by Dez Burke
“But I was referred to a psychologist and the visits have helped me handle the whole episode better. I’m perfectly fine now,” she’d lied, right before she’d broken down and finally added hesitantly, “I was wondering…do you have Cane’s phone number? I forgot to ask him the last time we saw.”
Alexandra was mortified that Noah would actually ask why she needed Cane’s number, in which case she’d already decided to say she’d never had the chance to thank him properly.
But Noah didn’t ask, instead after a long sigh he said, “We don’t give personal details of our operatives. But I’d be happy to pass on any message you might want sent across. I can tell you though, that he’s presently working on another job.”
“Oh Okay, that’s nice,” Alexandra had said lamely, before thanking him and quickly hanging up the phone.
If she’d thought her feelings for Cane would die off after he was gone, she was wrong. They’d only shared one kiss, which had been more for comfort than anything sexual. Apart from that, Cane Hutchinson had held on to his moral code to the end. And even beyond. Wasn’t that enough to make her forget him? He obviously wanted nothing to do with her even now that he wasn’t working as her bodyguard. Looked like she’d been right and she wasn’t his type after all.
Alexandra had waited and hoped that he might call, but there was no contact and she guessed that she’d imagined all those intense moments they’d shared. Even though they’d never had sex, there’d been enough heat and power radiating around them whenever they were together. How could he have so easily walked away?
Maybe his view of her as a spoiled little rich girl or worse, as just a job had never really changed. And that hurt so much it almost made her ill.
She did try to put him out of her mind and get on with her life. She graduated successfully from FIT armed with her Masters in fashion and textile studies. Now she had so many options before her. She could either stay in New York or choose any of the other promising fashion houses who’d shown willingness to have her on. Her career could take off as soon as she wanted it and she had her whole life ahead of her? So why was she acting like something was missing?
Alexandra wondered how much her father had guessed, as she forced herself to look up and meet his shrewd gaze.
“Over the past several weeks I’ve watched my little princess struggle with an inner burden,” Donel Duke said quietly, his fingers forming a steeple beneath his chin as he regarded Alexandra thoughtfully. “I was thinking it was just you having a hard time getting over the near-kidnap. So I hired the psychologist, hoping that would help. Only you seem to be getting worse.”
“I’ll be fine, dad,” Alexandra said on a deep sigh, wishing she’d start to believe that lie herself since she said it so often.
“I hope so. I want you to be. Because you seem so sad. The free-spirited daughter I know and love who could be a real pain in the ass sometimes…well, I miss her.”
Alexandra had to smile at that. “I miss her too.”
“So are you going to tell me why you’re so sad?” her father asked, his voice kind and concerned.
“Maybe I’m just bored,” she said, shrugging as she turned away to hide her fidgeting hands. “After the incident, I’ve kept to myself except for my closest friends; I hardly want to go out or even have fun…”
“It’s about him, isn’t it? Cane,” her father shocked her by saying factually.
“You called Noah asking about him,” her father said as if to remind her that he knew.
Okay, so he knew, now what? She shrugged as carelessly as she could. “I just wanted to know. I mean, this guy went through great pains to save my life. He was great to me and I missed him. Big deal.”
“If you say so,” her father said after a pause, and she had to endure a few moments’ scrutiny before he shoved something forward on the desk.
Alexandra frowned curiously as she stepped forward and then looked down at the glossy, colorful written matter. Her head shot up at him. “You bought me a vacation?”
Her father looked at her innocently.
“Like you said, it’s the boredom. Now I’ve had it all figured out. A nice trip away from all this will do you good. After what you went through with that idiot Lamar, I’m insisting you do me this favor. I picked out the perfect location, as you’ll find out in time.”
Alexandra’s head was swimming with confusion as she stared down at the brochure, tickets and other details in her hands. Her father had her in a tight spot, and she didn’t want to worry him further by saying she didn’t want to go. After all, she’d just claimed she was bored. And from the look of all the images of beaches, scenery and culture shown on the travel guides, it did look like a prime spot.
