by Anise Eden
Still breathing heavily, Ben asked, “Okay now?”
Slowly at first, then in a rush, I felt my own control flowing through my limbs again. “Yes,” I whispered, willing my body to be still, to relax.
Ben’s expression eased as though he finally believed what he saw: I was really talking and moving. It looked like he was allowing himself to feel relief for the first time in ages. “I love you, Cate Duncan.”
I propped myself up on my elbows and peered at him, giving voice to the tattered remnants of my anxiety. “You mean, you didn’t just say that to try to cure my paralysis?”
He frowned down at me. “You know the answer to that.”
“Oh,” I said as feverishness once again flashed through me. Ben and I: in love. As I tried on the idea, the profound rightness of it surrounded me like a warm, soft sea.
I wanted to close my eyes, nestle into that feeling, and stay there forever. But I couldn’t ignore that Ben had opened up and told me how he felt—with no reply from me. “Ben, I don’t know what to say….”
He pressed his finger softly against my open lips. “You don’t have to say anything. No pressure, no expectations. I wanted to tell you, so I did—and I will continue to.”
A wave of emotion swelled in my chest until I thought it might burst through my ribs. “I just feel so much for you, more than I’ve ever felt for anyone, but I don’t… I mean, I have no words….”
“Shhh, Cate.” Ben’s eyes softened as a wide smile spread across his face. “It’s okay. I know how you feel about me. You show me every time you look at me. There’s plenty of time for words later.”
“Do I hear Cate?” Kai called from the hallway. The door handle jiggled.
Ben ran over to catch the door just as Kai cracked it open. “Give her a minute.”
Gingerly, I tested my legs and stood up next to the bed. Finally, my body seemed to be working normally—except that between my heavy breathing, rapid heartbeat, perspiration, and full-body flush, I probably looked as though I had just run a mile. I adjusted my hospital gown and tied it more tightly closed, reluctantly readying myself to receive our visitors.
Meanwhile, Ben was already buckling his belt. “Uh, Cate….”
“What?”
Ben’s eyes glinted. He pointed at his chin. “There’s a little bit of drool….”
Certifiable bastard, I thought. I quickly wiped my chin on my hospital gown. Heat exploded across my face anew—just in time for all of our friends to rush in, hug me too tightly, and congratulate Ben on working his miracle.
Chapter Twenty
The first thing I did after Dr. Washington medically cleared me was to go back to my room and take another bath. I wanted to feel like myself again, and to wash off the adhesive tape residue and iodine stains. Ben lurked outside the bathroom door, inquiring periodically if I might be feeling weak or need any assistance. But I knew that he was only offering because he knew I’d refuse. The last thing I needed was yet another physical encounter that we both knew wouldn’t reach a satisfying conclusion.
Not that I wasn’t grateful to Ben for curing me. I’d felt such joy in that moment when I regained control over my body, and I must have thanked him a million times. But I also couldn’t help grumbling once or twice about the exasperating technique he’d used to un-paralyze me. Ben simply ignored my complaints. As far as he was concerned, all that mattered was that I was healthy again. He promised that once my training was over and the “no sex” rule didn’t apply anymore, he would dedicate himself to making up for any frustration he may have caused me.
Between that enticing promise and Ben’s earlier confession of his feelings, I felt like I was floating on a cloud. Ben loves me. I repeated the phrase over and over in my mind, trying to convince the parts of me that still couldn’t quite believe it.
I soaked in the hot water, reflecting on our post-ritual conversations. Ben had spent some time asking me questions about what happened during the toxic cleansing ritual. Since he wasn’t a sensitive, he’d been the only person in the room who hadn’t felt the energy vibrations in the air. I tried to explain what they felt like, and to describe how the knowledge of how to use the energy rose up spontaneously inside of me.
