How could I explain these reactions to my brothers?
The men who are the rocks of my family.
Even now, I don’t really want them to know the full extent of what I’d done. Helplessness and frustration swamped me as Merrick waited in silence. “I promise.” What else could I do? I felt utterly powerless. “But it’s still personal.” I’d leaned forward and lifted my glass of homemade sweet tea. I gripped the thick glass tightly in my hand so that Merrick couldn’t see it shake, but I couldn’t hide the whitening of my knuckles.
It’s odd how disembodied I felt and how I’d been existing without even truly living. Like I’d been surviving in someone else’s body.
“Dammit, Kimberly.” Merrick squeezed the bridge of his nose in an obvious attempt to ease his frustration.
I saw the frustration in his eyes and inwardly cringed. I know it doesn’t make any sense. I closed my eyes and breathed out, my shoulders sagged under the burden of my emotions. “Some things are private, Merrick. Haven’t I told you enough. I’ll be more careful. I promise.”
“Goddamn, Kimberly.” I watched as a grimace passed over his face. “I have no desire to know the details.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll kill the motherfucker if he comes near you again. Mark my words.” His eyes locked with mine. “Write it on your calendar or whatever, darlin’. Kill him dead if he lays a finger on you again.”
I’d puffed out a breath. “Get in line.” My eyes slid to his. “Cooper already threatened him at the hospital.”
Merrick’s eyes flew up at that. “What’s going on with you and Coop?” he asked and I was actually glad that he changed the subject; I just wished it would’ve been to something other than Cooper.
I’d shrugged. “He saved me,” I pointed out. “We’ve become friends of a sort.”
Merrick lifted one brow and chuckled. I hated when he did that. “Friends of a sort?” He stared at me with a quizzical look on his face. “What the fuck does that mean?” His head moved back and forth in tiny little movements and his brow was deeply furrowed.
I’d shrugged again. “We’re friends.”
“Friends?” This time he rolled his green eyes.
“Yep.” I’d slanted my head to the side and looked through my lashes. I knew some of the things Merrick had endured. Just enough to be dangerous, enough to know that he’d been scarred. He’d been hurt and he hadn’t gotten over it. He appeared to not even be trying to get over it. Whatever had occurred scarred him beyond recognition and fed the proclivities he partook of to this day. “You do know what that is, Merrick?”
“You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’, little lady.” Merrick pushed up from the chair and stared down at me. His eyes grew more intense the longer he stared. “I won’t push you further today, but I’m here for you. Don’t ever forget that.”
I know relief flared in my eyes at the comment and and nearly slumped in my chair when he stood. “I can never forget that.”
“This isn’t over,” Merrick stated, his eyes locked on mine. “Everyone has secrets. Desires that they keep hidden. Things that they believe will only cause harm if people knew.”
I tense, but all I’d said was, “You want something to eat?”
“Gotta get back to work, Kimber.”
I’d raised my gaze and fully met Merrick’s for the first time that afternoon. I’d lifted my hand to touch his arm, fighting back the tears that burned at the back of my eyes. “I know.”
He grinned, shaking his head back and forth the entire time like I was a trial to him, which he told me I was on a regular basis. Then he grabbed me and pulled me from my chair to wrap me up in a quick, hard hug.
“Dang it, Merrick,” I’d choked out. “I can’t breathe.” I’d stood there and watched as he let himself out of my house.
Merrick had told me he’d talked to Nate a couple of times. He’d asked him to back off, to let me go, but Nate just laughed in his face and told him that I was the perfect little meek mouse that he’d wanted and that freakin’ pissed me off.
I’m not a weak mouse.
At least I’d never been one before him.
That makes me worry. Would I do it again?
Would I let some man control me body, spirit, and mind?
Do I want that?
I don’t think I do.
But now I feel lost.
I feel like I’ve let my brothers’ down. Merrick especially. He’d actually had tears in his eyes when he told me how mad he was that he hadn’t forced the issue. Stating he was the one that was supposed to take care of me and he’d failed.
