Mamm’s bedroom door clicked shut, and Katie went up the stairs to her room. Getting ready for bed in the darkness, she slipped under the covers. She lay there with her eyes open. Mamm might be downstairs fast asleep by now, but sleep eluded Katie. Too many things were whirling through her mind. The bishop would soon be announcing the news of Mamm’s wedding to Jesse, and there would be astonished looks on many faces. “Jesse Mast picked Emma Raber as his new frau?” they would whisper to each other—all spoken well out of earshot of Jesse and Mamm and the church leaders, of course.
Ruth probably had let enough slip by now that everyone would know she’d set her kapp for Jesse, and that Emma had won out. That would remain the mystery of this year’s wedding season, Katie was sure. The controversy would blow over eventually, especially after Mamm and Jesse said the vows. That was the way of the Amish. Promises made and kept changed everything. The people would look differently at Mamm after that. The women would gather for the monthly sewings knowing she was now Jesse’s frau and one of them again. And Mamm would begin to see herself in the same way. This didn’t answer the question of what would happen with their vision of Katie though. That part of the future remained uncertain. But wasn’t that the way things often went when people opened their hearts? You never knew how the world would turn out or where the road would lead.
Ben Stoll’s face floated in front of Katie’s mind, and the accompanying thought made her face burn in the darkness. Would she one day bury her face in Ben’s beard? After they’d said wedding vows, of course, she mentally added. What a shameful and yet wunderbah thought to have. To have two conflicting thoughts was hard to understand, but so it was in her life right now. Who would have thought so much gut could come out of her attending Mennonite youth gatherings? Who’d have thought that Mamm would ever admit it? How amazing was that?
For now it was enough that Da Hah was with them. And that He was still blessing and giving His aid. And Ben Stoll was a little scary underneath all of his charm. She hadn’t forgotten Mamm’s warnings and stories about how she’d fallen for Daniel Kauffman. But whatever happened, Katie wasn’t going to follow in Mamm’s footsteps and spend her time mooning over a boy who wasn’t interested in her. She wasn’t going to waste time waiting for someone to open his eyes and see the longing in hers. She wasn’t going to watch him take another girl home and keep on hoping he’d love her someday. Nee. Mamm’s warnings hadn’t been in vain, just as hers hadn’t been to Mamm, even when she didn’t know they were having an effect. The two of them were closer now than they had ever been. In sharing their hearts with others, more room had been formed for the love they had between them. It was wunderbah indeed, and Da Hah’s way of doing things. You gave and then you received more back. That was the way of the Amish, and she’d now experienced it firsthand.
There would be plenty of work ahead even with the small wedding Mamm would plan. Their family would be coming in from Lancaster to visit. Some of them were people Katie hadn’t seen in years. Katie would let Margaret, Sharon, and Esther know soon what was going on. Surely they would understand if she didn’t show up as often for the youth gatherings since she would be helping Mamm with the wedding preparations. Their hearts would still be bound together in love as the hearts of true friends are, no matter what road they chose to travel in the years ahead.
Yes, Da Hah would always be with her. Katie stared out of the bedroom window at the dark sky lit by stars until sleep crept over her body.
Chapter Forty-Two
Ruth closed the schoolhouse early on Friday night. The day of her visit to Emma Raber had arrived. Ruth harnessed her horse and drove quickly toward the Raber farm. She needed to arrive before Katie arrived home from work. There was no sense involving the innocent daughter, Ruth had decided. Katie couldn’t help it that her mother was who she was. And what Ruth had to say wasn’t for young ears. But still it must be said. Ruth slapped the reins, urging her horse on. Ten minutes later she pulled into the Raber lane just as lather began gathering under her horse’s harness.
Ruth pulled up to the hitching post, got out, tied her horse up, and went up the porch steps at a fast clip. She was ready to knock when the door opened.
“Ruth! Is something wrong?” Emma said quickly.
“You ought to know the answer to that!” Ruth snapped.
“I suppose you mean Jesse and me.” Emma’s voice revealed a tremor of hesitation.
