‘And do you always do what’s proper?’

  ‘You know I don’t. That’s why I’m in trouble at work-because I told you off.’

  Suddenly his attractive smile broke out. ‘Say what you like. I won’t tell on you.’

  She couldn’t help answering the smile. ‘I’m going to put Joey to bed. Why don’t you make that phone call?’

  ‘Whatever you say.’

  She came down half an hour later, having seen Joey nod off contentedly. Carson was waiting for her. ‘Can we talk?’

  ‘I’m afraid it’ll have to be later. If I’m going to stay here I’ve got to dash home and get some clothes.’

  ‘Will you be long?’

  ‘I’ll try not to be. A couple of hours, maybe.’

  ‘I’ll drive you-no, I can’t leave Joey alone, can I? It’s a pity he’s already in bed-’

  ‘Carson,’ she said gently, ‘sooner or later you’re going to have to learn to be alone with him.’

  ‘Yes.’ He grimaced. ‘I don’t come out of this very well, do I?’

  ‘You’re trying to do your best.’

  ‘My best seems to consist of clinging onto you. I guess he’s not the only one holding your hand.’

  ‘Well, I have a very steady hand,’ she assured him. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can.’

  Her little flat was a world away from Carson’s luxurious mansion, but it was her own, and when she’d hastily packed a suitcase she gave a regretful glance around.

  ‘Just a couple of days,’ she assured herself. ‘Then I’ll be back.’

  The streets were clear and she managed the journey fairly quickly. Even so, she arrived to find him standing in the porch, watching for her anxiously.

  ‘Joey awoke and found you gone,’ he said. ‘He thought you’d abandoned him. I tried to reassure him, but I-I can’t reach him.’

  From behind him Gina could hear moaning. She hurried past and saw Joey sitting on the stairs, his arms wrapped around his knees, rocking back and forth in misery. Tears poured down his face, and at first even she couldn’t get through to him.

  She took hold of his shoulders, and at last she managed to get him looking at her.

  ‘I’m here,’ she said clearly. ‘Joey, I’m here. I haven’t gone away.’

  He began to sign but he was too overwrought to organise himself and the attempt collapsed. He tried to speak. Gina listened carefully while he repeated the words again and again.

  ‘What’s he saying?’ Carson asked desperately.

  ‘He says he awoke and I wasn’t there,’ Gina interpreted at last.

  ‘But I was,’ Carson shouted.

  She signed. Daddy was here.

  Joey shook his head violently, pointing at Gina.

  ‘Don’t tell me,’ Carson said heavily. ‘I guess I understood that.’

  ‘I’ll take him back to bed.’

  It took time to calm Joey down, but at last he was ready to attend quietly while she explained where she’d been. When he heard that she’d collected clothes for a stay he brightened.

  Stay, he signed happily.

  ‘Just for a few days.’

  Stay.

  She sighed and left it there. This wasn’t the time to tell him that she would leave when Mrs Saunders returned. Let him be happy while he could. She waited until he was asleep, kissed him, and crept out of the room.

  Carson was waiting outside. ‘I’ve put you in this room next to Joey,’ he said. ‘It’s a bit small but it has a connecting door to him.’

  ‘That’s ideal.’

  The bed was stripped, but Carson showed her the airing cupboard, found sheets and blankets for her, and, to her surprise, even helped her make up the bed.

  ‘You have a talent for this,’ she said, observing his neat corners.

  ‘My mother made sure I did, or it was a clip round the ear. She taught me how to make coffee, too. I’ll have some ready downstairs, when you’re finished in here.’

  She went down a few minutes later to find him in the living room, with freshly perked coffee on a low table.

  ‘Is he all right?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, fast asleep.’

  ‘Now that you’re here.’

  She settled down and gratefully took the coffee he handed her. He watched her quizzically while she sipped it.

  ‘Perfect,’ she said.

  ‘I told you, I’ve been well trained.’

  An uneasy silence fell between them.

  ‘I’ve always prided myself on being on top of every situation,’ he said at last. ‘In business, that isn’t hard. But this-’ He sighed. ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘How did you ever get in this state? Why don’t you know him better?’

