“Today I got a letter from Marcy Caldwell.”
Marcus looked at me blankly. “Who?”
I bit my lip, realizing he wouldn’t know who the Caldwell’s were—I’d never told him Trevor’s last name. “She’s Trevor’s mother.”
His eyes widened slightly, then settled back to normal. “What did she want?”
“She wants to meet Natalie.”
His gaze went to the baby on my lap, then back to me. “What are you going to do?” He moved from his squatting position to sit next to me on the porch step.
“I’m going to go.”
He pressed his lips together and slowly nodded. “Where do they live?”
“Las Vegas.”
“So you’re going there? To Vegas?”
“Yes. They’re having a family get-together over the Fourth of July and she invited me to come.”
“Do you really think that’s a good idea?”
My brows pulled together. “Why wouldn’t it be? They’re Natalie’s family.”
“I know that. It’s just . . .” He shook his head. “Never mind.”
“What? What were you going to say?”
He shook his head again. “It’s really not my place to say anything.”
I disagreed. Marcus was very important to both Natalie and me and his opinion mattered greatly. “Please, Marcus. Tell me.”
He sighed. “From the little you’ve told me about Natalie’s father, well, I just wonder what his family is really like.”
I relaxed. “They’re nice people.”
“How much time have you spent with them?”
“Some. Not a lot.”
He nodded. “Okay.” Then he smiled, but it seemed forced. “Good. It will be good.”
His hesitation in my decision made me rethink it, but I’d already told Marcy I was coming. “Can you take care of Greta while I’m gone?”
“Sure, of course.”
“Thank you.”
He looked at me with sudden intensity. “You know you can always count on me, don’t you, Lily?”
I nodded, taken aback by the emotion in his eyes. It was at moments like this that he confused me the most. One moment he was advising me as a friend, and the next his eyes seemed to convey that his feelings ran deeper than mere friendship. “Yes.” I looked at him and tried to express with my eyes that I cared for him as well. I debated whether the time was right to tell him exactly how I felt, but something held me back.
“Marcus?” a voice called from the gate. “Marcus, are you back there?”
I recognized the voice of Trish, my neighbor and Marcus’s mother, and held back a frown. She’d been a good neighbor, but I’d felt a strain between us ever since the truth of my situation had come out. Even before that though, she’d asked me not to encourage Marcus’s attention. But once she found out I’d lied about being widowed—although it was true now—she’d been even more standoffish.
“Yeah, Mom. I’m back here.”
“Can you stop by the house, please?” She stayed on the other side of the gate, never coming in to the backyard.
“Sure.”
Then all was quiet, and I assumed she’d walked back to her house, which was a short distance away.
Marcus smiled at me and I could tell he felt embarrassed by the behavior of his mother—she hadn’t even said hello to me.
“It’s okay,” I said in response to his unspoken message. “I can’t blame her for being upset with me.”
“It’s not her place to judge you, Lily. She has no idea what you’ve been through.”
Though I appreciated his support, I didn’t want to come between him and his family. “You’d better go see what she wants.”
He sighed. “I already know what she wants.”
I raised my eyebrows in question.
“She’s going to tell me I shouldn’t spend so much time with you and Natalie,” he said. “But I’ve already told her that we’re just good friends.”
I felt my heart break a little at his words and was glad I’d held back from telling him that I thought I was falling in love with him.
Chapter 2
The weeks leading up to the get-together at John and Marcy’s house passed uneventfully. Marcus stopped by when he could, brightening my day each time I saw him, but our relationship didn’t show any signs of progressing beyond friendship. When the day came for me to drive to Las Vegas, Marcus came by to get the key so he could take care of Greta.
“It would be a lot easier if I could just take her to my apartment,” he said. “But they don’t allow pets.”
An idea occurred to me. “Why don’t you just stay here while I’m gone?”
“Are you sure?”
I completely trusted Marcus. “Yes. It makes sense, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, I suppose it does.”