Maybe it was just what she needed. A chance to get over her heartache over Cane. Maybe, just maybe, she’d finally find a way to forget him though she doubted that was ever going to happen. But the vacation, yes; that was worth a try…
Chapter Thirteen
The island of St. Maarten was so beautiful it was almost impossible to choose where to begin her voyage of discovery. She’d come here and found the most outstanding natural environment, the atmosphere so tranquil that it seemed perfect for quiet relaxation and contemplation.
Not that she wasn’t going to have fun. She intended to. The island was small enough to thoroughly investigate in the course of one vacation, and she intended to squeeze in as much sightseeing, shopping and yes, water sports as she could.
Alexandra had taken many luxury vacations before, but there was something about this place. The white sand beaches with the turquoise waters made it feel like she was on the edge of paradise. Now she felt glad that her father had thought of making her swap her hectic urban lifestyle for a couple of weeks in a peaceful and beautiful location.
Alexandra knew Malia would have loved this place; it was just like something out of a romance novel. Alexandra had actually asked her best friend if she’d like to join her there, but Malia regretfully couldn’t take time off work and of course, there was the fact that her boyfriend had just proposed and now Malia was starting to plan her wedding!
Alexandra smiled as she thought of how happy her friend was. Being a plus-size female, Malia had once despaired, while in college, if she’d ever find a man who’d love her for herself. Turned out she’d had no problem at all about that. In her own case, Alexandra with her knockout supermodel figure couldn’t seem to get a decent man to fall in love with her. That was life for you, thought Alexandra with a rueful smirk.
Not that she hadn’t had offers since she’d arrived three days ago. In fact, she’d had to be wresting off the male admirers left and right. She came here for relaxation, not romance.
Yesterday had passed like a dream. She prepared a fabulous breakfast in the well-equipped kitchen, and then later served lunch by the pool. Just before sunset, she walked along her own beach front.
She intended to rent a jeep for transportation just to make sure she enjoyed the rich pleasures of the island. Alexandra was going to experience everything; the trendy exotic foods, the popular local crafts and the duty free shopping. There were gorgeous seaside views in almost all the restaurants, which provided amazingly diverse cuisine from Mediterranean, to Provencal or French.
She got to sail around the island on the open water, taking in the sights and visiting the local attractions. By her fourth day on the island, Alexandra could almost convince herself that she’d at last found a perfect way to completely erase the way her heart ached. But every time she saw a couple in love, or laughing and having fun, she thought of Cane. Why had he never given them a chance?
That morning, she left her luxurious vacation condo with the decision that she was going to try harder today. And that meant finally opening the door of her heart to at least allow someone take a peek. It could be anyone. Any of the gorgeous local men or other vacationers she’d been meeting. She’d try to get an actual date if it killed her. She would stop saying no; this time, she felt she wa
s ready. It was time to stop using loneliness as a cloak, stop making excuses. If she couldn’t have her fairytale love, then maybe she could at least work on finding something more realistic – if not passion, then something to simply warm all those lonely nights.
She was young, she still had her looks – she could at least try to be happy. Forget the feeling of rejection she suffered each time she thought of Cane leaving and staying away without a word. He never cared for her, not really; she had to get over it and move the fuck on. Even if it killed her!
That day, she was in a more relaxed mood, happy to simply kick back and relax on the beach. She picked a quirky, fun restaurant where she could just park herself on the lounge under an umbrella and enjoy being waited on by staff serving appetizers, sandwiches, drinks and tapas.
She wasn’t surprised when she was soon joined by a handsome, bronzed and blue-eyed hunk whom she’d met a few times before on the beach. He’d told her he was a doctor on vacation, and once she’d convinced herself he wasn’t married, Alexandra allowed herself to warm up to him. He was cute, after all.
