“You’re special to Mr. Gregson,” declared Simon. “And he’s an excellent judge of character. If he thought for one minute that you were some type of fortune hunter, he wouldn’t have bothered with you. He told me soon after the two of you began seeing each other that he was crazy about you, and not just because you’re a very pretty young lady. He said that your real beauty was deep inside of you, and that your kindness and goodness were what really drew him to you.”
Tessa felt a warm glow spread through her at Simon’s words. “He really said that?”
“He did, Miss Tessa. And he meant every word. And he’s absolutely correct. You’re a good girl, I can tell, not like all the others who would only be after his money or his looks. You truly care for him, too – for the man he is inside and not just the image he projects. You two make a lovely couple.”
Impulsively, she reached forward and squeezed him on the shoulder. “That’s so kind of you to say,” she told him tearfully. “It will help me get through these next two weeks without him.”
Simon gave her hand a reassuring pat. “Trust me, my dear, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him and he knows it. He’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him. I hope you realize he would do anything for you, absolutely anything.”
“I do, yes. And the feeling is mutual.”
As instructed, Simon let her off a short distance from the office and in a very discreet manner. Before she began to walk away, he reminded her yet again to get in touch with him if she needed anything during Ian’s absence.
“I’ll be visiting my sister and her family up in Oregon for about a week,” he told her, “but I’ll be back in town next week. Even if I’m not around I can easily arrange for anything you might need.”
Tessa thanked him but assured him she’d be fine, that she was used to taking care of herself and wished him a pleasant vacation. Then she was off to work, where she hoped to keep busy enough over the next two weeks so that she didn’t feel like crying nonstop.
She knew that if she didn’t want to endure anymore painful separations like this one that she would have to remain firm in her resolve to resign. But it was one thing to know it, and quite another to actually accept it. As much as she loved Ian and wanted to be with him all the time, she couldn’t quite let go of the feeling that she needed to depend on herself and not simply rely on him for everything. That had been what had eventually happened with Peter, and when he’d left it had felt like her whole world had caved in.
And, if she was being completely honest with herself, she was still having doubts that her relationship with Ian would last. Her misgivings had nothing to do with her own feelings. No, those were rock solid and she couldn’t imagine ever loving another man the way she did him. Rather, it was her fear that he would tire of her, that perhaps having a much younger girlfriend was only a novelty for him, and maybe something of an ego booster (not that someone as undeniably hot as Ian needed to pad his self-esteem by any means). What if she became an embarrassment to him once they went public with their relationship – if he determined that she simply wasn’t refined or educated or mature enough to live in his world full time?
He would never abandon her, or leave her to fend for herself. That she knew without a shadow of a doubt. He was too good of a person, too much a gentleman, to ever even think of doing something like that. No, if he ever decided to end things between them he would make sure she was taken care of, settled with a good job and a place to live. But there would be nothing at all he could do to heal the gaping wound in her heart that a breakup like that would cause.
As the workday ended and she headed to the office gym for her workout, Tessa forced herself to stop being such a pessimist. Ian had made his feelings for her very clear, and she ought to be doing cartwheels of happiness right now that such an incredible man was in love with her. Instead, she was letting herself fall back into her old, bad habits and starting to imagine the worst. If she was going to get through the next two weeks without her lover, she was going to have to keep as busy as possible and, more importantly, maintain a positive attitude and not succumb to the depression that often hovered on the edges of her emotions.
The workout helped block out a lot of the insecurities and worries that tormented her, as did the call that came through from Ian shortly after she arrived home. He sounded tired, and she knew it was already the middle of the night in England. Even though she longed to keep him on the phone, she didn’t prolong the conversation when he bid her good night.
She kept herself busy the rest of the evening by starting to inventory her kitchen and living room, beginning the process of packing up the apartment. By the time bedtime rolled around, she was sufficiently tired to actually fall asleep fairly quickly.
But the next morning – which happened to be a Wednesday – started out on a sour note when she discovered her period had started. One of the major side effects of the IUD she used for birth control were the heavy, painful menstrual cycles she suffered through. Her periods were also irregular, making it difficult to pinpoint when they were due to occur.
She’d tried using the pill - several different brands in actuality – but had experienced rather severe allergic reactions to each one – terrible headaches, constant nausea, a red, itchy rash. The nurse practitioner at the free clinic had steered her towards the IUD as an alternative method but Tessa wasn’t so sure the side effects with it were much better.
Making sure her purse was well stocked with tampons, Tessa swallowed two Tylenol with her breakfast to lessen the pain of the severe cramps she knew would follow shortly. Her period would last for well over a week, with more of the killer cramps and heavy bleeding, enough so that she always felt a little weak and dizzy as a result. She tried to lay low during her cycles, cutting back on her exercise routine, trying to get some extra sleep, and eating as well as she could.
The timing of her period with Ian’s absence was just about the only positive note. She was reluctant for him to see her this way, especially when she felt bloated and uncomfortable and on edge. Her periods also tended to make her weepy and depressed, and she knew she’d have to force herself more than usual to get through the days.
