“Lily,” she said, pulling me into a hug. “It’s so good to see you and Natalie.”
The warmth of her embrace made me feel welcome, and I was glad I came. “Hi, Marcy,” I said as she released me.
She held the door wide. “Please come in.”
I followed her inside.
“Can I get you something cold to drink?” she asked.
“That would be wonderful. It’s so hot here in Vegas.”
“Yes, I suppose it is, but I’ve gotten used to it.”
I followed her into the kitchen and remembered the last time I’d been there. Trevor’s older brother Chris had made it clear that he didn’t want me around, and I’d left early, mortified.
Marcy handed me an ice-filled glass of raspberry lemonade. “May I hold Natalie?” she asked.
I smiled. “She’s a little grumpy from our drive, but you can give it a try.”
Marcy took her from me and Natalie didn’t object. “Hi there, sweetheart,” Marcy murmured to her.
It warmed me to see my daughter with her only living grandmother, and I was glad that Trevor’s parents were so accepting of me after all that had happened. I knew they could have resented me and things could have been very different.
“Have you been keeping busy this summer?” Marcy asked as we sat on a pair of comfortable chairs.
“Yes, actually. A good friend of mine just got married, so Natalie and I went to her wedding.”
“Oh, that’s nice. Where did she get married?”
I smiled. “In Alaska.”
Marcy’s eyebrows rose. “Alaska? That’s a ways to go.”
“Actually, it was on a cruise ship.”
She bounced Natalie on her lap, which Natalie seemed to like. “That sounds like fun. When did you go?”
“We just got back earlier this week. It was really fun.”
“Was it hard with Natalie?”
“Honestly, having her along did make it harder to do things, but she’s such an easy-going baby that it was fine.”
“You know, I’d be happy to care for her if you were to go on a trip like that.”
“Well, I’m still nursing her, so I wouldn’t be able to leave her.”
“Oh, okay.”
We visited about other things, and when John got home, we had a nice dinner together.
“Melody and Deena are going to come over the day after tomorrow with their kids,” Marcy said as we cleaned up the dishes. “I hope that’s okay.”
I liked my sisters-in-law—were they still my sisters-in-law?—and was happy to spend time with them. “That will be fun,” I said.
On the day they arrived, Natalie had just woken from her morning nap, and soon after they got there, Deena brought up the subject of me moving to Vegas.
“It would be so wonderful for Natalie to grow up surrounded by her cousins,” she said.
The last time I’d come for a visit, I’d been resistant to moving to Vegas because I’d had high hopes for a relationship with Marcus. But now that all seemed in doubt. Even so, I wasn’t ready to remove him from my life—what would that do to Natalie? She adored him. Not only that, but with Cameron in the picture now, I had even more reason to stay where I was. “As much as I agree,” I said, “I have a life where I live now and I don’t feel like the time is right to change that.”
“But what about Natalie?” Marcy asked.
I looked at her, puzzled. “What do you mean?”
She hesitated, like she wasn’t sure how this would go over. “I just mean, well, don’t you think it would be good for her to have a father-figure in her life?” She paused and her eyes shone with unshed tears. “I mean, since her father isn’t . . . here.”
I felt my stomach flutter and the room became silent, the only sound Natalie’s babbles, which seemed to emphasize Marcy’s point. I didn’t know what to say. After a moment I said, “I have a good friend.” The word ‘friend’ nearly stuck in my throat. “And he’s really sweet with Natalie.”
Marcy’s eyes widened briefly, like this was unexpected.
I glanced from her to Melody, then to Deena, then focused on Natalie. I could tell none of them had expected me to say I might have another man in my life. Good thing I hadn’t mentioned Cameron. They would have fallen over with shock to learn I had two men in my life, although my relationships with both men were complicated.
“What is this person’s name?” Marcy asked, her voice even.
“Uh, Marcus.” I lifted my eyes to meet hers and noticed her tears had dried.
“How long have you known him, if I may ask?” she said.
My heart began to pound at this unforeseen line of questioning. “I guess about a year now.” It had actually been more than a year, but I didn’t think I had to be that specific.
I heard a soft gasp and glanced at Melody, who’d put her hand over her mouth. Then my gaze went to Marcy to see how she was taking the news.
Not well, that’s how. She stared at her lap as if doing a difficult word problem, then she looked up at me and frowned. “So, you were ‘friends’ with this man while you were hiding from Trevor?” When she said the word ‘friends’ I could hear the air quotes in her voice.
I felt a need to defend myself, though I’d done nothing wrong. “He lived in the house next door.” I could almost hear their thoughts: How convenient. “He’s just a friend.” For once I was glad of the distance he’d kept between us as I knew my protestations would be sincere.
Marcy sighed. “I don’t mean to be so . . . well, so dramatic, Lily.” She paused. “But you must understand how this makes me feel. I mean, my son,” her voice began to waver, “has only been dead for a matter of months and already you’ve found a replacement.” Tears overflowed her eyes and ran down her cheeks. “No, let me correct that. You found a replacement before he even had a chance to live.” She stood abruptly and fled the room.
