by Cheryl Wyatt
For once, she felt she had someone to lean on during a hard time. That brought profound relief.
Which was pathetically short-lived.
Leaning on Ben meant the risk of growing dependent on him.
And that could prove the riskiest thing of all.
“I called the doctor’s office. They said they’ll see her when you come in,” Ben said after returning from a store across the street. He joined Amelia, seated on the bus stop curb holding a cloth on Reece’s forehead.
“Oh, good. Thank you.” His shirt was different. “Did she throw up on you?”
He grinned. “A little.”
“I’m sorry, Ben.”
He shrugged. “I’ve had worse. I’m a paramedic. Body fluids don’t faze me. You didn’t buy a bus ticket, did you?”
“No. They wouldn’t let me.”
“Good. I was leery of you riding the bus alone. Even during the day.”
“Actually the next bus available to St. Louis is ten p.m.”
“Then I definitely don’t want you on it. If we drive there after the appointment, we’ll still beat the bus. St Louis is only two hours from Refuge. Let me take you.”
Since he had medical training, that made Amelia feel a thousand levels of relief. “I hate to keep inconveniencing you, Ben, but I don’t see that I have other options.”
“Hey, it’s not your fault. Don’t feel bad. If I didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t have offered. Okay?”
She nodded.
“The three things you need to learn about me, Amelia, are, I say what I mean, I mean what I say and I do what I say.”
Three things you need to learn about me…
That almost made it sound like he desired to keep in touch. The very thought fluttered her heart with romantic hope.
Stop. Things would never work. For reasons she could never reconcile, or bring herself to tell him.
“What’s that?” Reece mumbled.
“Flu artillery.” Ben lifted the bulging sack.
“How much do I owe you?” Amelia asked.
“Nada. It’s free sample Friday,” Ben answered. Armed with two pharmacy bags for Reece, they left the doctor’s office after getting travel clearance for Saturday.
Reece talked more in the last twenty minutes, since getting the shot to hold flu symptoms at bay, than she had all day. That and Ben’s presence lifted the weight of fear off Amelia. It did little to alleviate her growing anxiety about her job, though. Dr. Callahan had strongly advised against traveling today.
When Ben said he could still drive Amelia tomorrow, he’d hesitated, telling her he’d already had other plans.
The last thing she wanted to be was a burden to Ben. He’d been so kind and now felt obligated to take them. But he’d insisted when she’d protested that she could rent a car.
“You sure Miss Evie doesn’t mind us staying another night?”
“She said to stay at the Bed and Breakfast as long as you like. Forever, if you want.”
“She said that?” Strange. Even stranger was how intently Ben studied her when he’d shared the words forever, if you want.
Why?
“Ben, I can’t accept that,” Amelia said in the B and B parking lot Saturday morning.
Rattling sounded as Ben filled the cooler he’d just given her with ice. “Sure you can. Besides, I have another one.” He shoved Pedialyte Popsicles down in the ice along with other items, then set the cooler in the backseat.
He helped her prop pillows around Reece and her seat belt. Working side by side with him, their hands brushing together. The close proximity caused things inside her to awaken.
This togetherness, the teamwork between them, opened up longing in her that was best left undisturbed. She couldn’t get used to this. Couldn’t set herself up to depend on him, because dependence on others always led to disappointment.
“I’m thankful for all you’ve done, Ben.”
“No sweat.” His grin turned her inside out.
After running by the garage and transferring the rest of their stuff to Ben’s car, they started on the road for Missouri.
She dreaded getting the garage bill and now the double doctor bill, but at least Reece was feeling better. And Dr. Callahan hadn’t charged her for the medicine.
“May I use your phone to call Nissa to inform her when we’ll get there? She told me to come whenever, but I hate to drop in unannounced. I’m not as spontaneous as she is.”
“Of course.” Ben handed her his phone. Amelia called and left a message for Nissa to call her back.
“That’s strange.” Amelia eyed Ben’s phone. Clouds of dread accumulated in her chest.
