‘She died three years ago.’
‘I’m sorry.’ Damn it, could he say nothing right to this woman? ‘I know what she meant to you.’
Her small smile was tinged with sadness. ‘I owe her everything.’
She’d told him once how her parents had been killed in a road accident when she’d been four and her grandmother had raised her. She’d not been in the best of health and Megan had been caring for her while going through medical school.
With Megan in a more conciliatory mood, he risked asking more of the questions that plagued him. ‘Why here, Megan?’
‘My grandmother lived in Penhally when she was young and she wanted to come home before she died. It seemed as good a place as any to be,’ she finished, sounding so lost and alone that his heart ached for her.
He’d forgotten her grandmother’s connection with Cornwall. Or had he? Was that why, when Rebecca had suggested leaving London, Cornwall had been the first place he had thought to go? Had he, some place deep in his subconscious, made the connection with Megan?
He remained as affected by her as he’d always been. The past would never go away. Neither could he change it. But he craved answers.
‘I know you don’t want to talk, and I won’t ask again if that’s what you choose, but I need to know, Megan—’ He broke off, capturing her gaze, his heart in his mouth. ‘Was the baby mine?’
He saw her shock and the pain his question caused as she reeled back, anger replacing the hurt in her eyes. ‘Of course it was yours. Don’t judge me by your standards. I didn’t sleep around.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ he demanded, his own hurt and anger rising with the confirmation of what he had known in his heart all along.
‘How could I?’ she threw back at him, her voice shaky with emotion. ‘When was I meant to tell you? You refused to talk to me. And what good would it have done? What would you have done? You’d made it clear I meant nothing to you. You wouldn’t have welcomed fatherhood… you never wanted children. Just as you rejected marriage—although that’s changed in the last eight years.’
Pain and bitterness rang in her tone. Her accusations hurt… the more so because he recognised the truth in them. He had behaved badly. He’d been anti-marriage—for himself—and he’d never wanted children. Something he’d made clear to Rebecca from the first, and the reason why he was refusing her latest demands for a baby.
But he didn’t want to think of Rebecca now. His thoughts were in the past. He’d had a right to know eight years ago. Hadn’t he? Megan’s challenge rang in his ears. What would he have done? He wasn’t sure but it would undoubtedly have been the wrong thing. Avoidance of the truth. Running away. He’d been good at that. But knowing it had been his lifeless son he’d once held in his arms was devastating.
‘You denied me any chance of making those decisions for myself.’ The depth of his emotion shocked him and his voice was choked. ‘You gave me no chance to say goodbye to my son.’
‘You have a nerve. What chance did you give me when you tossed me aside?’ Tears gleamed on her lashes. ‘You took my baby from me, Josh. And with him any chance of me having another child.’
‘God, Megan. Those weren’t my decisions.’ His tone softened as her pain sliced through him. She looked more fragile than ever and he fought the urge to comfort her—something he should have done eight years ago.
Eight years…
He was plunged back to that terrible night when A and E had been in chaos following a multiple crash involving a coach of schoolchildren. He’d been a junior doctor facing something far beyond his experience as the paramedics had brought in a woman in the throes of a miscarriage and haemorrhaging terribly. Discovering it was Megan had thrown him.
‘The obstetrician/gynaecologist did what was necessary to save your life. There wasn’t even time to transfer you to Theatre.’
The possibility of Megan dying had been real. The surgeon had pulled the tiny baby from her body and given it to him. He’d stared at the lifeless form, too premature to survive, trying to work out dates with a brain that refused to function. A nurse had taken the baby away, and he’d been drawn back into the emergency procedure, assisting as the surgeon had made the decision to take Megan’s womb.
‘I asked him—begged him—to leave you hope for the future, but he was adamant there was no other way to stop you bleeding to death. What else could I have done?’ he appealed to her, his stomach churning as he relived that awful night.
‘I don’t know.’