The truth was, he reminded her a bit of Cane. They both had the same kind of athletic, solid build and chiseled jaw. She missed Cane’s mossy green eyes but she figured she couldn’t do so bad with blue especially when they crinkled so nicely when he smiled. He looked closer to forty though he was fit as hell. Alexandra figured she was acquiring a taste for older white guys, so why not indulge. She allowed him to share her table and they chatted. It didn’t feel bad at all, enjoying the admiring looks and attention of a handsome, like-minded man. She could read the signals and knew he was physically attracted to her. He suggested they try out the highly recommended sunset cruise together. Alexandra couldn’t help but hesitate. A sunset cruise spelled much more romance than she was ready for right then. She told herself she’d much rather party with the handsome doctor. Far more sensible to try out some of the Caribbean nightlife, maybe check out any of the exciting and cosmopolitan clubs and casinos the island had to offer. The doctor, whose name was Liam, seemed eager to comply to her suggestion that they hit the club/casino, and told her he knew a few nice ones they could try.
“Alright; so why don’t you pick me up at eight,” she said with a smile, which he returned as he gallantly bent to kiss her hand.
“I’ll be there on the dot,” he said softly, looking up into her face with his deep baby blues. Alexandra hid a sad sigh as she then watched him walk away. She decided he didn’t really remind her of Cane after all. There was something about the way Cane moved; the sweep of his broad shoulders, the silky brush of his short, dark hair across the back of his head…
That’s it - I’m really fucked, thought Alexandra as she gulped down her drink with a massive lurch in her chest. She was an idiot to agree to that date with Liam. No freaking way she was ready to hang out with any guy, even for fun. Besides, who knew what Liam would expect by the end of the night? She’d certainly been giving him the right signals. She had to find a way to back out of the arranged outing…
Alexandra suddenly blinked. She was sure she was seeing things. The figure she was looking at was still a long distance down the beach but there was no mistaking his physique. He was running up the beach wearing only a pair of white shorts and the way he was headed, he’d run right by the lounger she was reclining on. She sat up with a gasp, her heart pounding so hard she could hear it beating in her eardrums. She saw several other tourists, female as well as male, throw him appreciative glances. Not that she could blame them. The sun-kissed god running up on the beach and heading her way looked like something from the perfect sexual fantasy. She ground her teeth as two women giggled to each other when he ran by, and he sent them a sexy smile which only made them swoon.
Cad! Alexandra thought irreverently as she suddenly snatched up her things and sprang to her feet. She now knew he’d spotted her and it was just moments before he’d be right where she was positioned. Recovering from her paralyzing shock from seeing him, she spun on her heels and stormed off with a head still whirling.
“Alexandra!”
She closed her eyes at the sound of his voice calling her name. She ignored the unmistakable, deep tone and stomped on, over the beautifully swept sand as she made her way in the direction of her beachfront condo.
Just as she got past the sloping ridge that cut a path to her destination, she felt a strong hand grab her wrist gently but firmly. Immediately, Alexandra whirled round to face him, her eyes shooting sparks.
“Alexandra…”
“What the hell do you want?” she spat. Her body was trembling. Dammit! This wasn’t how she’d planned it would go if she saw him again. But she couldn’t think, couldn’t process. He was here. She didn’t know how or why, but he was. Nothing made sense but her anger and pain. Her loneliness and loss of self-pride. And now he was here, looking so gorgeous and tanned, with no sign to show he’d even suffered like she had. Hence, the cad name-calling in her head.
His eyes were skimming her face the way she remembered he liked to do. His grip tightened on her wrist, and for a moment he just stayed like that, as if time was standing still. Until she jerked her hand from his grasp.
“What in damnation are you doing here, Cane?” she asked heatedly, and he drew in a long, deep breath, that little smile she adored playing on his curvy, deliciously full lips. It wasn’t fair. He was just standing there and she was already frothing between her thighs. Just seeing him had tightened every bolt inside her belly and she was virtually gasping like she’d run a freaking marathon.
