She could practically feel Noah’s eyebrows raise and thick skepticism float off of him. However, he stayed quiet.
But because she had often felt the same way, especially when she remembered how eager he’d been for the marriage bed without marriage, she felt herself breathe easier. “He might tell the story differently, but I was sure we were going to be married soon. My mother and siblings thought so, too.”
“If he was courting you openly for any length of time, I’m sure everyone thought that.”
She nodded. “I didn’t know if I loved him, but I knew I wanted to.”
“Because your parents wanted you together.”
“Jah. And his did, too.” They walked on. There were some trees overhead now. Those trees and the cloudy conditions made the ground underfoot cooler, almost soft. The flattened grass and patches of mud felt cool against her bare skin.
Remembering the night, she murmured, “One night we went to his barn . . . and I got pregnant.”
“If you’re waiting for me to be shocked, I ain’t. I know how babies are made.”
She realized she’d been holding her breath. She exhaled. “What do you want to know, then?”
“I want to know why you are alone here, Sadie.”
“Oh. Well, when I told my family and Harlan about the baby, Harlan lied. He said it must be someone else’s.”
“Like who?” he asked darkly. “Like you had some secret man on the side.”
“I guess so. Anyway, next thing I knew, I was getting in trouble for being pregnant and lying and, well, everything. So they sent me here.”
“What are you going to do when the baby comes?”
“Actually, Esther and I were just talking about that the other day.” Feeling pleased that she had something to share that sounded grown-up and responsible, she said, “I’m going to get a job and start looking for someplace else to live.”
His steps slowed. “So you don’t plan to go back to Millersburg.”
“I can’t. I’m afraid if I do, it will kill me.”
His eyes widened, but he didn’t comment on that.
She was glad, because part of her wondered if she hadn’t been exaggerating. She was really that afraid to go back.
After another ten minutes, they came upon a clearing. A creek ran nearby, and someone at some time had taken the time to carve a bench out of an abandoned log.
“Want to sit down?” Noah asked.
“That sounds gut.” She sat down, then tensed as he scooted beside her. Really, there wasn’t much extra room at all. But as usual, Noah didn’t act bothered by the fact that their bodies were touching. Maybe he didn’t even notice. Instead, he kicked out his legs.
She kicked out her feet, too, enjoying the cool earth under her bare feet.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine. It’s warm, but not terrible here with the trees around.”
“I meant with your pregnancy, silly.” He turned his head to smile at her. “Have you forgotten that I’m an EMT? I’ve had medical training.”
“You know what? I think I had forgotten about your job.” She’d been too busy thinking about him as a man. A man she was hoping found her attractive, or at least one who did not think she was a terrible person.
“So? Are you nauseous? Tired?”
“I was both of those things for the first couple of weeks, but now I feel like me.” Well, herself with a baby nestled inside of her.
“It’s exciting, jah?”
A lump formed in her throat as she realized he was the first person to ask her such personal questions about the changes in her body. More than that, he was reminding her that a small miracle was taking place inside of her.
A small, tiny blessing, no matter what the cause.
Though she knew she sounded hoarse, she replied honestly. “Now that I’m not afraid of people knowing, it is exciting.” It still made her scared for the future and sad about the life she was living, since it was the complete opposite of what she’d hoped it would be. “I feel calmer now.”
“Would you like me to try to help you find a job?”
“I think I’m going to sew for people. I’m a gut seamstress.”
“I’ll pass that on.”
“Thanks. Now, do you mind if we don’t talk about me anymore?”
Looking amused, he shook his head. “I don’t mind. What should we talk about instead?”
“You.”
He laughed. “All right. What do you want to know?”
She liked how he didn’t try to push off her request. “Tell me about your family?”
“I’m one of five kinner. I live with my brother Silas. We live next door to my parents and close to my sister and her husband. Harry and Melody are still at home.”
“Is Silas married?”
“Nee. He had a girlfriend for a while. We all thought they would get married, but they didn’t.”
“I bet that was hard on him.”
“I think it was, but he’s far more quiet than me. He’s not one to go on and on about his feelings.”
She thought about that and figured Silas was a lot like her. She did feel things, but had long been taught to either hide her emotions or pretend she didn’t feel anything.
That was maybe why she didn’t feel completely uncomfortable with Esther, Monroe, and their daed and grandfather. Yes, their anger and words did frighten her at times. It definitely caught her off guard.
But now that she was getting more used to them, she was beginning to realize that there was a certain comfort in bluntness. She liked knowing what other people were thinking, even if it was bad. Even if it scared her.
“I’m glad we’re talking,” she said. “This is nice. It’s probably the most relaxed I’ve been since I got here.”
“I like it, too.” He looked like he was about to say more, but his attention sharpened on something just behind her.
Before she could turn around to see, he was on his feet and reaching for her hand. “Someone’s coming. Stay near me.”
She almost laughed as she turned around. “Oh! It’s just Monroe and Onkle Stephen.” She smiled at them and waved a hand. Then realized they were holding wooden crates, and looked exhausted. She now knew what they were carrying, however. Moonshine.