Tears of sympathy and shame filled my eyes as I watched her go, and I turned my head away from Melody and Deena, not wanting them to see how upset I felt. Thankfully, their children were playing outside, so at least I didn’t have to hear any uncomfortable questions about why I’d made their grandmother cry. After a moment I placed Natalie on the floor as she’d gotten squirmy—perhaps she felt the tension in the room.
“I don’t blame you,” Melody said softly.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Deena smiling through her own tears. “Neither do I,” she said.
Their kindness brought on a fresh surge of tears and I wiped at my face impatiently. “Thank you.”
“It’s been hard for her,” Deena said. “He was her baby.”
I glanced at Natalie, and felt my heart clench. I had a good idea how Marcy felt—I’d felt something similar when her baby had taken my baby. The difference was, he’d chosen to behave in a way that had gotten him killed. Over the last few months I’d learned to forgive him for what he’d done—there was no point in holding a grudge against him. But I was sympathetic to Marcy’s plight. She missed her son terribly, but she was still trying to build a relationship with me for Natalie’s sake.
I turned so I was facing Deena and Melody. “I didn’t want him to die.” Now my voice shook. “He’s Natalie’s father. In the short time I saw him with her, he was good to her.”
Melody shook her head. “It all seems so pointless. I mean, why did he have to die? Why couldn’t you guys have worked it out?”
Deena gasped. “Melody,” she said sharply.
Melody looked between us. “That’s what Chris has such a hard time with. He doesn’t get why it came to that.” Her voice softened. “Neither do I.”
“Have you read the police report?” Deena asked her.
“Of course,” she said. “But that just shows one side of the story.” She glanced at me, then looked at Deena. “Don’t you wonder what Trevor would have said in his own defense?”
The way they were talking, like I wasn’t even in the room, made me angry. They hadn’t been th
ere when I’d woken from my unconscious state to find myself tied up and my child missing. They hadn’t been there when Trevor’s hands had wrapped around my neck, choking the very life out of me. Their lives were neat and tidy, and their husbands had never taken their children with the idea of giving them to another woman. They had no idea what it was like to be me.
“I tried to make it work,” I said evenly. “But he wanted what I couldn’t give him. He wanted to get back together, but he’d killed my love for him and I just couldn’t do it.”
“But why couldn’t you just share,” Melody asked. “I mean, plenty of divorced people co-parent. I don’t understand why you guys couldn’t work it out to both be in Natalie’s life.”
“Is this really the time?” Deena asked, obviously uncomfortable.
“No, it’s okay,” I said. And it was. It was better to hash this out sooner, rather than later. Get it over with. Evidently, Melody had been harboring certain thoughts and misconceptions about what happened—her husband probably did too. It was better to clear the air.
“Well?” Melody said.
“I completely agree with you,” I said.
Melody’s forehead creased, like she didn’t quite believe me.
“As soon as Trevor found me—and don’t doubt that he spent a lot of time tracking me down—I knew I would have to work with him, and though I admit I wasn’t happy about it, I came to accept it.” I paused, remembering seeing him with Natalie and how it seemed to come so naturally to him. “He was good with her. But he couldn’t stand the fact that she was connected to me. I don’t mean physically—although as a newborn she completely depended on me for her sustenance—but as her mother.” I gazed at her with a look that said you must understand. “I’d just finished carrying her in my womb for nine months and gone through a grueling labor and delivery. She was—and is—a part of my heart. That is a bond he not only couldn’t understand, but that he couldn’t break, as much as he wanted to.”
Tears filled my eyes and I spoke with passion. “And, oh boy, he wanted to. He told me that he was going to . . .” I swallowed around the lump that formed in my throat, but it was still hard to speak as the tears were thick in my voice. “He was going to give my baby, my child, to a girlfriend he had on the side.” My eyes narrowed in memory. “He stole Natalie from me. He told me I would never see her again.”
I took a moment and gathered myself, then locked eyes with Melody. “Does that sound like a man who is willing to co-parent?”
Her mouth had fallen open and I wondered if she’d missed that part of the police report—or maybe I hadn’t put that much detail into it.
“I didn’t know,” she finally muttered. She blinked a few times and said again, “I didn’t know.”
“There are lots of things you don’t know,” I said quietly but firmly.
I felt Deena’s hand on my shoulder again, and I placed my hand over hers. I didn’t know either of my sisters-in-law very well, but was grateful for Deena’s unwavering support, as well as her husband’s. Natalie began fussing and I picked her up and held her.
“I think she’s getting hungry.” I smiled at them to show I had no hard feelings, then took Natalie into the kitchen to give her some baby food, then put her down for a nap. When I came back into the living room, Deena and Melody were talking quietly, but abruptly stopped when I walked in the room.
Wondering if I should leave them, I stood on the threshold a moment.
“It’s okay, Lily,” Melody said. “You can join us.”
I nodded, then sat in an empty chair.
“I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions,” she said. “I should know better.”
“It’s okay,” I said.
“No, it’s not.” She frowned. “I know Chris has some ideas about what happened, but from what you’ve told me, he’s wrong, too.” She paused. “I’m going to tell him what you told me. Maybe he’ll soften towards you.”