Tears ran down her cheeks and his heart, for so long encased in a protective coating of stone, threatened to break at the depth of her sorrow and pain. He’d pushed the memories into the background, unable to deal with them. Megan had been living with them every day. He felt guilty, confused…
‘What did you call him?’ he asked, knowing he was tormenting them both but needing to know.
‘Stephen.’ Her voice was rough. ‘After my father.’
‘Thank you for telling me.’
They stared at each other, fighting the past, the pain, the memories—and the chemistry that, eight years on and despite all that had happened, still bubbled below the surface.
The sound of his pager announcing an incoming emergency cut through the tense silence, swiftly followed by the ring of Megan’s pager, bringing their conversation to an end. Although he now had confirmation about the baby, a sense of unfinished business still remained.
Eight years ago he had known that Megan was different, had sensed she was dangerous to him. And he’d been right. The night he’d let down his guard had been the most amazing of his life. He’d told Megan things he had never told anyone else, and she had touched a place inside him in a way no other woman ever had. It had scared him. And he’d done what Megan had accused him of. He’d blanked her, keeping as far from her as possible because she’d burrowed under his skin.
If only he had been mature enough to know what he knew now. That the sort of connection he had found with Megan was rare. Not just the incredible physical passion that had overwhelmed them both but the deep mental and emotional union he’d experienced with no one but her. By the time he’d realised what he could have had and all he had thrown away, it had been too late.
He’d wobbled. Briefly. Then he’d gone on, focusing on his career and rapid advancement. Four years ago he’d met Rebecca and they’d seemed to want the same things, including no children. He’d cared about her, he’d been lonely and enjoyed having her to come home to. She’d wanted the doctor husband and the lifestyle. He’d convinced himself it was for the best, not the same as he’d had with Megan but safer.
Things had been wrong long before they’d left London. Bored, Rebecca had changed the rules, deciding she wanted a child. But as Izzy had said weeks ago when her daughter had been born, a child couldn’t hold a bad marriage together and shouldn’t be brought into the world for the wrong reasons. He wouldn’t have a baby he didn’t want with a woman he didn’t love and who didn’t love him.
Seeing Megan again, he saw with terrible clarity what he had thrown away, and he wished with all his heart that he had done things differently when he’d had the chance. As they walked down the corridor to the main A and E department, it occurred to him that he had still not asked Megan one of the questions that had been bugging him all along.
‘Why did you stay the night with me, Megan?’
Her sharp intake of breath was audible, but she pushed through the swing doors into the busy department, bringing further discussion to an end. As he was directed to Resus, Megan was called to a treatment cubicle and she walked away from him without a backward glance. He had no more idea what to do about her—and his feelings for her—now than he had in the past. She was an itch under his skin that wouldn’t go away, affecting him in the same unique way she had done eight years ago.
‘Is there anything else I can do for you?’ Jess asked, sitting beside the bed of the woman with whom she had spent a considerable amount of time over t
he last few days.
Faye Luxton, in her early seventies, had come in for a standard knee replacement but had suffered a severe bleed in her brain during her operation and had woken in Intensive Care to find her world turned upside down. She’d been handed over into Gio’s care and, just days ago, he had needed to operate on a second bleed to remove a clot and also to put a coil around a small aneurysm that had threatened to enlarge and cause even greater problems.
Unfortunately, the damage already caused could not be reversed, although the numbness and weakness down one side of her body and her difficulty speaking were improving. Faye could still have a good quality of life, but she would no longer be able to live alone or care for herself and her animals.
With no family, Faye faced the horrible necessity of selling her much-loved home and moving into an assisted-care facility. Jess had helped support her when Social Services had come to discuss the options.
Faye had faced everything with courage, but had been distressed at times as she tried to come to terms with the drastic changes in her life. Jess had done all she could, helping Faye deal with the emotional upset.
‘You’ve done so much.’ Her speech was slow and slurred, but clearer than it had been. ‘I wouldn’t have coped without you.’
