“No.” It was spoken so quietly, it was a true wonder that anyone heard it.
“In fact, the only thing that kept Harper alive during the pregnancy was a damn spell, wasn’t it?”
“Knox,” Harper cautioned. It was bad enough that people knew as much as they did. She didn’t want him blurting out the rest.
“You can’t have any idea how much I’d like to end you,” Know rumbled at Carla. “The only reason you’re breathing is that Harper doesn’t want vengeance. Oh, I thought about ignoring her wish to let you be. I thought about making you suffer the way you wanted her to suffer.”
“I didn’t want her to suffer,” Carla objected quietly.
“You wanted Lucian to suffer. Do you think that excuses what you did?”
“No.” Again, her voice was low.
A frantic knock was followed by Bray’s voice asking to be let inside. Knox wouldn’t have thought it was possible, but Carla’s face paled even more. Knox summoned him in, but Carla didn’t turn to face her mate. His hair was ruffled, as if he’d dragged his hand through it several times. His eyes were wild and desperate – most likely, he was desperate for her to deny what he’d heard; for her to decry that it was all lies.
Bray looked briefly at Harper before moving to stand in front of Carla. “Is it true?” His voice was like gravel.
Carla didn’t meet his gaze. “Yes.”
Bray’s jaw hardened. “How could you not tell me? How?” he demanded with a growl.
“I was ashamed, Bray!” she burst out, finally looking at him. Her words all came out in a rush. “I hate myself for what I did! She was an innocent little baby who hadn’t done anything to anyone. But I was hurting and angry when Lucian left me, so wrapped up in my own misery and pain that I wasn’t thinking straight. He was my anchor and the person I’d wanted as a mate, but he left me. My head was a mess, my demon was demanding the bastard while all I wanted was for him to hurt the way I hurt. A need for vengeance was the only thing keeping me going!”
There was a whole lot of truth in that, Knox sensed. If Carla had felt for Lucian even half of what Knox felt for Harper, he could understand how that would have twisted her so much inside; how it would have left her so overtaken by rage and despair that nothing and no one else seemed to matter. But to Knox, it would never fucking excuse what she’d done to Harper. Never.
“She should have kept you going,” insisted Bray, pointing at Harper. “She should have mattered more than vengeance.”
“Yes,” whispered Carla. “By the time I realized that she did, it was too late.” She turned to Harper. “I tried to take you back once.”
Harper would have snorted, except there was some genuine emotion there. “Only because you saw with me Lucian and realized that I was a potential weapon to use to hurt him.”
She shook her head. “I was jealous. He had you, and I didn’t. I tried not to think about you after I gave you to Jolene as a baby. But that day, I had to face that you were real. That I’d done something so very, very cruel. You used your ability on me. All the while, your eyes were changing colors. You get that trait from my baby sister, you know. She died. That was my fault. I pushed the swing too hard and she fell…” Carla inhaled deeply. “In the store, I saw you both staring at me, condemning me as I felt a pain I had every reason to feel.”
“So you just went back to pretending she didn’t exist after that?” asked Bray, disgusted.
Carla continued speaking to Harper. “I went to see you sometimes, whenever you came with Lucian to visit Jolene. Not up close. Just…from afar. I just wanted to see you.” She didn’t even seem to know why.
“Yet, you dismissed her when you saw her in the street,” Knox reminded her. “That part I just don’t get.”
“I bumped into one of your aunts once,” she told Harper. “She gave me one hell of a lecture about leaving you on Jolene’s doorstep when you were a baby, and I realized that Jolene hadn’t told people the whole version. I was worried that if you came to me, Jolene would be mad enough to tell you everything so that you stayed away from me. I didn’t want you to know just how cruel to you I really was. So I made sure I seemed unreceptive.”
Bray ran both hands through his hair. “You should have told me, Carla.”
Carla flicked a glance at him. “I was worried you would leave me.”
Bray looked at Harper, perplexed. “You don’t seem upset.”
