by Whitley Cox
Both Mitch and Adam glared at Liam and said “Watch it” at the same time.
Liam’s laugh was diabolical.
As nice of a guy as he was, he could also be a real tool.
Mitch had only been part of The Single Dads of Seattle for a few months, but he’d already heard Liam’s anti-love, anti-marriage tirade more times than he could count. The man was a cynic.
Early on, after Liam’s first soapbox announcement condemning love and marriage, Adam explained to Mitch that Liam’s wife had put him through the wringer during their divorce. Liam was jaded and preferred to have a friend with benefits but no commitment because, according to Liam, commitment was just another word for “handing your balls over to a woman so she can crush them in the palm of her hand.”
“You’re a prick,” Atlas said, shuffling the cards and dealing them out. “Just because your wife turned out to be coldhearted doesn’t mean all women are like that. Some of us married incredible women. They were just taken from us too soon.” Atlas’s voice wobbled toward the end, and he swallowed hard. Mitch watched as his jaw grew tighter by the second. Mitch knew exactly how the man felt.
Liam held up his hands in surrender. “I never said any of them were. I happen to love women. Particularly ones who don’t try to take me for half my money.”
Atlas rolled his gray eyes. “You’re still a prick.”
16
Sunday morning, Mitch and Jayda pulled into Paige’s parents’ driveway. Mira had spent the night with her mother, as Adam was at poker night with Mitch. Now the four of them were going out for breakfast and then the Seattle Aquarium.
“Do you love Mira’s mommy?” Jayda asked, batting her father’s hand away and unbuckling her own seatbelt. His daughter was far too grown-up, far too independent and mature for six years old. He missed his baby.
Mitch offered her his hand, and to his delight, she took it. “What makes you ask that?” he asked cautiously as they approached the side gate that led to the backyard and pool house.
“Because Mira says you do. And I see how you look at her mom. It’s how Mira’s daddy looks at Aunt Violet.” She blinked up at him with such wide-eyed innocence and curiosity, Mitch felt his entire chest tighten.
“Would it bother you if I did?”
Frowning slightly in thought, she finally shook her head. “No. I like her, and she makes you happy. I like it when you’re happy. When Mommy died, you weren’t happy for a really long time.”
Mitch swallowed down the hard lump in his throat and opened the gate, letting Jayda in through first. “Are you happy?”
She nodded, her long, thick blonde ponytail swishing behind her. “I miss Mommy, but I know she’s still with me.” She touched her heart. “Just like Grandpa. And Uncle Jean-Phillipe is in Aunt Violet’s heart. They’re not gone, they’re just not with us.”
Holy shit.
Mitch paused on the stone path in the garden, staring down at his daughter. “Who told you all of this, sweetheart?”
She squinted up at him, the sun in her eyes making the vibrant blue irises glow like the sea at high noon. “Aunt Violet. And also my friend Alice at school. Her daddy died right before summer, and that’s what she said.”
Right. He’d received an email shortly before the end of school in June that one of the student’s fathers had been in the military and was killed overseas. He’d talked about it a bit with Jayda, but she seemed less affected by it than he was.
“I talk to Mommy sometimes,” she said softly, brushing her small thumb over the delicate petal of a rose before letting go and looking down at her feet. “Grandpa too. I try to talk to Uncle Jean-Phillipe, but he mostly talks French to me or is off dancing in the clouds, so we don’t talk much.”
Mitch hadn’t been prepared for this. He knew that eventually Jayda would begin to ask questions about her mother and grandfather and that Mitch would have to tell her what happened, how they died and where they were now. He’d had a brief conversation about death with her when her mother passed, but she was four and a half at the time, and he wasn’t sure how much of it she understood. Apparently, he hadn’t given his daughter enough credit, because she understood more than some adults.
“What do you talk about with Mommy?” he asked.
She shrugged, her eyes lifting up to the sky and following a hummingbird as it zigged and zagged above them. “All kinds of stuff. I mostly talk to her before bed or when I wake up in the morning. That’s usually when she’s there. Grandpa only pops by when I’m playing with Play-Doh.”
So that was why she’d been asking to play with her Play-Doh more often in the last few months. Interesting. He wondered why his father only appeared to Jayda when she brought out her Play-Doh.
“Is your Mom okay?” he asked, wanting more than anything to feel some kind of a connection again to Melissa. She’d been taken from him so quickly and in such a harsh and unforgiveable way, he’d been denied the chance to say goodbye.
She nodded again and stuck her finger out when the hummingbird dipped low and flitted around her face. Mitch didn’t think it would land on her, as there was no feeder around.
“She misses you. Misses me. But she’s with my brothers, and they’re happy.” She giggled as the hummingbird landed on her finger. “She’s here now.”
Mitch stared down at his daughter in complete shock. His heart raced inside his chest, and a freaky cool breeze shot down his spine. It was the middle of August and the trees were standing stock-still. There wasn’t a breath of wind, and it was hot as the earth’s core, and yet goosebumps chased across his arms and down his legs.
Melissa?
How did Jayda know about the babies? They hadn’t told her they were pregnant again. Let alone that it was twins. They hadn’t told a soul.