That humbles me and makes me think a lot about what I want and need and what Cowboy gives to me without effort. It just comes naturally. It’s a part of who he is. Not an act that he’s cultivated with practice.
The only thing keeping me sane during this time is the insane craziness of The House and the idea of seeing Cowboy. I blush recalling the things we’d done and I sigh at the feelings he elicits.
As soon as I step outside of The House, my nostrils are assailed with the crisp early morning air. As it infuses my lungs, I inhale deeply. I draw in the air, relishing the sting of cold. I love the feeling that spring is just around the corner.
Just as I lock the door, my phone rings. I dig around in my pocket, pull it out and this time glance at the caller id with a frown before I answer.
“Penny?”
“Hey girl.”
“Why are you calling so late? Is something the matter?”
“Was still awake. Just checking to make sure you’re doing okay.”
“I’m fine.” I hold the phone between my shoulder and ear as I situate my purse and pull my sweater tighter around my body. “Can you believe how warm it’s gotten?” I ask, even though the night air is chilly on my bare legs.
“I know. It’s nice.”
There’s something in Penny’s tone that concerns me. “Is something the matter?”
“I’ve heard a few things and I’m worried. Couldn’t sleep.”
That grabs my attention. I stop. “What sort of things?”
Penny whispers, “About Nate.”
“Penny?”
“I’ve heard that he’s been rough with other women. You aren’t the first.”
“How’d you hear that? Was it at The House?”
“I wasn’t at Sin. I was having lunch at the diner.” She pauses. “I heard two women talking about things he’d done. One was talking about her sister. Saying she was beat up pretty badly. She was in the hospital for over two months. For some reason they can’t get her to press charges.”
“Did you tell anyone else what you’d overheard?”
“Not yet.”
“Tell Colt tomorrow.”
“Okay, I will.” She takes such a deep breath, I hear it through the phone. “Be careful, Hon.”
“I will.”
“See ya tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
I stuff the cell back in my pocket on a shudder as chills take over my body and ice creeps into my veins. I take a second to think about what Penny overheard. How could I have not known what an asshole Nate was?
I feel so stupid. So clueless.
I round the corner making my way towards my cottage which is just a short distance from The House. I’m barely paying attention to my surroundings because I’m so deep in thought when a movement deep in the shadows catches my attention. Suddenly, a dark figure rises up a few feet in front of me.
“Kimberly.” His voice coils around me threatening to cut off my air.
Startled, my steps falter and I jerk away from the voice. “Nate!” My hand flies to my chest and I swallow thickly as fear clutches my insides. “What are you doing here?” Panic wraps around me and fills my head. Chill, Kimberly. Remain calm. I wonder if I can reach for my cell without him noticing. I gnaw on my lower lip as I try to work out what my options are.
Damn, there’s no one else around. I’d let everyone go as soon as they
were done with their job which now seems pretty stupid but we’ve never had problems here in the past.
I should’ve known. Closing up went way too smoothly, a sure sign of things to come now that I think about it.
Nate lounges negligently against the side of the building. Every move he makes reeks of raw masculinity and confidence, but his eyes are filled with a glow that smacks of crazy and that’s what makes me nervous, the crazy part. I struggle for air as my throat seizes.
I watch his biceps bulge beneath the sleeve of his T-shirt when he shoves his hand through his hair. He’s such a gorgeous man it irritates me that he turned out to be such a dickhead. A tinge of fear skates down my spine at the slow smile widening his mouth, his ice blue eyes move to my face and I know I should run, but I don’t. I can’t. I just stand here like a bump on a log. My feet glued to the concrete. My legs unable to carry me.
I curse myself for wearing what I’d chosen for the day. It’s way too sexy for this encounter, but I’d worn it with Cowboy in mind, not Nate. Knowing he’d find it sexy as hell. Now it just makes me feel naked and vulnerable even with my long sweater wrapped snuggly around my body. The black sequence sexy short shorts leave my legs completely bare to right below the curve of my bottom. I mean really, they were glorified boyshorts underwear. I cross my arms over my chest and refuse to lower my gaze. My stare turns into a glare when he doesn’t say anything. “What do you want, Nate?” I force the words through gritted teeth.