It didn’t help a bit that things at the office were slow. Not only was Ian away for two weeks, but several of the other managers were either traveling on business or attending a conference somewhere. However, it seemed that Tessa was the only one of her co-workers who wasn’t pleased at the lack of work assignments. The others took full advantage of the lull by arriving late and leaving early, taking longer than usual lunch hours, and spending the better part of the day gossiping, searching the Internet, and making personal calls. Of course, Andrew was still very much on top of things, and they had to exercise at least a little caution. But Tessa was quietly convinced he knew exactly what was going on, and was making very careful notes of who was slacking off. Determined not to take advantage of her relationship with Ian, she kept to her normal schedule and routine, and strove to work as hard as possible.
And she couldn’t help feeling just a little bit smug when Alicia shared the latest rumors about Ian and his love life with the rest of them. The speculation that he had a new girlfriend was apparently really running wild now, given the facts he’d been a no-show at several important events lately, and that his other two former escorts – the news anchor and the ballerina – had been seen out with other men.
“Most everyone seems to think this mystery woman is someone back home in England,” Alicia informed them with a little sniff of displeasure. “They think he met her when he went home for the holidays, because it was very soon after his return that he stopped being seen in public with other women.”
“Hmm, so he was probably looking forward to this trip big time,” chimed in Kevin. “Two months is a long time for someone like His Hotness to go without a woman.”
Tessa had to bite back a retort that Ian had actually gone two years without a woman – if she could truly believe what he’d told he
r about being celibate. And while she still had her doubts that someone as virile and sexual as he was could really go without sex for so long, she also knew he was too honest and moral to lie to her about something like that. Besides, there was always such a desperate, urgent hunger in the way he took her that it was easy to believe he’d abstained for such a long time.
Rather than put herself through a grueling workout in her weakened physical state, Tessa elected to take a restorative yoga class at SF Flow instead. The unlimited monthly membership that Ian had surprised her with had been one of her favorite and most cherished gifts, and she loved the luxury of being able to take classes whenever she wished.
She knew Julia took a 6:00am class at a different studio during the week, so she didn’t worry about running into her apparently very nosy friend. She did see Sasha as she arrived, since the curly-haired teacher also taught classes in the evening. Tessa had heard from other students that Sasha was not only the most popular teacher at this studio but also one of the most sought-after in the entire city. She wasn’t the least surprised to see the throng of students crowding into the larger of the two practice rooms where Sasha’s class was held.
“Hey, I’m not used to seeing you here in the evenings,” Sasha told her. “But why aren’t you going to my class? Restorative is way too easy for you, Tessa.”
Tessa grimaced and placed a hand on her belly. “It’s that time of the month, I’m afraid, and it’s pretty awful. I figured it would be a good idea to take it a little easy.”
“Ah, absolutely,” agreed Sasha. “No inversions on your cycle, okay? Backbends, handstands, not a good idea. If you have bad cramps, try drinking some chamomile tea. I wish I wasn’t already so booked up tonight with classes or I could try to squeeze you in for a massage. That would do wonders for you right now.”
“I actually just had a massage over the long weekend,” recalled Tessa wistfully. “My first ever. It was really amazing, something I could get used to.”
Sasha nodded. “It’s a good addiction to have. Maybe we can set up an appointment for you sometime. Take it easy in class, okay? I’ll see you soon.”
It didn’t surprise Tessa that her teacher was also a massage therapist. During class, Sasha made a point of going around to as many students as possible and making adjustments to their bodies while in poses. Tessa could tell by the knowledgeable way in which Sasha touched her that she was extremely familiar with human anatomy, and her touch was both skillful and soothing. Tessa wondered anew if Ian already had a massage therapist he saw on a regular basis, and made a mental note to suggest that they could possibly use Sasha’s services if he didn’t.
She felt relaxed and less uncomfortable at the end of the class, a sensation that remained with her during the bus ride home. It was only as she opened her mail box that the all too familiar feeling that something bad was about to happen returned.
The thick manila envelope bore the return address of a local law firm, and Tessa almost dropped the packet in revulsion. She postponed opening the envelope for as long as possible, and didn’t even mention its arrival to Ian when they spoke on the phone late that night. With the eight hour time difference between San Francisco and London, it was already very early in the morning for him and well past normal bedtime for her. Still, she gladly gave up the extra sleep in order to hear his voice, to listen to him recount what had happened the day before, and to have him tell her how much he loved and missed her. Determined to remain positive, Tessa didn’t mention her painful period or how many times during the last day and a half she’d had to fight off the depression that threatened to engulf her in its darkness.
But once their conversation ended, she stared for long minutes at the offending envelope, knowing she’d never be able to sleep until she opened it.
She’d known without even looking at the return address that the envelope contained the divorce papers. She didn’t get a lot of mail in general, and certainly nothing as thick and official looking as this packet. Sighing, Tessa slid the papers out of their envelope and took a quick glance at the top page.
