by Robin Gianna
“Your parents are doctors, you said. So why did they travel so much?”
“They work for an organization that sends medical teams to places lacking health care. It also responds when there are disasters like earthquakes and hurricanes.”
“I...admire that. Those things are often a whole lot worse than anyone can tell from TV clips. The numbers they give about injured and killed don’t tell the story. Every person affected is loved by someone.” His throat closed at the memories, and since he didn’t want her to see anything on his face that might make her ask questions, he busied himself getting some of the supplies set out, including a water jug.
“Drink some,” he said, handing it to her. “You already know, Dr. Flynn, that in extreme cold, dehydration is a big issue.” He watched her as she took a deep drink, her tongue licking a few drops from her lips. Memories of what they’d just shared outside tempted him to lean over and kiss her wet mouth all over again.
Maybe she saw a gleam in his eye, because she turned away, and he tried to think of that as a good thing, even though it didn’t feel like it. She scooted down into her sleeping bag. Her gaze met his, and damn if all the humor had left her eyes, replaced by a serious look. “So, about the kissing. I admit it was incredibly special out under the lights and I... I really enjoyed it.” She gave a small laugh. “A lot. Which I’m sure you noticed. I like you. I like spending time with you. But it’s not a good idea.”
“Getting to kiss you under the southern lights is about as good as anything will ever get in this world.” Zeke reached to cup her face in his palm, and the way she pressed her cheek against it was at odds with what she’d just said. “But you’re right. Anything more than friendship between us isn’t a good idea.”
“I have to admit I’m totally surprised you just said that. But I’m glad you’re not mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you.” He wasn’t going to tell her why he felt that way, but wanted to know why she did. If it wasn’t him, what was it? Had some guy hurt her?
He slid into his sleeping bag and looked at her, enjoying the intimate feeling of their faces being so close to one another, of being able to see the little dark flecks in her beautiful eyes. He wasn’t sure what to do, or not to do. But talking seemed like a good first step.
“Since you don’t dislike me, and I’ve agreed that our getting involved isn’t something we want to do, tell me about you. Do you not do relationships?” If that was the case, she’d be more like him than he ever would have expected.
“It’s not important,” she said, staring up at the top of the tent. Her voice sounded a little forlorn, and he knew that talking about things from your past that still bothered you was always cathartic. Not that he ever did. He didn’t like to go back in time and face failures and think about how things could have been different any more than he had to. But getting Jordan to confide whatever it was that was bothering her, then hopefully feel better about it, felt important.
He reached over and stroked her hair. Would have held her hand, except her head was the only part of her outside the sleeping bag. “I’m a good listener. And you can count on me to keep whatever you tell me just between us.”
“Some of it’s silly. I mean, it goes all the way back to being a little girl and how I felt when we’d go visit my grandparents and cousins maybe once every few years.”
“Feelings are never silly,” he said quietly. “We feel what we feel. So tell me about little-girl Jordan.”
She sighed and turned her head to look at him again. “Part of me knows I had a special childhood. Living so many places and being exposed to so many cultures taught me a lot and shaped me in a way most kids don’t get shaped, you know? But there was a huge negative that came with never having roots anywhere. No place I could really call home.”
“I understand roots. They can be an important part of your life. Sometimes the most important part.”
“I wouldn’t know. So tell me about yours.”
“We’re talking about you.” Touching her face again helped him shove down the familiar pain. “If you never experienced having a place to call home, what made you think you even wanted that?”
“I’d see my cousins, and how close they were, on those rare times we visited. Saw them playing with neighborhood friends, everybody knowing each other so well. I never felt like I fit in. I was the outsider, and wanted in so badly. After being there a couple weeks, I’d start to feel like I was getting there, maybe starting to be part of the family. Then we’d leave again.”
“That would be hard for a kid.” His own family had meant so much to him, and when he’d lost them, a part of who he was had gotten lost, too. “Did your parents know you felt that way?”
“I told them, and they tried to understand. When I was fourteen, they even offered to have me live with my grandparents for a year and experience the life I craved, but by then, my outsider status felt too entrenched, you know? I was... I hate to admit it, but I felt afraid that I’d never fit in and be stuck there and miserable, anyway. So I stayed with my parents and our gypsy lifestyle.” She turned and gave him a half smile, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “Except we missed out on that whole gypsy-caravan thing—it was just us. And honestly, hearing myself talk, I sound ungrateful for all the good things my upbringing brought me.”
Her eyes looked troubled, and the guilt he saw there tugged at his heart. “A person can appreciate things about their life and still wish it might have been different.”
“I suppose. But anyway.” Her voice brightened even more. “I went to medical school in the States, moved to England and fell in love with the place. I decided that was where I was going to put down the roots I never had. Have a good job, marry a nice man, live in a real house that belongs to us and have a small brood of kiddos. Like a normal person. Maybe that sounds boring to you, but it’s what I want. It’s what I’ve wanted forever.”