He gives me a once-over. “God, you’re driving me crazy, Kimberly,” he drawls, his voice a gravelly mess. He pushes away from the building with practiced ease and prowls my direction.
“What the fuck, Nate,” I exclaim. The dark look in his eyes is bothering me and a chill sweeps down my spine. Something about him puts me on edge, especially tonight. There’s a smugness about him. A look of—triumph. That’s what alarms me.
“Kimberly.” He takes two long strides closer and makes a grab for me. I stagger, trying to pull myself out of his grasp because for some reason I hadn’t expected him to try and touch me. Don’t know why. Definitely another big mistake on my part.
“Take your hands off me, Nate.” Panic sets in creating a maelstrom in my gut which in turn makes me twist and struggle, grunting frantically as he basically drags me farther down the sidewalk.
“Let go…” I cry, stumbling behind him on the verge of letting loose a scream, but his large hand slams over my mouth in a hard slap and only a whimper escapes as his other arm pins mine to my side. I try to slam my elbow into his solar plexus, but he’s got me pinned so tightly I can’t get enough momentum in my thrust to cause him any pain. I attempt a scream again only to have it muffled by his large hand covering my mouth. I try to bite at the flesh of his palm but he’s cupped his hand making it impossible for me to get a grip with my teeth.
“Shut up, Kimberly. Don’t make me hurt you so early on in the game.” His whisper is harsh in my ear and shivers skate down my spine at the warmth of his breath when it brushes over me. His eyes empty. “But I will if necessary.” His arms wrap around me, his hold unbreakable. “I’m going to remove my hand from your mouth, if you scream or make any sound, I will snap your neck. Nod your head if you understand.”
I nod frantically. My fear skyrocketing way past monstrous proportions. I should’ve had Cowboy meet me here. True fear sets in now.
“What do you want from me?” I demand in a choked voice, taking a deep breath and letting it out. I try to think of anything I can to keep him from hearing the tremble of fear.
I yelp in pain when his hand digs into the soft flesh of my arm. I stare into his face and know he doesn’t care if he hurts me or not. My stomach cramps in a tight knot, my panic overpowering me.
He descends on me with a ferocious expression and threatening gleam in his eyes that has me stumbling back. “I don’t want anything from you. You’re a fucking whore. You moved on from me to the next before my bruises had even faded from your fucking body.” He laughs roughly, his voice as hard and flat as his eyes. “But the sheriff wants you and I’m going to punish him by taking you.” He sounds immensely pleased with the plot he’s hatched.
The sudden dryness of my mouth makes it difficult to speak. I force myself to make a sound. “What’s wrong with you, Nate?” I ask trying to buy some time. “All the sheriff did was arrest you when you attacked me. Had you not done that, he wouldn’t have bothered.”
“He took you from me and he’s going to learn how it feels to lose something that you want.”
“I don’t understand, Nate. I broke up with you. I’m not yours any longer.” He turns to face me and I continue even though I’m afraid. “The sheriff and I barely know each other.”
“You know him well enough to fuck in the parking lot of the diner.” I gasp, my knees buckling. An icy brittleness layers Nate’s words and I see the malevolence in his gaze.
“Have you been following me?”
He gives me a venomous glare. “That’s all you need to concern yourself with. The rest is none of your goddamned concern.” He captures my wrists, dragging me down the sidewalk onto the darkened parking lot. I scramble to keep up, my short legs no match for his long strides. “For your sake, you just better hope that the sheriff wants you as much as you hope he does.”
I trip as he tugs, crying out, taking the opportunity to jerk loose from his grip. I run but he snags a handful of hair yanking me back forcefully, whipping me around to backhand me across the cheek and I lose my footing.
