By the time I’m dressed, Nolan is waiting for me at the door. He gives me a quick peck on the lips. “I’ll call you later.”
I hesitate. “Sure.”
We walk outside. I shiver from the cold. Nolan kisses me again, but this time, our kiss is deeper. I touch my lips, savoring the taste of his mouth as I watch him hurry off to his SUV. He waves at me one last time before he gets in and drives off. I watch the tail end of his car until he turns the corner, then I get into my car and drive home.
14
It’s snowing tonight. I arrived at home early this morning. I press my thumb to my bottom lip, remembering his kiss goodbye. I have been fiddling about the house all day, hoping that he would call. It’s going on nine thirty, and I haven’t heard a peep from him. I lie in bed, watching a late-night drama. The show’s a rerun, so it’s not doing a great job keeping my mind off Nolan. I turn on my side to stare at my phone on the nightstand, willing it to ring.
Minutes pass. I fight the urge to swipe my phone off the stand and call him. But then, he’s going through so much. If Nolan wants to talk to me, he will call, and that’s that. I flip onto my other side and stare at the curtain. One character on the television slaps another and calls her nemesis a liar. My eyelids are too heavy and my head too weary to follow the drama. Before I know it, I drift off to sleep.
I roll over to turn off my buzzing alarm. I’m excited about going to work, hoping Nolan shows up. Only, I’m not sure what sort of mood he will be in. I get dressed.
It feels as if my weekend with Nolan happened ages ago. Perhaps it’s my insecurity. Nolan hadn’t quite called me his girlfriend. For all I know, he used me to get his rocks off. However, it felt good to be close to a man again. Being with Nolan reminded me that I miss being in a relationship.
After I walk into the building, the first thing Kristin, the receptionist, asks is if I heard about Bill.
I stop at her station. “No, what happened?” I ask, feigning ignorance.
“He died last night.”
My jaw drops. I can hardly believe what I just heard.
“Nolan said he tried to call you, but his call went to voicemail.”
I fish my cell phone out of my purse. “Shoot. I don’t have any bars. My phone has dropped service yet again.” I really have to change carriers.
“Well, he’s not going to be in today.”
I’m distracted, and it shows. “Yeah, right.”
“He must’ve had a terrible weekend,” she says in an effort to keep our conversation going, but I’m already on my way to my desk.
By noon, the word about Bill’s passing has spread like a wildfire. Work is extra quiet for a Monday. Everyone is milling around. There is a somber feeling to the place. Bill left a genuine impression with everyone who met him.
The day passes, and I take care of things like business as usual. In a couple of days, it’ll be Christmas Eve, and I’m planning to fly out to St. Kitts. I’ll be staying until the first Monday of the New Year. Hopefully, I’ll see Nolan before I leave.
By 5:00 p.m., right before I shut down my computer for the day, the company finally gets an official e-mail with the news of Bill’s death. He suffered another heart attack. The message includes an invitation to the funeral, along with the details: Wednesday, 11:00 a.m., at the Basilica. I notice Carrie Summers drafted it—she’s Pete Johnson’s, the family lawyer, secretary.
Misty comes up to me while I’m cleaning up my desk.
“Looks like your boyfriend will be a little preoccupied for a while.”
I squint and look right through her. Accusing her of behaving like a bitch would be so appropriate, but I ignore her and continue putting my things in my desk. She quickly takes the hint and goes away. I want to be with Nolan. I struggle with my desire to text him, but I want him to have his space. I grab my purse and head out.
I stop at Byerlys and grab some eggs and bread for breakfast, along with Ben & Jerry’s for comfort. I haven’t heard anything from Nolan yet, and with all of this stuff happening, I have no idea when I can expect to. I get home, make a cozy fire, curl up in a blanket in front of the TV, and binge on reality TV and ice cream. My nerves finally settle, and I crawl into bed.