“Doesn’t sound boring.” Again, he shoved down the memories of his own roots. His own family. “So, let me read between the lines. Wanting the whole husband-and-family-and-roots thing means a short-term affair with anyone who doesn’t qualify as a potential mate isn’t going to happen.”
“You are remarkably astute.”
Her smile was back, the real one that lit her face and made him smile, too, and he was glad that getting her to talk had turned out to be a good thing. He stroked her soft hair again, ran his fingertip down her cheek, because he needed to touch her. “I knew from the second I met you that you’re a special woman. Adventurous, courageous, smart and damned beautiful on top of it all. You deserve everything you want in life. And you’re right that I don’t qualify. More than you know.”
He leaned across the few inches between them and pressed his lips to her cheek. Slid them over her soft skin to give her lush mouth one last kiss, his heart squeezing that he couldn’t be the kind of man she wanted. “Good night, Dr. Flynn. You should know that in the short time we’ve spent together, there are several things you’ve taught me. One just tonight.”
“That I’m astonishingly conventional?”
“No.” He swallowed, somehow forcing humor into his voice that he suddenly wasn’t feeling at all. “That I need to add eye masks to the emergency kits on the Ski-Doo. And invest in a battery-operated white-noise machine.”
Her soft laughter sneaked into his chest and stayed there. It soothed the ache around his heart and warmed him until he fell asleep, the sound of her soft breathing in his ears better than any white-noise machine could ever be.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE DRAKE PASSAGE had finally calmed and the boat would apparently be docking any second, which Jordan was glad about. She wanted to be busier, and she also wanted to get more divers to try the earplug device. Zeke had said he thought it worked, which was exciting, but she needed a lot of data, not just one man’s opinion, from one dive.
Zeke. She di
dn’t want to admit it to herself, but she missed seeing him. In the light of day, outside the intimate cocoon of that tent, she’d felt a little embarrassed at her confessions about her childhood longings that had formed what she’d decided she wanted for her adulthood.
But he’d been a wonderful listener, and his words in response had been supportive, not critical. Ever since they’d been back at the station, he hadn’t come to sit next to her in the galley. Hadn’t asked her to dive with him again. She hadn’t even caught him watching her as she ate, the way she had the first few days she’d been there, just sending her a casual wave and a smile if they saw one another across the room.
She should be glad about that. The complication of a relationship with him here, when there could be no future for them after the expedition was over, wasn’t worth it. The way she’d reacted to his kisses, to his smiles, to his touch, told her she could have fallen way too hard for the man, and for what? Six months of fun, followed by months of missing him? Or worse, meeting men at home and feeling like they just didn’t measure up?
She huffed out a long breath. That would be terrible and she could absolutely see it happening. In so many ways, Zeke Edwards was larger than life, but he was not the “forever after” she wanted. He’d even told her as much. No, the future love of her life was waiting somewhere for her in London, and with any luck, she’d be meeting him in the not-too-distant future after she left Antarctica.
So why couldn’t she get Ezekiel Edwards off her mind?
Practically every time she thought of the amazing aurora australis, memories of the seductive kiss they’d shared made her lips tingle and her mouth water. She’d thought of him during the next rounds of first-aid training, which he hadn’t come to, even though last time he’d said he’d help again. She’d missed his teasing smile and amused eyes and the warmth he brought to every room the minute he walked in.
Fletcher Station was big enough that they rarely ran into each other, and yet she found herself looking for him wherever she went, hoping to see him. And that was just plain annoying. Ridiculous, when she’d been the one to tell him an ice affair was not on her list of things to do, and he’d fully agreed that he didn’t want one, either. Thank heavens that, with so many new people arriving today, more work would provide the distraction she apparently needed.
She heaved a sigh and went to the hospital wing to check on Jim Reynolds, pleased to see how much better he looked than he had a few days ago in that tent when the rhabdomyolysis had left him temporarily paralyzed.
“How are you feeling? Good to see you’ve got some color back in your face,” she said as she checked his pulse and listened to his lungs.
“I feel okay. Ready to go back to work.”
“Your vital signs are all normal now, so I’m discharging you today. Which I’m sure you’re glad about.” She smiled. “But I want you to take it easy here at the station before you head into the field again. And when you do, don’t try to climb and extract ice cores for hours on end. Be sure to pace yourself.”
“I will, Dr. Flynn.” He nodded. “Dave was just in here about ten minutes ago, and he said the next boat has already docked and everyone’s on their way here. He’s going to recruit more crew to come with us on our next trip to the mountains in a couple days, so we won’t be working alone for nearly as many hours.”
“Glad to hear that.” She wrote out instructions for him, and made some notes into the computer. “I’ll be back soon with your clothes, and medication that I want you to take for another week.”
The distant ping of the satellite phone, which only worked a few hours a day, surprised her, and she hurried to the clinic office to answer it. Who could be calling? Her stomach tightened at the thought that it might be someone reporting another medical crisis to deal with in the field.
“Dr. Flynn.”
“Hey, you! How’s it going at the south pole for the amazing Jordan Flynn?”