Ben eyed her. “What’s that?”
“Not sure. There was a message on Nissa’s answering machine directed at me, saying she knew I’d call and that she had exciting news.”
“You don’t have a good feeling about it?”
“Intuitively, no. Hopefully it’s just because I know Nissa’s bipolar and isn’t great about taking her medicine. She sometimes makes rash, outlandish decisions and she’s fairly flighty to begin with.”
Ben nodded. “So, maybe we should come up with a plan B, in case living with your cousin ends up not working out.”
We? “I can’t comprehend that notion, Ben. She can’t do that to me. I have no plan B. Period.”
Amelia didn’t have a good feeling about this. Not at all. But what on earth could Nissa’s surprise be?
“You what?” Amelia said when Nissa called back minutes later, nearly dropping Ben’s phone as her arms numbed. “Oh, Nissa, please tell me you’re kidding.”
Giggling came across the line. “Nope. Aren’t you happy for me?” Amelia’s cousin asked in a singsong voice.
“How long have you known this guy? Because when I talked to you last month, you weren’t seeing anybody. Now you’re marrying him? Marrying him, Nissa? This week!”
“Not marrying exactly. Eloping.” More giggles. “But don’t worry. I can still watch Reece when I get back in three weeks. He’s taking me to an island!”
“What?” Amelia groaned and put her face in her hands. “Three weeks? How am I supposed to find child care, effective immediately, for three weeks? I start my new job Tuesday. Oh, Nissa, how can you possibly think of eloping with a guy you hooked up with two weeks ago? Are you crazy?”
“You know I’m not. I thought you’d be happy for me. Remember we always dreamed about finding the perfect one? Well, I have.”
“I thought that about Reece’s dad, too. Look how that turned out. Nissa, please wait. Wait at least six months before jumping into marriage. Please.”
“But he already bought me the ring. And it’s a rock. He’s loaded, Amelia, and he wants to spend it all on me. We’ve been together every day and night since we met. So I know him and he knows me.”
“What’s he do for a living?”
“Oh, er, one job is he plays in a local band.”
“What kind?”
“Um, pubs. Bars. Mostly strip clubs. Okay, look, I know it sounds bad, but at least he has a job. And lots of money.”
“Where does he get it all?”
“Uh, he says he’s in sales.”
“Oh, I’m sure he is. Did you ask him what kind?”
“No, that’s not important.”
“Not import…God have mercy.” And she meant it. Amelia tilted her head back. “What’s his middle name?”
A heavy pause. “Um, it starts with a P. I think. Oh, Amelia, you’re way too logical. For once, you should throw caution to the wind. Oops, forgot.” Giggling. “You did that once. Otherwise Reece wouldn’t be here.”
“Thanks for the reminder of my indiscretion.”
More silence. Heavier this time, which let Amelia know she hadn’t heard wrong about Nissa being with the guy every day—and night. “Nissa, please pray about this. I know we don’t often talk about God or faith, but please, consult Him before making any rash decisions. Promise me?”
; “I promise. But, oh, he’s a dream!”
Heart-heavy, Amelia hung up. The dreamy lilt to Nissa’s voice dropped rocks of bewilderment in her gut. Dread settled like sludge. How would she find child care for Reece in a matter of hours if Nissa fell through?
How?
She refused to put Reece in anyone’s care without screening them first. Not only that, Reece might still have the flu and be contagious. And she only had a few hundred dollars to her name. No credit. No checking account. No savings. Nothing. Which meant day care was out of the question unless they let her pay later. Fat chance. She needed this job, but things weren’t looking good.
Something deep and raw and desperate broke inside her. “For once, God, please. Give me a break.”
Ben’s heart went out to Amelia. Obviously that phone call didn’t go well. Silently praying for unflinching trust and at the risk she’d flee, he reached a hand across the car anyway and placed it on Amelia’s.
“Please help Amelia see Your hand in her life. And shine truth through to her cousin.” And please assuage this acute distrust Amelia has of men. At least of me. I so badly want to get through to her, even if it does nothing to benefit me.