‘I’m sure you would. You have such a strong spirit, Faye. You’ve been a joy to care for and a real inspiration, too,’ Jess assured her.
‘I agree.’
Gio’s voice sent a prickle of awareness along Jess’s spine and she looked round, her gaze clashing with his as he strode through the door, his senior registrar, a couple of junior doctors and the ward’s charge nurse trailing in his wake. Jess was all too conscious of Gio close beside her chair, blocking her exit, his leg and hip pressing gently against her, as he greeted Faye warmly.
‘I’ll step out,’ Jess offered, making to rise.
‘Can Jess stay?’ Faye asked, looking unsettled.
Gio smiled at their patient. ‘Yes, of course.’
Jess subsided back onto the chair as his hand came to rest on her shoulder. Although his attention was focused on the medical team updating him on Faye’s condition, his hand lingered, and Jess felt the fire in her blood as his touch warmed her through the fabric of her shirt. His fingers gave a gentle squeeze before he released her and reached out for Faye’s notes.
They were halfway through September and while they’d been on their best behaviour since their bank-holiday outing in the boat, Jess was finding it difficult to ignore the electric buzz of attraction that intensified with every passing day. But she valued their friendship too much to risk losing her head and doing anything stupid.
They’d been out on the boat twice more and she loved it. Much to her amazement, Gio had also been teaching her how to drive it. The thrill had been so huge it had even managed to take her mind off his body pressed close to hers—and the divine male scent of him—as he’d helped her work the controls.
The tragedy of his wife’s death still affected her and she remained shocked at the way she had acted on instinct in response to his grief. It had scared her. With Gio it was too easy to forget the hard lessons of the last four years.
Curious, Jess had steeled herself to ask Gio more about Sofia a couple of nights ago. Gio had brought out the album Sofia had made when she’d known she was dying, creating a story of their lives in words and pictures, and Jess had choked up all over again at the incredible bond they had shared and the cruel way they had been parted.
Sofia had been a surprise. Rather than being model thin and styled to perfection, she’d been small, curvy and very much the girl next door, possessing the kind of fresh-faced natural beauty that could never be faked and that shone through because of the person she was, in her laughing dark eyes, her smile and her obvious love for Gio. And his for her.
The photos of Gio and Sofia in their teens, so much together, so right for each other and so in love, had reminded Jess of Marcia and Colin—another young couple who had been ripped apart by terrible tragedy, and one she hadn’t been able to get out of her mind.
‘How are you feeling, Faye?’ Gio asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and taking her good hand in his.
‘I’m frustrated my body won’t do what I want it to. I can’t even tell you properly.’ Faye shook her head. ‘I can’t imagine life away from my home and without my animals. I’m thankful for all you’ve done for me, but knowing things will never be the same is difficult.’
‘Of course. It’s hard enough to recover from surgery without having to come to terms with such unexpected changes. Things seem overwhelming, yes?’ he sympathised, stealing Jess’s heart as he took a pristine handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the elderly lady’s tears with gentle care.
‘Yes, exactly.’ Faye visibly relaxed, soothed by Gio’s attention. ‘I’m old and set in my ways.’
Gio gallantly protested, making her smile. ‘You’re doing well and we will all do everything we can to ensure you regain as much strength and capability as possible.’ The air locked in Jess’s lungs as his gaze flicked to her. ‘Jessica is here to help make the transition as trouble-free as possible.’
‘I’m so worried about my animals, but Jess is marvellous,’ Faye confided to Gio. ‘If other arrangements can’t be made to keep them together, she’s promised she’ll care for them herself.’
A blush warmed Jess’s cheeks as Gio looked at her, his expression unreadable.
Gio talked with Faye awhile longer before rising to his feet. His entourage exited ahead of him but he lingered, and Jess excused herself from Faye, worried about his reaction to the animal thing.