The next day at work, discussions about Bill weave themselves into just about everyone’s conversation. It seems as if everyone is planning on going to the funeral, but I haven’t yet decided. I’m staring at my computer. I forgot what I was working on. Truthfully, I’m pissed. There’s no way I’m going to Bill’s funeral without hearing a peep from Nolan.
The bottom drawer of my desk projects buzzing and beeping noises. That’s what happens when messages finally make their way to my cell phone. My heart flutters as I open the desk and fish my phone out of my purse. I have three messages: two from Nolan and one from my mom.
I listen to Nolan’s first message. “Good morning, beautiful. My father died early this morning. I won’t be in today. Don’t worry about informing the office about it; Pete’s secretary is going to handle it. Listen…” He sighs. “I had a fantastic weekend with you. I want to spend more time with you when all this dies down. I like you, Abby. I like you a lot.” He pauses. “Okay, I have to go. I’ll call you later.” He hangs up.
The next message is from my mom. “Abby, sweetheart, you’re going to have to get a better carrier. I’m sure this call went straight to voicemail again.” She sighs forcefully. “Your dad and I are looking forward to seeing you. I love you, baby. That’s what I called to say. You don’t have to call me back. I’ll see you on Friday at the airport. Goodbye.” She ends the call.
Although I feel somber, hearing my mom say “I love you, baby” makes me smile.
I listen to the next message from Nolan. “Just calling you.” He pauses. “Right. I’ll see you at the funeral—I hope. Bye, Abby.” He ends the call.
I sigh with relief. I guess I’m going to the funeral tomorrow.
15
I walk up the steps of the Basilica. The building feels cold and grand. A lot of people are stirring around, and by the looks of it, Bill touched a great many lives. I stand on my tiptoes and glance across the large cathedral. My eyes bounce from head to head, looking for Nolan.
I walk the center aisle toward the front of the church. A large number of people are standing between the first row of pews and the altar. There is a taller gentleman who seems to be at the center of attention. Based on the color of his hair, I’d say it’s Nolan. I want to say something to him, but there’s no way to do it without pestering my way into the center of the circle. I decide it’s best to find a seat. The first rows of pews are reserved for family, and those several rows back are filling fast, but I want to sit close enough so that I can see him.
“Excuse me,” one of the guests says while passing by to take a seat in the pew I’m standing next to.
The one I like puts me several rows back and just to the right of the reserved section, and that row of benches is now filled. The row directly behind it has a couple of places open toward the middle. Just as I begin to enter the pew, I receive a tug on my shoulder. It’s Liza.
She opens her arms and gives me a hug. “I’m so glad you came.”
“I am, too.”
“Well you look great,” she says.
“You, too, especially under these circumstances.” We both take a step back. My eyes turn down with thoughts of all that she must be going through. “Bill was such a good person. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Oh, thank you,” she says as she wipes a tear from the bottom of her eye. “Yeah, it’s been pretty tough.”
I somewhat frantically open my handbag and dig for the little box of tissue I packed. I look up and hand her one.
“He’s going to be missed,” I say.
She takes the tissue and smiles. “Yes, he will.”
“Excuse me.” Another gentleman squeezes by me to take one of the last seats in the row. I look back at Liza with concealed desperation. I want to be there for her and offer
support, but if I don’t get a place soon, I’m going to be sitting about a half mile from here.
Liza’s eyes widen with a smile. She takes my hand with hers. “I guess we’d better get our seats.”
I smile and place my other hand over hers before turning and sliding to my seat after saying “excuse me” a couple of times myself. I get a clear look at Nolan making his way to his seat. He’s wearing a black suit and looks fantastic. He allows everyone to be seated before he sits. The last person behind him is Kelsey. I shift my position to get a clear look and nearly lean onto the gentleman next to me.
“Ahem,” the man coughs.
“Sorry.”
I lean back into my seat. Nolan places his arm on Kelsey’s back to direct her. He follows and sits directly next to her.
I try concentrating on the eulogy, but Kelsey’s proximity to Nolan is distracting. Her body language suggests that they are still close. Several minutes later, she’s got her arm around him, rubbing and caressing his shoulder.
