by Chloe Walsh
We were silent for a while then until Ivy finally broke it by blurting out, "What's wrong, Andi?"
Everything… "Nothing."
"Come on, I'm not blind," she pressed. "You look miserable."
"I'm fine."
"You don’t look fine." Ivy looked at me with concern in her eyes. "Talk to me."
What was I supposed to say? That the truth was I felt far from fine. I was the opposite of fine… I was a lonely, paranoid mess.
I was almost nine months pregnant and my husband spent next to no time with me.
If we weren't at school, he was working crazy hours at Trey's or any place he would snag work.
And then there was football...
Even though we lived together now, I saw less of Nathan than when I'd been living at my parent's house. Thinking like that brought me back to the bare bones of our marriage. I was achingly aware of the fact that my father had backed him into a corner, and Nathan did what needed to be done.
He took responsibility for me and the baby.
He married me because he wanted to do right by me and because he was a good man.
I wished he had married me because he wanted to.
He was on track for a scholarship again. In fact, it was a done deal. Providing his finals went well at the end of the month, I would be following my husband off to college.
He was true to his word.
Everything he told me he would do, Nate had accomplished it.
I was incredibly proud of him.
I was also incredibly worried.
The fear of Nathan someday looking at me the way my father looked at my mother petrified me.
Our stories weren't so different.
My father had been pushed into marrying mom back in the day and they couldn’t stand the sight of each other now.
I loved Nathan more than I knew what to do with it, but the thought of him resenting me like my father did my mother was a crippling fear.
I was so scared of the past repeating itself in our relationship that I didn’t know what to say around him anymore. I felt constantly on edge when we were together and the urge I felt to please him bordered on desperate.
It also didn’t help that I resembled a beached whale, while Nate looked more toned and muscular than ever.
Apparently, a wedding ring didn’t matter much to the girls around here either. They still swarmed him, ogling and leering after him more than ever before.
Worst of all, Dallas still watched him. She didn’t even try to hide it. She openly coveted my husband. If I were a braver person, I would have said something to her the day I found her hanging around out front of our trailer while Nate was changing a tire on his truck, but I wasn’t brave.
"I'm fine," I repeated, praying she would drop the subject.
I couldn’t talk about my feelings.
Not here.
Not at all if I wanted to hold it together.
The sound of the coach wrapping up practice with a shrill blow of his whistle broke through my thoughts.
I protected my eyes from the sun and watched as my husband and brother left the field together.
Several minutes later they reappeared from the changing rooms.
My heart jolted in my chest like this was the first time I'd felt Nathan Cole's eyes on my body as he walked ever so slowly towards me.
"Aint you a sight for sore eyes," Jackson teased when he reached Ivy.
Of course, he was shirtless and clad in a pair of board shorts. His blond hair was drenched and water was dripping freely down his bare chest. I didn’t blame my brother for his lack of clothing in this weather. If I had the choice, I would have been close to naked, too. "Come and gimme some loving!"
On a happier note, Jackson and Ivy were going strong. I had been more than surprised when my brother made it official with Ivy shortly after Christmas. He was also coming around to mine and Nate's relationship. Slowly, at least. Yeah, lots of things were changing around here. That was for sure.
Throwing himself on top of her, Jackson smeared his wet body all over my friend. "Gimme a kiss, pretty girl."
"You're beyond twisted, Jackson Davis," Ivy giggled from somewhere underneath my brother.
"Don’t lie, babe," he teased playfully as they rolled around in the grass. "You know you love me all sweaty."
"You ready to get out of here?" Nate's deep voice drew my attention away from the two idiots play fighting nearby.
Craning my neck, I looked up at my husband. "Don’t you have work tonight?" I knew he did. He was always working. It was a given. "Ivy said she'd drive me home." It wasn’t cheap having a diabetic wife who was heavily pregnant to boot.
