by Anise Eden
“I don’t mind.” She said something to the other marine and joined me in the room, closing the door behind her. She sat at the desk and I took the bed. “I just wanted to tell you that I think it was really brave, what you did today.”
I gaped at her. “Really?”
“Yeah. I still don’t know why you did it on your own, and in secret. I hope you don’t mind my saying, but that was really dumb. Still, it took a lot of guts. And judging from how many man-hours they’ve been putting into that disk you brought back, it must contain pretty important information. The rest of the guys and I admire you for what you did, even if we don’t agree with how you did it.”
“Wow. Thanks.” I tried to blink my eyes back into my head. “I thought everybody hated me for putting the marines who had to rescue me in unnecessary danger.”
“Hah! Are you kidding?” She grinned. “We love danger! We live for that stuff. Do you have any idea how boring it can be, protecting people? Most of the time we’re just sitting around or running drills. Now that we’re keeping watch over that newsstand, at least we get to leave this godforsaken basement once in a while.”
Oh no—poor Ernesto! “You’re keeping watch over the newsstand? Since when?”
“Since they picked you up this afternoon. They’ll be discreet, though, don’t worry,” Nessa reassured. “Captain Abbott just wanted to make sure those agents didn’t come back and bother him. Hector said they smelled like CIA.”
I hoped to God they’d figured out a more discreet method than wearing camo and carrying large guns in the middle of Friendship Heights. Still, after my run-in with the goons that afternoon, I was glad to hear that someone was looking out for Ernesto. “That was thoughtful of the captain.”
Nessa shrugged. “It’s all part of the mission. I don’t mean to give you the wrong impression, though. Our job isn’t always quiet. We’ve been in some hairy situations, even lost some marines overseas.”
Trying to sound innocent, I asked, “Where were you stationed overseas?”
“Come on, you know I can’t tell you that,” she said with a smirk. “Your security clearance is limited to this project, and it’s only top secret at that. No one’s going to give you any information that isn’t essential to this mission. Not even Ben.”
“Well, it was worth a shot. I can’t help being curious.” Since I was far from certain that Ben was ever going to speak to me again about anything, her prediction seemed to be a safe one. “So how much do Kevin and Hector hate me now?”
“They were pretty mad at first, but mainly at themselves for letting you get away from them in the first place.”
I cringed. “I feel really bad about that. They were so nice, and they trusted me.”
“It’s not that. They just embarrassed themselves, and now they’re never going to hear the end of it.” The way she smiled told me that she would personally see to it that they didn’t. “But even they’ve been giving you props.”
Not quite believing what I was hearing, I rubbed my face vigorously. “Thanks, Nessa. I appreciate your saying all of this. But you’re right; it was a dumb move. I thought I’d be able to slip out and get back without anyone knowing, but clearly I was wrong. Those agents at the store were a complete surprise.”
“They must have had the place bugged and under surveillance. Whatever conversation you had with the owner must have raised their suspicions.”
“Oh, right,” I said, wincing. “I didn’t think of that.”
“Why would you?” She shrugged. “Under normal circumstances, you’d never have to think about stuff like that. But it’s a different world down here. That’s why I was surprised at first that Ben decided to bring you, given how little experience you’ve had with all of this. But you ran your own covert operation today! I guess you showed everybody what a quick study you are.”
With a powerful shot of humility, I realized that if Nessa had been asked to go out and save me that day, she would have, no questions asked. Not only was my boyfriend an honest-to-God hero, so was everyone around me. That realization left me speechless. I felt about as significant as a speck of dust by comparison.
“Maybe not as quick a study as Ben, though,” she added. “He must know you pretty well, even after only a week.”
“Why do you say that?”
“He must have suspected something to plant that GPS tracker on you.”
I had a flashback to our argument about the surveillance cameras he’d put up around my house. “He did what?”