When they saw her and Noah, they froze.
“What are you doing out here, Sadie?” Stephen barked. “And why is he here?”
“We were out for a walk. That’s all.”
Monroe glared. “Coming back here was a mistake.”
“I don’t know if I’m the only one here who has made one,” Noah said, staring at the crates.
And that’s when Sadie knew. All of the family’s secrets really weren’t that secret anymore. Or, maybe they never had been, and they’d all been fooling themselves.
Chapter 23
Monday, July 30
Though Noah was eager to step in front of Sadie and take charge of the situation, he knew that was the wrong way to go.
No, it would be better to stand back and let Sadie handle her family. At least for the first couple of minutes. He didn’t know them, and knew enough about family dynamics to realize that getting in the middle of a disagreement would make him unwelcome with both Sadie and her relatives.
But hearing Monroe speak to her like she was nothing to him, without an ounce of concern in his tone? That grated on him something awful.
After a few moments, he walked to her side and placed a hand on her back. He wanted her to remember that she wasn’t alone.
She was also an expectant mother. She did not need to be breathing like she was, practically hyperventilating. She started in surprise at his touch, but then gradually relaxed next to him.
Feeling better about her health, he lifted his chin at Monroe. “That is no way to speak to Sadie. You need to calm down.”
“This ain’t your business,” Monroe replied. “I’d advise you to stay out of it.”
“That’s too late. Sadie means somet
hing to me.”
“I seriously doubt that. Why, for all we know, you have relationships with women all over the county.”
Sadie gasped. And Noah saw red. Stepping forward, he said quietly, “You need to apologize.”
Monroe carefully set down the wooden crate by his feet. “I don’t know you, and you don’t know what you’re talking about. I’d advise you to stop interfering in our family.”
“I didn’t come here to interfere. But maybe I should.” Gesturing to the crates, he said, “What’s in those?”
“What’s in there isn’t any of your business.”
“If it’s moonshine . . . I think it is,” he blurted, finally bringing all their suspicions and worries out into the open.
Monroe’s hands fisted. “You’ve overstepped yourself. I’d advise you to leave now.”
“I’m not leaving until I get some answers.”
Stephen looked taken aback before he visibly regained his composure. “What are you going to do, Noah? Report us to the sheriff?”
“I should. What you’re doing is illegal and dangerous.”
Monroe smirked. “Why don’t you let us worry about the danger?”
“I can’t. Not with Sadie here.” Not with the other people who had died because of it. Though he wanted to mention them, he was afraid to. He didn’t know what the sheriff was telling people.
“You’re overreacting, Noah,” Stephen said in a calm tone. “My niece isn’t going to be affected by moonshine.”
“The still could blow up. And she’s innocent in this. You know that.”
Monroe shook his head. “Innocent in what? Selling alcohol to people who want it?”
“It might be tainted.”
“Our family has been selling moonshine for years,” Stephen said. “For generations! It ain’t tainted.”
“How do you know? Do you try every batch?”
Monroe grinned. “We’d be drunk as skunks if we did that. And don’t start talking to me about quality control, or some such. I bet even ol’ Jim Beam doesn’t try every batch of his bourbon.”
“I don’t think a pregnant woman should be around a still. It’s dangerous.”
“Don’t worry about me,” Sadie said. “I’m fine.”
She might have been saying she was fine, but it was obvious she was shaken up. Her voice sounded strained.
Noah wondered what was bothering her so much. Was it the fact that her relatives’ occupation was being discussed so openly? Or was it because he was bringing up his concerns about her pregnancy?
Stephen stared at Noah. “I actually agree with you. I’ve been thinking maybe we should do something.”
Sadie stepped forward. “Do what?”
“We’ll discuss it at home.”
Monroe picked up his crate and started down the path. Seconds later, he was out of sight, covered up by the thick foliage.
“I can’t believe this just happened,” Sadie whispered.
Thinking she looked a little pale, Noah guided her back to the log they were sitting on. “Let’s sit down for a moment.”
It was a testament to how poorly she felt that Sadie sat down immediately.
Instead of following his son, Stephen walked with them, watching her with a worried expression. “Are you all right?” he asked.
“I’m right as rain,” Sadie answered. “I only feel a little light-headed.”
Ignoring her, Stephen set down his crate and continued to stare at Noah. “She fainted the other day.”
Noah nodded. “I heard. She needs to rest more. She needs a calmer, safer environment.”
“Women have babies all the time.”
“This is true. But it doesn’t matter how other women might feel. She needs to rest more.”
“I’m fine,” Sadie protested again.
Looking more worried, Stephen crouched down in front of her. “Sadie, when I was with Daisy, I talked to her about something. You see, she just discovered she has lupus. She’s not feeling real badly or anything, but I think it would be good if she wasn’t alone in that house all the time. And she has a real nice house, too.” After looking down at the ground, he raised his chin. “It ain’t like ours. It’s big. Roomy. You would have a real bed to sleep in. Some privacy.”