"I have some time before my shift starts," he replied before reaching down and gently helping me to my feet. "Doris called earlier. She wants me to work the bar tonight."
Accepting his help, I dragged my butt off the grass. "Dixies bar?"
"Where else?"
"Nathan." I hated the tone of my own voice in this moment; all needy and disapproving as I waved off the others. "I don’t want you doing anything illegal." He was only eighteen. I dreaded to think of the trouble he could get in if he was caught working behind a bar.
"We need the money," he shot back gruffly. "And I told you." Taking my hand in his, Nate led us towards his truck. "You don’t need to worry about it."
"But I am worried about it." Stepping back, I waited for him to yank open the passenger door before hauling myself into the cab. "I'm worried about you working all these crazy hours." He closed the door after me before jogging around to his side of the truck and hopping into the driver's seat. "We barely see each other anymore."
"I know it's been hectic lately." Nate's tone was gentle as he cranked the engine of the truck. "And I haven't been around much." He turned his head and faced me, his brown eyes searing me just like they always did. But he looked tired. Lord, he looked exhausted. My heart broke at the thought. "But I'm doing this for us, Andi." Reaching across the cab, Nate placed his hand on my stomach. "For all of us."
But is it worth it, I wanted to scream, am I worth this?
Instead, I covered his hand with mine and smiled softly. "I love you, Nathan Cole."
He smiled warmly back at me. "I love you, too, Andi baby."
****
Chapter Ten
Nate
SOMEHOW, I HAD MANAGED to upset her again.
The look in her blue eyes assured me of that. Worry. It was written all over her face as she gnawed on her bottom lip in uncomfortable silence.
"It's gonna be fine, Andi," I repeated as I drove us home from school. Exhausted was an understatement for how I was feeling right now. Countless night shifts down at Dixies and early morning starts at Trey's auto shop – not to mention school and practice – had me running on empty.
But one look at the girl in the passenger seat of my truck and it made every hour of overtime and the many broken nights of sleep completely worth it.
After twelve years of borderline stalking and obsessing about my best friend's sister, she was mine.
And after seven months of blood, sweat and tears, that life I promised my wife was within my grasp.
The University of Colorado wasn’t my first choice of college, that had been UA, but CU was offering me a free, four-year ride through school, and besides, I wasn’t in the position to be picky.
"I don’t want you working there, Nate," she replied quietly, knotting her hands together. "I never sleep a wink when I know you're down there."
Well, I didn’t have much fucking choice.
I was working my ass off to pay for our expenses.
Babies were expensive and the healthcare plan I'd managed to lay down for my wife was daylight fucking robbery. It just about covered the care she needed for her diabetes and prenatal care, but I was buried under a mountain of debt trying to pay for everything else.
"It's just a job, Andi," I added as I drove down south towards Riverside. I couldn’t afford to be picky about
where I worked. I didn’t have a family I could fall back on. My mother wasn’t there for me when I was growing up. Thinking she'd change her ways at this stage of her life would be as useful as pissing against the wind. Kim wasn’t speaking to me much anymore. She was still furious with me for getting Andi pregnant. It didn’t seem to matter that I kept her dirty little secret at a huge motherfucking cost to myself. Or that Andi's family stayed away from Callie. My sister was still pissy as hell with me, and I knew full well the only reason Trey had let me keep my job was because I had a baby on the way.
Whatever. Screw ‘em.
I didn’t fucking need them anyway.
I missed seeing little Callie, though…
The patrons at Dixies were more than generous in their tips anyway. I made more working on Monday nights than I did in the whole week at Trey's garage.
Apparently, telling Andi that was the wrong fucking move because the minute the words were out of my mouth, Andi's face transformed into a grimace.
"Nathan, the women at Dixies tip you so much because they want to sleep with you," she growled. "Doris asks you to work every Monday night because it's Ladies night." She spat the words like they were poison. "It's her busiest night of the week because those women flock the bar to ogle you."