Ben nodded slowly. “That goes along with what my mother has learned so far about the kheir. She says that it doesn’t give sensitives special powers or anything like that. It just makes you more sensitive to energy, as Vani said, and provides a shortcut to a fuller knowledge of how to use your gifts—like reaching enlightenment without having to spend years meditating.”
“Kai said something along those lines, too,” I recalled, “and that does sound like a pretty good description of what I experienced during the ritual. One moment I had no idea how to handle the vibrating energy. The next moment, I just knew what to do—and it worked.”
“What you experienced does appear to give the myth of the kheir more validity,” he murmured.
“Possibly.” My skepticism was softening by the day, but it was also an intellectual flotation device of sorts, keeping me from sinking too far and too fast into the unknown. I wasn’t quite ready to give it up yet. Ben must have felt something similar because he didn’t push the subject any further.
I asked why Pete hadn’t been with us during the ritual. Ben said he’d been called into service playing good cop with Jennifer. Apparently, the fact that Pete was a tall, handsome cowboy and not an active duty marine made him a bit less intimidating than the other interrogators.
Jennifer was in the same subbasement we were. Ben asked if I’d like to meet her. I assured him that if I met her I would probably exhibit very poor impulse control, thereby undoing any good-cop progress Pete had made. Ben saw the wisdom in that and agreed that she and I should be kept as far apart as possible.
As my skin began to wrinkle in the tub, I heard someone knock on the door of the room and talk to Ben in urgent tones. When Ben returned to the bathroom door, he said, “Cate, I have to run to a meeting. Are you going to be okay here for a while?”
My mood dipped. “A meeting? I thought we were going to be able to hang out for a while—you know, now that I can talk and move.”
“I know,” he said, his voice echoing the disappointment in mine. “I have to work out a couple of things with Kai and Vani. It won’t take long. I’ll be back in time to pick you up for dinner.”
“Ooo,” I said in my best seductress voice, “are you taking me somewhere nice?”
“Not tonight, but very soon,” he said, and it sounded like a promise. “Are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself?”
“Of course. Don’t worry,” I teased, “if I need assistance getting out of the tub, there are any number of big, strong marines around who can help me.”
I could practically feel Ben on the other side of the door, and the great effort he was exerting to resist opening it. Finally, his voice came through the door again. “That reminds me, I came up with a nickname for you.”
My eye roll was wasted on the empty room. “A nickname? Why? Cate is short and sweet.”
“So is Ben, but that doesn’t stop people from calling me Rottie,” he replied. “It just came to me while we were trying to cure your paralysis.”
I sighed heavily. “All right, fine. What is it?”
There was a dramatic pause. “Trouble.”
“Trouble?” I splashed the bathroom door with water—as if that would accomplish anything.
“You don’t like it?” The devilment in Ben’s voice told me that the less I liked it, the harder it was going to stick.
“I’ll show you trouble!” I tried to sound indignant, but I couldn’t stop a smile from stealing across my face. “Go away, go to your meeting!”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said in a perfect imitation of Pete as he retreated.
Half an hour later, I was dried off and dressed in my yoga pants and sweatshirt when there was a frenetic knock on the door. Cautiously, I opened it to find Asa and Eve grinning like fools—and no marines a
nywhere to be seen.
“Oh my gosh,” I whispered, “what are you guys doing here? And what did you do with the marines?”
Asa spoke first. “I guess Captain Abbott thinks you’re not going to run away anymore. They removed your guard!”
“Yeah,” Eve chimed in. “We overheard him telling Ben, so we thought this would be a good time to celebrate!”
My heart jumped a little. “Celebrate how?”
Shrugging apologetically, Asa said, “We couldn’t leave the bunker, of course, so we couldn’t get anything good like liquor, but we found this super-long hallway with really smooth floors, which means—”
“Oh, just come on,” Eve said, tugging at my sleeve. “We’ll show you!”
Their enthusiasm was infectious, and my curiosity was piqued. “Wait, let me get my shoes—”
“You won’t need shoes!” Eve insisted, pulling me out the door.
