“Actually, no. I was going to do it tomorrow.”
“Do you want to work on it together?”
Maybe I should enjoy his company as a friend, if that’s all we’ll ever be.
“Sure,” I said. “Come on in.”
He sat on the couch and unloaded his study materials from his backpack.
“I need to grab my notes,” I said. “I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.”
I went into my bedroom and pulled out my notebook, then grabbed some paper and a pencil. I heard Trevor’s voice in the other room—it sounded like he’d answered his phone. Jealousy flared inside me as I imagined Amanda calling him and asking him to come over. Shaking my head and frowning, I rebuked myself for thinking I had any claim on him. Then, taking a deep breath, I went into the living room.
Expecting to see him chatting on his phone, I was surprised to find him reviewing the questions we needed to answer. The thought that he’d told Amanda he was busy boosted my mood.
We focused on the assignment and had it done within an hour. A moment later his phone chimed a text. He read the message and frowned, then put his phone in his pocket. “I’m sorry. I’ve gotta go. I need to go into work for a while.”
I tried to hide my disappointment. “Okay. I understand.”
He seemed preoccupied as he stood to leave, and to my dismay, he didn’t even try to kiss me. I knew we weren’t on a date or anything, but I'd still been hoping that we could recreate the moment we’d had when he’d kissed me goodnight after our date.
I walked him to the door and he said goodbye with hardly a backward glance. I closed the door and went to the couch, then picked up my Econ book to finish reading, trying to regain the concentration I’d had before Trevor had shown up.
“Justin is really interested in you, Lily,” Alyssa said as we sat on the grass. “I've never seen him like a girl so much.”
“What are you talking about? I hardly ever see him. And he’s never called me.”
Alyssa sipped her drink, then shook her head. “He told me he tried to call you last night but some guy answered so he thought he had the wrong number.”
“What?” I set my sandwich down.
“I gave him your number. I’m sorry.”
“No, that’s okay, but I wonder if he dialed wrong.”
“I don’t think so. He called me back after he tried calling you and made sure he had the right number.”
I thought about Trevor taking a call the night before when I'd been getting my notes.
Could he have answered my phone?
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at the call history, but didn’t see any numbers I didn’t recognize. “What’s Justin’s number?” Alyssa told me and I verified that it wasn’t in my call log. “That’s really weird. It doesn’t look like he tried to call me.”
“Well anyway, I know he thinks you’re cute and wants to ask you out.” She paused to take a bite of her lunch, then asked, “So what’s going on with this Trevor guy?”
“I kind of like him, but mostly we just do homework together.”
“So nothing serious there?”
A smile curved the corners of my mouth.
“What?” she asked.
Trying to wipe the smile from my face, I shook my head. “Nothing. I actually think he likes this girl in our Sociology class.”
Alyssa took a drink, then set her cup on the grass. “Hmm. Well, you certainly seem to have feelings for him. What do you know about him?”
“We haven’t spent a lot of time together, but I know he has a part-time job working with cars, and he’s majoring in business.”
“Where’s he from?”
“His family’s in Las Vegas.”
“Okay. Anything else?”
As I considered what I knew about Trevor, I realized I didn't know very much about him—he never seemed to share much about himself. All I knew was that I was very attracted to him.
I plucked at the blades of grass near my feet. “I can’t explain it, Alyssa. There’s just something about him that draws me in.”
Sipping her drink, she just raised her eyebrows.
A few minutes later Justin appeared and plopped down next to us, a little closer to me than to Alyssa.
“Hey, Justin,” I said.
He smiled in my direction. “How’s it going, Lily?”
“Good. Keeping busy with homework. You know how it is.”
He smiled. “Yeah.” He paused, then said, “I was, uh, wondering if you'd like to go out with me sometime.”
Pleased by his invitation, I said, “Sure.”
“You don't think Trevor will mind?”
“He’s not my boyfriend, Justin.” Unfortunately.
“Oh.” He paused. “How about this Friday night then?”
“That sounds good.”
He stood. “I'll see you ladies later.” He smiled at me one last time before walking away.
“Whoa!” Alyssa said, apparently finding her voice at last. “I told you he really likes you.”
“So he asked me out. That doesn't mean he's in love with me.”
“He's a really great guy. You could do much worse.” She arched an eyebrow.
“Are you trying to imply something about Trevor?”
“I'm just saying.”
Irritation sparked inside me, and I began gathering my things. “You don't even know Trevor. He's a great guy, too.”
“Whatever you say. But I know Justin and I know he's a great guy.” Alyssa reached out and touched my arm. “Look. I care about you and I don't want you to make any mistakes you might regret, that's all.”
Her sincerity soothed my annoyance, and I smiled warmly. “I know and I do appreciate your concern. But I don’t think Trevor’s all that interested in me anyway.”
Chapter Eight
On Thursday afternoon I was in my room with my door shut, doing math homework, when I heard a knock at the front door. Focused on a difficult problem, I didn't want to stop just then, so I ignored the loud knocking. People were always stopping by for my roommates, Michelle and Nicole, so I assumed it was for one of them.