“You want to send me away, Onkle?”
“I want you to feel safe and to be able to rest.” Rising back to his feet, he added, “It would be good for the both of you.”
“I am going to start taking in sewing. I’ll be able to help with the baby’s expenses.”
“No one in the family is expecting you to support yourself.”
“But still, my being here is causing a lot of tension.”
Stephen smiled, though the warmth didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m sorry to say that the tension in my family was alive and well before you got here. It will be here when you leave as well. Please say you’ll go over to Daisy’s.”
She glanced at Noah. “What do you think?”
“I think if you are sleeping in your own room in a real bed, it would better for you and your baby.”
“Would I still see you?”
“I hope so.” Looking over at Stephen, he said, “I not only came over here to see Sadie, I wanted to tell you I aim to start courting her. I hope you don’t have any objections?”
Sadie made an embarrassed moan, but Noah ignored it, concentrating on her uncle’s answer.
After meeting Noah’s gaze, Stephen turned to Sadie. “I might be wrong, but as far as I’m concerned, I think that Sadie is the one who should be answering this.” His voice gentling, he said, “Sadie, do you know what you want to do about Noah here?” Before she could answer, he added, “And if you don’t know, that is all right. You can take things one step at a time.”
Noah liked that. Liked how he phrased it, and liked how he was putting Sadie’s future in her own hands. He had a feeling far too few people had allowed her to do that.
As Sadie visibly mulled it over, he felt suddenly awkward. He’d intended to grovel a bit more before the men had showed up.
“Danke, Onkle Stephen. I will move to Daisy’s haus,” she said softly before turning back to Noah. “You may come calling, but I’m not going to make any promises.”
She’d forgiven him.
Feeling like he’d just won a fierce battle, Noah smiled. “That’s enough for me, Sadie. More than enough.”
Chapter 24
Wednesday, August 1
Just two days after that walk in the woods, Stephen pulled out a canvas tote bag and told Sadie to put her belongings in it. “I’ll take you over to Daisy’s after lunch,” he announced before walking back outside.
Esther stared at the tote dubiously. “When Daed told me you were leaving, I didn’t think he was serious. I guess you’re pretty happy to be getting out of here.”
“I’m more nervous than anything. I don’t know this woman. What if she doesn’t really want me at her house? Maybe Stephen is just saying she does.”
“He wouldn’t do that to you or Daisy. She must be fine with the arrangement. You’re going to like it over there.”
Sadie had been meaning to tell Esther about Monroe, the crates, and how Noah had said that the moonshine might be tainted. Now that she was leaving, she felt like she had no choice. “Noah feels that it would be better for the baby if I wasn’t near your family’s still.”
Esther blinked slowly. “So it’s out in the open now.”
“I think so. Noah mentioned it.”
She smiled tightly. “I’m not surprised. A lot of people buy our liquor. They’ve been buying it for years. They just all pretend they don’t.”
“Does it bother you?”
“Sure it does, but there’s nothing I can do about it, right? I eat food. The moonshine allows me to do that.” After a moment, she added, “It allowed you to eat, too.”
“I know. I would have never said anything against it. Your family has been very good to me.”
“Why am I getting
the feeling that you have something more to say?”
Sadie didn’t want to hurt Esther’s feelings any more than she already was. But she couldn’t leave and not warn her. “Noah said that people are getting real sick from some tainted moonshine. A couple of people have even died.”
Worry flared in her eyes before she tamped it down. “Are you saying that my family is poisoning people?”
“Nee! But . . . what if Noah is right?”
“This may come as a big surprise to you, but we aren’t the only family in the state of Kentucky brewing liquor,” Esther fired back. “Just because you don’t approve of something doesn’t mean that you get to start accusing us of awful things.”
“I’m not. I just don’t want anyone to get in trouble.”
Esther picked up a rag and began to slowly wipe the already clean counter. “Sadie, after you move into your new home, I think you should really start thinking about who has been having problems and who hasn’t. No one here has gotten pregnant out of wedlock or is having to depend on the kindness of strangers for a roof over their heads. I think it’s time for you to start worrying about yourself instead of all of us.”
Sadie closed her eyes, feeling both the pinch of Esther’s words and the knowledge that she had just broken the fragile bond they’d forged while she’d been living there. Her body reacted, too. She felt her abdomen cramp, then cramp again. Stunned, she grabbed the edge of a chair to steady herself.
Esther noticed. “Sadie? Are you all right?”
There was no way she was going to mention anything that had to do with the babe. “Jah.” She smiled tightly. “Of course. I . . . well, before I leave . . . please know I’m real sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
Esther turned to the window and braced both of her hands on the edge of the sink.
As the silence between them lengthened, Sadie realized that Esther was done talking to her. Feeling terrible, she picked up the tote and started walking to Monroe’s room.
“Wait.”
Hopeful, Sadie paused. “Yes?”
Her Fear Page 15