“Of course I’d like it if he did,” I said. “But whether he does or not, I’m going to live my life the best way I can, and I’m going to care for Natalie in the way I think is best.”
“I know,” Melody said. “It’s just that I want us to all be able to be together without the tension and anger and sadness.”
“You’re very wise, Melody,” Marcy said from the entrance of the room.
I looked at her reddened eyes and felt my heart ache in empathy. I could only imagine how she must still be grieving for her lost child.
She sat in a chair near mine and smiled at us. “I’m sorry about my outburst. I just get so emotional sometimes.”
I completely understood why she would, but was she still upset that Marcus was in my life? I couldn’t tell, but it wasn’t something I could change. I didn’t want to change that. In fact, I hoped he became a more permanent, and more important part of my life. Then I wondered if she’d overheard any of my earlier conversation with Melody and Deena. I didn’t think so as I hadn’t seen her when I’d taken Natalie into the kitchen to feed her. Did she have feelings similar to Melody’s? Feelings she was hiding from me?
Chapter 21
Emotionally wrung out, I had no intention of bringing up any more Trevor issues—or Marcus issues for that matter—and I was grateful when the conversation moved in another direction. After clearing the air with Melody, I felt lighter, although I wondered when the inevitable conversation with Marcy would happen.
The four of us chatted for a while longer, then Melody and Deena left, needing to get home.
“I hope you enjoyed visiting with them,” Marcy said to me as we watched them drive away.
“I did. Thank you for inviting them over.”
We walked back inside and I helped her get dinner started. We had a pleasant evening, and she didn’t bring up the subject of Marcus until just before I was set to leave the next morning.
“I know you’re young, Lily, and life goes on for you, but I hope you’ll reconsider moving closer to family here in Vegas.”
The fact that she considered me family, even though my only connection to them was Natalie, filled me with warmth, and I smiled. “I’ll keep it in mind. But like I said, I have ties to where I live now and I really like it there.”
“Does this Marcus person have anything to do with that?”
I bit my lip, uneasy with the idea of talking about my love life—or lack thereof—for fear of upsetting her. But then decided she deserved my honesty. It was about the only thing I had to offer. “To some extent, yes.”
She sighed.
“Truly, Marcy, he is just a friend.” I decided not to tell her that I desperately wanted it to be more than that.
“Family is more permanent than friends, Lily. Always remember that.”
In my life that wasn’t necessarily true. I had no living blood relatives, so my friends were my family. I was thankful for Marcy and John and everyone else in Trevor’s family, but I really hadn’t spent a lot of time with them and didn’t know if I could really count on them in a crunch. For that matter, I wasn’t one hundred percent certain I could count on Marcus in a crunch.
I frowned as a feeling of loneliness grew inside me as I was reminded that I really couldn’t count on anyone besides myself. People in my life had good intentions, but when push came to shove, who would really be there for me?
“I’d better get going,” I said, feeling down. “We have a long drive ahead of us.”
Marcy pulled me into a hug. “I’m so glad you came.” She looked at me steadily. “I want you to know that you’re always welcome here.”
My feelings of self-pity lifted a little at the strength of her sincerity. “Thank you. I really appreciate knowing that.”
As Natalie and I drove north, I turned my thoughts away from Las Vegas and back toward home. The drive was long, but uneventful, and when I pulled into my driveway, I breathed a sigh of relief, happy to be home again, and with no plan to go anywhere.
I carried Natalie to the front door and heard Greta moving ar
ound on the other side, then unlocked the door and went in.
“Hi, my good girl,” I said to Greta as I squatted next to her with Natalie in my arms. Her tail wagged and she danced around, happy to see us.
I went into the kitchen to pour myself a cold drink, but stopped in my tracks when I saw a lovely flower arrangement sitting in a vase. “Marcus is so sweet,” I said out loud as I reached for the card tucked into the flowers.
I opened the envelope and slid out the card.
Lily,
Just wanted you to know that I’ve been thinking about you. The cruise wouldn’t have been the same without you.
Cameron
I blinked twice as my mind readjusted to the fact that the flowers were not from Marcus, but were from Cameron. How did they get in the house? Had he stopped by? How did he even know where I lived? Confusion and uncertainty swept over me, and I decided I would call Marcus for an explanation.
I carried Natalie upstairs and nursed her before putting her down for a short nap, then carried our things into the house and unpacked. Once I felt settled, I sat on the couch and called Marcus’s cell phone. It went to voice mail and I left a message, letting him know I was home.
A while later I heard a knock at the door. As I leaned toward the peephole I smiled, wondering if it would be Marcus—although it was a little early in the day for him to be dropping by. My smile faded when I saw Mary, my landlady, standing on the other side of the door.
“Hello, Lily,” she said when I opened the door.
I hadn’t spoken to her in quite a while—normally I just mailed her a rent check every month and didn’t hear from her or her husband. “Hello. Please come in.” I held the door open and she followed me inside. “What brings you by?”
She smiled sadly. “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.”
I tensed, wondering what she was going to say. “What is it?”
She sighed. “My son and his family have run in to some difficult financial circumstances, I’m afraid, and they need a place to live.”
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