My entire body is screaming for more. She’s awakened something so fierce within me it’s taking every ounce of restraint I have not to pull her into my bedroom and take all of her.
But just as quickly as it started the fire is extinguished when reality sets in. She’s only seen me with my mask, which hides most of my facial scars. And she’s seen a small portion of the scarring on my hand and arm. She hasn’t seen my ravaged mess of a body. And being with her would require exposure to all of that damage.
I’m repulsed even thinking about it. I have no idea how it would be possible to turn her on once she saw that.
“We’d better slow down.” I cup her face in my hands.
She furrows her brow. “I thought…”
I shake my head. “You don’t want to see any more than this.”
“I don’t understand.” There’s confusion in her lovely eyes.
“The scars on my body. They’re worse than the ones on my face. And those are covered right now.”
She narrows her eyes at me and purses her lips. I have a feeling she’s not going to take no for an answer. She has to be the most persistent person on the planet. Then she announces, “I want to see them all.”
“I’m sorry. What?” I want to make sure I’ve heard her correctly. And then I want to dispute her assertion if what I heard is true.
“You don’t have to hide from me. You know my deepest, darkest secret. You know my brother is a mass murderer. You were one of his victims. And you’re still standing here. You still kissed me. You still want to be with me. That’s an amazing gift. I want to see your scars.”
I swallow. As much as I want to believe her I just can’t make myself do it. I want her to stay. And I know deep in my heart that if she sees them, all of them, all of the ugliness of the person I’ve become, that she’d leave and never come back.
Just like Samantha and everyone else.
“I can’t.”
Of course she’s not going to let me off the hook that easily. “Why can’t you?”
I turn away because I can’t take the pleading look in her eyes. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“Why would I leave?” She sounds puzzled.
“When you see the scars. When you see how bad I really look. You’ll leave. Everyone does. They don’t come back.”
“Look at me,” she demands.
I slowly turn back to face her.
“I’m not going to leave.”
I want to believe her, but I can’t. It’s too big of a risk. Then she says the unthinkable.
“What if I say I’ll leave if you don’t show me?”
My heart sinks to the floor. “That’s not fair.”
“Maybe not. But it may be the only way to stop you from being stupid.”
I want to protest and tell her that I’m not being stupid, but I can tell by the look on her face that she’s not going to compromise. She has her mind made up. She going to see me—all of me—and that’s all there is to it.
A flurry of emotions wells up from inside me. Anger, fear and even hope. “Fine.”
I quickly unbutton my shirt before I have a chance to change my mind and remove it. And then I hold my breath and wait for the inevitable: the change of expression on her face, the look of disgust that she’ll try to hide, the mumbling and stuttering because she doesn’t know what to say and then the awkward, but quick escape. That’s what’s happened every other time I’ve exposed my scars to people who were supposed to be my friends, people who said they cared about me, people who said they loved me.
And Roxie isn’t someone I’ve known very long. She doesn’t owe me anything. We don’t have a past together. She doesn’t have any reason to stay.
I freeze when I feel her hand touch my chest. It takes a few seconds for my brain to register that she’s actually touching me. That a woman is touching me. A beautiful woman. I want to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.
When I look at her it’s hard for me to believe my eyes. Her hand is moving ever so slowly and carefully over my scars. It’s such a simple gesture, but it overwhelms me completely. The emotions running through me are almost too much to bear.
“Why?” I whisper. Even that one word is almost too difficult to get out.
She cocks her head to one side. “Why what?”
“Why are you still here?”
She frowns, but doesn’t reply. She just continues to touch my chest.
“Take off your mask.” It’s not a request. It sounds more like a directive, or maybe even an ultimatum.
Fear overtakes me again. Looking at a scarred chest is one thing, but looking at someone’s disfigured face is something else entirely.
She’s looking at me expectantly, like she has no doubt that I will do as she says. And she’s probably right. I feel like I’d do whatever she wants without so much as a question. She’s already got me on a string like a marionette.
I’ve never felt so paralyzed by fear in my life. I can’t even move my hand up to remove my mask.
“I can’t.” My voice is so faint it’s not even a whisper.
But I know she hears me because she responds, “Let me do it for you.”
After I give her a quick nod I try to control my breathing. My heart is pounding so hard I feel like it’s going to explode right out of my chest.
Once again her movements are slow and careful as she pushes the mask up and away from my face.
I expect a gasp, or at the very least a change of expression, but Roxie looks entranced. When her hand reaches up to touch my cheek I take in a sharp breath. My instinct is to grab her hand and hold her back, but I hold myself back instead and allow her to touch my disfigured face.
It’s only when she wipes a tear from my cheek that I realize I’m crying. I can’t remember the last time I shed a tear for anyone, let alone myself.
“Kiss me.”
I swallow and brace myself for what I’m about to see when I look into her eyes. Horror? Disgust? Pity?
It shakes me to my core when all I see is pure desire. She wants me. She still wants me. How is that even possible?
