by Coe Booth
That feeling ain’t lasted long. A couple years later he was locked up again. This time the police was callin’ him a pimp, which he ain’t and never was. He just threw some real wild parties, and hos would show up just so they could work the men in the crowd. He said they would make more money at one of his parties than they did in two or three days on the streets. And the men ain’t had no problem with them being there.
But the police did. They got my pops for selling drugs, selling alcohol without a liquor license, running numbers, and pimping girls. He had to serve three years of a five-year sentence. By the time they let him out, Troy was already five and I was thirteen, and me and him was already in the system.
We get to a corner, and this time Troy wait for me and grab my hand. We cross the street and then he go running off again. He still making footprints in the snow, but now he trying to walk backwards in them same prints. He fall twice, but least he havin’ fun. And his coat is already beat down, so it don’t really matter none.
And now I’m here thinkin’ ‘bout my pops and them parties he used to run. He started letting me go to the parties after he got me and Troy outta foster care. I’ll never forget seeing my pops up there playing all that old-skool shit like Cameo and Maze. Just jammin’. The place he rented was packed. Niggas was in there getting they party on, like they ain’t never been out before. Everybody was drunk and high, and there was the finest females there working them niggas for every cent they had in they pockets.
First time a girl ever blew me was at that first party. Girl was, like, eighteen or nineteen, and she ain’t care that I was only thirteen. She pulled me behind one of them big speakers and got down on her knees. She ain’t want no money or nothin’. She told me she was doing it just ‘cause I was Tyrone kid. I had a smile on my face for two fuckin’ weeks after that.
Jasmine is staring at me. “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothin’,” I say. “Nothin’.” We get to another corner and Troy try to grab my hand again, but this time I don’t let him. He too old for that to be a habit. He gotta start taking care of hisself. I watch him look for cars, then run ‘cross to the other side.
“I need to stop at that bodega over there,” Jasmine say while we crossing the street.
“More cigarettes?”
“That was my last one.”
We go in the store and I buy my moms a Pepsi so she won’t send me to the store later. I buy a big bag of Cheez Doodles for Troy, but I tell him he can’t have none ‘til after he finish doing his homework. I leave that store with a little over a dollar. Damn, I need to make some money soon.
NINE
The second we get back to Bennett, the guy at the front desk give us the bad news. “Kids, tell your mothers not to pack nothing. Y’all ain’t going nowhere tomorrow. I just got word. The city’s expecting the snow to get real heavy tonight, and they gonna be overloaded with homeless people looking for shelter, so y’all gonna have to stay here for a few more days. Spread the word, okay?”
Damn. Why we gotta get stuck at Bennett?
Jasmine get tears in her eyes. “I don’t believe this,” she say, more to herself than me. “I can’t believe Emiliano is doing this to me.”
“Emiliano? Who that?”
“My sister’s boyfriend. He threw us out. In the middle of winter.”
“Man.” I think ‘bout asking her why, but I can tell by the look on her face, she don’t wanna talk no more. She look serious and mad as hell.
“C’mon,” Troy say, pulling on the bottom of my jacket. “Stop talking.”
“Wait,” I tell him. I can’t stand when he pull on me like that. He let go but look up at me like I’m being mean or something. “Troy, go sit down and count to a hundred. Then we gonna go upstairs.”
He walk away from us real slow and look out the window. A lot of kids from Bennett is out there playing in the snow, and I know he wanna be out there with them. But me and him is both funky, and I told him he can’t do nothing ‘til we take showers. And ‘til he do some of that homework he gotta do. He sit down on the chairs, and a second later start counting real loud and fast. I shoulda made him count to two hundred.
I ask Jasmine, “What you gonna do now?” It’s like only a little after 11:00, and I don’t wanna just leave her standing in the lobby.
“Nothing. I have to finish reading this stupid play for school, and since there’s nothing else to do—”
“You go to school?”
“Yeah. Why you sound so surprised?”
“I just ain’t think—”
“Don’t you go to school?”
