by Lucy Gordon
Together they moved quietly into the doorway, and Gina heard Carson’s swift intake of breath. Joey was looking at his mother, smiling at her baby.
The little boy looked up and saw them. He touched the place behind his ear that was almost healed now, and signed something.
‘What did he say?’ Carson asked hoarsely.
Gina spoke with difficulty. ‘He asked-if his mother would come back-when he can hear again.’
She tried to give the child some kind of answer, to say that Brenda hadn’t gone away because of his deafness. But he gazed at her with sad, wise eyes until she gave up. After that he didn’t ask any more.
He watched the scene again, then again. Finally he froze a frame showing Brenda dropping a kiss on the forehead of the child that lay in her arms. And he sat there, gazing at it.
Gina turned away and went hurriedly into the kitchen. After a moment Carson followed her.
‘My God!’ he said softly. ‘My God!’
‘That poor little boy,’ Gina said huskily.
‘All this time I’ve tried to tell myself that Joey understood-about why I’ve tried to keep his mother away-I didn’t know he felt that way about her. Maybe I didn’t give him the chance to tell me.’
‘I do my best for him, but I can’t touch his real pain,’ Gina said with a sigh. ‘She’s his mother.’
‘A terrible mother-’
‘But still, his mother. And he wants her.’
‘He wants a fiction created out of his own imagination. The reality would only break his heart again.’
‘That picture of her holding him wasn’t imagination. It was real.’
‘But it stopped being real the moment she discovered that he had problems with his hearing. Why can’t he face it?’
‘Because he’s not quite eight years old. How can you expect him to face the fact that his mother doesn’t love him?’
‘Especially when his father’s such a miserable failure,’ Carson growled. ‘I suppose he had to cling onto something when I let him down too, and it was easier to fantasise about her, because she isn’t here.’ His eyes met hers. ‘You know all about that.’
‘Yes, I do. But don’t knock yourself. At least you’re trying now.’
‘Perhaps if I talked to him-I can do that now-try to explain that she-that-’
‘Can you explain why she never writes to him, never so much as sends him an email? She could do that easily enough, if she’d only bother.’
‘I thought she did. I’m sure they email each other.’
‘Yes, I thought so, until I read some of hers. She doesn’t write them, Carson. They read like a press release. I’m sure her secretary is very efficient.’
‘Damn her!’ he breathed.
‘Please, go and say something to him now.’
To their relief Joey was no longer looking at his mother. He’d returned to the pictures of himself and his father. As Carson came in he looked up and signed something.
‘Is that me?’ Gina translated, seeing that Carson was having trouble.
He put himself where Joey could see. ‘Yes, that’s you,’ he said slowly. ‘You were a great kid and-and you still are.’
The brilliant happiness in his son’s smile shocked him. Such a small compliment, but it meant the world to a child who wasn’t used to being told he was valued.
Joey pointed to the screen, and his fingers worked fast.
‘Where-?’ Carson concentrated hard. ‘Where was-Mummy? Mummy was taking our picture.’
More signing.
‘I don’t understand,’ Carson said urgently to Gina.
‘He said, “Were we all happy?”’
A strange, withered look came over Carson’s face. ‘Yes,’ he said at last. ‘Yes, we were happy.’
Before Joey could ask another question Gina tapped him on the shoulder and signed, Hungry?
Luckily this diverted him and he scrambled off the sofa and into the kitchen. Carson secured the video and put it away before following Joey and settling down to talk to him, while Gina put some pizza in the oven.
She deliberately stayed in the background until the snack was over and they put Joey back to bed together. The child was happy now, unaware that his very happiness was turning a knife in his father’s heart.
When they had left the room and closed the door Carson said, ‘Los Angeles is eight hours behind us. I might get her.’
He went down to his office and dialled his ex-wife’s number. Gina didn’t try to listen, but she couldn’t help hearing Carson saying, with edgy patience, ‘Just get her to the phone. I’ll wait.’