Ben strongly sensed Amelia wasn’t meant to be in St. Louis. But because a small possibility existed that she was, he thought that because he wanted her in Refuge, he couldn’t voice it again.
“Show Your goodness and heart toward her, Amen.”
Though Amelia didn’t verbally agree with his prayer, tears dripped onto her hands, which trembled during Ben’s prayer. He knew because she left it in his grasp.
Now, please help her leave her life in Yours.
Relief hit him that she prayed at all and that she’d encouraged her cousin to do the same. That meant she had a small trust in God. Maybe her weary, ragged faith was starting to turn around and run back home.
Progress. Go, God, go!
“What’s going on?” Ben asked after a few minutes, knowing from earlier tears she’d vehemently hidden from Reece, that she’d have difficulty speaking moments after the call.
“She—she, oh, I can hardly bring myself to say it. She’s making a big mistake, Ben. I know she’s going to regret it.”
“Does this affect you and Reece staying there?”
“Nissa says it won’t, but it will. Big time. She’s eloping this week. And by the sound of background racket on the phone, she’s moved her boyfriend—and his entire band—into the apartment.”
Ben’s head swerved around. “What?”
“Yeah. And I know for a fact a guy she’s been dating got her to experiment with drugs recently, because she called me when she was out of it.”
“Think it’s the same guy?”
“Kills me to think so. I think I know what he looks like from Nissa’s MySpace page. So we’ll find out when we get there if it’s the same guy.”
Ben hoped it wasn’t. But an uneasy feeling told him it was.
He placed a hand on Amelia’s shoulder. “Hey, look. If it’s as bad as it sounds, we’ll handle it. I won’t leave you on your own, okay?”
“Okay” came from her mouth while her gently trusting eyes blinked back jaded tears that begged him to mean it.
Chapter Eleven
“It’s him.” Amelia wavered on the steps outside the slashed-up screen door she’d just knocked on. She eyed a framed photograph sitting on a bar stool. It depicted Nissa sprawled across some guy’s lap. Amelia’s face lost color. Ben braced a sustaining arm around her waist.
Through the screen, he eyed the apartment, which resembled a beer-battered frat house. Risqué pinups covered several walls. He immediately shielded Reece’s eyes by picking her up, turning her around and holding her head tight to his chest, angling away from the pictures.
Ben assessed the carnage in a room that vibrated loud music. A battered drum set filled the kitchen, leaving no room to move around. Old food, ashtrays and whiskey bottles littered every surface. Drug paraphernalia trashed the top of a guitar amp.
No way was Ben letting Reece and Amelia stay here. Hopefully Amelia would conclude that herself.
A palefaced male rolled off the stained couch. A hiss sounded as he pressed his cigarette into a beer can and stumbled toward them. “Yo. Whussup?” The guy opened the door and brushed a leering gaze up and down Amelia.
Ben stepped forward. “Nissa here?”
He scratched his head. “That Dino’s chick?”
“Where is she?” Ben asked, facing the guy.
“With Dino to get some smokes.” The guy stumbled into a bedroom, looking highly annoyed that they’d interrupted the misery of his hangover.
Amelia waved a hand over her nose, shook her head and motioned Ben back outside.
“I smelled it, too. Not your imagination,” he said, referring to both the reefer fog and old vomit. Ben secured Reece in the car and approached Amelia.
She paced across the porch. “I can’t let Reece be exposed to this.”
“Hold on.” Ben cranked the engine, turned on the air. He asked Reece to draw him a special picture and closed the car door to dim conversation.
Amelia’s eyebrows crinkled into a frown and her eye twitched. “We can’t live here. Can’t even stay five minutes.”
“I agree.” Ben moved close then stopped, wanting to hold her but holding back, afraid he would crash through the thin ice of her fragile trust.
She paced back and forth across crumbling sidewalk then over mile-high grass and weeds. The yard looked like a small forest.