“In the messenger bag. Ben dropped the tracker in before you left. Then he got worried about you because you didn’t eat lunch or something, so he asked Kevin to get you a sandwich. After they broke the door down and found out that you were gone, they locked onto your tracker.”
I covered my eyes. So Ben hadn’t bought my story, after all. I’d been wondering how they found me. “Of course.”
“It’s a good thing, too. If they hadn’t reached you when they did, who knows what would have happened?”
I shuddered as I remembered the terror I’d felt while the agents were following me. “You have a point.” Given how things had played out, I couldn’t exactly argue with the wisdom of Ben’s decision to LoJack me, even if it did have me buzzing like a hornet’s nest on the inside. Nessa clearly thought Ben had been in the right, though, so to avoid an argument, I decided to change the subject—and to take advantage of the opportunity to learn more about Ben’s past. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“I know you and Ben served together for a long time. Did he ever say anything to you about his dad?”
Her face twisted into a puzzled frown. “His dad? What about him?”
“Well, Ben never talks about him at all. I don’t know anything about him—not even exactly how he died, even though according to Pete, it was really sudden and had a big impact on him. But Ben’s a total closed book about it.”
“Oh, I get it.” Nessa nodded slowly. “That’s probably because they had a really rough relationship.”
My heart dropped. “Rough how?”
“His dad was a heavy drinker. I guess he’d struggled off and on for years. But after Ben joined the Marines, his dad started abusing painkillers, too. Ben was always getting calls from his mom—bad stuff, like his dad was found unconscious and having to go to detox, or he got in trouble for writing himself too many prescriptions. His dad was a doctor; you’d think he would have taken responsibility and done what he had to do to get better. But Ben always blamed himself. He’d say he should never have left home, that it was his job to look out for his parents, that kind of thing. So when his dad died, I think the guilt was too much for him to handle. If I had to guess, I’d say that was why he left the Marines and never came back. It was too late to save his dad, but at least he could go home and take care of his mom.”
As she spoke, my heart tried reached out to Ben’s through our portal, but all I could sense was an emotional wall between us. “God, that’s awful. I had no idea.”
“Yeah, it was bad.” There were a few moments of silence as we were both lost in our own reactions. Then she shrugged. “So that’s the story,” she said, signaling that she had nothing else to share.
That was fine with me. Armed with the background I’d learned from Pete and Nessa, I felt more confident that I could talk to Ben about his father without stepping on an emotional landmine. “Thanks for telling me.”
“No problem. Thank you for bringing a little bit of life into this mission. Just don’t try to give me the slip, okay? I’m not always this nice.”
I held my hand up as though making a pledge. “Don’t worry. I’m a committed homebody from now on.”
Chapter Twelve
As I spoke those last words, we heard three loud knocks. The moment I said, “Come in,” the door swung open and Ben marched in.
I jumped, startled, but Nessa appeared unruffled. “She’s all yours,” she said to Ben before giving me a wave on her way out
the door.
Ben inclined his head towards the door. “Keeping each other company?”
“Yes, actually.” When I saw how deeply exhausted Ben looked, the rush of worry I felt pushed aside all of the other emotions churning inside of me. I got up to help him when he started to take off his suit jacket, and to my surprise, he let me. I hung it in the closet as he sank onto the desk chair.
I sat on the bed and faced him, but he didn’t say anything. He just stared at the floor.
Eventually I couldn’t stand the silence anymore. Wanting to say something positive and uncontroversial, I settled on, “The veggie burgers at dinner were pretty good.”
Ben rested his elbow on the desk, rubbed his chin and examined me for a moment. Then he said simply, “Good.”
Well, that was better than “Bad,” or nothing. A small seed of optimism sprouted.
His eyebrows formed a sullen ridge. “I heard that you and Pete talked about my father.”
“A little.” Given his mood, I decided the less said about that, the better. “Did you get dinner?”
“Yeah, in Captain Abbott’s office.”
“Oh, right.” I decided to risk another question. “Were you looking at the disk?”
