by C. J. Duggan
Ballantine was back?
‘H– how do you know?’ I asked.
Laura tilted her head as if I was joking. ‘How do you think?’ she replied.
Boon.
My mind was racing; he was coming here, to the Wipe Out Bar. Holy shit. ‘Does he know I work here?’
‘I’m not sure, I think so, maybe … I don’t know.’
Oh my God. I had clawed back some semblance of control, keeping myself busy and trying to find a means to prepare myself to be independent and strong, but the very instant the thought of Ballantine walking back into my life came to me, I could feel my resolve crumble. I was nothing more than that girl waiting under a streetlight for the boy to show, the one that broke my heart.
I inhaled a calming breath. ‘When?’
‘Tonight. Boppo, Ballantine and Woolly just got back from overseas so they’re coming for a session with Boon.’
Oh God.
The Kirkland Boys from Paradise High were going to be here. Could I hide in my room? Could I disappear? I suddenly had a grand plan of sitting in Dean’s office, hovering over the security monitors, taking in the scenes before me. And then, as always, the little voice inside whispered to my subconscious.
Get your shit together, Lexie. Face the music and be totally kick-arse!
I know I had planned to get to that point of being a total kick-arse in all departments of my life, I just wasn’t sure I was there a hundred per cent just yet. Well, there was no better way to tell than by jumping in at the deep end. I glanced at my watch, calculating the usual time frame of arrivals for late-night partygoers. I should have a few hours, I thought, as my eyes flicked up to Laura.
‘Okay, I’m going to need your help.’
‘Okaaay. How so?’ Laura asked, uncertainty lacing her voice.
‘You have to help make me look bloody amazing.’
‘Like Olivia Newton-John at the end of Grease?’ laughed Laura.
My smile mirrored Laura’s. ‘Minus the stilettos!’
•
‘Look, I don’t know, Lexie, Dean seemed pretty adamant that you not do a night shift until he gets back.’ Cassie’s face twisted as if pained, which was pretty much every time we spoke to one another, seeing as it usually involved a harebrained scheme like the one I was trying on right now. If Ballantine was coming in with his mates I wanted to be behind the bar slinging drinks and showing them that I was more than some mousey school girl. I didn’t know if he knew I was now calling the Wipe Out Bar home, but the fact he was even coming here made me feel so nervous, I needed to keep myself busy.
‘Cassie, it will only be for tonight, I promise, and then there will be no more changing of any kind. I will simply sit quietly in my room and read up on cocktails.’
Cassie sighed. ‘Seriously, you need to get a life; I have never met anyone who’s practically begged for a shift.’
‘Yeah, well, I’ll get this under my belt and it will be one less thing for Dean to concern himself with when he comes back and sees what an excellent job you did educating me.’
Cassie’s eyes lifted, a light of interest flickering in them before she nodded slowly. ‘Okay, then, but only for tonight. I can swap Frankie to the bistro; he won’t care but after that no more changes of any kind. I don’t fancy Sherry taking back her job.’
‘Sherry’s left. She won’t take your job.’
‘You think? Why do you think she stopped by to talk to Dean?’
I went to speak and then paused. I hadn’t thought of it like that.
‘Make no mistake, Lexie, if Dean had to choose over two bar staff for one Sherry, he would always choose her.’
I swallowed, knowing that what Cassie was saying was the complete reality. Cassie, perhaps, but I, most definitely, would be out on the street. And what had I done? Learned the ropes, studied hard, thrown myself into understanding the place and tried to be a help, not a hindrance. The other thing I had done was potentially piss Dean off epically. I wondered if it were too late to put Hank back up.
‘You still want to help work the bar tonight?’
I blinked, meeting Cassie’s questioning eyes. With Dean returning tomorrow, this could potentially be my only chance to learn the bar firsthand from experience without him present, and my one and only chance to see Ballantine. If it was the nail in my coffin and Dean fired me for Sherry, then so be it – I would move in with Principal Fitzgibbons and never darken Dean’s doorstep again.
I nodded. ‘I’m sure. If I lose my job, I might as well go out with a bang,’ I said, smiling weakly.