“Of course I do.” Ruth took a step forward, and Emma stood aside, allowing her to enter.
Ruth marched right into the living room and plopped on the couch. “I should have come sooner, Emma. I admit it, but there’s still time to remedy this horrible situation since the wedding hasn’t been formally announced. I want you to call this nonsense with Jesse off right away.”
“Nonsense?” Emma said. “I suppose you think yourself a better frau for Jesse?” Emma remained standing near the front door.
“Sit down!” Ruth commanded and motioned with her hand. She waited until Emma had seated herself on a rocker. “We’re past that point now, Emma. I don’t even know if I’d take the man as my husband, as stubborn as he’s being. Right now I’m thinking only of Jesse’s children. They’re the most important issue.”
“Not Jesse’s feelings on the matter?” Emma interrupted.
“Jesse doesn’t know his own feelings.” Ruth dismissed the thought with a quick wave of her hand.
“Jesse thinks he knows them well enough,” Emma ventured.
Ruth eyed Emma for a long moment. “You’ve always thought highly of yourself, Emma, pursuing Daniel Kauffman right up to his wedding day. Well, you’re doing the same thing now—running after a man. Throwing yourself at him when you have no business doing so. Of course he looks your way, but do you think that’s going to last?” Ruth gave a loud laugh. “You’re pretty enough, but how long will that last. And why should Jesse’s children have their future destroyed because of you, Emma? Look what your own daughter already deals with. What chance does Katie have in the community with a mother like you? No boy’s going to ask her home from the hymn singing. You know that. You’ve made yourself and your daughter outcasts of a sort in the community. You surely don’t want that for Jesse and his children, do you? No, I’m sure even you wouldn’t want that. So I want you to tell Jesse you won’t see him anymore because his children’s welfare must be considered first.”
Ruth stopped for a long moment as she glared at Emma. The woman appeared appropriately chastened, so her words must be taking effect. Ruth charged ahead. “Sure, Emma, I admit that you’re a little better looking than I am. And you’ve taken better care of yourself over the years. But you’ve had the time, what with your solitary ways and all. But beauty only on the outside is a dangerous thing. You know that. You’ve lived a life of seclusion away from the eyes of the community. How dare you act as if you are…well, worthy of someone like Jesse.”
Emma seemed to take Ruth’s words in. Then she said, “Perhaps it’s because of Katie—why I even dare believe things can be different, why I even want them to change.” Emma stared out the window. “Katie has always brought love into my life, and why should I deny her the privilege to do so again?”
“Have you lost your mind, Emma?” Ruth sat straighter on the couch.
“I suppose you might think so.” A slight smile played on Emma’s face. “I haven’t done anything to attract Jesse’s attention, Ruth. There are reasons for all this that, in your small mind, you probably can’t begin to comprehend. You thought pecan pies, of all things, would result in a new husband. Any woman can bake pies.”
Ruth huffed, “And I suppose you’re the expert on catching men. That really worked out with Daniel Kauffman, didn’t it? Or are you more experienced now?”
“I seem to be doing just fine,” Emma said, meeting Ruth’s baleful glare head-on.
“You don’t know anything about pecan pies,” Ruth snapped. “At least it’s gut to see you’re admitting your sins.”
“Catch
ing a man? That’s a sin now?”
Ruth glared.
Emma tapped the edge of one of the rocker’s arms. “I know my sins, Ruth. But they aren’t what you think they are. I did wrong with Daniel Kauffman, and I’ve repented of that. I haven’t forgotten my actions that day. They weren’t appropriate, yah. But Da Hah sent me Ezra…and then Katie. I didn’t deserve either of them or their love. Now He’s sending me Jesse and his love. I won’t turn him away or go against Da Hah’s will. As for my sins, yah, they are many perhaps. But Da Hah knows I’m sorry for what I have done.”
“And you should be.” Ruth was huffing and puffing again. “Why, the way you’ve raised that girl is sin in itself. Drawing her into your little world and away from the community. I’m surprised the ministers haven’t done something about you and your situation a long time ago. It’s a scandal, I tell you. And now you have Jesse and his children in your clutches. How can you raise his children? You couldn’t even raise Katie right. The last I heard, she’s running with the Mennonites! Think sensibly, Emma! You are not right for Jesse, and you are certainly not right for his children.”