Well, it was over. Officially so, even though her marriage to Peter had in all honesty never really begun. They had been best friends, roommates, confidantes, but never lovers or partners, not in the true sense of the word. Now that she knew what it truly felt like to be in love, to experience sexual fulfillment, and, yes, to finally feel like a woman, Tessa could accept her seven years with Peter for what they had really been – a means to an end; a safe haven for her; and a dysfunctional mess that should never have been permitted to go on for as long as it had.
Still, she cried for a while, because it was never really easy to let go of something that had been part of your life for so many years. And then, she pulled up her email account on the rather ancient old laptop Peter had scrounged up for her way back in high school, and began to compose the letter she ought to have sent him weeks ago.
Dear Peter,
It’s been a few weeks since we were in touch and a lot has happened during that time. First, though, the divorce papers arrived today so I guess it’s really official – we’re no longer married. I just finished having a good cry over it but I can honestly say – finally – that you did the right thing by making this happen – for both of us.
There’s – well, I’ve met someone, Peter. I know you always wanted that for me, but I still can’t help feeling a little bit guilty about it. He’s a wonderful man, treats me like a princess, and I’m going to be moving in with him soon. As you know, the lease on this place is up pretty soon so I guess the timing is working out well.
He’s older than I am by quite a bit, but it’s not for the financial or emotional security that I’m with him. I’m honestly, completely, and ridiculously in love with him, and I hope you’ll be happy for me. I told him everything – about my mom, the whole mess I was in when you saved me, and about us. He’s not only been good to me but good for me as well, and I’m hoping he’ll be the one to slay the rest of the dragons, the few that you didn’t already kill for me.
I hope you know how much I still love you, Peter, and how much I always will. You were there for me in my darkest times, and I will never, ever forget that. I hope we can continue to be the best of friends, and that you will keep in close touch. And, most of all, I hope that someday you can finally find the peace that you need so badly – that you’ll meet someone who will slay all of your dragons.
With much love,
Tess
Wiping away her tears, she dragged herself into the bathroom and got ready for bed, hoping that between her emotional state and her physical condition that she would sleep soundly. As she started to shut down her laptop, she was astounded to see a new message had popped up, and even more surprised to note that it was from Peter. He never replied to her emails so quickly, and she surmised he must have been online when her message had been delivered to him.
Hey, Tess,
What you are doing up so late? I’m the insomniac, remember? But in all seriousness – yes, I knew the divorce was going to be final today and was thinking of you the whole time. Guess I was just too much of a coward to email you first.
I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear you’ve found someone, Tess. You deserve to have normal, healthy relationship, and to be loved and adored more than anyone else in the world. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be the man to give you that kind of love, because I know I’ll never meet anyone half as wonderful as you.
Would I be wrong in guessing that this new, older man in your life is your boss? I might be going out on a limb here but I remember that Christmas party you dragged me to a couple of years back. I never told you this, didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but I saw the way he kept watching you all night and giving me the evil eye (just kidding!) If it is him, I think you’ve made a very wise choice. He’ll take good care of you, Tess, give you all the things I never could. Oh, I’m not talking about stuff like cars or houses or clothes. I know you don’t give a shit a
bout any of that. The things I’m talking about are romance and normal sex and maybe having a baby one day. I always wanted those things for you and I’m glad you’re finally going to have them.
One last thing, because I’m starting to lose it here myself. I’ve begun therapy, Tess. Once a week I Skype with someone in the States, someone who specializes in my sort of issues. And while I’ve got a long, long way to go, I’m hopeful that one day I’ll be able to slay my own damned dragons.
I love you, too, Tess and we will always be best friends. Take care and be happy, and please do keep in touch.
Love,
Peter
She was crying again as she finished reading his message, but this time they were tears of joy.
***
Two Weeks Later
By his calculations, he’d been awake for more than twenty-four hours, given the time zone difference and the number of hours he’d been either waiting in airports or actually in flight. Ian was exhausted, especially since he’d had precious little sleep on the very long flight home from London. Since he had changed his flight at practically the last minute, there hadn’t been any seats available in either first or business class, and he’d been forced to fly coach. For a man of his height and bulk, falling asleep in the restricted space had been all but impossible, especially when coupled with the crying child in the seat behind him and the very chatty couple in front of him. He’d considered the wisdom of taking this last minute flight a dozen times over during the rather hellish journey, but each time he questioned his decision he didn’t regret it. How could he, when it meant he would see his beloved Tessa that much sooner than planned?
Wanting to surprise her with his early arrival, he hadn’t told her about his change in plans. He’d made up some excuse for why he wouldn’t be able to call her as usual this evening, and she sweetly hadn’t questioned him further. But now that his flight – the departure having been delayed by more than two bloody hours due to heavy fog at Heathrow – had finally landed, he was making a beeline to her apartment, so that he could sweep her up and take her home with him. He knew she wouldn’t mind being woken at this late hour, even though she would have to get up early for work in the morning. And he’d already written off the possibility of actually having sex with her, since his own exhaustion would probably impair his ability to perform, even given their long separation and how damned much he’d missed her.
Splendor (Inevitable #2) Page 32