After a little while, Liza gets up to speak a couple of words. It’s noticeably difficult for her to maintain her composure. Nolan gets up and stands at her side. She keeps her words fairly concise before taking her seat.
Nolan gently clears his throat. “I’d like to say a couple of words. First, I can’t convey Bill’s love much better than my sister.” He looks toward her with a supportive smile. “I would, however, like to share a couple of stories with you about my dad.”
Nolan is noticeably emotional, and I am impressed with his ability to maintain his composure. He’s naturally eloquent, appropriately humorous, and downright enjoyable to listen to. My favorite part is when he talks about being a kid out at the cabin. The details sound an awful lot like the areas we spent time together in. My heart warms.
The service concludes, and a line of people waiting to offer condolences to the family forms. I’d love to see Nolan before I go, so I take a place in the line. I’m nervous about what to say. We really haven’t spoken since the weekend, and the circumstances are, after all, less than ideal. My heart picks up pace the closer I get to him. Soon, we’re standing eye to eye.
The warmth of his gaze washes over me. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry for your loss,” I say.
“Thank you, I’m glad you came.”
I want to discuss so much more, but I also want to give him the time he needs to mourn. “That was great. There was so much I didn’t know about your dad.”
Before he can say anything else, Kelsey steps up, leans into Nolan, and wraps her arms around his bicep. “Remember Nolan,” she says with her lips nearly pressed to his ear, “there is another service we have to get ready for.” She then looks directly at me. “And only family members are invited.”
Nolan looks at Kelsey. “Oh, okay.” He seems kind of out of it. “Thanks for coming, Abby. I’m glad you came.”
He turns, and Kelsey whisks him off.
Dumbfounded, I slowly make my way toward the side of the church. I can’t shake the image of Kelsey practically wrapping herself around Nolan. I know it’s a family affair. But they weren’t acting divorced.
I just about walk into the large marble pillar when I hear, “Hey, Abby.” I snap out of it and scan the vicinity for the person who said that. Off to the right is some guy dodging his way through people like a fish swimming upstream. I squint.
“Abby.” He looks at me, his face under stress.
He gets through the last herd of people, and standing before me is Lance from the company Christmas party.
I can’t help but feel slightly disappointed.
Lance is smiling ear to ear. “Hey, Abby, how are you?”
I force myself to smile. “I’m fine.” Now there’s a lie. “I think it’s just sad we have to meet at a funeral.”
The corners of his eyes turn down. “Oh, me, too.”
I glance off toward the large stained-glass windows.
“So, how’s your week been?” he asks.
I opt for the cliché, intentionally vague answer. “Fine,” I say.
“Yeah, me, too, I guess.” He scratches the back of his ear nervously. “So, do you have any plans for Christmas?” he asks.
My stomach tightens. I can’t be talking about this right now. I need to find some privacy.
“I sure do, and I’m kind of in a hurry, you know. Got some packing to do.” I turn toward the door.
“Oh, great. Well I don’t want to keep you from that.”
I start walking, and Lance follows.
“I guess I wanted to let you know that later tonight, or, ah, after the services, me and a couple of other guys are going to grab a drink downtown. I know you’re busy and all, but wanted to let you know you are welcome to come.”
My pace quickens. “Thanks, Lance. I’ve really got a full day ahead of me.”
“Okay then, well maybe another time?”
“Maybe.” I hate that I have to be so abrupt, but this just is not a good time.
We near the door, and I recognize a couple of other guys from the Christmas party.
“Well, Merry Christmas,” they say.
I lift a hand as I pass them. “You, too.”
Lance stops by the guys, and I continue outside. The light is bright, compared to being in the Basilica, yet the day is predominantly overcast. Piles of snow adorn the sides of the long row of steps to the church entrance. Vestiges of salt crystals are scattered across the stone stairway. I set my sights on where I parked my car and start down the walkway. The wind pricks at my face like a ball of needles.