Emma rose. “You don’t understand me at all, Ruth. If you did, perhaps I’d listen. I just told you I haven’t done things right in my life. I was wrong in keeping myself and Katie away from the community after Ezra’s death. I’ve worked it out with Da Hah, and I’m bound to changing now, Ruth. That’s what you’re not seeing.”
“So that’s why you cast your net for Jesse?” Ruth looked triumphant. “You want your marriage to him to redeem you in the eyes of the community? You see him as your way out of your… isolation.”
“Nee, Ruth. If I’d gone after Jesse, I’d say you might be right in your accusation. But I did not. Katie wanted a daett, and Jesse wants a frau. I wasn’t the one who went looking for anything. Jesse came to me with Da Hah’s blessing. Now that it’s happened, I can also see Da Hah’s hand in this situation. He means it for my good too, not just Katie’s and not just Jesse’s and not just Jesse’s children. And, yah, Jesse is a decent catch. Too decent for me to think I could have snagged him on my own. Daniel Kauffman at least taught me that much.”
Ruth snorted. “You didn’t think yourself too gut for Daniel, Emma. Don’t tell me you’ve changed since those days. You’re still the same person you’ve always been.”
“Perhaps we will leave that to Da Hah then.” Emma pointed toward the door. “Katie’s coming home soon, and you really should be going. I don’t want her or anyone else to know you’ve come here. Think how it’s going to look once I’ve said the vows with Jesse if it gets out how desperate you were.”
Ruth leaped to her feet. “I only have the best interest of Jesse’s children in mind. I have thought little of how I would benefit from this situation. Thinking of others is one lesson I’m sure you aren’t paying much attention to.”
Emma sighed. “If Jesse wanted your hand in marriage, Ruth, I wouldn’t blame him one bit. But he wants mine, so why shouldn’t I accept? Yah, marriage to Jesse will improve my life and certainly will improve Katie’s. It will also improve Jesse’s and his children’s. Do you blame me for that? With Jesse’s help, we will raise all six children in the fear of Da Hah. I can do that as well as the next woman. Now, I think you’d better go.”
Ruth stalked out the door, slamming it behind her. She should never have come, she told herself. It was only the softness of her heart and concern for Jesse’s children that had led her here. Some things simply couldn’t be helped. She’d done all she could do now, and she would wash her hands of the matter. She untied her horse and climbed into the buggy. She drove out the lane without a backward glance.
Chapter Forty-Three
Katie watched through the living room window as Jesse’s buggy came down the lane. Mamm rushed around the kitchen before making a quick dash toward her bedroom. She came out with a new apron on, brushing out any imaginary wrinkles.
“You can finish the last of the dishes,” Mamm told her before she went outside. “We’ll be out on the porch.”
“Okay,” Katie agreed, watching Mamm go down the front steps and run toward Jesse’s buggy. For a moment Katie thought the two love birds would give each other a hug right there in plain sight. Jesse had gotten out of the buggy with his arms wide open. Instead, Mamm stopped just before she got to him. Her arms were clasped in front of her, but she was leaning forward. Jesse came close enough to touch Mamm’s face with both hands.
Katie knew she shouldn’t be watching, but she couldn’t help herself. Was Jesse going to kiss Mamm? Mamm was laughing now, and Jesse dropped his head closer, evidently to whisper something. There was no kiss.
Jesse turned around moments later to tie Lucy to the hitching post. Then Mamm and Jesse walked together toward the house. Katie rushed away from the window. It wasn’t likely they would see her watching them, but she didn’t wish to take the chance either. Spying on them was embarrassing enough without getting caught at it. Katie busied herself in the kitchen as she listened to the sounds of the two of them taking their seats on the porch swing. She could hear the low murmur of their voices rising and falling but couldn’t make out the words.
