With a smug smile, he asked, “Does that mean you'll marry me?”
I laughed. “Oh yeah, that just clinched it.”
He leaned close to me. “Will you, Lily? Please tell me you will.”
Knowing this was my second opportunity to question him, and hoping for no interruptions, I plunged ahead. “Trevor, there are some things I need to know about you before I can make a decision. Serious things.”
“Okay, I can understand that.”
“Will you be honest with me?”
His forehead wrinkled. “I’ll be as honest as I can.”
“I’ve made kind of a mental list of questions, but I hope this doesn’t sound like an interrogation.”
“Okay. I’m ready, I guess.”
I smiled, glad to finally resolve questions I’d had. “How do you feel about children? Like, do you want to have them?”
“Yeah, sure. I guess so. Honestly, I hadn’t really thought about it.”
“Well, I do want to have children someday. And I want to make sure we’re on the same page when it comes to important things like that.”
“I’m sorry, Lily. I just haven’t thought that far ahead.”
“Okay. I guess I understand that. But what about your future? Like, what do you plan on doing with your degree? Have you thought about career goals?”
He let out an audible sigh as he drew away from me. “Do we really have to go into this now?”
“It's been bothering me, Trevor. I need to know the kind of man I'm considering marrying.”
At the mention of the word marriage, he nodded. “Okay. Eventually I’d like to open my own auto-body shop.”
Now we’re getting somewhere. Now’s the time to get the answer I’ve been most concerned about.
I pulled the picture that I’d found in my dresser out of my pocket and handed it to him. “What do you know about this picture?”
He studied the image of himself with a disembodied hand wrapped around his waist. “Fine. I suppose you deserve to know all my deep, dark secrets.”
I laughed nervously, wondering if I really wanted to know the truth. I loved him right now. Would the truth destroy that?
He leaned against the couch cushions and was quiet as he stared at the picture. “I was telling you the truth before. I really don't remember the picture being taken.” He glanced at me before studying the picture again. “I'm pretty sure that was one of the days I got drunk.”
My heart raced, and I didn't say a word.
Trevor closed his eyes as if he didn't want to face me directly in his confession. “Rob and me, sometimes we like to have a few beers after work, party a little. That’s why I haven’t come by after work most nights. I knew you’d be able to tell.”
Wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt, I asked, “Why didn't you tell me this sooner?”
His eyes opened and he gazed at me. “What? And take a chance on losing you? I know how you feel about drinking. You wouldn’t have given me the time of day if you’d known this before.” He leaned toward me and took my hand in his. “I love you so much, Lily. I couldn’t take a chance on losing you.”
“You’ll stop partying now though, right?”
He stared at me for a moment. “Yeah, of course.”
His hesitation worried me. “Remember last week when you gave me the ring?”
“Like I could forget,” he said with a smile.
“Well, I remember you saying you’d do anything for me.” I gazed at him. “Do you recall saying that?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I guess so. Where’s this leading?”
“You must realize that there’s no way I’d marry a man who parties.” My voice softened. “You do realize that, don’t you?”
His smile turned bitter. “I do now.”
One should never make assumptions.
His lips pressed together in a grimace.
It’s a good thing I decided to discuss this now, rather than blindly agreeing to marry him.
Then his eyes went cold. “And by now you must realize that I’m not the man you thought I was.” He stood abruptly. “I'll see you around.”
Before I could stop him, he rushed out the door and into the night.
I stared at the front door, stunned by how quickly things had changed.
Chapter Nineteen
Crowds of people filled the mall two days after Thanksgiving—and I hated crowds. Nevertheless, after moping around the apartment waiting to hear from Trevor for the past two days, I’d decided it was time to get out, and with the hope that Christmas shopping would pull me out of my funk, I’d decided to brave the throng.
To my dismay, as I passed the food court, Justin walked in my direction holding hands with a beautiful woman.
At least some people aren’t alone.
Self-pity flooded me, and I had to take several deep breaths to keep from bursting into tears.
Knowing there was no way to avoid him, I arranged a cheerful expression on my face and headed in his direction.“Hey, Justin.”
“Lily, how are you?” he said as he and his lady friend stopped in front of me. “How was your Thanksgiving?”
With a tenuous smile, I said, “It was great.”
He turned to the woman at his side. “Pamela, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine. Lily Jamison.”
“Nice to meet you,” she said.
The three of us chatted until I couldn’t stand the small talk any longer. “I’d better get going,” I said. “It was nice meeting you, Pamela.”
They walked away, and barely holding onto my composure, I headed toward the exit. It wasn't the idea that Justin had a new girlfriend that upset me, but rather the combination of that and the fact that not only did Justin not want me anymore, but neither did Trevor.
On autopilot, I drove home as thoughts of Trevor intruded on my mind.
Is he partying with Rob right now?
An image of him getting drunk popped into my head, bringing on a sense of discouragement that we could ever work out our differences.
Once home, I sat at my desk and dug out the only picture I had of Trevor—the one someone had left in my drawer, the one with another woman’s arm around his waist. I stared at his handsome face.