I don’t really wanna say nothing ‘cause, damn, I don’t want her thinking I’m stupid or something, so I just go, “I’m takin’ a break from all that right now, with all this shit that’s going, know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I missed a few days last week too. Me and Reyna were trying to find a place to stay after Emil changed the locks on us.”
Troy up to fifty-seven now. “Why he throw y’all out?” I ask like it don’t really matter to me.
“Because he’s a control freak, that’s why.” She got her arms folded in front of her, and she looking really mad now, like she ‘bout to explode but don’t wanna show it. “I’ll see you later,” she tell me, and before I can even open my mouth to say something, she down the hall on her way to the stairs.
“One hundred!” Troy scream. The guy at the front desk look over at me like he want me to control Troy. Like Troy my kid or something.
“C’mon,” I say, and Troy jump up and run over to me. “Good job.”
He run right past me. “Hurry up, Ty. Let’s go give Mommy the food.”
My moms is still ‘sleep when we get to our room. I tell Troy to go wash up and brush his teeth ‘cause we gotta spend some time working on all his homework. While he in the bathroom, I try to wake my moms so she can eat some of the food while it’s still hot. She ain’t happy to get up ‘til I tell her I got Spanish food for her.
“You got that food for me?” she ask. She laying there looking tore up from her night partying. I don’t know why she think she still young enough to hang.
“Eat it ‘fore it get cold,” I tell her.
She sit up real slow, and I bring the food to her on the bed. “This shit smell good,” she say, opening the foil container. “Now this is what I’m talkin’ about!”
I hand her the bag with the Pepsi.
“Damn, you really remembered your mother this time. Can’t nobody tell me I ain’t raised you right.”
I sit on the other bed waiting for Troy to get out the bathroom. “You was fucked up last night,” I tell my moms.
“No, I wasn’t. I just had a couple drinks.” She lying and we both know it. She even got a little smile on her face to prove it.
“Okay, but the next time I get high, you can’t say nothin’.”
“Bet,” she say between bites of some kinda fried codfish thing.
While she eating, I tell her ‘bout the snowstorm and that we ain’t gonna be going nowhere tomorrow. She don’t take it too bad, probably ‘cause she eating and happy.
After a while I get up and go through my garbage bag trying to find my black jeans ‘cause they still clean. Troy run out the bathroom with no shirt on. “Ty, there’s a big giant spider in there. It’s black and red.”
“So kill it,” I tell him. “You a man or a girl?”
I can tell he scared, but he need to get over that. He don’t say nothin’. He just grab his sneaker off the floor and go back to the bathroom. A couple seconds later I hear him banging his sneaker ‘round like he trying to kill Godzilla or something. Boy can get the job done when he wanna.
By the time I get in the bathroom, Troy got the place all wet with towels all over the floor. And when I get in the shower, the hot water ain’t coming out all that hot. Damn. It’s too cold outside to be takin’ a shower like this. I can’t even believe I’m in this place with no money and not even no hot water. There gotta be
something else I can do ‘cause this shit ain’t working.
When I finish getting dressed and come out the bathroom, Troy sitting on my moms bed with her, watching TV and eating them Cheez Doodles I told him he couldn’t have yet. I can’t stand when my moms do that, let him do whatever he want all the time. Now I’ma hafta be the mean one and make him do work.
I go over and turn the TV off. “What I say ‘bout watching TV, Troy? And give me them Cheez Doodles. I said you can’t have them ‘til you do your homework.”
“Oh, man!” He hand over the bag, like it’s hurting him or something.
It take me ‘bout a half hour to get Troy to sit down and get serious. That boy love to play. When he finally do calm down, it’s like torture trying to get through all that work. He crying and whining and complaining. Damn.
I spend a little over an hour with him. We get through all the homework he gotta hand in tomorrow if school gonna be open. He still got a lot of shit to make up, but he can’t sit still too long doing work. And here we ain’t got no kitchen table to sit at, so we gotta work on the bed, which really don’t cut it.