Several twists and turns later, we were facing into what was indeed one of the longest hallways I’d ever seen.
“Sock sliding contest!” Asa announced triumphantly.
“Wheee!” Eve exclaimed, spinning in place with her arms outstretched.
“A sock-sliding contest?” I giggled at the absurdity. “How do you know who wins?”
“Distance,” Eve explained. “We mark a starting line. Then you run up to it, and from the line, you slide. Whoever goes the farthest is the winner.”
“Oh my God, you guys are going to totally kick my butt! I have no balance—plus, I was recently paralyzed, so my coordination….”
Asa interrupted me. “Oh come on, you’ll get the hang of it. And no ‘I’ve been paralyzed’ excuses. You think you’ve had it bad; I’ve had my body hijacked by comatose people all week—one of whom was you!”
“Okay, okay, fair enough. Thank you, by the way. And I’m sorry about that,” I said, pointing at the protective bracelet he still wore around his wrist. “I didn’t mean to shout my thoughts at you. Kai thinks I opened some screwed-up portal to you by accident.”
“Oh, I know it wasn’t your fault.” Asa shrugged. “And I’m just giving you a hard time about the coma thing. I was glad I could do something.”
“I thought it was cool that you could shout into his head,” Eve said. “It’s like you have weaponized, laser-guided thoughts or something!”
“Oh, God,” I moaned. “Please don’t say that out loud around here. They’ll probably lock me up and do experiments on me for the rest of my life.”
Asa nodded and slowly looked around. “Wow, you’re right, they probably would.”
“Creepy!” Eve exclaimed, appearing fascinated by the prospect.
“Okay,” I said, forcing a change in subject. “Let’s get this thing moving. But you two have to go first and show me how it’s done.”
Asa had brought a shoe with him, which he placed some distance down the hallway to represent our starting line. Then he and Eve took turns demonstrating their considerable sliding skills. Eve had a clear lead, which Asa chalked up to her lighter body weight and acrylic socks. They leaned against the wall midway down the hall and egged me on. “Come on, Cate! You can do it!”
It occurred to me that if I fell or slammed into a wall, I might put myself into a coma for real. But Eve and Asa were so pleased with their idea, and I was thrilled to be doing something fun—not to mention something physical, which felt wonderfully freeing after having been trapped in my own body.
Since I figured that I might only get in one run before injuring myself, I decided to make it a good one. With all of the energy and speed I could muster, I hurtled myself towards the starting line shoe, then planted both feet on the ground and crouched with my arms outstretched as Asa and Eve had done. Much to my shock, I found myself flying down the hallway at high speed. I must have had socks made of WD-40. I whizzed towards Eve and Asa as they cheered, but as I passed them, their cheers quickly turned into warnings to slow down. I looked up and noticed that the end of the hallway was fast approaching. My heart lurched as I realized that I had no idea how to stop or even reduce speed without throwing myself to the ground.
A scream began to well up from my chest into my throat, but right before it escaped into my mouth, a man rounded the corner: Captain Abbott. For one panicked moment, I thought there was going to be a deadly collision. With reflexes that were much quicker than I would have expected from a tree trunk, the captain hooked an arm around my waist and spun us both in a circle, using my momentum to execute some sort of weird martial arts move until he had slowed me to a stop. There we stood, with me lying back against his arm as though we were dancing the tango and he’d just dipped me. His expression reflected what I was sure he saw in mine: surprise and confusion over what had just happened.
His back stiffened. “Miss Duncan, what exactly is going on here?”
Still cradled in his arm, I stared up at his face, which was even more intimidating from that angle. “Um, we’re kind of having a sock-sliding contest. Sir.”
“I see.” As though I weighed no more than a feather, he lifted me up into a standing position, then steadied me by the shoulders and looked me over, appearing to reassure himself that I wouldn’t fall. “And who is winning?”