He said he was drunk in this picture, but he doesn’t look drunk to me.
I frowned.
Then again, I haven’t really been around people who are drunk, so it’s not like I have a clue what to look for.
The note someone had left at my apartment door came to mind, and as I recalled the message, I spoke out loud. “You were right, whoever you are. I am very, very sorry I didn't stay away from Trevor.”
After taking one last look at his picture, I thrust it back into my desk and slammed the drawer shut. Emotionally exhausted, I lay on my bed and took a long nap.
Pounding on my front door jerked me out of my slumber. Groggy from my nap, it took me a minute to get up and trudge to the door, but when I looked out the peephole, no one was there. A tingle of apprehension tickled my neck.
Fully awake now, I peered out the front window toward the front door, hoping to catch a glimpse of whoever had knocked. As I stood there for several moments waiting for the knocker to walk past, a few snowflakes drifted past.
I loved the peaceful silence of falling snow and drew my sweater closer around me in anticipation of the colder days.
I guess whoever it was left before I made it to the door.
With a shrug, I went into the kitchen and made a mug of hot chocolate, adding a dollop of whipped cream on top. Then, when I realized that I’d bought the whipped cream for Trevor and me to put on our pie on Thanksgiving Day, sadness engulfed me.
I opened the refrigerator to put the whipped cream away and saw the pies I’d baked, untouched on the shelf.
I sighed softly, then sipped my hot chocolate. But when it nearly scalded my mouth, I set it on the counter to let it cool, then went to the front door and pulled it open, almost expecting someone to still be
there. No one was there, but when I opened the door, a small envelope fell to the ground.
The person who knocked on my door must have stuck it there.
I picked it up, forgetting about my hot chocolate, then carried the envelope to the couch. I ripped open the envelope and pulled out the single sheet of paper.
Lily,
I need to think some things over, but I want you to know that you are on my mind. I'll be gone for a while. I'm sorry.
I still love you,
Trevor
I stared at his handwriting, then mentally scolded myself.
He was here just a little while before. Why wasn’t I faster in answering the door? Then I could have seen him face to face.
I reread the note, then set it on the scarred coffee table, my mind on Trevor.
Where will he go to think things over? Wherever it is, I hope he finds the answers he’s looking for.
Needing someone to talk to, I called Alyssa and asked her to come over.
“So that's the ring, huh?” she asked as she examined the diamond Trevor had given me.
“Yes. It's gorgeous, don't you think?” Despite my worry and fear that my relationship with Trevor was over, I smiled.
“It's nice I suppose,” Alyssa said before handing it back to me. “Justin said he ran into you at the mall today. Did you meet his new lady love?”
I nodded, thinking Pamela was lucky to have him. “How serious are they?”
“From what he says, they’re getting pretty serious.” She laughed. “I think the guy's ready for marriage.”
I laughed with her.
Alyssa leaned against the cushions. “Now, let's talk about you and Trevor. That is why you invited me over, is it not?”
Sighing, I nodded. “I'm not sure where things are going with him. When he told me he likes to party, we had a big fight and he stormed off.” I shook my head. “But today he left this note.” I handed it to her and she read it over.
“Hmm.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
She frowned. “I can see how much you love him, Lily, and it's clear your feelings run deep. But you need to look beyond those feelings. Like my mother has always told me, you need to think to the future and your children and think about the kind of man you’re considering marrying.” Her voice softened. “Think how important it is to have a good husband.”
“I know all that,” I said with a shake of my head. “But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when I’ve fallen in love with a man who’s perfect except for one small weakness.” Then a thought occurred to me that brought me sudden hope. “Who knows, maybe he'll come home from his little excursion a changed man.”
“For your sake, I hope so,” Alyssa said. “But you have to be realistic. If he didn't enjoy partying, he wouldn't be doing it.”
I knew she spoke the truth. I also knew habits could be hard to change, but that they could be changed.
Chapter Twenty
All week long I waited to hear from Trevor, but didn’t get so much as a text.
Finals were coming up, and my stress level increased by the day. I wasn't sure if I was prepared for my exams, and I was pretty certain Trevor wasn't ready for his—assuming he even showed up.
Trying to focus on my reason for being in Reno, I pushed thoughts of Trevor out of my head and concentrated on school. I planned on getting all A's, but knew I’d have to work hard to make that happen.
Finals week arrived before I knew it and Trevor still hadn't come to class or to my apartment. On the day of my last exam I got to class early to review my materials, worried on Trevor’s behalf because he hadn't been in class for our Sociology final.
Pushing thoughts of him aside, I took my last test and drove home, relieved to have school over for a few weeks. Though I didn’t have plans for the break, I looked forward to having time to relax. Alyssa had invited me to spend time with her family, but I’d declined, preferring to spend the time alone.
I dug out the boxes I’d brought from the house in Lovelock, opened the lids, and gazed at the Christmas decorations. Memories flooded me—good memories of my father and Christmases past.
I'm going to make my home as warm and inviting as Dad's was.