Katie let her thoughts drift. Mamm had told her about Ruth’s visit a few days ago. Mamm had also told Jesse. The result was that Jesse determined their wedding date should be set as soon as possible to stop anymore interfering by that woman—and to stop tongues from wagging about something that was no one’s business but theirs.
On the very next Sunday, to the surprise of most in the community, Bishop Jonas gave the announcement of the upcoming wedding. It produced every bit the shock Jesse and Emma had expected it would. Ruth had looked quite pale afterward, as if she’d still entertained hopes that the marriage wouldn’t occur. Talk about the tables being turned! Ruth had accused Mamm of not being able to let go of her old flame, and here she was doing the same thing.
Katie had attended another Mennonite youth gathering, but this time she told her new friends that she was going to stay home for awhile to help prepare for her mamm’s wedding. They all understood and were excited for her.
The preparations were in full swing. Mamm was so lost in the details that it was like she came up only for brief gulps of air. Katie smiled as she glanced at the letters lying on the kitchen counter. Mamm had written to her brothers, enclosing personal notes with the wedding invitations. They should have been mailed out yesterday, but they would probably still get there in time if mailed today. The news of Mamm’s wedding would have reached the families by now anyway, the word being passed through the Amish grapevine after Bishop Jonas’s announcement in the church service.
Aunt Betsy would be arriving a few days before the wedding, Mamm had said last night. She was Mamm’s sister-in-law with the fewest children, so she was the one most able to leave her family in someone else’s charge for a few days. Mamm’s youngest brother, Darrell, would arrive the day before the wedding, along with the rest of Mamm’s brothers and their families.
Mamm was still on gut terms with her brothers, even if they hadn’t seen her in several years. That’s the way Amish families were. They’d all grown up together so the ties were close. That was an experience Katie would never have, even if Mabel changed her attitude—which didn’t seem likely at this point. Katie refused to entertain any regrets. It did bother her that her daett’s side of the family hadn’t been invited to the wedding. They couldn’t be, Mamm said. It wasn’t proper. Katie understood that, but the connection with her daett’s family was still strong inside her heart. Katie would always be her daett’s daughter. She consoled herself with the fact that she would surely get to see all of them at a family reunion sometime in the near future.
Katie brushed away the tears as Mamm and Jesse’s laughter reached clear through the house. They must be having a grand time together. And Mamm should have a grand time, Katie decided. Unlike Mabel, Katie had no negative or hard feelings about the upcoming marriage.
Katie stopped washing di
shes moments later when the sound of the front door opening reached her.
“Katie!” Mamm called. “Will you come out here for a minute?”
Katie peeked around the kitchen doorway. “I’m coming. I’ll be there in a minute.” She went back to the sink to return the dishcloth. Then she wiped her hands on her apron. Mamm had waited for her at the front door. When Katie got there, Mamm led the way outside. Jesse was still sitting on the porch swing with a big smile on his face. He folded his arms casually as Mamm sat down beside him.
“Ah, Katie.” Jesse looked at her with joy in his face. “I asked your mamm if I could speak with you.” Jesse paused and shifted his weight on the swing.
Katie tilted her head and waited.
Jesse cleared his throat. “Perhaps you will want to sit. What I have to say may take some time.”
“Oh! Of course!” Mamm jumped to her feet. “I’ll go get a chair for her.”
Katie stopped her. “I’ll sit on the porch rail, Mamm. It’s plenty comfortable.”
Jesse smiled as Mamm sat down again. “Your mamm has been telling me how well you’ve been taking all the changes coming your way. I wish my children were doing as well. I’ve noticed Mabel hasn’t been very nice to you at church.”
Katie shrugged. “I understand her point of view. She still misses her mamm. This has to be hard for her.”
Jesse nodded. “Yah, but it still isn’t right for Mabel to act this way. Much is going to change once you and your mamm arrive at our house. We will begin anew as a family. Neither your mamm nor I have wished things to be unsettled as they are. In our thinking, Millie and your daett should never have passed away. But Da Hah didn’t ask us what our thinking was. And He knows the whys of His decisions. We can only trust that Da Hah’s choices were—and are—always for the best.”
Katie Opens Her Heart Page 25