Cassie didn’t share the joke. ‘Bloody hell, Lexie, this better be the last of your grand ideas, I don’t think my heart can take much more.’
I scoffed. Mine either, I thought, mine either.
•
‘So, what do we think?’ I stood in front of the cracked mirror of my 1970s wardrobe, slowly turning to meet the wide-eyed stares of Cassie and Laura.
‘You look smoking hot, Lex!’ Laura chimed.
My eyes shifted to Cassie, who was smiling and nodding. ‘Sex on legs,’ she said.
I glanced back to the mirror to check they were both seeing what I was seeing, because as far as ‘smoking hot’ and ‘sex on legs’ were concerned, well, I had never been referred to as either of those … ever.
To fit in with the Wipe Out Bar vibe, I wore black skinny jeans, and a fitted black singlet top that made my boobs look deceptively big, which was a win. But what was most different was my face. Courtesy of Cassie I now sported smoky eye shadow that made my eyes pop, a cherry lip balm that made my lips shine and a delicate blush to my cheeks. I hardly recognised myself. My long blonde hair sat in a high ponytail that flowed over my shoulder. The outfit was tight, and accentuated all the right curves, all the ones I usually hid. I didn’t even feel like me, and maybe that was what I needed? To channel some kind of alter ego in order to get through tonight, in order to face Ballantine and the Kirkland Boys. I took a deep breath. I felt like I wanted to be sick.
‘I don’t look too … slutty?’ I asked, pulling my top up a little.
‘Lexie, you look amazing. Seriously, every bloke is going to be ogling you, and Dean’s booze takings are about to skyrocket. He is going to never want to let you go.’
‘Ah, yeah, well, Dean will never know about tonight.’ I cringed.
‘What do you mean?’ asked Laura.
‘Well, he just can’t know about me working the bar tonight.’
‘Ha! And you think he won’t find out? Are you serious?’
‘Well, he might, but it won’t be from any of us,’ I said, glancing at Cassie, who nodded her head in total agreement.
‘I think most people value their lives enough to keep it on the down low,’ Cassie said.
Wow, everyone really was scared of Dean. I just didn’t get it. Dean could be an arrogant jerk with a penetrating death stare like no other, but there was something that suddenly occurred to me. He didn’t scare me, not in that way, anyway.
‘You ready?’ asked Laura.
I took one last look at the stranger reflected in the mirror as I inhaled a calming breath.
‘About as ready as I will ever be.’
Chapter Thirty-Five
There were two things I didn’t count on happening that night.
The first was just how really fast you had to be, even knowing every name and configuration of every alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverage in house, and knowing how to use the EFTPOS, cash register and volume on the sound system. Nothing could have prepared me for the chaos of a night-time full house of thirsty patrons.
The second and probably the most disturbing thing I hadn’t counted on was the entire class of Year Twelve graduates being present at the Wipe Out Bar tonight. So many familiar faces in the crowd and at the bar from last year’s Year Twelve. It seemed that everywhere I looked I recognised a face, and they recognised mine although their reaction was somehow quite different from my own.
‘Hey, didn’t I go
to school with you?’ yelled a cute, tall boy over the music. I didn’t know his name but I knew he was in Chisholm House at school.
‘Yeah, I was under you,’ I yelled back.
The boy, who had a brilliant white smile, laughed as he shook his head. ‘Now that would be something I would most definitely remember,’ he said with a wink, as he grabbed his drink and headed back to his friends.
I blushed crimson, but had no time to let the innuendo take up too much time. As he left there were a million others to serve.
But even amid the chaos I was aware that I had yet to serve or spot Ballantine or any of his Kirkland mates. I had a sinking feeling that they might have changed their minds about coming, that maybe the last thing they wanted to do was hang out with a bunch of people they went to school with.
As the night went on the pace didn’t lessen, not once I started scanning the crowd less and merely focused on the immediate line before me, at all the antsy, needy customers waving their money at me. And I realised I was loving every minute of it. The fast pace, the pumping music, the never knowing what was next, the witty banter from the boys who would shamelessly flirt with me. I could feel my alter ego soaring in confidence with every transaction.