How on earth did she know it was twin boys? They hadn’t even been told that.
The hummingbird lifted off her finger and buzzed away. “Mommy says she’s happy you’re happy again. She likes Mira’s mommy.”
The sound of a sliding door opening and shutting, followed by footsteps and a happy whistle, had Mitch and Jayda walking again. He glanced down at his daughter and took her offered hand once again. “I love you so much, sweetheart, and I’m glad you’re talking to your mom.”
Jayda grinned up at him. “Me too.” She let go of his hand and began to skip toward a smiling Mira, but then she stopped and turned back to face him. “Oh, and Eli and Easton say hi.” Then she turned back and ran to Mira.
Mitch nearly fell into the pool.
How on earth did she know what they were going to name the babies if they turned out to be boys?
Jayda rolled her eyes and smiled at Mira across the breakfast table in the restaurant.
Paige stifled a laugh and ran her hand over the back of Mira’s head. “All right, sweetie, that’s enough whistling. Let’s wait to practice more when we get back outside.”
Mira made a pouty face. “But I just learned to whistle last night, and I need to practice.” She pursed her lips and blew again.
Jayda growled. “Whistling is great, but not at breakfast.”
Mira’s bottom lip shot out, and she looked up at her mother for help. Paige hid her smile, nodding and taking a sip of her coffee before answering. “Jayda’s right, sweetie. It’s already pretty loud in here. Let’s wait until we’re outside.”
Sighing dramatically, the way four-year-olds were known to do, Mira reluctantly nodded. “I’m very good at whistling now. Everybody needs to know.” She dug into her raspberry pancakes, getting whipped cream all over her face.
Everybody needs to know.
Where did she learn this stuff?
Mitch chuckled softly next to Jayda. His eyes were warm, but his smile was small. He’d been off all morning. Not distant or anything, just off.
Mira and Jayda chatted quietly, each of them blowing bubbles in their chocolate milk until giggles took over the table. Paige had been staring at Mitch, waiting for him to lift his eyes from his
plate, but it almost seemed like he was deliberately avoiding her gaze.
What the heck was up?
She knocked his foot with hers beneath the table, and finally he lifted his eyes.
“You okay?” she asked, unease drifting into her belly.
He nodded. “Yeah, sorry, just a lot on my mind.”
She lifted her brows. “Care to share?”
His eyes darted to the girls, who were still giggling. “Once little ears are no longer around.” Then he smiled tightly and put his head back down, picking at his fisherman’s breakfast of poached eggs, toast, sausages and haystack hash browns.
Paige swallowed and stared at the top of his head, wondering if this was not only technically their first date but also their last.
After a fun-filled morning and afternoon of breakfast, the aquarium and ice cream, Mitch pulled into his driveway.
Paige gave him a quizzical look. Why were they here? She thought he was going to drop her and Mira back off at her parents’ house.
He turned off the car and faced her. “I texted Adam a little bit ago and asked him if he’d take the girls so you and I could have some alone time. We’re going to go get dinner, and then I can take you home.”
Oh.
Butterflies and dragonflies and a bunch of other winged creatures took flight in her belly. She nodded her head and opened the car door to help Mira out of her car seat, unsure how to respond to Mitch, because despite this lovely surprise date, he still seemed off.
Was he planning to dump her over dinner? Soften the blow with food?
“I can do it, Mommy!” Mira whined, unbuckling her own car seat. “Jayda can do her seat. I can do mine. I’m a big kid, just like Jayda.” She pushed her mother’s hand away and jumped out of the car, racing to the front door and flinging it open, not even bothering to knock or say goodbye to her mother.
Paige rolled her eyes before climbing back into the front seat. “Well, goodbye to you too,” she said dryly.
Mitch had walked the girls to the front door, so Paige was left to her own plaguing thoughts, and all of them involved Mitch and why he was being so weird.
Was this a breakup date?
Had he realized she was too much work and he wasn’t ready for the drama that surrounded her?
Had Adam said something to him?
She was lost in thought, and not all of it good, when the door opened and Mitch slid behind the steering wheel. “Ready to go?” he asked, turning on the ignition.
“Mhmm.” She glanced out the window and watched her old neighborhood zip by as they headed back out of suburbia and down toward the water once more.
“I was thinking we could grab takeout from that fish taco place near the Ballard Locks and then go eat down on the beach. What do you think?”
She didn’t bother to turn her head toward him. “Sounds good.”
A hand landed on her thigh and squeezed. Finally, she moved her gaze from outside the car to inside. They’d stopped at a red light, and Mitch was looking at her.
He offered her a smile, still not as big as the ones she’d grown used to seeing, but it was genuine at least. The light turned green, and he removed his hand to move the stick shift into the next gear, his eyes leaving hers and focusing back on the road.
They drove the rest of the way in silence.
Deafening silence.
17
Sandals off and sand between their toes, they lazily made their way down the beach. The surf gently sloshed at their ankles, and gulls and shore birds rode the sea breeze, searching the shallows for dinner. The sun was hot but no longer high as it slowly started to sink behind Bainbridge Island to the west.
It was the perfect date night.