  ‘You don’t have to tell me that I’m to blame-’

  ‘I’m not trying to apportion blame,’ she insisted. ‘I just want to help Joey. He seems to think I have the answers, but I don’t really.’

  ‘We were so proud of him when he was born,’ Carson recalled. ‘It was a few years before he began to lose some of his hearing.’

  ‘He did have some hearing, then?’

  ‘Yes. The doctor gave him a hearing aid, and we hoped that might do the trick. I thought Brenda was a good mother until things went wrong. Her career was taking off, and she didn’t spend a lot of time with Joey, but she seemed to dote on him when she was here, and we had an excellent nanny.’

  ‘How much time did you spend with him?’ Gina asked gently.

  ‘I was away a lot, building up the business. But when I came back-he grew so fast-if you could have seen him then-such a strong, clever child. Everybody envied us-’

  He closed his eyes suddenly. Gina held her breath and didn’t speak. She could tell that he’d gone away from her, back to the time when the world had been bright with hope, before calamity had fallen on him.

  ‘I used to think about him as I was driving home,’ he went on, still with his eyes closed. ‘My little boy-my son-but better and stronger than me. He’d smile when he saw me, and I felt there was a secret understanding between us-a kind of promise for the future.’

  He opened his eyes and saw her looking at him in consternation. ‘I’m saying the wrong thing, aren’t I? But I don’t know why.’

  She shook her head. It would take too long to tell him. Besides, didn’t all new fathers see their sons as extensions of themselves? Valuing them as individuals came later. But in this case a tragedy had got in the way.

  ‘What happened then?’

  Carson threw himself back against the leather of the sofa and stared up at the ceiling.

  ‘For a while he seemed to be doing well. He started to make sounds. Some of them even began to sound like words. He was fighting it. But he was losing. When we took him back to be assessed again we found his hearing had worsened. The answer was another hearing aid, stronger. But it happened again, and again. Always the power being turned up as his hearing slippe
d away, until, about a year ago, he became profoundly deaf. Now he hears nothing, and he’s lost all the progress he seemed to have made.’

  ‘So you stopped seeing him as a promise for the future,’ she couldn’t resist saying. ‘And became ashamed of him.’

  He sat up. ‘Damn you, no! I was never ashamed of him.’

  ‘Are you proud of him?’ Gina asked remorselessly.

  ‘How can I be-? I’m sorry for him.’

  ‘Then don’t be. Why should you pity him? He’s got a really good brain. When he does finger-spelling, he never makes a mistake. Every word is spelled perfectly, even the difficult ones. How old is he, eight?’

  ‘Nearly. In a few weeks.’

  ‘Not even eight, and he has a reading age of at least twelve.’

  ‘Yes, his teachers say the same. They all tell me how bright he is in a patronising way, as though that makes it all right. Can’t any of you see that it makes it worse? It’s a hard world out there. I’ve discovered that for myself. And he’s going to have to survive in it. God knows how!’

  She sighed, understanding his confusion. This was a man who’d fought to impose his will on the world, and largely succeeded. But only in business. Fate had given him a son who was poorly equipped for life’s battles, and he didn’t cope with that fact very well.

  ‘Perhaps you’d better tell me a little about his school,’ she suggested.

  ‘He goes to a special place, near here, for children with disabilities. They’ve taught him signing and lip-reading, and they’re supposed to teach him to talk as well, but he’s not making much progress.’

  She nodded thoughtfully. ‘He talks almost like somebody who’s never heard a human voice.’

  ‘That’s what baffles me. He must have heard something when he was young.’

  ‘Yes, but he was too little to understand what he was hearing. When he was old enough to make the connection, the sounds had faded. I doubt if he remembers them now. So he never learned properly because children learn to talk by imitating what they hear.’

  Privately she thought there might be another reason: that Joey, too old and wise for his years, had reacted to his mother’s desertion and his father’s incomprehension by abandoning the effort to talk and retreating into his own world-a world of water, sharks and shells, where he was king.