‘Lexie, go and take a break,’ Cassie called from the other end of the bar.
‘A break?’
Cassie rolled her eyes as she pulled a beer from the tap. ‘You need to eat, take fifteen,’ she said.
‘No, it’s okay, I’m not hungry,’ I said, dumping change into a customer’s hands with a smile.
‘Lexie, a break is non-negotiable. Go! I’ll get Frankie to cover for you.’
As much as I didn’t want to I knew she was right. Breaks were forced on staff so as not to burn out, and as much as it pained me I served my last customer and untied my black apron from around my waist.
‘Okay, back in fifteen,’ I said.
‘Good girl!’ said Cassie as if she was amazed I had agreed.
Leaving the bar, weaving my way through the bustling crowd to head towards the back exit, I strode down the corridor towards the kitchen, which wasn’t exactly the place you wanted to be as it had a different kind of chaos going on. There was a lot of yelling and clanging of pots and saucepans as orders flew up to the pass. I was supposed to put in a request for some dinner, but the last thing I had wanted was to eat. I was far too worked up to even think about food, so instead I slipped out the back entrance past the alcove where my poor bike lay crumpled and unloved, until I earned some real money to fix it. I walked down the back passage and through the screen door, where a set of milk crates sat next to a smoke bucket and a skip bin on either side. It wasn’t the fresh air I was after, but it certainly was much quieter as I dragged up one of the crates and sat down, taking a moment to relax a little. However, the adrenalin that pumped through my veins was not an easy thing to tamper down.
Laura had promised she would be back tonight for moral support, but I hadn’t seen her yet. It was now ten o’clock and I knew that the cool kids usually made fashionably late entrances but this was ridiculous. I then started to reason with myself. They were probably doing a bar crawl and seeing as the Wipe Out Bar was at the end of the arcade it seemed possible that this would be the final stop. In a way I hoped that was true. Maybe Ballantine would be a few beers in, to loosen up his inhibitions a bit, make our reunion less potentially awkward. It sure had helped me, I mused, thinking back to the night I had hitched a ride here. It seemed like a lifetime ago. A time when I wasn’t sure if I would ever see Ballantine again, and yet here he would be, close and yet so far.
I hated the forced break, with nothing but time on my hands. Old worries and insecurities crept back into my mind and made my heart ache in that familiar way. I didn’t want to recognise that feeling, I wanted to be numb. I had no idea what I wanted out of this, what seeing Ballantine would do to me. My own plan had been so clear until now, to work to be busy, to take out my anger and frustration on Dean, whenever he wasn’t gallivanting God knows where. I just wanted to be different from how I had been when I arrived in Paradise. I didn’t want to be that whining, emotional girl anymore. And this week I had proven to myself that I could be different, and now I was determined to prove it to everyone else too. It was just the right frame of mind I needed to propel me back to the bar again. When I appeared, I saw the none-too-subtle look from Cassie, the one that read: ‘That was not fifteen minutes’. But she didn’t have time to argue the point. There were thirsty patrons to serve.
I got back into it like I had never left, and the crisscrossing rhythm Cassie and I had worked out so as not to run into each other became instinctual. I think even Cassie was surprised how well we worked together.
‘I’m going to do a glass run, you okay here?’ I yelled at Cassie over the music.
‘Yeah, go for it. You read my mind,’ she laughed.
I could never have imagined working with Sherry like this. Cassie was nice and very generous with information and compliments, so helpful and ready to help me learn or, like in the last few days, let me take some risks.
Stacking up glasses as high as I could manage from tables, windowsills and other creative places people tended to stash them, I made my way carefully back to the bar. The last thing I wanted was to have to explain to Dean why two dozen glasses were missing.
The rush of the crowd seemed to calm down as the night wore on and as eleven crept up, doubt crept in that the Kirkland Boys were going to show up at all and my heart sank. I desperately wanted Laura to walk through the door with an update, and just as if conjuring her out of my thoughts, Cassie called out from the other end of the bar: ‘Lex, phone.’ She held up the receiver. ‘It’s Laura.’