It was a long wait. Gina took him coffee and he gave her a brief smile.
‘She’s a star, and they never come to the phone at once,’ he said wryly.
But at last it seemed that Brenda had kept him waiting as long as she felt her status demanded, and Gina heard him say, ‘Brenda-what are you-? Never mind that. I need to talk to you seriously.’
Gina slipped out of earshot, although she longed to hear what Carson said.
She busied herself about the kitchen, finding things to do, trying not to think of what might be being said in Carson’s study, and why it was taking so long.
He would be trying to make Brenda see that her place was with her son. They might even have a reconciliation. That would be the best thing for Joey. That was what she wanted.
Or, at least, she might make herself want it, if she tried hard enough.
But when Carson returned his face told a story of defeat.
‘She says she’s about to start some TV show, and she hasn’t time to visit him,’ he said bitterly. ‘She also reminded me of the efforts I’d made to keep them apart, which I suppose I deserved. I suggested taking Joey out there to see her, and she nearly had hysterics. Nobody knows she has a deaf son, and nobody must know. Some mother!’
‘Did you tell her about the operation?’
‘I tried. But Brenda listens to about one word in ten. I got halfway before she broke in, “Do you mean he’s cured now?” I tried to explain that it isn’t a cure, and even when he can hear something he’s still going to need time and a lot of help before he can talk. When she discovered that nobody had waved a magic wand she lost interest.’
‘But even if one parent is lost to him, he still has the other. You can be the best father there’s ever been, and the happier he is with you, the less he’ll miss her. And I’m here to help.’
He closed his eyes suddenly, just as he’d done at their first meeting.
‘Show me the way, Gina,’ he said softly. ‘This is the most important thing in the world, and I can’t do it without you.’
His weariness touched her heart. She wanted to reach out and enfold him in her arms, promise to make everything right for him. But she knew if she did that she would try to make him kiss her again, and she didn’t dare. She wasn’t sure where she stood with him, or what he really wanted.
But once the thought had come to her she couldn’t keep her eyes from his mouth, so that she seemed to feel it on hers again, as it had been only last night. Surely he remembered how it had been? What was to stop him kissing her again?
‘Gina,’ he said uncertainly.
‘Yes?’
‘I’m sorry I was late getting home tonight. I know I promised.’
‘It’s all right,’ she said, trying to hide her disappointment. ‘But time is passing and soon he’ll be back at school. You promised him a holiday.’
‘Can we still take it-as he is?’
‘He can’t fly or go swimming, but if we stick to our original plan he’ll be all right.’
‘Then next week I’m clearing my desk, and we’ll go.’
‘That’s marvellous. Joey will be so thrilled.’
‘I’ll have to leave the planning to you-to you and Joey. Arrange whatever he wants, even if it means visiting every aquarium in the country.’
‘Oh, no,’ she said seriously. ‘Only one or two come up to his standards. But he’ll t
ell you all about that.’
CHAPTER NINE
T HEY set their departure for nine o’clock next Monday morning. Gina was glancing around her room to see if she’d forgotten anything, when Carson looked in.
‘Ready to go?’
‘All present and correct,’ she said cheerfully.
She opened the connecting door to Joey’s room, and stopped at what she saw there. Alerted by her sudden stillness, Carson came and stood beside her.
Joey, oblivious to them, was standing before his mother’s picture. His hands moved as he explained to her that he was going away, but would come back soon. When he’d finished, he stepped back and made his final gesture, hands folded, crossed at the wrists and laid against his chest.
‘What does that mean?’ Carson asked quietly.
‘It’s the sign for love,’ Gina said heavily. ‘He’s saying that he loves her.’
‘Damn her! Damn her!’
Gina forced herself to smile as she went in and attracted Joey’s attention. He took her hand eagerly and almost pulled her downstairs. Once outside, he couldn’t resist displaying his quirky sense of humour by heading for Gina’s little car.
