by Helen Scott
“How do you know? How can you tell me that I can’t even try? She’s my life, my everything, and I’m not going to damn well let her die locked in her own version of hell inside her mind.” He bellowed it more than he’d intended, but the good doctor relented and began to pull clear tubing and sterile needles out of her bag.
“What are you going to do if this kills her?” she asked quietly as she tore open the needle packets.
“It won’t,” he said, unable to even think of the possibility.
“You don’t know that,” she admonished.
“Can we just do this? You pulled me out because she’s on the brink of death. Let my blood give her more time to escape.”
Vivienne shook her head and directed him to sit on the couch. She swabbed the area on his arm and inserted the needle, before completing similar steps on Ellie’s arm. Alec watched as the crimson liquid slowly crept through the tube and into Ellie’s arm. The whole time he prayed to pretty much every god except Zeus that this would work.
Chapter 20
Ellie had screamed until she’d gone hoarse. First her family left her, and now Alec? She couldn’t take it. None of this was right. He would never voluntarily leave her, so something took him from her. The idea ignited an inferno inside her. Someone was messing with her soulmate, and that was unacceptable.
Alec had said that all of this was in her head. Could that really be true? Had all this time in Purgatory just been in her mind? By the gods, she must stink in the real world, then, unless Alec had been bathing her, and wasn’t that just a lovely thought. If he was going to be washing her body, she wanted to be awake to enjoy it, dammit, and why was that the first thing that had popped into her head? Not that she might be starving since she couldn’t feed herself, or worried about the fae the Morrigan was looking for, but the fact that she thought she might smell in the real world? Her brain was strange—there was no doubt about that—and if she had just been trapped in her own mind the whole time, then it was even stranger than she’d previously thought.
Her family had said she had the power to fix this inside her, and she needed that now if she had any hope of getting to Alec so she could save his ass. Again.
She sighed and tugged at her bindings. The light was as strong as ever. Everyone had said that she had control, that the power to change all of this was already within her, so Ellie began to meditate. It seemed like a waste of time, like it couldn’t possibly be productive, but as she let her mind sink into relaxation, it fell quiet. Her thoughts were pushed to the side as she focused on her breathing, on the sensations of her body, and turned her senses inward toward the darkness.
At first, she thought there was nothing there, that they’d all been wrong, but the further she looked within herself, the more she saw. It was like sensing nerves in her chest versus nerves in her belly. The ones in her chest were obvious, constricting, making her heart pound in her ears, but when she focused and tried to move past them, she found the ones in her gut, which would clench and twist. Two different sensations for the same emotion. That was kind of what she felt as she looked for the power that lay within her.
There was the small amount that she’d taken from Alec and the ragged bits she’d kept after the last storm had rolled through. They seemed to float high in her chest, but as she looked past them, she was able to feel something else, something glinting like the black water of a lake at midnight. She pushed past the distraction of the stored power and found that there was something there. She just wasn’t sure what it was.
Ellie mentally reached out, as though she could touch the surface that shimmered, reflecting the light of the stored power back to her. As soon as she connected with it, pain ripped through her hand and up her arm, swallowing her whole, sucking her under. The pain was familiar, though. It was her constant grief over the family she’d lost. She lived with it every day. Once she recognized it, the sensation dulled, and she was able to move through it, just as she had in real life. It was always with her, but she worked through it, loved through it, and would live through it. In that moment, she had to fight through it. She needed to know what was on the other side. As she pushed and moved and pulled, the black surface began to crack and light glowed through, like fresh lava breaking through the cooled crust.
Once it fractured, small fissures began to form all over the surface in her mind. Suddenly, a golden light poured through and the black crust disappeared, dissolving into the warmth of the power that now flooded over her. What had been a cool darkness was now like standing under the summer sun. Heat radiated through her body, filling her up, infusing every cell with power.
She opened her eyes and took a deep breath, relishing the feeling of love that surrounded her. Her memories and the grief of losing her family, especially her grandfather, had overshadowed the love that they felt for her, forcing her to stuff it down until she could break through the heartache that their deaths caused. The photo that she’d kept in the back room at Speak o’ the Devil came to her mind, and she felt the pang of loss, but more so, she felt the glow of their love and the happiness that had been captured by that photo. This was the harmony she’d been fighting for since her parents died when she was a child, and now she’d finally found it, and she felt stronger, and more loved, than ever before.
Ellie channeled the power she’d stored into the well of magic that lay within her, making it stronger. It came easily to hand when she reached for it, and even though she was bound, she knew that she could destroy her restraints. The ball of power was the easiest thing she could form—it was the first thing she’d been able to create—and until this point, remained her strongest weapon. It wasn’t going to break the power that shackled her, though. She knew that on a gut level.
The power pooled in her palm as she waited until she couldn’t hold any more. She dropped her head and squeezed her eyes shut before she angled the hand holding the magic toward the other, hoping that she hit the restraint and not her own hand. The last thing she wanted was to fry herself. When she released it, a giant crack of lightning sounded right above her, and suddenly her arm hung loosely by her side instead of pinned above her head.