He gave me a long, bone-weary look. “Yes. There will be a briefing on its contents first thing in the morning. Then we’ll ask you to meet with Belo again afterwards to help clear up a few outstanding questions.”
“Of course,” I said softly. “I’ll be happy to.”
Ben rubbed his eyes and asked, “So I’ve been wondering, what exactly did Braz tell you that made you decide to risk your life for him?”
I bit my lip. The conversation was moving in the wrong direction. I closed my eyes, concentrating hard, and made one last attempt to reach into the portal between Ben and me, to find opening, some way in….
Apparently, he noticed. “If you’re trying to read me through the portal, don’t waste your energy. I’ll tell you exactly how I feel.” He came over and sat next to me on the mattress. Then he looked down and, with a labored sigh, slowly raked a hand through his hair. “You nearly killed me today, Cate.”
As he spoke, Ben’s expression transformed into the raw agony I’d seen when he’d found me in cardiac arrest—and that hadn’t even been the only time I’d put that look on his face. Tears welled up in my eyes. “Ben, I’m—”
He looked up, locked his eyes onto mine, and pressed his finger gently against my lips. Then he spoke slowly and with extreme care, as though he had rehearsed what he was going to say and wanted to be certain that I absorbed every word. “I know that you’re used to being accountable only to yourself. But we’re together now, and part of what that means is that we’re accountable to each other. Do you understand?”
I thought I did, but I wasn’t sure how it related to what had happened that day—and it seemed gravely important to him that I grasp what he was saying. “I’m not sure exactly what you mean,” I confessed.
“Okay.” Ben exhaled slowly through pursed lips. “What I’m trying to say is that the decisions you make don’t just affect you anymore. When two people are in a relationship, they need to consider one another before they take important actions. Does that make sense?”
My temples began to throb. “Yes, but….”
Ben took my hand, looking at me like a teacher who desperately needed his pupil to understand something. “Yes, but what?”
“But I did take you into consideration,” I said. “I was thinking about you the whole time.”
He looked at me as though I were speaking in tongues. “What are you talking about?”
Here we go, I thought. “That’s the whole reason I’m here, right? To help you access whatever information Braz’s brain has locked away about what happened to him. Well, while I was submerging into him, I found the cigarette box. He and I both could tell it was important; his subconscious refused to give us anything more without it. I decided to retrieve it so that I could finish what you brought me here to do.” I said a silent prayer that he would understand my reasoning. “I didn’t know that I would be putting myself in danger.”
“You didn’t know?” Ben stood up, pressing his head between his hands as though trying to prevent it from splitting in half. “You’re sequestered in a secret subbasement. You’re under the protection of a special Marine Corps unit. Captain Abbott told us outright that everyone working on this project could be in danger. None of those things clued you in?” His knuckles turned white as he gripped the back of the desk chair. “Cate, if this were the only time something like this had happened, I’d chalk it up to gullibility, poor judgment, and high impulsivity. But in the short time that I’ve known you, this is the third time you’ve nearly gotten yourself killed. You’re averaging more than once a week, and trust me, that’s above average!”
Frustration and fear rolled off of him in waves. I felt an intense pressure to explain, to defend myself. “I knew you wouldn’t let me go without a marine guard, that you would think it was too risky.”
“So you did know you were in danger.”
“I didn’t know. I thought it might be a possibility.” Determined to say my piece, I plowed ahead. “Braz told me that Ernesto—his friend with the newsstand—was tortured by the secret police when they were in college, so there was no way he would trust the cigarette pack to anyone other than a civilian—and only to a civilian. He also said that Ernesto has a sixth sense. He can tell right away if someone is military or police, so he would have known if I had guards in tow, even if they were in plain clothes. Then he never would have given me Braz’s cigarette pack. Ben, please believe me, I wanted to talk to you about what was going on. But I knew that if I did, you’d stop me, so I had no choice. If I was going to get the information, I had to do it by myself.”