Carson touched him on the shoulder and spoke. Now that he addressed Joey more often, the little boy was growing skilled at reading his lips. ‘This way.’
But aren’t we going in the peanut?
A vision of three people and four suitcases being squashed into the tiny vehicle made Carson grin and Gina chuckle. Joey hiccuped with laughter as she ruffled his hair.
‘You shouldn’t call it a peanut,’ Carson told him. ‘It isn’t polite.’
You did.
‘Well, I’ll be- Who told you that?’
Gina. She said you called it a peanut on wheels.
‘Oh, did she? Well, you’re a cheeky little wretch!’
It was delightful to see Carson sharing the joke with his son.
And what is Gina?
‘What is Gina? Well, Gina is-’
She waited, her heart beating unreasonably fast.
‘I don’t know,’ Carson said at last. ‘What shall we call Gina? You say.’
For answer Joey raised one hand, the fingers together, the thumb apart. He rested the thumb briefly against the side of his face, drew it away, returned it, then away again.
Gina felt as though something was choking her. Joey had made the sign for ‘mother’.
‘We should be going,’ she said hastily. ‘Or we’ll get caught up in traffic.’
It was three hundred miles to the little coastal resort of Kenningham. Once it had been packed every summer, then its popularity had declined. But it had fought back with a funfair, and a first-class aquarium, and now it was flourishing again.
‘You did book us in somewhere, didn’t you?’ Carson asked as they drove along the crowded seafront.
‘At the Grand, with rooms overlooking the sea.’
She’d booked two rooms-one for Carson and one for herself and Joey. As they unpacked Joey was in a fever of excitement, like any child at the seaside.
When can we go to the aquarium?
‘Soon.’
Now?
‘Not now. Your father has driven a long way. He’s tired and he needs a meal.’
After that?
‘As soon as we can.’
But today, today, today!
She looked at her watch. ‘I don’t know when the aquarium closes.’
Then can’t we go now?
And so they came back to the beginning of the argument.
It was a first-class hotel with an haute cuisine restaurant, but Carson, who was learning fast about his son, declined this in favour of a nearby burger place.
‘I think I deserve a medal for getting it right this time,’ he joked, watching Joey stuff himself with burger and chips.
‘Yes,’ she agreed. ‘And it’s quicker eating here, so maybe we’ll get into the aquarium before it closes.’
‘We will. I’ve checked closing time, and we have another three hours.’ He saw her admiringly raised eyebrows, and said self-consciously, ‘Organisation. That’s the key to a successful enterprise.’
‘I’m impressed. Why don’t you tell Joey?’
Joey was eating with one hand and holding a brightly coloured pamphlet in the other. He showed it to them, pointing to something in the small print. They looked at each other and laughed.
The pamphlet was about the aquarium and Joey had found the opening times.
‘He’s not your son for nothing,’ she said. ‘He must have picked that up in the hotel foyer. Now that’s real organisation.’
‘Yes, it is.’ Carson regarded his offspring fondly.
‘Why don’t you ask him now to tell you about wrasse?’ she suggested, adding quickly, ‘You haven’t cheated, have you?’
‘No, I don’t even know how the word is spelled.’
She spelled it for him and Carson turned to Joey.
‘What can you tell me about wrasse?’
Joey looked quizzical, as though unsure how seriously to take this request.
‘Go on. Tell me.’
Joey needed no more encouragement. He began signing and spelling so vigorously that Carson had to stop him.
‘Steady,’ he said, speaking. ‘You go too fast for me.’
Joey nodded and went back to the beginning. Carson watched his fingers, his brow furrowed with concentration.
‘Wait,’ he said at last. ‘Do it again. I couldn’t understand-I thought you said-no, that must be wrong.’
Joey shook his head. Not misunderstand.
‘Go on,’ Gina urged. ‘Make it easy for your father.’
‘Thanks,’ Carson said with a grin.