Parking up outside our trailer, I killed the engine and quickly jumped out of the cab before running around and opening the passenger door for my wife.
My wife.
Fuck me…
"You're overreacting." I helped her down before grabbing both of our bags out of the flatbed of my Chevy. "And besides." I flashed her my wedding band. "This means something to me." Everything; it meant fucking everything to me. "You and no other, Andi." I meant every word I said in the church that day. "I've got no plans on breaking those vows I made to you." I only wished it had been under different circumstances…
"I meant my vows, too, Nate," Andi replied quietly, as she trudged up the steps to our trailer and unlocked the door. Swinging the door inwards, she stepped inside. "For richer or poorer." She kicked off her flip flops the minute she stepped inside. "I don’t mind being poor."
"Well, I mind," I shot back. Dropping our bags on the couch, I stalked over to the tiny kitchenette and grabbed a glass from the draining board. "I mind a fucking lot." She was better than this trailer. She was better than everything I had to offer her.
"What about your family in Colorado? Maybe they could help us."
"Andi, not this shit again." Turning on the faucet, I filled the glass with water before swallowing the entire thing in one standing. Last time we had a conversation about my biological father, shit went south fast. I was still mad at her for reaching out to those people behind my back. The internet was the goddamn crux of all evil. And social media? That was the devil.
"I don’t want you messaging those people again, Andi," I warned. "I mean it."
"Think about it, Nate," she urged. "We're struggling real bad here. My parents don’t want to know, but Teagan and Noah, they want to help us..."
"No!" I hissed, shaking my head. "I don’t want anything to do with those people, Andi."
"But Teagan's your cousin, Nate, your biological aunt's daughter," she added in a shaky tone. "And her husband, Noah Messina?" Andi shrugged helplessly. "Nathan, they really want to help us."
"I don’t care." I didn’t give two shits about my first cousin Teagan Messina or her MFA star husband. I'd lived my life just fine without them. I planned on keeping it that way. "I don’t want their help."
"But we're moving to Boulder in the fall for school," she shot back. "And they're offering us a house, Nate! Our own house. Rent free. Not to mention work at their family's hotel." She shook her head and sighed impatiently. "University Hill, Nate. That's where the house is. It's a stone throw away from the college and the local high school. We can't afford to turn that down."
"I am not asking that shit stain you call my father for a damn thing." Slapping the empty glass back down on the draining board, I looked around our shithole of a trailer in dismay. "Or his family," I added, my voice barely more than a whisper.
"We need help."
I shook my head. "Not from them."
Nathan, please –"
"Goddammit, Andi, I don’t need a fucking hand out!" I roared, losing my cool.
"Okay," she conceded with a sniffle as she held her hands up in defeat. "Okay. Fine, you don’t need a hand out. Forget I said anything."
Immediately, I was swamped with guilt and the tears in her eyes only made the feeling multiply. "Andi…I'm sorry." Exhaling heavily, I rubbed my stubble covered jaw with my hand and sagged against the sink. "I shouldn’t have talked to you like that."
Not talked; shouted.
I just fucking shouted at my pregnant wife.
Her due date was right around the corner and I was standing here making her cry.
Her father was right; I was a fucking gutter rat.
"It's okay. You're under a lot of pressure," she replied softly, eyes wide and glassy. "I understand."
It wasn’t okay and her making excuses for my shitty attitude only made it ten times worse.
And yeah, I was under a lot of pressure, but she was growing my baby. The work I was doing paled in comparison to her job right now.
Feeling at a loss, I checked my watch for the time. "I need to go." Dammit, it was already a quarter after five. "If I don’t go now, I'll be late for my shift."
"Be safe," Andi whispered when I walked over to her and kissed her cheek.
"You've got nothing to worry about," I vowed. I knew I didn’t spend enough time with her and I sure as hell didn’t want to leave her right now, but her health trumped my feelings.