I looked helplessly over at Eve and Asa, who shrugged. Clearly they were as surprised by his follow-up question as I was. “Eve, I think. She’s gone the farthest without slamming into anyone. Or anything.”
Captain Abbott gave Eve a thumbs-up sign. “Congratulations, Eve. Keep up the good work.”
Eve gave a nervous wave. “Sure thing, Captain.”
Captain Abbott looked down at me again. His mouth was turning up at the corners. “All right then, Miss Duncan,” he said, “carry on.” Then he marched off down the hallway, leaving three astonished individuals with wide-open mouths in his wake.
We all stared at each other.
“Did that actually just happen?” I asked.
Asa said, “I guess he’s forgiven you for being… you know.”
“A pain in his derriere?” Eve offered.
“I guess he has.”
“Ready to try again?” Asa asked.
Eve winced. “Maybe we should prop some mattresses up against the far wall before we give Cate another turn.”
I rolled my eyes—then offered to be the distance judge instead of a participant. This idea was met with much enthusiasm from both Asa and Eve. Then the competition really heated up.
• • •
Ben surprised me by agreeing to try eating with the entire MacGregor Group in the mess hall for dinner. It would be the first time that he’d be eating in front of them—except for Pete, of course. But I encouraged him to give it a try, suggesting that being surrounded by tables of marines might dilute his anxiety. I told Ben to think of it as though we were all marines since we were all on the same mission. That had been enough of a psychological fudge to convince his brain that it was worth taking the risk.
The rest of the group had already started eating when Ben and I sat down with our trays. They had enough sensitivity—and warning looks from me—not to say anything about the unprecedented event that was about to take place. They simply carried on eating and talking as usual. Once we were settled, Ben tensed up. For a few seconds he frowned at his tray, and I thought I might have pushed him too quickly. But then I had another light bulb moment. I leaned over so that my lips were practically touching his ear and murmured, “Would you like me to feed you again?”
Ben continued to stare at his food, but his eyebrows slowly raised as he, too, recalled the breakthrough technique I’d used at our first therapeutic meal together. “Yes,” he said, “but not right now. I only want you to do that again when I have the freedom to undress you afterwards. Or during.”
I suppressed a moan and turned back to my own food. “Then you’d better dig in, you big, tough marine, you.”
That was all it took. Soon he was chowing down and jumping into the conversation as though nothing unusual were going on
. My heart swelled as I thought about all of the ways in which Ben’s seemingly endless courage manifested itself—and how that simple act may have required more of him than anyone would ever know. I was so inspired, and so happy for him. Judging from the secret glances I was getting from our friends, they shared my emotions.
As we were finishing up, Ben announced, “After dinner, Captain wants us all in the conference room for a final briefing.”
“A final briefing?” I asked. “Does that mean it’s over? Has Sid been released?”
A muscle in Ben’s jaw twitched. “I’m not sure where things stand at this moment. Captain Abbott will answer all of our questions in the briefing. But I would imagine that yes, if he’s calling this a final briefing, the end of the mission is near. Oh, and by the way.” He flashed a knowing smile around the table. “Thanks for not making a big deal out of the fact that I broke bread with all of you.”
Everyone but Pete shrugged and pretended not to notice that anything out of the ordinary had happened. But Ben continued, “You all know that I’ve always had trouble eating in front of other people, but Cate has been helping me with it. She’s quite a talented therapist.”
The group then chimed in with their encouragement and praise. But all I could see was Ben, giving me a look so full of love and heat that it made my toes curl.
Chapter Twenty-One
As usual, Captain Abbott’s commanding presence filled the conference room, but I found him less intimidating since our sock-sliding encounter. When I walked in, he even gave me respectful nod, which I returned. The MacGregor Group was present, along with Skeet and a few of the more senior marines, including Hector, Mike, and Nessa. We all exchanged greetings.
As soon as we were all seated, Captain Abbott bellowed, “This will be our final briefing. The mission has been a success. Everyone will be expected to vacate the premises by noon tomorrow.”