After I tell Troy he free, I get up and tell my moms I’ma be right back. Then I grab my cell and leave the room real fast. I go out into the hall and call Calvin. Me and him been friends since, like, fourth grade. Both our pops was locked up back then, and both is locked up now.
“Yo, Cal.”
“Ty?”
“What up?”
“Chillin’. Where you at?”
“Bennett.”
“Damn, man.”
“Word. Where you at?”
“In fronta my buildin’.”
“I’ma be over there.”
“A’ight.”
“A’ight,” I say, and flip my cell closed. My boy Calvin gonna help me out.
I go back in the room for my jacket.
“You going to see Calvin?” my moms ask even though she know where I’m going. Where else I go when I don’t got no other choice?
Not that Cal ain’t my friend. We been through a lot, me and him, so we can’t never be no less than friends, but Cal into some serious shit and I don’t wanna go there with him, not if I got any other way to handle my business. To be honest, I don’t even like chillin’ with him no more ‘cause, my luck, I’ma be ‘round him when some shit break out and my ass gonna get locked up too. ‘Cause Cal the first person to tell you, he gonna end up in jail. Soon. That’s just how he livin’.
I don’t answer my moms question. I just grab my jacket, shake it out, and leave. I don’t want her thinking I’m only going to see Cal ‘cause of what she had to say to me the other night.
‘Cause the truth is, she was right. I don’t wanna be the kinda man my pops turned out to be, the kinda man that don’t step up and do what he gotta do. Nah. I’ma hafta do better than him.
On my way out, I see Jasmine in the lobby on the pay phone. I don’t want her to see me ‘cause I know she gonna wanna talk, so I just walk past her. I try to hear a little of what she sayin‘, but she speaking that Spanish, all fast and shit, and after that long-ass church service this morning, I had enough Spanish for one day.
TEN
The snow is really coming down hard now. I spend ‘bout an hour at the train station swiping people in with my MetroCards, charging them half what the city want. By the time I’m done, I got twelve dollars, which ain’t shit, but it beats a blank. I get uptown at just ‘bout 3:00 and it’s like a fuckin’ blizzard out there or something.
Cal live in Bronxwood, but on the other side of the shopping center from where Novisha live at. He standing out in front, probably freezing his ass off. I swear, no matter how cold it is, Cal be standing out there. He all ‘bout making cash, and folks want what he selling, winter, spring, summer, and fall. Least he got on a heavy down jacket with a hood and Tims to keep his feet warm. He must be making some good money.
When he see me, he shake his head. “Yo, son, you lookin’ busted, man.”
“You ain’t no Denzel yourself,” I tell him. “So stop doggin’ a brotha.”
“Shut the fuck up,” he say, laughing. “Denzel ain’t even Denzel no more.” He open the lobby door with his key and we go inside. He know how I feel ‘bout standing out there in the cold. Ain’t gonna happen. “So, what up with you and Novisha?” He got a smile on his face ‘cause he know Novisha, and he know she don’t give it up. “You hittin’ that yet?”
I don’t say nothing ‘cause ain’t none of it his business. I just laugh a little.
“Damn, man. How you put up with that?”
I decide to change the subject ‘cause I don’t wanna hear nobody saying shit ‘bout my girl, even Cal. “So what up with you and Tina? When she gonna have that baby already? Saw her last week and she look like she ‘bout to bust.”
Now Cal look mad. “Me and her broke up, a’ight? She—”
“Again?” They be breaking up and getting back together every couple months. They got a real crazy relationship, you ask me. They fight and curse each other out, then they all in love. Next thing, she getting a order of protection against him, then they back together. The only reason she started going out with him in the first place was ‘cause he making money. Everybody know she wouldn’t look at him before he started selling.