I tumble to the ground and I cry out again as pain lances up my arm. I reach up to cover my face. My head throbbing and horror clutches at my chest. The coppery taste of blood flooding my mouth, my knees scraped raw, but I still crawl frantically across the pavement in a futile attempt to get away.
His hand grabs my ankle dragging me across the rough surface. The concrete cuts painfully into my palms as I claw the ground digging my hands into something, anything to stop myself.
All he does is pull harder, fingers twisting into my skin until I’m a bloody heap at his feet. I watch in horror as he wrenches a gag from his pocket and forces it into my mouth, attaching and tightening it at the back of my head.
I grunt, kicking back, trying to get away, managing to get a quick kick to his shin that I count as mistake number two. I try to kick out again but this time he dodges my attempt.
“Fucking cunt,” he spits out a curse, landing a hard kick directly in my gut and the severe pain makes me curl up in the fetal position. Anything to protect myself. Anything.
I want to scream but I can’t catch my breath with the unexpectedness of the blow and the gag stuck firmly in my mouth. I double up in excruciating pain, gasping for breath. Even after everything, it shocks me to the core that he’s being so rough with me. I gasp, cough, and work at breathing. My sounds are muffled by the gag stuffed deep in my mouth. Tears stream from my eyes as bile rises in my throat, causing me to gag some more. I can barely draw a breath, but I know I need to remain calm, know I can’t allow panic to overtake me. I fight the nausea that threatens to overwhelm me and pray that I’ll be missed. I’ll be rescued.
Cowboy.
Nate hauls my hands behind me and the cool metal of handcuffs circles my wrists. A crazy thought enters my head as he secures my wrists. Had I sold them to him? Had he purchased the gag, the cuffs, everything at my shop? I couldn’t help but to see the irony of it all. I probably smiled and flirted with him as he paid for them too. I want to laugh but I hurt too badly.
When he grabs me around the waist and throws me over his shoulder, I get woozy and feel as if I might throw-up. “It feels like you’ve put on a few pounds.” He smacks my bare thigh harshly. “Never did have any self-control, Kimberly.” My head bounces as he strides towards his Suburban, pulling open the back door and tossing me on the backseat. “That’s why you need me.”
I grunt around the ball, jerking against his hold. I’ve never felt so helpless in my life.
“You’ve go
t a lot of spirit, Kimberly, but don’t let it get you killed,” he whispers. “Why didn’t you have that much spirit when I fucked you?” He says the last almost accusingly.
I can barely breathe with the gag stuffed into my mouth and because I hadn’t been prepared, saliva already dribbled out of the corners over my chin which only managed to increase the panic clouding my mind. I lay still on the backseat where I landed, trying to take deep calming breaths. The tone of his voice is such that I believe his threat. I fear that he would truly kill me. There’s no emotion in any of the words he speaks.
Why? I don’t understand why, but I know this, I refuse to go down without a fight. I thrash wildly, kicking and thrashing about on the backseat, striking out at the door more than once.
He glares at me from the driver’s seat. His blue eyes holding mine, watching me with a curious little smile.
I freeze, horrified and I actually feel all the remaining color leach from my face. A chill skitters down my spine. I actually feel it. My skin tightens, my mouth dries up and my last thought is hell, how had it come to this? Right before I feel the prick of a needle on my arm and then nothing.
***
I blink open my eyes to darkness but not complete darkness. A sliver of light filters in from underneath the door. It takes me a moment to remember where I am, then the deep throbbing in my head brings me back to the present. My head pounds like a heartbeat in my skull and I’m scared because I still feel somewhat weak from whatever Nate had used to drug me and worry lodges like a boulder in my throat. Rage and fear eat at me. Fear that he’ll take what he wants and I won’t be able to fight and rage that I’ll have no choice but to let him.
When my eyes fully adjust, I’m able to make out the emptiness of the room. I’m in a musty-smelling, small room lying on a hard floor. I must be in some sort of old cabin or shed. My wrists are still cuffed and my arms have gone numb causing my fingertips to tingle.
When You Only Need To Ask (The House of Sin: The Beginning) Page 31