The knocking stopped and I turned my attention back to my assignment. But then a knock sounded on my bedroom door. I knew I was the only one home and I thought the front door had been locked. A shiver of fear raised goose bumps on my arms.
“Who is it?” I called out with a shaky voice.
“It's me, Trevor. Are you okay?”
Excitement, relief, and irritation surged through me as I opened my door. “What are you doing here? How did you get in?”
He smiled. “I’m sorry if I scared you. I saw your car parked outside, and when you didn’t answer the door, I got worried.”
Flustered by his unexpected appearance, I said, “How did you get in? Wasn't the front door locked?”
He looked toward my desk. “No.” Then he met my gaze. “What are you working on?”
Wanting to believe him, I went to the desk and looked at my assignment. “It's math.” I turned toward him and frowned. “I'm having trouble with this problem.”
“Sit down and I'll see if I can help you for once. I'm pretty good at math.”
I slid into my chair and showed him what I'd done so far. He stood behind me, and as he leaned over me, I tried to concentrate on the paper in front of me.
He pointed to one of my calculations. “Here's the problem. You skipped a step right here.”
Trying to breathe normally despite his proximity, I erased my error and corrected it. He stayed where he was, his warm breath tickling my neck.
“I really like you, Lily,” he said in a husky voice as he leaned closer.
Shocked, yet thrilled, to hear him say what I'd been dreaming of, my pulse skyrocketed as his lips brushed against the side of my neck. Then his lips moved to the curve of my cheek. Everything felt surreal and it seemed as if things were moving too fast. “Trevor,” I said, turning toward him, but it only came out as a w
hisper.
Dazzling blue eyes bore into mine as longing surged through me. His face came closer, and our lips met for a lingering kiss. I closed my eyes, my heart racing. When our lips parted, he knelt next to my chair, putting him on the same level as me. Placing one hand behind my neck and the other around my waist, he gently pulled me toward him. As his lips neared mine, I gazed into his blue eyes, and when our lips met, his eyelids fluttered closed. Somehow that was more intoxicating then when they were open—it was as if I could see how much he enjoyed kissing me. His tongue probed my mouth and waves of desire washed over me as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back.
He pulled me out of the chair and it seemed as if I had no control over my body’s movement. We stood together, our mouths entangled, but after a moment his mouth released mine. I gazed into his eyes, captivated by his smile. Taking my hand in his, he led me to my bed, then he sat on my comforter and pulled me onto his lap.
As he gently stroked my face, panic flooded me as I realized what he was expecting. I stood abruptly, shaking my head from side to side. He stood next to me and tried to pull me into his arms, but I pushed him away and ran into the living room. I stood in the middle of the floor, waiting to see what would happen next.
Trevor was by my side in seconds. “What’s wrong, Lily?” After a moment, he led me to the couch.
I sat on the cushions as he sat beside me and took my hand. I didn't meet his eyes, staring at my lap instead. Finally I looked up and met his gaze. “I’m sorry, Trevor.”
“For what? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I just can’t do what you want me to do.”
He stared at me for a moment, apparently at a loss for words. “That’s okay. We don’t have to right now. I can wait until you’re ready.”
Trying to gather the courage to tell him what was on my mind, I bit my lip. This was completely new territory for me and I was scared that what I was about to say would push him out of my life forever. “That’s just it, though. I’m not going to be ready any time soon.”
Confusion played across his face.
“I know it’s no big deal for most people to sleep around,” I said. “But a long time ago I made the decision that I was going to wait until my wedding night to . . . you know.” This was harder than I thought and I held my breath, waiting for him to walk out of my life.
“Oh.” He stood up.
My breath came out in a rush as I accepted that my choice was going to be the cause of me losing him. He walked toward the door, but to my surprise, he turned around and walked across the room. I realized he wasn’t going to leave, but that he was pacing as he gathered his thoughts. Giddy with relief, I smiled.
He stopped walking and sat next to me again, taking my hand in his. I watched his face, worried about what he was thinking.
“Lily, even though I don’t completely understand, I respect your decision.” He brushed a stray hair away from my face. “I’m sorry I put you in that position. If I’d known how you felt, I never would have done that. Let me make it up to you. Let me take you out tomorrow night.”
Exhilarated by his reaction, I immediately agreed.
A smile lit his face. “Great.”
Still unnerved by what had happened, I said, “Maybe it's best if you leave now.”
“Sure, I understand. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at five.”
I nodded and walked him to the door. This time I made sure the door was locked before going back into my room. I pulled up the calendar app on my phone so I could post the information about my date with Trevor.
As if I'd forget.
A moment later I was horrified to see I already had a date that night. With Justin. “Oh no,” I moaned.
Now what am I going to do? Friday's tomorrow. I need to decide right away.
I tried calling Alyssa but just got her voice mail.
I agreed to the date with Justin first, but I really want to go out with Trevor.
My stomach churned as I tried to decide what to do—no matter what, someone would be unhappy. After a few minutes I came to a decision and made the call. When I got voicemail, I left a message.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I’m going to have to cancel our date for tomorrow night. Please, let’s do it another time.” I ended the call and fervently hoped that he would ask me out again.