My wife had needs and I was dammed if I didn’t meet them.
****
Andi
IT WAS AFTER THREE O CLOCK in the morning when Nathan got back from his shift at Dixies. Even though I was wide awake, I still pretended to be sleeping when he crept into our room and slipped into bed alongside me.
I felt the bed dip seconds before his arm came around me, pulling me into his embrace.
Compliantly, I snuggled closer, sighing in contentment when his naked body folded around mine perfectly, enveloping me in his warmth.
I knew Nathan was exhausted – he had to be – but his erection digging into me told a different story. I didn’t get it. I couldn’t understand how he could find me attractive right now. I was huge and sweaty and a total mess…
"I love you, little spoon," Nate whispered before pressing a kiss to my bare shoulder. His hand moved lower then, resting on the large swell of my stomach. "And you, little buba."
I involuntarily shivered; his touch too much for my frazzled nerves to handle. "I love you, too," I whispered, sidling closer to him.
"So you are awake." I could hear the humor in his tone. "Thought as much."
"You're late."
"Yeah." He yawned sleepily. "I was late closing up. Some of the older one's wouldn’t go the fuck home."
"Because they were waiting to go home with you."
"Andi…"
"Did you get many tips?"
He was quiet for a moment before saying, "Couple hundred."
"Gross."
"Andi…" he groaned, shifting behind me. "Please, baby." His stroked my stomach with his hand. "I don’t wanna fight with you again."
"I'm not fighting with you," I replied with a sigh. "I'm just saying the thought of those women perving all over you is gross."
"You're the only woman for me."
"Maybe someone should tell them that," I huffed. "Because apparently, a wedding band doesn't mean diddly squat to those…vultures!"
"Are you done chewing me out yet?"
"I think so."
"Good, because I missed you tonight." His voice held a hint of seduction. Pressing another kiss to my shoulder, Nate then buried his face in my neck. "Smell so good."
"Nate…" the feel of his breath on my neck caused an elicit shiver
of desire to roll through me, and when his tongue snaked out and touched my skin, I moaned loudly.
"Goddamn," he groaned, thrusting himself against me, as he continued the onslaught of kisses to my neck. "Don’t matter how tired I am." His hand moved to my hip. "I'm always gonna want you, Andi Davis."
"Cole," I breathed, turning in his arms to face him. "It's Andi Cole…"
I didn’t have a chance to finish my sentence because Nathan's mouth was on mine, his lips hot, hard, and determined as he kissed long and slow.
"I'm all big and swollen," I breathed against his mouth when I felt him move to kneel between my legs.
All I had on was a pair of white panties and one of his tee shirts. I was feeling real exposed and real vulnerable right now. "Nate…" my voice broke off the moment his hands clasped the sides of my panties. "Oh god…"
"You're beautiful." His voice was thick and husky as he dragged my underwear down my thighs. "And I want you."
"But I'm so big…"
"I. Want. You," he repeated slowly, tossing my panties behind him. "In all your shapes."
My heart slammed against my ribcage, my eyes rolling back in my head, as my husband trailed soft kisses up the apex of my thighs.
"Hmmm." Unable to stop myself, I rolled my hips, reveling in the feel of his lips on my body. "I want you, too…oh god!"
Nate kissed my clit once before running his tongue up and down my slit, and just like clockwork, I thrashed beneath him, a slave to his tongue.
Every nerve inside of me was on high alert as he gently nudged my thighs apart with his broad shoulders. I would be a liar if I said I didn't spread my legs willingly.
I was his.
Completely and utterly overtaken by this boy and all he represented to me.
His breath fanned the most private part of me as he touched me and tasted me in ways only he had before. The sensation caused a tremor to roll through me.
"Do you want me, Andi baby?" Nate's voice, like his erection, was thick with arousal. "Do you want me inside you?"
Unable to speak coherent sentences, I nodded frantically before grabbing his shoulders and dragging him up towards me.