Joey did it all again while Carson watched his fingers and his frown grew deeper.
‘You’re kidding me!’ he said explosively at last, forgetting to sign or speak slowly. But Joey understood and grinned.
‘Did I get that right?’ Carson demanded of Gina.
‘It is pretty incredible, isn’t it?’
‘He says wrasse is a fish. And they’re all female-that is, they’re all born female.’
‘Good. Go on.’
‘They live in groups of about twenty females to one male, and when the male dies one of the females changes sex, and becomes the resident male? You expect me to believe that?’
‘Don’t ask me. Joey’s the expert.’
He turned to his son, looking harassed. ‘That can’t be true.’
Joey nodded, then finger-spelled, Aquarium-wait.
After that Carson was as eager as his son to get going, because he wanted to find out if he was being taken for a ride.
As soon as they were inside the aquarium it was obvious that Joey was different from other children. Instead of lingering over the more colourful or outrageous creatures, he bypassed them, to spend long periods studying small fish and shells which to the untrained eye looked drab and uninteresting.
‘He’s like a little professor,’ Carson said.
‘Yes, he is. When he’s on his own subject he’s older than his years.’
Joey passed from one esoteric item to another, deeply absorbed, leaving the other two to pass the time with the more accessible exhibits.
‘I feel like I’m the child and he’s the adult,’ Carson complained, although not too seriously. ‘Joey.’ He tapped the boy on the shoulder but Joey, instead of turning, held up a hand, flapping it slightly in a gesture that clearly said, Not now. I’m busy.
‘Did you see that?’ Carson demanded.
‘Don’t get mad at him.’
‘I’m not mad. I’m just wondering what’s happening here.’
‘It’s simple. You’re in the presence of a superior intellect.’
‘I’m beginning to believe you.’ He sounded dazed.
Joey came out of his happy trance, smiling at them.
‘Wrasse,’ Carson said firmly.
Joey nodded like a teacher telling his class that the tim
e had come, and beckoned them to follow him.
And there it was, wrasse, with a notice beside the tank, confirming everything Joey had said. Carson was speechless. Joey regarded his father with his head on one side as if to say, Believe me, huh?
Carson’s answer delighted Gina. He extended his hand. Joey placed his small child’s hand in it, and they shook, man to man.
There wasn’t time to see everything, but Joey was ready to leave, on the promise of a return visit next day. They paused in the bookshop long enough for Carson to load him up with enough literature to keep him happy for the evening. He also purchased a basic introduction to the subject for himself-a survival mechanism, he explained to Gina.
They had a merry evening. Joey was allowed to stay up late because it was a holiday, and by the time he was ready for bed the other two were feeling glad of an early night.
Another visit to the aquarium was the first thing on the next day’s agenda. Gina and Carson might feel that they’d seen everything, but the expert had barely started.
But at last he took pity on them, seeming to understand that not everyone could be riveted by a mollusc the size of a penny. They headed downstairs to where they could walk through the aquarium’s main attraction, a huge perspex tunnel through the water. Sharks swam beside them, flatfish drifted overhead, and lobsters scuttled beneath their feet. Joey pointed out what neither of them had noticed-a conger eel peering from its hiding place, motionless, cold-eyed and evil.
Over burgers and orange squash it was agreed that the adults needed a little light relief, and they headed for the funfair. Here Joey stopped being a professor and became an excited little boy, darting hither and thither, wanting to try everything at once. A go on the rifle range showed that he had a keen, straight eye. Not to be outdone, Carson also took a turn, but managed only one bull’s-eye to Joey’s three.
A contest ensued, at the end of which Gina was laden down with furry toys and plastic jewellery, and her two escorts were thoroughly pleased with themselves and each other.
At last Joey stopped in front of the Ghost Train. Skulls leered, skeletons dangled, hideous creatures darted and peeped. It was the most effectively horrible Ghost Train that Gina had ever seen. Joey gave a sigh of pure pleasure.