Harper shrugged. “I had a good life. Maybe not a normal life, but it was good. I was happy. If your mate was really such a mess at the time I was born, I doubt she could have given me that. We were both better off without the other.”
“But she’s your mother.”
“I traveled a lot over the years. I’ve seen a lot of places. Some weren’t good. I saw suffering that would make all this seem like a damn fairytale. One friend I had…her mother did the opposite of what Carla did. She kept her daughter, but she hated her. Hated her and was cruel to her while doting on the other kids. I would rather not have lived that life.”
Bray was silent for a few moments. “You’re very mature and wise for your age.” His face hardened as his attention returned to Carla. “We’re going home, and you’re going to tell me everything. Everything.”
“I will.” Carla got to her feet.
“Larkin and Keenan will escort you out,” Knox told them.
On reaching the door, Carla glanced at Harper over her shoulder. “I really am sorry I couldn’t be the mother you needed.” With that, she left.
Knox turned to Harper, concerned by her blank expression. “You okay?”
“I want to go home.” She knew she probably sounded a little lost, but she felt off-kilter.
“Then we go home.”
Sitting across the dining table from Harper, Knox watched as she absently shoved the food around the plate with her fork. When he brought her home earlier, she’d claimed she just wanted to lounge around for a while. Although she’d settled comfortably on the sofa, she hadn’t really been watching the T.V. Her expression had been vacant, her eyes faraway. She’d been quiet for hours now. Pensive. It wasn’t like Harper to overthink things. “Eat, baby.”
Her brow wrinkled. “I’m not really that hungry.”
“Eat or Meg will be offended.” When she shoved a piece of pasta in her mouth, he arched a brow. “You’ll do it for Meg, but not for me?”
“She might stop making me muffins.”
He would have smiled if she hadn’t dropped her fork with a clang and sighed. Knox moved to sit beside her. Forking some pasta, he held it up to her mouth. Casting him a sour look, she ate it. “Good girl. Tell me what’s bothering you so much that you can’t eat.”
Swallowing down her pasta, Harper sipped at her wine. “It’s stupid.”
“If it matters to you, it matters. That means it isn’t stupid. Tell me.”
“In my head, I’ve always had Carla in a box safely marked ‘selfish and unfeeling.’ She was the baddie, and so I didn’t have to care what she did. The things she said earlier…they still make her selfish, but not exactly unfeeling. I don’t know how to see her differently. I don’t want to see her differently.” Because if she wasn’t bad, Harper might have to care. To care meant to be hurt by what had happened.
Knox gripped Harper’s chin. “She should have put you first, no matter what shit was going on in her life, but she didn’t. She doesn’t deserve your forgiveness, so don’t expect it of yourself. Carla fucked up royally, and she never once tried to fix it.” He forced Harper to eat more pasta before he continued. “You can concede that just maybe things weren’t as clear-cut as you thought, but that doesn’t mean you have to be understanding.” He certainly fucking wasn’t. “Nothing can excuse what she did.”
“I guess I just don’t know what box to put her in now.”
“No one can be firmly marked anything, baby. No one’s all good, and no one’s all bad. Everyone has different dimensions to their personality, and everyone has different things that
drive them. People can change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. A person’s nature is a fluid thing.”
He was right, she realized. “I love you.” And now he was gaping at her, which wasn’t surprising. “I know it’s a really weird time to say it. I get that. But it occurred to me before that I grew up never really knowing for sure if the people in my life loved me. I don’t want you to wonder.”
Knox snapped out of his stunned state as she rose from her seat. He grabbed her wrist. “Baby, you don’t get to say something like that and then walk away.”
“I so do.” She slipped out of his hold and headed to the bedroom, close to laughing at the fact that she’d managed to shock the unshockable Knox Thorne. She hadn’t waited for him to return the sentiment, because she’d known he wouldn’t. She wasn’t fanciful, she was practical. As she’d told Khloë, she didn’t think ‘love’ was on his emotional scale. Even if it was, he’d been solitary for too long for him to suddenly be alive with feelings other people took for granted. It was enough that he cared for her.