I don’t hesitate one second longer. Her wish is my command as I lean down and place a soft kiss on her lips. But it’s not enough for either of us. Soon the fire between us is raging again as I deepen the kiss and take her mouth without restraint.
Then I test the waters a bit further by moving my hands ever so slowly over her body. She doesn’t protest. On the contrary she gives a moan of pure pleasure.
I’m so hard and so completely turned on I feel like I could explode at any moment so I try to think of anything else, but being inside of Roxie’s sexy little body. But it’s futile. I want her more than I want to breathe right now.
I was sixteen when I lost my virginity to my high school girlfriend and seventeen when I lost everything, including her love. I didn’t think I’d ever have another chance to be with a woman again.
Yet here I am making out with lovely Roxie Bailey, and I have to convince myself that it’s not just another one of my cruel dreams.
“I want to be with you,” she whispers into my ear.
“What?” I want to make sure what she is saying and what I think she means are the same thing.
Her face is turning red and I feel like a real jerk for asking the question. But everything about this is so surreal I’m still having a difficult time absorbing it all.
I grab her hand and lace her fingers with mine. Then I tell her I’m sorry.
“For what?”
“I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
She gulps then shakes her head. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I just don’t know how it’s supposed to work. I feel like I made a mess of all of this.”
I lift her knuckles up to my mouth and place a soft kiss on each one. “You didn’t make a mess of anything. I just wasn’t expecting any of this.”
Now she looks like she’s going to cry. She’s blinking back tears. “Do you…” She lets out a
sob.
I lift her chin so I can see into her eyes. “Do I what?”
“Do you find me attractive in that way?” Tears are now streaming down her face.
“Are you kidding?” I brush away the tears. “You’re like a Goddess. There’s not a way in which I don’t find you attractive. I’m having a hard time believing you want to be with me.”
She sniffles. “I have no idea how to seduce a guy. Obviously.” Her chin trembles slightly. “If you couldn’t tell I’ve never been with anyone before.”
“And you want me to be your first?” I can’t help the surprise in my voice.
When she looks up at me through her impossibly long lashes the last bits of my frozen heart finally melt.
She gives me a quick nod. The simplest of gestures. But it sets off a raging firestorm inside. As I lift her into my arms she squeals in delight and I carry her like a caveman into my bedroom.
I don’t need to be seduced. I should be the one doing the seducing.
When I place her on my bed she gives me a sexy little grin that gets me hard all over again. I just want to stare at her for a while. Lying there in my bed. Even though she’s fully clothed it’s one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen in my life.
I join her in the bed and I kiss her again. It doesn’t take long before we’re all over each other, our tongues roaming each other’s mouths and our hands roaming each other’s bodies.
My entire body is starting to ache with need. As much as I’d like to take things slowly I feel like I’m going to burst I’m so turned on.
Then I’m struck with a horrible realization. I don’t have any condoms. The idea of even purchasing them may have been one of the furthest things from my mind.
I pull away slightly so I can deliver the bad news. “I don’t have any protection.”
She gives me an odd look before it seems to dawn on her. Then she scrunches up her nose. “I don’t either.”
“We can wait,” I tell her as I run my hand down her cheek. Of course my cock will need a bit more convincing than my brain. It seems to have developed a mind of its own.
She nods, but I can see the disappointment in her eyes. I’m disappointed too, but I need for her to understand that whatever this is between us isn’t just about sex. It’s a lot more.
I grab her hand and pull her up from the bed. “Let’s place an order right now. I’ll have a box of condoms added to our delivery.”
She laughs. “A whole box, huh?”
“Maybe two boxes.”
We both stop dead in our tracks when there’s a knock on the door. It’s much too early for a store delivery. They know not to come until after dark.
“Are you expecting anyone?” Roxie asks.
I shake my head.
As the knocking continues even louder I head over to the door and look through the peephole. “It’s your friends.”
“Julio and Hector?” She sounds surprised.
I nod.
They’re not going to let up. I glance around the room for my shirt and Roxie reaches for it as if she’s reading my mind. She hands it to me and I quickly put it on. Just as I’m about to open the door I remember my mask. The last thing I want is for those two guys to see me with without it. Especially Hector. And especially if he gets a sense of what’s been going on with me and Roxie.
I grab my mask and hastily cover the damaged part of my face. Apparently I was a bit too hasty because Roxie makes a point of straightening it for me and then giving me a smile.
When I finally open the door the guys look a bit irritated. They’re both fidgeting and while Julio is running his hand through his hair, Hector is gnawing on the side of his mouth.
“You’re here,” Julio snaps.
“Where else would I be?” I bite back.
He shakes his head. “I don’t know. Out.”
“I don’t go out,” I reply flatly.
“What were you doing?” Hector is eyeing Roxie.
Even if it was any of his business I still wouldn’t dignify that question with a response.
“What do you want?” I ask.