To bring that wish to fruition, I knew what I needed to do. After putting on a warm coat, I grabbed my purse and left my apartment. The thin layer of snow crunched beneath my feet as I walked to my car, but the roads were clear and in a few minutes I arrived at a small Christmas tree lot.
I chose a four-foot fir tree—something small enough to handle myself and not too big for my collection of ornaments. The lot worker helped me load it into my trunk, then without too much effort, I managed to drag it into my cozy home. I set it up in a corner, plugged my iPod into my player, and turned on my Christmas music playlist. As I listened to my favorite songs, I put up my meager collection of Christmas decorations.
Once done, I looked at the festive room but decided it needed one more thing to make it perfect—a fresh Christmas wreath.
They had wreaths at the Christmas tree lot.
After a quick trip, I’d picked one up, then headed home. To my utter pleasure and surprise, when I arrived at my apartment, I saw Trevor’s car parked at the curb. I hadn’t seen him since Thanksgiving, yet he’d been on my mind constantly. The wreath forgotten, I raced down the stone steps where I found him knocking on my door. “Trevor!”
He turned at my voice, his face lighting up. “You're home. I thought I'd missed you.”
I threw myself into his arms, not realizing until that moment how desperately I'd yearned to have him near.
He held me tight, burying his face in my long dark hair. “Lily,” he murmured. “I’ve missed you.”
After several moments I pulled back, a huge smile on my face. “It's freezing out here. Let's get inside.”
“I've missed this place these last couple of weeks,” he said once we were standing in my living room. “It looks great. Reminds me of home.”
“Thanks.” I beamed. “Do you want some hot chocolate?”
“Sure, that sounds good.”
He followed me into the kitchen and leaned against the counter while I fixed both of us a mug, then we took our drinks and sat on the couch.
“You got my note?” he asked.
“Yes. Are you just now getting back? That was a long trip.” I blew on my drink to cool it.
“Actually, I got back earlier this week, but I had finals to take.”
“I didn't see you in Sociology class. Did you take that one?”
“Yeah, the professor let me take it during one of her other sections.”
I set my mug on the coffee table. “So you got them all done?”
“Just barely. My grades aren't going to be as good this semester, unfortunately.”
“That's too bad.”
“It's my own fault,” he said, then he sipped his chocolate. “If I hadn't worked so many hours, I wouldn't have missed as much class.”
We were both quiet for a moment, lost in our own thoughts.
“Look,” he began, setting his empty mug on the table. “We need to talk.”
Afraid of where the conversation might go, my heart rate skyrocketed.
He smiled as he took my left hand in his. “I notice you're wearing the ring.”
Blushing, I said, “You caught me. I guess I just needed something to help me feel near you.”
He stroked my hand. “Hey, it's fine with me.” He looked at me with undisguised hope. “Does this mean you've decided?”
I hesitated briefly. “No, it doesn't. After what happened on Thanksgiving, things were left up in the air.”
“Yeah, that's kind of what I figured.” Still holding my hand, he said, “I've been doing a lot of thinking and I've come to a decision.”
I stilled, waiting to hear what he had to say.
“I'm going to do everything within my power to be what you want me to be.”
Somehow I didn't feel the joy I
would have expected to feel at those words. “That's great, Trevor. Really it is.”
His smile dimmed. “You don't sound too excited.” He stood up and his lips pinched together. “I just can't please you, can I?” He stared at me. “First I leave town to think about what I can do to win you over—messing up my grades in the process. Then when I tell you I'll change, you seem less than excited. What’s the deal?”
“I understand why you're angry,” I began, but paused when he scowled at me. “I am happy that you're willing to change, but I want you to do it for the right reasons. Don’t do it for me. Do it for yourself. Do it because you know that’s the life you want to live.”
“Oh, I get it. You think I need to grow up. Is that it?”
My eyes widened as my eyebrows drew together. “Is that such a bad thing, Trevor?”
Why can’t he see how important it is to consider the consequences of his actions? How his drinking could affect more than him?
Then a new question filled my mind
Or is that part of my attraction to him? The fact that he’s a bit of a rebel, that he doesn’t seem to care what anyone else thinks.
Vivid blue eyes crackling, he said, “Lily, I think you've led a sheltered life. For your information, everything isn't always black and white. There are a lot of grays in this world and I think it's time you realized that.”
“You know,” I said as I lifted my chin, “a person can be aware of the grays in life and still make smart choices.”
He shook his head and turned away before facing me again. “This conversation is going nowhere. You seem to think things have to be done your way or not at all. That doesn't work for me.” He looked just beyond my shoulder, as if weighing his next words, then he met my gaze. “I don't know what your father brought you up to expect in a husband, but maybe I'm not it.” His voice dropped. “I just don't know if we're right for each other.”
I flinched at his pronouncement, but defensive thoughts tumbled into my mind.
He doesn’t understand my point at all. What makes him think he knows so much about me? He doesn't know me as well as he seems to think he does.
Lily's Story: The Complete Saga Page 9