Sitting on the bed, she removed her shoes. He appeared in the doorway, brooding and unnerving. “You’re looking at me funny. Yeah, I know blurting that out and then walking away was kind of weird. But we both know I’m weird, so give me some space to do strange stuff without judging me.” She huffed. “You’re still looking at me funny.”
He glided into the room in that predatory way that he had. “You told me something that was difficult for you to say. I know it was hard, because I know you don’t like to be vulnerable to people. And the best way to guard yourself is to not let them see you, and to not let them see how much you care.”
“Just for the record, I don’t like that you’re so perceptive,” she griped.
“It would be selfish and spineless to not give you some honesty in return. Selfish? I’m that. But I’m not spineless.”
She stilled as a buzz vibrated in the air…much like that time in the alley with the practitioners. As though something was charging up, gathering in power. And she knew then that he was going to tell her what he was. No, he was going to show her. Her inner demon went on high alert, both curious and wary.
Just as it had in the alley, the power purred against Harper’s skin and made her eyes burn, her teeth rattle, her ears ring, and her chest tighten. His predatory stare was wholly focused on her, danger in every line and curve of his face. He didn’t look like Knox then, he seemed like a total stranger. Her heart slammed against her ribs. And suddenly, she wasn’t so sure she wanted to know what he was.
With a roar, flames erupted from the ground. Gold, red, and black, they swirled around Knox, engulfing him until she couldn’t see him. What the fuck? No, not even he could survive them. She moved towards him desperately, but the heat was just so blistering and she—
And then she saw it: a figure of raging flames stood inside the fire. She couldn’t help but gawk as her heart pounded so frantically it hurt. Her inner demon was shock-still. There was only one thing that could withstand the flames of hell…because it was the only thing that was born from the flames of hell. Her breath caught in her throat. “Archdemon.”
Just as archangels were born in heaven and served God, archdemons were born in hell. But they weren’t there to serve Lucifer as many religions believed. They were there to serve hell itself. Born from the flames, their purpose was to command, control, and destroy.
That was when it occurred to her…She’d thought he was charging up before. No, the power hadn’t been building – it was straining to get free. And he was repressing it. She couldn’t understand how anyone could repress that level of power. But then, he was an archdemon.
A fucking archdemon.
The flames calmed, slowly easing and lowering until all that was left was a figure of pure fire. Then the fire…it was like it peeled away from Knox’s flesh. His clothes were surprisingly still intact.
He cricked his neck, his dark eyes glittering with danger. “I don’t just call on the flames of hell, Harper. I am the flames of hell.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
What the fuck was she supposed to say to that?
Harper wasn’t sure she even could speak. Shock had her rooted in place, gawking unattractively. Since meeting Knox, she’d come up with dozens of theories of just what breed he could be. None of those theories were all that inventive, but she still considered them much more realistic than the guy being an archdemon. Even her inner demon was in shock.
Considered too powerful to live on Earth after a rogue archdemon almost destroyed it, the decision had long ago been made to keep them in the very place they were born. Yet, here Knox was. An archdemon. A motherfucking archdemon.
No matter how many times the word circulated through her mind, she couldn’t wrap her head around it. She couldn’t reconcile the Knox she knew and cared for with creatures that, according to everything she’d been taught, were almost as cold and conscienceless as the inner demons they carried.
“You never suspected, did you? Nobody ever does. Poor, poor Harper’s not sure she likes the reality of what I am.”
Harper narrowed her eyes at the deliberate bite to his words. He was taunting her, meant to scare her. He was pushing to see if she’d run. Her demon didn’t like it any more than Harper did.
“Ignorance is quite often bliss, isn’t it?” He cocked his head. “Your heartbeat sounds something like a rabid racehorse.”
Well forgive her if she was just a little spooked to find out her mate was part of the fabric of hell.
“Look at you. Eyes wide. Body frozen in place. Like every good, well-behaved prey.”
Okay, now he was just pissing her off. “I’m nobody’s prey,” she snapped.