Chapter Nine
As I got ready for my night out, Michelle, my roommate, was getting ready for a date of her own.
Only Nicole wasn't going out that night and she was moping around the apartment. “It's just not fair,” she was saying. “Why does everyone get to have fun but me? I'm a nice person.”
“Of course you are,” Michelle soothed. “And I'm sorry Rick cancelled on you, but sometimes that's how it works out.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Nicole dropped onto the couch and turned on the television.
I tried to keep from smiling as Nicole continued to complain. Nicole had been out every weekend that semester so I had trouble feeling sorry for her. This was only my second actual date since I'd been there and I wasn't going to let anyone spoil my good mood.
When the doorbell rang, Nicole ran to open it. “It's for you, Lily.”
As I walked toward the door, I thought about the message I'd left the day before to cancel one of my dates and felt guilty—until I saw who was at the door. “Trevor! What are you doing here? Didn't you get my message?”
He handed me an arrangement of flowers as a smile filled his face. “Sure I did. But I didn’t think you meant it.” He leaned close and whispered. “Not after what happened.”
Though my face flushed, I was angry he hadn't followed my wishes. “I'm sorry, but when I agreed to go out with you I'd forgotten I'd already committed to go out with a friend of mine.”
“Can’t you cancel it?” he asked, not moving from the landing.
“I can't do that. When I make an agreement, I keep it.”
“Oh.” He seemed to be getting the message. “All right then. I'm busy tomorrow night. How about next Friday?”
Relieved that he understood, I agreed to go out with him the following week.
“You can keep the flowers,” he said as he turned and walked away.
I closed the door behind him to the stares of my roommates.
“Gee, Lily,” Nicole said, a smirk on her face. “I didn't know you had to fight them off.”
“Ha, ha.” I went into the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase. A short time later the doorbell rang again and I dashed back into the living room. “You guys, please don't say anything about Trevor, okay?”
“Okay, whatever,” Nicole called out as she opened the door. “Big surprise, Lily. It's for you.”
I ignored Nicole's comment and stepped out the door as I greeted Justin.
“You look beautiful,” he said.
“Thank you. You look good, too.”
He took me to a nice restaurant and then to a movie. I had a good time and told Justin so as he walked me to my door.
“Let's do it again,” he said. “What about next week?”
I'd enjoyed myself, but I didn't want him to get the wrong impression. I thought of him as a good friend, not a boyfriend. Besides, I remembered my date with Trevor for the following Friday night—I wasn't going to make that mistake twice. “I can't next week, but I think it would be fun if a group of us did something together.”
He frowned. “Oh. I see. A group activity.” Then he became serious. “Tell me, Lily, do you have any interest in me at all?”
Surprised by his honesty, I knew he deserved the same. “I really like you, Justin. But as a friend.”
“The old 'just friends' thing. Great.” He began to turn away. “I had a fun time tonight. I'll see you around.” He began walking down the stairs.
“Bye, Justin,” I called after him, feeling terrible somehow that I wasn't attracted to him like he was to me.
Later, as I lay in bed waiting for sleep to overtake me, I thought about Justin
. I agreed with Alyssa that he was a really great guy, and I wished I was attracted to him like I was with Trevor, but I couldn't force those feelings.
Either I'm attracted to someone or I'm not. I can't choose who I fall in love with. Can I?
Over the next week I didn't hear from or see Trevor at all. He didn't even come to class. Disturbed by his lack of communication, I feared my rejection of him the previous Friday night had bothered him more than he’d let on.
Rather than worry about Trevor and his feelings though, I concentrated on my studies. Things were going well in my classes so far—I thought I was getting high grades and I was pleased with my progress.
Even more importantly, I hadn't gotten any more strange notes, which only confirmed my assumption that it had been put on the table next to me by mistake.
Obviously someone had gotten me confused with someone else. Surely no one would feel threatened by me.
Chapter Ten
Friday night arrived and I still hadn't heard from Trevor. I hoped our date was still on, although I was uncertain. Michelle and Nicole were gone for the weekend and I relished having the place to myself. I took a long, hot shower and took my time getting ready for a date I wasn't sure was even going to happen.
By seven o'clock I was becoming convinced that Trevor wouldn't be showing up. Upset and disappointed, I tried to use the time to get ahead of the next week’s assignments, although my thoughts strayed to Trevor.
How could he do this to me? I thought he really liked me. He even said as much.
At eleven o’clock my phone chimed a message. Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I read the message and frowned. It was from Trevor.
Sorry about tonight. Something came up and this is the first chance I've had to let you know.
I deleted the message without replying.
The next day I ran several errands and didn't get home until late in the afternoon, but when I arrived at my apartment, I found a note addressed to me stuck in the door. I pulled it free and went into the apartment.
I dropped my packages on the counter and unfolded the slip of paper. It read, Lily, if you'll still have me, I'd like to take you out tonight. I'll come by at six. I'll understand if you don't answer the door. Trevor.
Lily's Story: The Complete Saga Page 4