As she repeated the same process on the other hand, she was able to watch the bolt of lightning surge forth from her hand and connect with the band of light that held her wrist in place. The small explosion that happened made her flinch as sparks flew in every direction, and the crack of the lightning seemed to echo around her.
When both her hands were free, she fell to the ground, which was awkward considering her feet were still held in place, hovering about a foot in the air. She turned on the ground and barely even had to call the magic at that point. She just had to release it. A bolt of lightning shot out from each hand and connected with the remaining symbols that held her feet, releasing them so her legs flopped onto the bloody snow underneath them.
Her body screamed with pain as she straightened on the cold earth. The gashes in her back bled freely once more, as the wounds that Circe had inflicted on her face as more insult than actual injury reopened. She could feel the blood trailing down her cheeks from the clean slices that had been there before she went to Tír na nÓg. What she needed was her necklace. She didn’t have the strength to get to her feet, but she could at least crawl over there.
It looked to be about thirty feet away, not far really, but by the time she was halfway there, her body was cramping in pain. Each movement felt like Circe’s blade was stabbing her all over again. She couldn’t pass out this time, though. If she did, then she would die, which was what she thought would happen the first time. This time was different. Life was within her grasp, so long as she could reach her necklace, so she pushed forward.
There was no other choice than to ignore the pain as she clawed her way over to the platform. Everything was dependent on her getting to her necklace, so even as she screamed in pain, she still pushed herself up the steps to where the necklace rested against the rock. Finally, the small metal medallion was in her h
and and she clutched it to her chest, the blood from her face mingling with the snow and dirt that had coated her hands as she moved.
As soon as it connected with her skin, the chain wound its way up and around her neck, latching all by itself, as though it had wanted to return to her all along. Ellie felt the wall of power that came from being connected once more to Tír na nÓg. The wounds on her face began to slowly close, but the ones on her back were still so raw, so deep, that she wasn’t sure she’d make it even with the necklace on.
A thought made its way up from the depths of her power, percolating into her consciousness. Could her own power heal her injuries? If this truly was all in her head, then she didn’t see why not, but she had no idea how to go about something like that. As she slumped over on the steps, she tried to focus her energy into her skin, to knit the gashes back together, but nothing happened. It didn’t feel like her power when she tried to do it, like she was trying to put a square peg into a circular hole. There was just something off about it. A lightning bolt flying from her hand, a ball of energy that she could throw at an enemy, even sucking up all the power in an area like a sponge, all of that felt natural. She let the power that seemed to be pushing at her arch from one hand to the other and back again.
An idea struck her, and she hoped that it would work, because she wasn’t sure what else she could try. Ellie pulled off her cloak, the top she had on underneath, and even her bra until she was naked from the waist up. She awkwardly folded her arms behind her and placed one hand on each side of her back, allowing the electricity that had been arching in front of her moments ago to shoot across the skin of her bare back. The pain was immediate but gratifying. She knew it hurt because it was doing what she wanted it to, especially since she could smell her skin burning as the heat from the lightning sealed her wounds shut. It was like she was an ant under a small boy’s magnifying glass, with the rays of the sun searing her skin, but she couldn’t stop until she was sure the cuts were mostly healed. There was no way she could cauterize everything, but she could at least get some of the major ones to buy time for the magic from Tír na nÓg to do its work.
She tried to get some of the blood off her hands using some of the clean snow, and it worked enough for her to be able to ignore what was left. Her clothes went back on next, but they were freezing from being wet and in the snow. The task of getting out of the bonds and getting to her necklace had seemed impossible, and she was ecstatic that she’d been able to accomplish both of those goals, but that left an even more impossible task in front of her, one she’d been struggling with all the months she’d been in Purgatory—how to get out.
Alec had said that she could create her own reality since she was in her own head, but clearly it didn’t just bend to her will. Otherwise, she’d be on a lovely warm beach somewhere with ocean waves lapping at her toes and a margarita or daiquiri close at hand. Maybe she actually had to create it, though? Maybe it wasn’t just from her will that it would change.
The weather around her wasn’t exactly conducive to healing or moving, but she had to do both, and she sure as hell didn’t have the energy to go back down the mountain. Her ravens were gathered all around the little clearing, watching her with their heads tilting this way and that. One sent up a caw of what she felt was encouragement. It probably wasn’t, but she needed some reassurance in that moment, and soon all the birds were cawing, the sound almost deafening in her ears.
“I can do this!” she whispered to herself through gritted teeth as she pushed herself into a standing position. “Alec needs me.” She said the second half louder, which seemed to make the ravens call out even more. Ellie pulled on her power in a way she had never done before, opening her arms and stretching them out to the side as it surged forth.