The perfect date.
Or at least it would have been.
Mitch held their dinner in one hand, but the hand that was next to Paige remained at his side. She wanted to grab it, but after his odd behavior this afternoon and the continuing quiet between them, she wasn’t sure how he’d respond and whether her hand was welcome.
She hated this unsureness. She hoped once they found some privacy he would open up because she couldn’t take much more of Mitch’s sudden blockades and the fact that they all seemed to be put up in front of her.
“Here?” he asked, gesturing to a couple of large pieces of driftwood they could use as a bench. They were behind a small outcropping of boulders, protecting them from the throng of other people aimlessly wandering the sand, taking in the beautiful summer evening.
She nodded and headed up toward the logs, sinking down on her bottom and burying her toes in the cool sand.
Mitch sat down next to her, close enough for their thighs to touch, and opened up their takeout bag. He passed her tacos, drink and a few napkins before grabbing out his own.
They ate in silence.
More silence.
It was killing her.
After about ten minutes of the two of them just sitting there, eating and watching a seal dive for his supper, she crumpled up the empty taco paper and stuffed it into the takeout bag. Then she took a deep breath, swallowed and turned to face him. “What is up?”
He’d been taking a sip of his root beer, but his eyes held a look that said he wasn’t surprised at her question. Perhaps he’d even been waiting for it.
He had said, after all, that they could talk when little ears weren’t around. So now he needed to keep his promise.
“You’ve been off all day,” she went on. “You haven’t been rude or mean to me, but you’ve been unusually quiet, unusually sullen. Is everything okay?”
He set his drink cup down in the sand, crumpled up his own taco paper and put it with the rest of the garbage before turning to face her. He took her hands in his. Their knees touched.
His hesitation was torture. Surely he had to know what he was doing to her, that the waiting was excruciating. If he was going to dump her, why wasn’t he just getting it over with? Why drag it out? Why treat her to a meal and walk miles away from the car? They’d just have to walk back to it together in even more awkward silence than when they’d walked there.
“Jayda asked me today if I loved you.”
Her palms had grown sweaty in his, and as much as she wanted to wipe them on her denim shorts, she also didn’t want to let go.
She nodded, encouraging him to go on.
“I asked her what she would think if I did love you, and she seemed okay with it.”
“Okay … ”
“She also started talking about her mother … Melissa. She said that she talks to Melissa.”
Paige lifted an eyebrow. Where was he going with this?
“We were in your garden this morning when Jayda stopped and a hummingbird landed on her finger. She said that her mother was there, and then when the hummingbird flew away, she said Melissa liked you.”
Paige pulled her hands from Mitch’s grasp and wiped them on her shorts. She couldn’t take it anymore, and she needed some distance. She stood up and stepped away a few yards in the sand. She spun around to face him. “Why are you telling me this? Did Jayda telling you that Melissa liked me make you realize that you didn’t like me? Are you ending things between us?”
His face fell, confusion clouding his bright green eyes. He was up off the driftwood log in less than a second, once again taking her hands in his. “No, not at all.”
She pulled her hands away again. His touch muddled her, and she needed to keep a clear head. “Then why have you been so weird today? I honestly thought you were planning to dump me.”
He shook his head and stepped away, pacing in the sand, running his hands through his thick, dark hair and then scrubbing them down his face. “All that stuff with Jayda today just got me thinking.”
“About?”
“About everything. About Melissa. About you. About the kids. I didn’t think I was ready to start dating.” Her eyes must have betrayed her hurt, because he immediately began to backpedal. “What I mean is, I hadn’t planned to s
tart dating. I wasn’t looking. But I wasn’t closed to the idea either.” He exhaled and turned to face the sea. “I told Violet when she started seeing Adam that I was open to the idea of seeing someone, but I wasn’t looking, that I wasn’t ready, but the right person coming along could change all of that. I figured that if I was meant to date again, the right person would show up in my life, otherwise I was going to focus on my daughter, focus on work. And then bam!” He clapped his hands loud. “You danced right into my life.”
“You pursued me, remember?”
He faced her again. “I know. Because once I saw you, once I met you, I couldn’t get you out of my head. Your strength, your kindness, your raw emotions and how passionately you convey them with everything you do burrowed deep under my skin, and the only relief was to make you a permanent fixture in my world. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore. We’ve only been seeing each other for a month or so, and already I’ve said the L word and I … ” His throat undulated on a hard swallow. “I’ve already lost one woman I loved.”
Oh.
Paige’s heart softened, and she stepped toward him, taking his hands in hers. “And you’re worried that now that you’ve opened your heart up to another, you could lose her too?”
He nodded solemnly. His jaw tightened, and a strong, masculine muscle ticked on one side. He was struggling to keep it all together. “Vi going to the hospital was torture. My sister is my rock. With our mom struggling with the loss of our dad, Vi was the person I turned to. But now I have you. I’m in love with you, and I can’t imagine my life without you, but it’s also terrifying. I don’t want to lose you. I couldn’t bear it. I can’t … ” He exhaled through his mouth and turned back out to sea, his bottom lip now wobbling slightly as his jaw jutted forward.