‘I was going to tell you, Gio. The workmen are making good progress on the cottage, and I’ll arrange to have the fences dealt with. If the animals have to be moved before I’m back home, I’ll ask Flora if she has room for them until I’m ready,’ she rushed to reassure him. ‘I don’t expect you to house them or anything. I—’
Her rushed words were silenced as Gio pressed a finger to her lips. ‘Stop apologising.’ Blue eyes twinkled with amusement and something else she couldn’t discern but which made her warm and tingly and a little bit scared. ‘I would have been surprised had you not offered to step in.’
‘Oh…’
He glanced each way along the corridor, his tone conspiratorial as he leaned closer to her, making her quiver with awareness as his warm breath fanned her face. ‘Shall I tell you a secret?’
She nodded, unable to answer, hardly able to breathe, fighting every urge within her to touch him, hug him, kiss him.
‘I was going to make the same pledge to Faye myself.’
Jess blinked, his nearness robbing her of thought. ‘You were?’
‘I was.’
Jess felt mesmerised, her skin aflame as he ran one finger down her cheek. The suddenness of an alarm further along the corridor had her snapping back, conscious of where they were. Disconcerted by his touch, she stepped away. There was nothing she could do to escape the non-physical connection, the electrically charged one that bound her ever more tightly to him.
Gio’s hand slowly dropped to his side and she swallowed as she met his gaze. He smiled, the full-on smile that stole her breath. ‘I must go,’ he said, glancing at his watch. ‘We’ll drive out to Faye’s after work to talk with her neighbour and decide what is best to be done. OK?’
‘OK.’
Jess watched as he strode off to join his team. How was she going to cope when she moved back to her own cottage with the kittens? Gio had become far too important in her life.
‘Stop the car!’
Gio reacted instantly to Jessica’s cry, startled when she opened the door and scrambled out before they’d come to a stop. Cursing in Italian, he parked safely at the side of the road and climbed out in time to see Jessica running along the pavement and disappearing from view around a corner. Concerned, Gio jogged after her. What was earth going on?
They were in the centre of St Piran, on the way home following thei
r visit to Faye’s smallholding. Enquiries to several rescue centres had proved futile, which left them bemused and amused to find themselves foster-parents to a motley collection of animals. There were more than Gio had anticipated. He’d wanted animals, yes, but he hadn’t imagined taking on so many in one go! Jessica’s enthusiasm had swayed him, though.
Now, along with Dickens and Kipling, their menagerie included a donkey, two Gloucester Old Spot pigs, three sheep of mixed heritage and several assorted chickens. Faye’s neighbour would care for them in the short term until the fencing at Jessica’s cottage, and the necessary movement licences, were arranged. Gio didn’t want to think about Jessica moving out—he had ideas but it was too soon to discuss them?but whatever happened between Jessica and himself, he intended to share the cost and responsibility for the animals.
Rounding the corner, he saw Jessica walking back towards him, her shoulders slumped, her steps reluctant as she kept pausing and looking behind her.
‘What’s going on?’ he asked as he joined her.
She looked up, olive-green eyes despondent. ‘I saw Marcia.’ Again she scanned the crowds along one of St Piran’s main shopping streets.
‘The girl who gave you the false name after her boyfriend died?’ he asked, frowning at her nod of confirmation. ‘Are you still fretting about her?’
‘Yes.’
She tried to carry everyone’s problems on her own shoulders. ‘Jessica…’
‘I saw her, Gio. She looked so alone, so lost. The girl I met was prettily plump and well groomed,’ she told him, clearly upset. ‘She’s put on weight and hasn’t been taking care of herself. Her skin was grey and her hair lank and unstyled.’ Again she met his gaze, and his chest tightened at the expression in her eyes. ‘I can’t help but worry about her.’
‘You have a special empathy with people. But you can’t solve everyone’s problems, fiamma, he advised her, the endearment—meaning flame in Italian—slipping out without conscious thought.
St Piran's: Italian Surgeon, Forbidden Bride Page 9