The waves of energy coming off of Ben slowed, along with his breathing. I thought he might be calming down, but then I realized that he was just forcing himself to control his emotions.
“You had no choice.”
I nodded.
“There was no other way to get that cigarette pack.”
I formed the suspicion that Ben was building to a point—a point that would not be in my favor. “Not that I could see.”
“Not that you could see. That’s exactly what I’m trying to explain.” Ben sat in the desk chair and leaned towards me, elbows resting on his knees. “We could have gone in there, convinced Ernesto to let us look around, and found the pack of cigarettes in question. Derbys, right? They’re a specialty brand; he couldn’t have had more than half a dozen cartons. Where did he keep them? Behind the counter, like every other newsstand owner in the country? Or would we have had to search the store?”
The image of Ernesto being coerced in any way seared me to the core. “He would never have agreed to let you search the place. And Braz never would have told me about any of this if he’d thought there was even a chance that Ernesto would be traumatized again—which definitely would have happened if you had busted in there like a bunch of storm troopers!”
Ben shot to his feet, his body a live wire. “Someone out there has already poisoned one person. Who knows what their plans are? And Eve told you about her vision. What makes you think that how any of this is handled is up to Braz—or that I would prioritize sparing some stranger a bad afternoon over protecting your life?”
“But Braz is my client! I could never betray his confidence by using what he said to hurt someone he cares about.”
“Cate, look around you! This is not a mental health clinic, and Braz is not your client. What do you think is going on here?”
What was he getting at? Blood pounded in my temples. “We’re not at war, Ben!”
“Maybe not, but we are in an ongoing battle. If only you knew why Yankee Company was formed in the first place….” Ben’s face twisted with regret. “That’s why I was trying to keep you away from all of this to begin with. This isn’t your world, Cate. It’s too dark. You don’t belong here. Neit
her do the others. It was a mistake to ask you to come.”
Ben came back and sat on the bed next to me, his shoulders slumped in defeat. I realized that he wasn’t nearly as angry with Braz or me as he was with himself. I laid a hand gently on his shoulder. “You’re right. This isn’t my world. I’m not sure I really understood to what extent that was true before today. But if you have to deal with this world, and there’s some way I can help, this is where I want to be. I’m not sorry you brought me here.”
He covered my hand with his, and my heart leapt. “Besides,” I continued, “I’m a therapist. I can handle dark. As for Kai and Vani, they have enough life experience to make their own decisions. And Eve and Asa—are you kidding? They’re so thrilled to be here they can hardly contain themselves. To them, it’s like being in a real-life video game. They’re all proud to contribute their gifts to such an important cause, and so am I.”
Ben returned my hand to my lap and shifted so that he was leaning back against the bedpost. He lowered his head and sat in silence for several moments. Then he asked, “You wanted to know about my father?”
Startled by the abrupt change of subject, I could only nod.
“All right,” he said, his voice edged with pain. “I’ll tell you. My father used to go to seedy motels, pay for his room in advance, put the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door, and swallow pills with vodka until he was obliterated. Somehow, though, he always managed to call my mother and check in, morning and evening, to let her know that he was okay. One afternoon I arrived home on leave. My mother was frantic. My father hadn’t come home the night before, he hadn’t checked in, and he wasn’t answering his cell. He’d been gone just short of twenty-four hours, so I talked her into staying home and calling in a missing person’s report to the police when the time came. Meanwhile, I drove out Route 40 to check some of the dives I knew he frequented. Eventually I found the right place. They said he’d checked in the night before and paid for a couple of days. He didn’t answer the phone or respond to knocks on the door, so for fifty bucks, they opened his room for me.” Ben exhaled hard as he shoved a hand through his hair. “Finding my father’s body in that motel room was one of the worst moments of my life, Cate. But it wasn’t even close to the torture I went through today. For fifteen minutes, I didn’t know whether you were alive or dead.”