Julio removes a folded up newspaper page from his pocket and flips it open. He turns it so I can read the headline…. College Student Attacked and in Critical Condition at a Local Hospital
I rip it from Julio’s grasp and hand it to Roxie.
Her hand goes over her face as she reads it and she holds in a gasp. “No.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “Not FANGURL. Our FANGURL?”
“You know her?” Hector asks.
Roxie nods. “I think so.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means she’s someone in an online group,” I state. “Roxie and I both spend a lot of time chatting with her online.”
“Like hours every day,” she reminds me.
“Do you know anything else about her?” I probe.
“She thinks Freud was a misogynist, but who doesn’t? She’s an INFP like I am. She doesn’t think that Adler’s Birth Order Theory is very useful, especially when you’re an only child…”
“Let me clarify. Do you know anything else about her that might connect her to the DOGs or to your roommate?”
“Do you think it’s the same guys who…” Julio’s voice trails off.
I nod. “I’ve already verified that the girl who was beaten is FANGURL from our online forum…”
Roxie’s eyes go wide. “You knew about this? Why didn’t you tell me?”
I place my hands on her shoulders and look into her sad, brown eyes. “Because your roommate is already a lot to deal with. And I wanted to make sure it was our FANGURL first.”
Even though she nods she still looks hurt. I wonder if I made a mistake not being completely open with her. But in my defense I was trying to protect her. I’m starting to realize that maybe she doesn’t need my protection.
Julio, Hector and Roxie follow me back to my office. When I awaken all of my computers from their slumber the room seems to come to life. For a long time these were my only companions and my only access to the outside world. It’s a little difficult to grasp how much things have changed since Roxie knocked on my door.
After typing for several moments I take in a sharp breath. Those assholes are even sicker monsters than I thought. Their rape and pillage mentality has now become sport.
As much as I want to protect Roxie I know there’s no way she’s going to let me show the emails to the guys and exclude her, even if I want to shield her from the nastiness.
“I have access to the Delta Omega Gamma Listserv and their emails. This is what I found. Brace yourself. It’s not pretty.”
I enlarge the latest email so that everyone can read it.
My Fellow DOGs-
Bravo boys! Gold stars for the guys who made the news. I was pleasantly surprised. You’ve sent a clear message to all those bitches on campus who like to put up a fight when all we want is a little fun. DOGs take what they want and don’t take no for an answer. If you fight us we’ll fuck you up.
I want the kids on campus to know this was the DOGS without them really knowing. We need to get the word out that the bitch got broken by the DOGs without leaving a trail back to the frat. No guys go down for this. We have each other’s backs.
Brotherhood Above All
Luc
“Oh, God,” Roxie exclaims.
Hector puts his hand to his forehead and rubs it. “This is worse than I ever imagined.”
“There are photos too,” I tell them.
“Who are these guys?” Hector asks “Why do they think they can get away with this? They’re acting like they’re above the law.”
“In a way they are,” I explain. “Their dads are the most prominent men in the city. The guys who drugged Claire are the sons of the Chief of Police and a prominent judge. The President of the fraternity’s dad is the District Attorney. And one of their members is the Governor’s son. Even if these guys weren’t experts at covering their tracks, do you think that a
nyone is going to seriously investigate them?”
Julio shakes his head. “No. We can’t let these sick sons of bitches get away with this. And we definitely can’t let them continue on their rampage. Things will only get worse.”
“I have to see her,” Roxie says.
“See who?’ Hector asks.
“FANGURL.”
Hector’s brows are knitted. “Why?”
“I don’t think she has anyone else. She’s always in the online student café. It’s like it’s her life. I just have a feeling we’re her only friends.”
When Roxie turns and looks at me with her big brown eyes I know I’m in trouble. “Come with me.”
“You know I can’t do that.” The disappointment I see in her eyes tears my insides to shreds, but I can’t be outside. And especially not in a hospital.
“She needs us,” she implores.
“I’ll go,” Hector offers.
There’s no way in hell I’m going to let Hector go in my place. Not when he’s still looking at my girl like he wants her.
My girl. Is Roxie really my girl? The thought came so quickly and easily it’s a bit unnerving.
Even though it goes against every reservation and doubt I have I say, “No, I’ll go.”
Hector’s glare is so cold it could probably turn water to ice in an instant. But Roxie’s smile is so big it’s nearly lighting up the whole room.
And even though I’m happy that she’s happy I still have a feeling of dread when I think about leaving the house and being out in public where people will see me.
But when I give it a little more thought I realize that Roxie and I will be together. Maybe people will be so focused on her and her beauty that they won’t give me a second thought.
If only that were true.
“We can come up with a plan,” I say for Julio and Hector’s benefit. “I’m sure there’s a way we can stop the Delta Omega Gammas.”
“I don’t just want to stop them.” Julio’s eyes are filled with pure rage. It’s a look I know too well. It’s a look I had in my own eyes for years. Until I met Roxie. “I want to avenge Claire’s murder.”
The Nines (The Nines #1) Page 12