I smiled. “It’s settled then.”
“Okay. I’ll bring over a sleeping bag and sleep on the couch.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You can use my bed. I just washed the sheets this morning, so you’ll be all set.”
His face reddened a bit. “If you’re sure.”
I nodded. “I am.”
He finally agreed and a short time later Natalie and I were driving south. We stopped a few times so I could stretch my legs, as well as give her a break from her car seat, but by evening we arrived in Las Vegas. The last two times I’d been to the Caldwell’s house, Trevor’s parents had picked us up from the airport and I hadn’t paid much attention to where they lived. Fortunately, I was able to use the GPS app on my phone to guide me there.
As their house came into view, happy memories of Trevor filled my mind, making my heart ache with what could have been. I’d loved him so much, and wished with all my heart that things had worked out differently and for the better. If only he’d been the person he’d led me to believe, we’d still be happily married and we’d be enjoying our daughter together.
I pulled up to the house and turned off the engine, then realized tears were streaming down my face. I’d really never properly grieved for Trevor, and now, being here, the grief overwhelmed me. Not wanting Trevor’s parents to see me like this, I turned the car back on and drove away, hoping they hadn’t seen me arrive.
With Natalie sleeping, I drove around until my emotions were under control, then I parked on a street not far from the Caldwell’s house and used a baby wipe to erase all traces of my tears. When I pulled up to the Caldwell’s house the second time, even though I felt sad, I was able to keep the tears at bay. I took Natalie out of her car seat, along with her diaper bag, and walked to the front door.
Nervous to see Trevor’s parents face to face, I pressed the doorbell and waited, my heart pounding. They must have been devastated when they’d learned of their son’s death, and I feared that on some level they blamed me. I heard footsteps approaching and I took a deep breath, then slowly released it. A moment later the door swung open.
“You made it,” Marcy said, her gaze skimming over me and going to Natalie, who was starting to wake up in my arms.
“Hi, Marcy.”
Her gaze came back to me and she smiled as she held the door open. “Please come in.”
As I walked into the house, memories assaulted me—Trevor showing me around his childhood home, Trevor’s ecstatic joy when I accepted his proposal, me getting ready for our wedding. I forced myself to breathe slowly, doing all I could to keep the tears away.
“Are you okay, Lily?”
When my eyes met hers, I didn’t feel any animosity from her, just sincere concern, and I had to swallow around the lump that formed in my throat. My chin quivered as I spoke. “I’m just thinking about Trevor.”
Her eyes filled with tears and I worried that I’d made her sad. “I think about him all the time,” she whispered. Then she pulled me and Natalie into a warm embrace. “That’s why I wanted to meet his baby so much.” After a moment she released us.
“Would you like to hold her?”
/> Her face lit up. “Yes. Very much.”
I handed Natalie to her, and she pressed her cheek against Natalie’s head.
“She’s so beautiful.”
I smiled. “Thank you.”
She held the baby away from her and gazed at her face, then looked at me with wonderment. “She has Trevor’s eyes.”
I nodded. “Yes. I always loved his eyes.”
“Come and sit down, Lily. We need to catch up.”
I followed her into the living room and sat on the couch. She sat in a plush chair nearby. Natalie was such a momma’s girl, I was afraid she’d start crying when she realized a stranger was holding her, but thankfully she seemed content.
“Is John home?” I asked.
“No, just me.”
I had to admit that I was glad about that. I wasn’t ready to face everyone just yet. And Marcy’s reaction to seeing me had been much more positive than I could have hoped. “She usually takes a little time to warm up to people she doesn’t know, but she seems to like you just fine.”
Marcy smiled at Natalie. “That’s because I’m her grandma.”
“You know, you’re her only grandma.”
Marcy looked at me with surprise. “Oh. I guess I hadn’t thought about that.” Then her eyebrows drew together. “How are you doing, Lily?”