And now that she pregnant by him, he got real problems. Her moms keep calling him and demanding money, talkin’ ‘bout he need to start taking care of his kid even before it’s born. And even if they don’t get back together, he gonna hafta put up with her ‘til that kid is eighteen. Man, sometimes I’m glad Novisha don’t give me no play ‘cause I couldn’t deal with no baby mama shit right ‘bout now.
Cal smile. “Yeah, me and her is through. I got three girls now.” Then he go on and on with one of his stories ‘bout how he gettin’ all these fine females now that him and Tina broke up. Cal is my boy, but that nigga can talk some mad shit when he get started.
Finally, when he done, he lean up against the row of metal mailboxes. “So what up? What you need?”
I gotta admit, sometimes I can’t stand coming to Cal like this. Me and him is cool and everything, but I wish things was like they used to be, when we was both broke as a joke. Now that he selling weed and making money, things is different. It’s like now I gotta come to him for help, like I need him to save me or something.
“Say the word, Ty, and I’ll hook you up. You can work for me, make some real money. How long you planning to make that chump change you makin’ now?”
“Cal, I ain’t working for you.”
He shake his head like he don’t understand me. “You only fifteen, man,” he say, like he ain’t fifteen hisself. “You get arrested, you still a juvenile. Ain’t nothing gonna happen to you all that bad. What you scared of?”
Me and him had this conversation ‘bout twenty times already, and he know how I feel. “I ain’t scared of nothin’,” I say. I don’t want him thinking I’m scared of getting locked up, ‘cause that ain’t it. “I told you, man, I get locked up, Troy gonna end up back in the system. My moms can’t take care of him by herself. You know how she is.”
“Yeah, your moms is bugged, man.”
“Cal, you ain’t never been in the system, but we was, and I ain’t going down like that again. I wanna keep things easy. I need to make some money, but I gotta keep myself out of jail, least ‘til my pops get out, know what I mean?” For some reason, I’m getting real mad just thinkin’ ‘bout my pops coming home. “Cal, when he get out, I’m on my own ‘cause ain’t no way me and him gonna live under the same roof again.”
I don’t really know why I’m telling all my plans to Cal, but I don’t want him thinking I’m turning down his job ‘cause I’m scared. When my pops get out, who know? Maybe I will work for Cal for a while, make some quick cash. I wanna make sure I’m ready to move wherever Novisha wanna go to college. It don’t matter to me where we go. I just need to be able to take care of her while she studying and shit. And I’ma do whatever it take t
o make her happy.
After a while me and Cal walk up to the third floor where he live at with his two big brothers. They moms used to live there too, but they got her a apartment in Co-op City. Cal s’posed to be living with her, but he spend most of his time right here. Both his brothers is home when we get there. Greg is sitting on the couch playing some game on the PlayStation. On the screen this man is running down the hall and just killing everybody in sight. Heads is gettin’ blown off, and blood is everywhere. The game look so real, and Greg is just smiling and working them controls like this is all he do all day. That and get high.
Andre, the other brother, is in the kitchen on the cell. “What up, Ty?” he ask when he get off the phone. “When you gonna start working with us, man? We expanding our business and we looking for some new guys? You down?”
“Nah, not now,” I say.
“You still with that MetroCard bullshit?”
“Yeah, but I wanna talk to y’all ‘bout something else.”
Andre sit down at the table and light up a blunt. “You want a taste?”
“A’ight.”
Next thing I know, me, Calvin, and Andre is sitting at the kitchen table gettin’ fucked up. I gotta say, them niggas got the best weed in the Bronx. Greg come into the kitchen after a while, and he look at us and start laughing. I don’t know what’s so funny, but I start laughing too, and then we start actin’ mad stupid, talkin’ ‘bout how things was back in the day. We talk ‘bout how we used to be stealing shit from the candy store ‘round the corner, and how Calvin got busted when we was in sixth grade, and they moms had to come down to the store. The Chinese man from the store screamed at they moms for not watching her son and, man, Cal got a beating all the way back to they apartment. And me, Andre, and Greg was out there in front of the building, laughing and eating the candy we just stole our own self. That shit was funny.