I blinked, wondering how I hadn’t even heard it ring. My thoughts had been so far away. I was actually worried that customers might have gone thirsty on my watch for a minute, but as I surveyed my surroundings the coast was clear: no empty glasses and no waving money, phew. I made my way over to take the phone.
‘Thanks, Cassie,’ I said, pushing myself around the corner as far as the cord allowed me to reach. I placed my hand over my other ear to block out the thudding of the music.
‘Where are you?’ I shouted down the receiver.
‘Shit, Lexie, I’m sorry, Mum’s being a real bitch about me going out tonight. She says she wouldn’t care but I have to work tomorrow morning, so I’m not going to make it.’ She sounded sad.
‘Yeah, well, looks like you aren’t the only one who couldn’t make it,’ I said bitterly.
There was a long silence on the other end before Laura spoke. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Seems like the Kirkland Boys had better places to be than the Wipe Out Bar,’ I said.
Laura scoffed. ‘No way, Lexie, they left hours ago from here. They were heading straight there. They’ve got to be there.’
‘Well, they’re not, believe me. They must have changed their minds.’
‘No, they were definitely going, Ballantine was really adamant about it.’
I frowned, starting to second-guess myself, before I shook my head. ‘Laura, I swear they are not here.’
‘Lexie.’ Laura was starting to lose her cool. ‘They said they were picking up Boppo at Woolly’s and then heading to the Wipe Out Bar to play some pool.’
My blood ran cold. ‘Pool?’ I repeated, my mind racing at a hundred miles an hour as the details of a vague memory slotted back into place. The first time I had ever come to the Wipe Out Bar with Ballantine, he’d taken me around the back of the building and entered through the basement he affectionately called the ‘Snake Pit’. A dank, dark room lined with pool tables and couches with a dodgy little bar in the corner – a haven where all the delinquents could shoot some pool away from the restaurant.
I closed my eyes. Surely not, surely it couldn’t be true. Had the Kirkland Boys been here all along?
‘Lexie? You there?’
‘Yeah, I’m here,’ I said, opening my eyes and shaking my head
.
‘Do you know where they are?’ she asked, almost panicked.
‘Yeah, yeah, I know where they are.’
•
After telling Cassie I just needed to grab something from my room, I made my way up the stairs, praying for one thing – that Dean’s office was unlocked. I didn’t like my chances from the likes of Mr Paranoia, so when I tentatively twisted the handle and it actually turned the entire way I could have kissed Dean’s feet.
I couldn’t believe he had left it unlocked, but when I turned on the light it kind of became clear why he wouldn’t care. Looking at the safe and the cupboards and desk drawers all locked up like Fort Knox, there was probably some kind of invisible laser beam criss-crossed over the room for would-be thieves. I had one purpose and one alone, as I quickly decided to switch off the light and close the door behind me. I really didn’t want to alert Cassie or anyone down below of my whereabouts. I had to be quick, in and out and back to the bar before Cassie started to wonder about me.
After a skim along the panels it didn’t take me long to work out what buttons I needed to press in order to bring the security monitors to life. One by one they blinked on, the grainy black-and-white screens painting a lively image of what was happening below. My eyes flicked along the screens and finally locked on the one that I wanted: the Snake Pit. One screen clicking from one angle to the next. I moved closer, leaning in to fix my attention on the changing images. A long shot of the pool room where all tables were visible, then a shot of the back door lingered for around five seconds before flicking inside again, this time to the couches where two groups sat, but try as I might I couldn’t see Ballantine among them and I swear my heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to break through my chest. The image changed to the front door of the basement now, then back into the room and just as I was about to resign myself to the fact that the Kirkland Boys were most definitely not at the Wipe Out Bar, the monitor changed view to a corner of the room, making two pool tables very clear on the screen, clearer than any of the other images before and perhaps more meaningful than any could be, because as I squinted at what was before me, I felt my world fall away. In one five-second image, my heart shattered into a million pieces. Ballantine was most definitely in the pool room all right. He was there with his arm snaked around Lucy Fell.