I was completely unused to having anyone show me such motherly concern. The only person who’d been involved in my life lately was Marcus, and though he’d been attentive to me as a friend, it wasn’t the same as having the love of a parent. My mother had died when I was a child—killed by a drunk driver—so I had only a vague memory of what it felt like to have a mother worry about me. But I liked the way it made me feel—loved and cared for—and felt fresh emotion welling up.
I swallowed several times to force down the tears that seemed to insist on coming. After a moment I got my emotions under control. “We’re doing fine.”
She nodded, then looked at Natalie for a moment. Finally she looked at me again. “Do you still have that dog?”
I felt my heart lurch as I imagined where she was going with her question. “Yes.”
“Do you really think that’s a good idea? You know, with Natalie being so little and helpless?”
Greta had literally saved my life. Trevor had been strangling me and I’d begun to black out—I knew I was about to die. And then Greta had seemed to appear out of nowhere. She’d knocked Trevor off of me and crushed his windpipe. She had killed him, but she had saved me. How could I explain that to Marcy without hurting her? My dog had saved me, but she had killed Marcy’s son. “Greta protects us.”
Marcy’s lips compressed into a thin line, then she said, “There are other ways to protect yourself.”
I wasn’t sure where she was going with this. “What do you mean?”
“Isn’t your house kind of far from any neighbors?”
I wondered how she knew that, but since she had gotten my address, it wouldn’t have been difficult for her to discover that my house was somewhat isolated. “My neighbors aren’t too far.”
She sighed softly. “But wouldn’t it be safer for both you and Natalie if your neighbors were closer?”
I didn’t want to argue with my former mother-in-law—our visit had been so friendly up to this point—but I also didn’t like her telling me what to do. I was an adult and no one had the right to tell me what to do. “Are you suggesting that I move?”
Her face softened. “John and I would like to invite you to move in with us.”
My eyes widened at the unexpected invitation, but I quickly settled down. “That’s very generous of you, Marcy, but Natalie and I are quite happy where we are.”
“You said it yourself, Lily. John and I are Natalie’s only grandparents. And my other two boys, Scott and Chris, and their families, are the only other family you have. Don’t you think it would be wonderful if Natalie could be raised among family?”
What she said was true, and the thought of Natalie not knowing her cousins, grandparents, aunts, and uncles very well made me feel selfish and guilty, but I’d made a life for us in the little house that we rented. Plus there was Marcus. Inwardly, I smiled as I thought about the man I was falling in love with. I couldn’t leave him. If I did, then I was certain our relationship would progress no further than friendship—and even that would be in jeopardy if I moved over seven hours away.
“Of course I want Natalie to know her family,” I said, wanting to prove to Marcy that I was a good mother, that I considered what was best for my child. “But I can’t ask you to house us.”
She held one hand out to encompass the room. “We have plenty of space here. And then you could save your money.”
How could I convince her that I didn’t want to move there without hurting her feelings? She’d been through enough heartache with the loss of Trevor. I didn’t want to add to it. “I have enough money to support us. I’ve started a web design business and I already have a few clients in my town.”
She smiled. “I’m glad to hear that. You could run your business from here though, couldn’t you?” She paused. “What if you just moved to this area? You wouldn’t have to live with us.”
I held back a frown.
“What’s keeping you where you are, Lily?”
Marcus. But of course I couldn’t tell her that. I was certain she would disapprove of me having a male friend so soon after Trevor’s death. Not only that, I felt confident she would feel hurt to think of another man being like a father to Natalie. My voice came out in a whisper. “I like where we live.”
Marcy’s brow furrowed. “Doesn’t it bother you to live in the house where Trevor was . . . killed?” Her eyes filled with tears on the last word.
That house had been my refuge long before Trevor showed up, and soon after his death I’d determined not to let the bad things he’d brought with him keep me from loving my little home. “I try not to think about that night, Marcy.”