One brow slid up. “Oh?”
“And you’re being an asshole.” Going on the attack as a form of defense. She understand why, of course. He was expecting disbelief, terror, and finally rejection. And she realized now that he hadn’t withheld the knowledge from her because he thought little of her. It was because of just how dark and frightening the truth really was.
“Asshole?” His chuckle was humorless, almost bitter. “I’d say I’m much worse than that. Wouldn’t you?”
“Yeah. You’re also a dick.”
His face hardened. “What am I, Harper? Admit it.” It was a demand and a dare. “Admit it.”
“You’re an archdemon.” A breed that was malignant, callous, pitiless, and unforgiving. But…“I don’t care. Big motherfucking deal.”
Knox prowled toward her like a panther, eyes unblinking and locked on her. “I was born in the flames of hell…and you don’t care?” Pure skepticism.
She shook her head. As he reached out to touch her face, she knew he was testing her. So she held still. Of course, she almost jumped when small flames played over his fingertips. Again, he was testing her. “Pretty. Any more tricks?”
He circled her. “I can smell your fear. My demon doesn’t like the scent of it at all.”
“I didn’t say I wasn’t scared.” Only someone with the IQ of a crumb wouldn’t be afraid. “I said I don’t care.” Whatever he was, whatever he could do, he was still Knox. Even the entity inside her, rattled though it was, would accept it.
“You don’t care, despite your fear?”
“You’d never hurt me.”
He stopped in front of her. “How can you be so sure?” Another taunt.
“I trust you.”
A pause. “Maybe you shouldn’t.”
“Stop being an asshole!” And now her temper was kicking in. “I told you I don’t care. If you don’t believe me, fuck you! I’m going to watch some T.V!” Her regal march was hampered by the arm that curled around her and yanked her back against a solid chest.
“You never, ever react how I expect you to,” he said into her ear, a smile in his voice. “I like that.” He held his other arm up in front of her. There was the slightest hum of power in the air…and then his lower arm was in flames.
Wh
oa. Involuntarily, she stiffened as self-preservation kicked in and the urge to flee hit her hard. But she didn’t move away, didn’t recoil. This was still Knox, her Knox. And the hand that was currently flaming had touched her a thousand times but never once hurt her.
She hadn’t thought it was possible for fire to be beautiful, but it was. In fact, the red, gold, black flames were almost mesmerizing. Yet another example to prove she wasn’t at all smart, Harper reached out to touch his arm. She balled up her hand instead.
“The flames can’t burn you, Harper. Because they’re me. And you’re right, I’d never harm you.”
Ignoring the scorching heat radiating from his arm, Harper skimmed her fingers over a golden flame. It didn’t hurt, didn’t even burn. It was like touching hot, liquid silk. She was about to ask if the heat burned his skin but then she remembered that, hey, he was the flames.
“You do trust me,” Knox marveled. He honestly didn’t know how the fuck she was taking it so well, or how she could let him hold her despite her fear. But then, he was still stuck working out how her fascinating little mind worked. He eased the fire, putting out the flames. “It really doesn’t make any difference to you, does it? Even though you fear what I am, you don’t care.”
She turned to face him, smoothing her hands up his chest. “You’re still you.”
Like that was all that mattered to her. With those words, she fucking owned his soul and she didn’t even realize it. He threaded his hands through her hair, gripping it tight. He wished he had pretty words to give her, but it wasn’t in him.
When she’d said she loved him, Knox’s first reaction had been disbelief. He was a realist, was well aware of each and every fault he possessed. He’d never considered himself a loveable person and, honestly, it had never bothered him. Why? For the same reason that panic had quickly set in at her words. He didn’t believe he had the emotional capacity to feel it.
There were times when he’d picked up the emotion from others as they stared at their mates or relatives, so he knew exactly what it was. And he knew he’d never experienced it himself. If he couldn’t feel it, what did he have to offer Harper in return?
BURN (The Dark in You Series Book 1) Page 28