“I have to look for an apartment, pronto.” She turned and sped toward his car then stopped abruptly, as if just now remembering she didn’t have her own car here.
Her countenance took a crestfallen dive. He surged forward. “Amelia, don’t worry. I’ll take you.” Hopefully Hutton would be okay at Joel’s longer. He’d done all right last night. Ben hoped it held. When Ben slipped away from Amelia one of several times to check on Hutton, Joel said Hutton could stay as long as Ben needed. He put sustaining hands on her shoulders.
She stiffened under his touch. “I can’t ask you to do that. You already said you needed to get back to Refuge.”
He did, to get Hutton, but hopefully Hutton would understand if Ben were late. “I can change my plans. However, I can’t, won’t, leave you and Reece here alone. This area isn’t safe. You have no business walking around here. There aren’t potential jobs close by that I saw.” He didn’t remove his hands from her.
“I know,” she whispered, looking more distraught by the second. He gently massaged her shoulders. Taut muscles relaxed under his fingers as did her stance. Finally, slightly, she leaned into him. Progress. Thank you.
“Look, I can change my plans today and this evening.” Please help Hutton understand. Ben felt so torn. But he’d have lots of time with his brother later, in the ensuing weeks when Hutton moved to Refuge. He’d make it up to him.
Tears dangled from her lashes as she probed deep in his eyes. “Ben, I’m so sorry about all this.”
“No big deal.” Please let that be so. Hopefully Hutton wouldn’t have a meltdown. But Ben could not abandon Amelia and Reece. Being a pararescueman had trained him to do triage, and that meant assisting the one in the greatest amount of danger first.
He wished there were two of him right about now. His heart beckoned him to his brother, but his creed called him to Amelia and Reece. A sense of human decency and his personal code of ethics wouldn’t let him leave them here to fend for themselves.
It is my duty as a pararescueman to save life and aid the injured. I will be prepared at all times to perform my assigned duties quickly and efficiently, placing these duties before personal desires and comforts. These things I do, “That others may live.”
His pararescue creed meant setting his own feelings aside. Hutton was safe at least. He couldn’t say the same for Amelia and Reece. Split by his obligations, Ben knew what he had to do.
With reluctance, he released her shoulders. “Let’s
grab a paper and look for housing close to your job. Just not in this part of town.”
Her hands wrung. “I hate to do this to you, but okay. I’ll need to call my boss. Obviously I won’t be able to start this week. Hopefully he’ll be understanding. Even if we were fortunate enough to find a safe place to live this evening, I’d need more time to secure child care.”
“Maybe he’ll let you bring Reece to work with you for a few days until you find decent housing and safe child care.”
Fear accosted her features. “I’ll ask. Let’s wait here a bit to see if Nissa comes back. I’m going to try to talk sense into her or knock her silly.”
Ben smiled, knowing Amelia kidded. At least he hoped so. It’d been a long time since he’d broken up a catfight. He gestured toward his phone. “Call your boss.”
She nodded, stared at the phone, started to dial then hesitated. Wide, vulnerable eyes cited his. “Pray?”
Trapped in her gaze, Ben nodded. “I am.”
Amelia hadn’t gotten two sentences into explaining her dilemma when bursts of yelling and vulgar words interrupted.
She held back the dead phone. “He hung up on me.” She redialed. “Sir, please try to be reasonable…”
More screaming and cursing blasted from the phone.
How he’d like to get hold of that guy for speaking to a lady with those words and that tone.
Ben caught verbal remarks accusing Amelia of being un-dependable. Insinuations she was as big a flake as her cousin and he should’ve know better than to hire Nissa’s family.
Amelia’s spine stiffened. At a moment of silence, her eyes closed as she put her mouth to the phone. “Sir, please listen a minute. I am desperate. I really need that—” Her lovely face fell. She slowly closed the phone. Convulsive swallows claimed her throat. “I’ve been fired before I ever even started.”
Good. Because he was about to grab the phone and resign her himself, then go cauterize the creep.
“I think it’s for the best. I feel God’s protecting you.”