Tears spilled over her lashes and cascaded down her face. “I think about it all the time.”
Seeing her tears made the tears I’d held back push their way into my eyes. Nothing I could do would stop them and soon I was sniffling along with her. “I’m so sorry about the way things turned out,” I cried.
Natalie must have sensed the sad feelings in the room because she began fussing. I took her from Marcy and snuggled her close, which settled her down.
“Lily, I want you to know that I don’t blame you for what happened.”
Relief swept over me at her words. “Thank you.” I took a tissue out of my purse and wiped my eyes and nose.
Marcy’s tears had slowed and she took a handkerchief out of her pocket and wiped her face. “But I think it’s only fair to warn you that not everyone agrees with me.”
My heart began to pound. “What do you mean?”
“Trevor’s brothers are still feeling pretty angry about everything that happened.”
“Do they think it’s my fault?”
She frowned. “I’m not sure exactly. I think they’re just having a hard time knowing their brother was killed.” She hesitated. “By your dog.” She quickly went on. “And I worry about that dog around Natalie. Do you really think that’s the best idea? She could be dangerous.”
“Greta was protecting me. Trevor was strangling me and I would have died.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I wished I hadn’t said them. Marcy’s face had gone pale—even the rosy red of her lips had turned white. “I’m sorry,” I said, my voice softer. “But it’s true.”
She stood, and shaking her head, she fled the room.
Stricken to know my words had cut her to the bone, I felt paralyzed. I hugged Natalie as my mind raced. Should I go to her? Should I flee this house and this town and never come back? And if things had started out so nice, and turned bad so quickly, what would it be like with the rest of Trevor’s family? Especially his brothers who apparently held me responsible for their brother’s death?
“We should go,” I whispered in Natalie’s ear. I picked up her diaper bag and slung it over my shoulder, then headed for the door.
“Wait,” Marcy said from the hallway. “Please don’t go.”
I spun around, my heart racing. “It was a mistake to come here. It’s too soon.”
Marcy hurried over to me and grabbed my arm. “No. Please. Give us a chance.”
I turned to her, and when I saw the pleading in her eyes, my resolve slipped. How would I feel if I was her? Of course I’d want to get to know my grandchild, especially if my own child was dead. My shoulders slumped in acquiescence. “Okay.”
She put her arm around me and led me back to the living room. “Thank you, Lily. You have no idea what this means to me. To our family.”
I let her lead me back to the couch and I sat down and Natalie began fussing again. “I think she’s getting hungry.”
“Okay. What do you need?”
I smiled. “I just need to nurse her.”
Marcy smiled back. “I’ll give you some privacy then.”
I watched her leave, then I nursed Natalie and soon she fell asleep. I gazed at my precious daughter and watched her eyelids flutter and wondered what she was dreaming about.
“I borrowed a port-a-crib from a friend,” Marcy said as she walked in the room. “Do you want to put her down?”
I nodded and followed her to the room where I’d stayed before. I placed Natalie in the crib and tucked her favorite blanket around her, then tiptoed out of the room and closed the door.
A short time later John came home, and he was as nice as Marcy had been, and I felt better about my decision to stay. When I went to bed that night, I thought about the last time I’d slept in that bed. It had been the night before Trevor and I had married—which was less than a year and a half earlier. If I had known then what I knew now, would I have gone through with it? As I listened to the soft breathing of my sweet baby in the crib nearby, I had to admit that all I’d been through was worth it because I had her.
The next day Trevor’s brothers and their families would be coming over and I was worried about how the day would go. Would they be friendly to me, or would they be openly hostile? I had a hard time falling asleep as my mind conjured up ugly scenes with Chris and Scott. I’d spent so little time with them that they’d never gotten the chance to know me in happy circumstances. Would that keep them from giving me a chance now? And if so, would that keep Natalie from getting to know her cousins?
Lily's Story: The Complete Saga Page 47