The voice of her old med school roommate had her relaxing and smiling, and she realized she’d missed the kind of normal friends and normal conversations she took for granted at work back home. “Lia! How great to hear your voice. It’s good down here. So beautiful, you almost can’t believe it. It’s been slow, work-wise, since the next boats were a few days late because of weather. But they’re here now, so I’ll be superbusy soon.”
“I want pics when you can send some. Can’t imagine you down there! Have you had a chance to test your parents’ earplug thing yet?”
“I went on one dive, and tried them myself. And one other diver did, as well. Too small a sample, obviously, with uncertain results so far. I have to collect a lot more data, which I’ll be getting soon now that more divers are here.” She decided she wouldn’t say anything about supersexy Zeke, because Lia would probably be shocked that she was attracted to someone here, and they weren’t involved with each other, anyway. “Being underwater, seeing all the sea life, is mind-blowing.”
“Diving down there sounds crazy to me, but you’ve always been an adventurer.”
An adventurer. That had been true, from the way she’d grown up. But this probably would be her last adventure for a while. “Tell me about you. Are things...bad at home?”
“Yes. Worse than bad.” Lia’s voice turned angry, which was so unlike her. Jordan knew she must be facing a mess. “My father’s still missing, but I know it’s only because he doesn’t want to be found. I have a private investigator on his tail, but so far no luck. No matter how much time and money it takes, I’m determined to find him. I didn’t train to be a surgeon to stay here in my little Portuguese village and run it instead of working in medicine, just because he’s abandoned everyone. But...anyway. I’ll deal with it.”
“I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” Poor Lia, having to step into her father’s role at the family vineyard in Portugal. As if she hadn’t had enough trouble and heartache after the big fire there, and her fiancé taking off and completely disappearing right before they were to get married. Everyone had seemed so happy, with all the plans for the wedding going so beautifully, and Jordan had been so pleased when Lia asked her to be her maid of honor. She never would have dreamed that Weston was apparently a huge jerk. “I know you probably couldn’t get away, with all you have going on there, but if by chance you want a break from all that, there’s a job posted for another doctor down here. If you’re at all interested.”
“Oh, I’d love to come work with you there, and see that place! I doubt I could make it happen, but it does sound interesting.”
“I’ll email you the link from the job board, so you can look at it. Meanwhile, I hope—”
Static suddenly filled the line, and after trying to reconnect with Lia for a few minutes, she gave up. The satellite phones here had a mind of their own, and having only short windows to talk with people, or receive TV news from the world, was something she’d soon learned that everyone accepted as part of life in Antarctica.
She set the phone back down on the desk and wondered if Zeke ever talked to people back home. Family, or coworkers. Or old girlfriends.
There the man was, back in her brain again, and she smacked herself on the head, only to wince because her bruise wasn’t fully healed. How long would it be before she stopped thinking about him twenty times a day?
She heard the outer door open, and went to see who it was. A man walked into the clinic with a young woman by his side and held out his hand with a smile. “You must be Jordan Flynn. I’m Tony Bradshaw, the medical director, as you might have guessed. This is Megan Mackie, the nurse who’s going to be working with us. Sorry to be late getting here. Weather was dicey even when we were finally able to cross, but we made it.”
“A little wild when I crossed, too,” Jordan said. The smile she sent the two of them faltered a little as she remembered that crazy first night in her cabin. Her split-open head. Being held in Zeke’s arms. “Glad you’re here now
, though.”
“Has it been hard working without help?”
“Only about seventy-five people came on the first boat with me, and once I got the medical center set up and the field bags done, I felt like I was looking for work, to be honest. Though getting baseline physicals has kept me fairly busy, and you probably remember I’m running a trial on earplugs designed to address barotrauma.”
“I do remember that. I’ll be interested to see how the trial turns out.” He slowly ran his hand down his face and seemed to force another smile, and she wondered how tired the man might be after the long delay and the rough Drake Channel crossing they’d gone through.
She also had to wonder if he might have worked at a different Antarctic station over the winter, since the man was about as pale as a human could be. But now wasn’t the time to ask personal questions. They’d be working together for months, and there’d be plenty of time to learn about the other two medical staff working with her.
“I’m so excited to be working in Antarctica,” Megan said. “Just the drive from the ferry was unbelievable.”
“It’s an amazing place, that’s for sure.” She opened her mouth to share the utterly magical experience of seeing the aurora australis but then didn’t, because she realized she didn’t want to talk about it, wanting to hold the memory close to her heart instead.
Sharing that moment with Zeke had made it more special, more intimate, more incredible than if she’d experienced it with anyone else. Enveloped by that dark night sky filled with stars and ribbons of light that had seemed to bind them together. A feeling of closeness that had her reaching up to kiss him without thought about whether she should or shouldn’t, because it had just felt right.
“I heard there’s a party tonight,” Megan said enthusiastically. “So everyone can get acquainted. Are you going?”
A party? Jordan’s feeling of melancholy suddenly faded as she wondered if Zeke would be there. “I hadn’t heard. When is it?”