Her ravens flocked to her, landing in neat lines all along her arms up to her shoulders. She even felt one land on her head. Once they connected, the power seemed to flow out through them. Circles of light formed around her hands as she began to levitate once more, only this time, no chains held her in place. Nothing but her power supported her. The circles grew, expanding past her fingertips to the size of dinner plates, and then they grew even more. She pulled on all the power she could find within her and pushed it out, commanding it to remake the world around her into something that would allow her to return to the real world. The circles of light grew even bigger and began to move away from her fingertips. She had no idea if it would actually work or not, but she had no choice but to try.
Closing her eyes, she summoned every last ounce of love and power that she could find, forcing it out into her mind. When she opened her eyes once more, the world as she’d known it was gone. Not changed. Gone. She floated in the middle of nothingness with just wisps of smoke or clouds floating around her. Even her birds were gone.
It made sense, she supposed, but it didn’t make it any less startling or unnerving. Ellie tried putting one foot in front of the other, as though she was walking. It felt like she was moving, like her feet were connecting with something, like her weight was being supported somehow by something under her feet, but she couldn’t see anything. There was also the instinct feeling that if she fell backward or forward, it would be like floating in water. The different sensations mixing around her body were confusing, so she pushed them aside. She spun in a circle and looked for any kind of indication as to which way to go. The real world was close; she could almost feel it pressing against her, like she was underwater and a wave was rolling by overhead, but that only made it more frustrating.
The faint caw of a raven drew her attention, and she started to try to move toward it, praying that it wouldn’t lead her back to Purgatory. Her birds had always followed what she wanted, almost on instinct, and had always protected her, so she didn’t think it would do that. She pushed forward each time she heard the sound, trying to get closer to it.
A pinprick of light glowed in front of her, and as she moved steadily toward it, it grew ever so slightly bigger. By the time she was close enough to it that it wasn’t changing in size any more, she started to be able to make out the shape. A keyhole. Ellie moved her hands around it, trying to find the door handle or even just the edge of the frame, but there was nothing. Her hands moved straight past where the keyhole hung in midair.
She knelt down, which seemed strange since there wasn’t really any ground to speak of, but it worked nonetheless, and she came eye level with the point of light. The dark filigreed metal that surrounded it was unexpected, especially as there was nothing for it to be attached to. She peered through, trying to see what was on the other side of the door. Alec was the first thing her eyes latched on to.
His handsome face was drawn and pale with the great swath of thick dark hair looking tousled, as though he hadn’t slept, or if he did, not well. Vivienne sat next to him, her eyes flicking back and forth from him to where Ellie peeked out of the keyhole. They were sitting in the back room, just as he’d said, and a long red tube ran from his arm to somewhere past where she could see. He was giving blood? The thought was confusing, but it was the only thing that made sense.
Excitement flooded her at the sight of her soulmate and what she now knew was the real world, and she called out. She screamed through the opening, trying to draw his attention, or even Vivienne’s, but they didn’t even look over. The doctor’s face was serious, and she was trying to reach for the tube connected to Alec’s arm, but he kept rotating away or slapping her hand, unwilling to give it up.
Ellie screamed again and again, begging them to look at her, to tell her how to get out, but nothing worked. Finally, she relented and turned away. It was still up to her. She’d shown herself a keyhole, which meant there had to be a key, but where? It wasn’t like there was any furniture around or any physical objects at all, really. The only thing that could mean was that it was somehow already in her possession.
What did she have on her that could function as a key? She stood and pulled her cloak off and cast it to the side, where it
faded into nothingness. Her eyes fixed on where it should have been floating, without being able to see it. It was just gone, like colors being blended together. After that, she was more careful, holding on to whatever she removed, just in case it contained something of value. She checked her shoes first, followed quickly by her pants and sweater. Nothing there that she could fit in the keyhole. The last thing she checked was her belt and the knives it held. There was nothing on either of the daggers that she kept, one on each hip, and last was the sword given to her by Rae, or her mother, although it still felt weird to think of her like that. The thick blade was almost a short sword, but still a little too short from what Ellie remembered from history books.
The handle was wrapped in material and leather that Rae said had always been there. The way it held up under constant use had surprised her. Gripping it tightly, she swung it around, relishing the feel of it in her hand, as she knew if she was able to get out of there, she wouldn’t have it anymore. It was odd to think about it that way, as though the items she carried were just going to hang around in her head when she left, but they would fade away just as the cloak had done.
She spun the blade once more, the familiar feeling of the handle calming her as she thought. Something scratched at her palm in a way she wasn’t used to. She slowly rolled the blade over in her palm and felt the material on the handle, expecting some of the leather to have come loose. She was right, but it hadn’t just come loose; it was starting to wear away, as though the thing was about to dissolve in her hands. As she tried to wrap the remaining material back around the hilt, something glinted in the light, spilling through from the real world. She paused, her heart jumping erratically in her chest.
The glint of gold peeked through. Her ragged, filthy fingernails picked at the fabric as she tried to get more of it off. Bit by bit, the material came away, and as it did, it disappeared. There would be no repairing what she’d done, but the more material that disappeared, the more gold she saw and the more it started to look like the key she so desperately needed.