For the third time, all he said was her name. This time, so softly it sounded like a caress. She shook her head, squeezed her eyes tight to blink back the sudden tears and looked away with a hidden sob. This time when she felt him take her hand, she didn’t snatch it away.
“I don’t want to talk here,” he added huskily, his other hand reaching up to cup her face. “There’s so much to say and I feel like if I don’t get you alone now, I’m going to do something really crazy out here on a public beach. Come on…”
“I’m not going anywhere with you,” she said in a quiet, though very clear, plain voice. Her body was stiff and unresponsive and she was ready to dig her heels in the sand if he tried to make her move anywhere with him. She felt her senses slowly return and she looked up at him with defiant eyes. “And I want you to let me go.”
“Let you go?” he repeated with a half-smile, half-wince. “I’m not sure that’s an option I’m ready to take right now.”
“Why not? You took it quite well three months ago when you calmly walked out of my life. And stayed away without a word,” she gritted out accusingly.
“I was never that far away, Alexandra. I was never really gone,” he told her softly. His eyes were trailing over every inch of her now. She felt that look like a laser beam. Other men ogled her and she never got even a twitch. But when Cane did it...damn. She felt like a pornography poster.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked in an accusing voice that sounding squeaky.
He took his time before finally lifting his eyes above her neck. “Forgive me,” he said in a voice she noted was totally unrepentant. “When protecting you was my job, I never allowed myself the luxury of looking at you the way I wanted to; and when I did, I never let myself fully give in to savoring the beauty of you simply because I was afraid I’d snap out of control; go past the boundaries and break the rules.”
His words made the heat shoot right up between her kneecaps. But she stemmed the steamy pleasure she felt, pursing her secret inner lips before they’d seep further. She didn’t want to want him. She shouldn’t. Ever. “And you hated that, didn’t you, Mr. Perfect? Everything has to be straight and narrow with you. Maybe I wanted you to break the rules. You losing control would have at least shown me that in some degree, I mattered more than your so-called boundaries.”
“I’m not perfect,” he corrected in a calming voice. “Alexandra, I’ll admit to being as fucked up a
s you can imagine. Yes, I was much too concerned about control. It’s all part of my honor code and I hated how it would feel if I broke it. But most of all, if you must know, I was afraid.”
Now he was messing with her, thought Alexandra as she huffed and flicked her hair over her shoulder. Cane, afraid? A guy like him couldn’t even recognize fear. Fear was afraid of him. But then he grabbed her by the shoulders and she turned to him with a glare that seemed to bounce right off.
“I was afraid, Alexandra,” he repeated firmly as his eyes pinned to hers. “Scared witless that I’d give in to the way I felt about you and then find out I wasn’t really the one for you. That you’d suddenly wake up and realize your feelings were just an infatuation, brought on by your close contact with your bodyguard. Any other woman and I wouldn’t mind. I’d have that fling or whatever we’d have had and then when the job was over or when you got fed up, it wouldn’t matter to me anyway. But I couldn’t risk that with you, Alexandra. And that was where I fucked up. I’m not a risk-taker; and normally that’s good for a man in my line of work. Zero risk means zero casualties or mistakes. Jeopardize nothing, and nothing will be lost. Obviously that mantra doesn’t carry over well when it comes to love between a man and a woman.”
“Obviously,” she retorted with a comical rolling of her eyes. “So let me get this; you held off because you were scared my feelings were fickle? Because you weren’t sure I knew what I was doing, right? You thought I’d hurt you,” she added with a tone less tinged with the sarcasm she’d been using so far.
“Yeah,” he said with a rueful twist to his lips. “I guess that’s the bottom line, in a nutshell. The breathtakingly beautiful and sexy Alexandra Duke, the hottest woman I’d ever seen, could bring me to my knees…so for the first time in my life, I wimped out. I held on to the rules like a life-line. I did my job and swore to keep the professional stance if it killed me. But guess what, sweetie? That didn’t save me.”