My stomach sinks deeper. What if Kelsey didn’t just leave the women’s clothing in the closet at Nolan’s cabin? What if the clothes are there because he and she are still together? Would he be that brash?
All of a sudden, I hear a man call my name. I stop. Maybe it’s Nolan chasing after me. Yes, he must have realized how rude and insensitive Kelsey was and how confusing his behavior must look to me. He’s here to apologize, maybe even tell me that he’ll be in touch as soon as everything calms down. Yes. We’ll wish each other a Merry Christmas at the least, and maybe we’ll even kiss.
I turn, ready to embrace Nolan.
“Abby!” It’s Lance again.
This time, I don’t smile. “Yes.” My tone is as cold as the air.
“Listen, I know it’s freezing out here, and I know you’ve got to go.” Acknowledging that earns him courtesy points. He takes a business card out of his pocket. “I just wanted to give you this, you know, in case you ever want to grab a cup of coffee.”
I quickly take the card out of his hand. “Okay, thanks.” I start walking to my car again.
“Wait,” he calls.
I throw my hands up impatiently. “What?”
“Why don’t you give me your number, or rather, I’d like to have it, if you wouldn’t mind.”
Frustration shoots through me like a lightning bolt.
“Here, let me get my phone,” he says, fumbling through his jacket.
I sigh impatiently. “Just take this.” I reach into my purse and pull out a card.
His face lights up like a Christmas tree. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” I say then head to my car. This time, I make it to my vehicle without getting interrupted, get in, and pound my fists against the steering wheel. How could I be so stupid to fall for a guy like Nolan Patrick? Tears start rolling down my cheeks. I remember what Misty said about him—how he played the girls in the Chicago office. I thought it was a lie, but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe he just wanted a quick fuck after all.
I speed off, and when I get home, I pack, eat dinner, and sleep, hoping for morning to come as soon as it can so that I can escape this cold city and haunting thoughts of Nolan and Kelsey together.
16
A couple of hours before sunset, I land in St. Kitts. I exit the plane on the runway and take a deep breath atop the airstairs. The warm, humid air carries the scent of the ocean. When I get to the tarmac, I look u
p and behind me. A magnificent volcano is the centerpiece of the island. It can’t be more than just a few miles from where I’m standing. I wonder how things would look from the top.
I walk through the airport, all fifty steps of it, and find Mom and Dad waiting for me. It’s been a while since I’ve seen them, and as usual, my mom is looking dapper. Her rosy cheeks are high with a smile, and in an instant, I’m tickled to see her.
My dad looks pretty good, too. He’s wearing shorts, a nice T-shirt, socks, and tennis shoes. The same Coke-bottle glasses adorn his face. I smile at them both, and we hug.
“I’m so glad to see you,” she says.
“Me, too, Mom.” I look at my dad.
“How are you, sweetie?” he asks.
I shrug coolly. “I’m fine.”
“Well you don’t look so fine,” Mom says.
I touch the skin under my eye. It’s tender because I’m exhausted, even though I slept throughout the entire flight in order to avoid thoughts of Nolan and Kelsey together.
“It’s been a long week,” I say.
Mom puts her arm around my shoulders. “Well, welcome to vacation, baby. Everybody needs one.”
She kisses my forehead, then we get my luggage and head to the car.
Once we’re on the road, I roll my window down. Wow. We’re surrounded by beaches. We pass some places that look like condos, and shortly after that, we pull into an impressive resort.
“Where is Brian?” I ask.
“Your brother has gone to the beach,” Mom says.
I should have known. Brian loves the ocean. I can’t wait to join him. We get to the villa, and I put my suitcase in my room.
“Dinner will be at eight o’clock,” my mom hollers from the other room.
“Thanks!” I shout back. I put on a light dress and my flip-flops then head out to find Brian.
The good thing is all I have to do is open this sliding glass door, and I’m there. I walk to the sandy shore, and as I get closer to the ocean, I can see my brother in the water. He waves, and I wave back.
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