“That would be bad,” she said. “But if everyone’s healthy, then it wouldn’t be the end of the world.”
“That’s another thing. We’d have to get health insurance, and that’s so expensive.” My anxiety went up a notch.
“You guys will figure it out.”
I smiled, but her words didn’t do anything to assuage my concerns.
After I cleaned up from dinner that evening, I asked Alyssa to keep an eye on Natalie so I could talk to Marcus. Jackson was in Marcus’s arms as I followed him to our bedroom. I sat on the foot of the bed while Marcus stood in front of me, gently bouncing Jackson in his arms.
“Tell me about your meeting,” I said.
“We all want to do this. It’s just a matter of when everyone can pull the money together.”
I nodded. “What kind of timing are you looking at?”
“Jason thinks he’ll be able to get his share by sometime next week. Rick, though, might take a little more time.” Marcus chuckled. “His wife isn’t fully on board yet.”
I kept my expression neutral, but inside I was glad to know I wasn’t the only one who was hesitant about this new venture.
“Even though we’re waiting on the rest of the funds,” he said, “we’re moving forward with our plans.”
“What do you mean? What exactly are you doing?”
Marcus shifted from one foot to the other, like he was less than eager to tell me what they were going to do. “We’ve begun researching office space. We’ve also put in a bid to buy the equipment from my old firm.”
Hearing him list the specific things they were going to do, and knowing those things were going to cost money, I felt a new tremor of worry pulse through me. “I see.”
“Don’t worry, Lily. Besides the equipment we’re bidding for, we haven’t committed to anything yet.”
I tried to hide my relief, but Marcus knew me well enough to read my thoughts.
He turned away from me, but not before I saw his jaw tighten. “I think Jackson needs his diaper changed,” he said, then he left the room.
I sighed softly as I shook my head, then I went back into the family room.
Chapter 5
When it was time for Alyssa to leave the next morning, I drew her into my arms and told her to call me if she needed anything.
“It was wonderful to visit with you, Lily,” she said after I released her. “I appreciate all your words of wisdom.”
I laughed. “I don’t know that I had many of those.”
She smiled. “You did. Besides, it was nice just to have someone listen to my problems.” Her smile changed to a frown. “I’m not ready to tell my family what’s going on.”
“I understand.”
“Next time you’re in Vegas, come see me.”
“I will.”
When Marcus came home that afternoon, I was glad to see him. I’d worked on getting over my apprehension about him moving forward with his business plans, and I determined that I would be more supportive, even if I still had several layers of worry.
“I’m glad you’re home,” I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
“Because I always love it when you’re home.”
He pulled me close and I savored the strength and security of him. He’d never let me down and I knew I could trust him completely. After my experiences with Trevor, knowing I had a man by my side who I never had to doubt, never had to second guess, gave me a feeling of safety like I’d never known before.
“I love to come home to you, Lily,” he murmured in my ear.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and snuggled close.
“Mommy,” Natalie said as she tugged on my jeans. “Mommy, I hungry.”
Reluctantly, I extricated myself from Marcus’s embrace and turned to Natalie. But before I could tend to her needs, Marcus picked her up and said, “What do you want, sweet pea? Daddy’ll get it for you.”
My heart warmed as I watched the way he interacted with Natalie. He’d been in my life since before she’d been born. When I’d been in the hospital after Natalie’s birth, and my supposedly deceased husband had shown up, Marcus had been understandably upset. It had taken some time for him to get over the hurt that I’d lied to him. But eventually he’d come to understand my reasons, and ever since, he’d been my fiercest ally.
I’m the luckiest woman I know.
The next day, Trish, Marcus’s mother, invited the children and me over for lunch and I happily agreed. Though our relationship had started out rocky, once Marcus had let his mother know that he loved me and was going to marry me regardless of how she felt, she’d come around, and ever since then we’d had a good relationship.
Deep inside I’d harbored the hope that my mother-in-law would be like a mother to me, but that hadn’t happened yet, and I wasn’t so sure it ever would. But I did have Marcy—Trevor’s mother and my first mother-in-law. Despite everything, we’d become good friends and she and her husband had been nothing but supportive.
“He’s such a beautiful baby,” Trish said as she took Jackson from my arms when we arrived for our luncheon. She glanced at me then gazed at my son. “He looks so much like Marcus did when he was that age.”
“He’s such an easy baby too,” I said as Natalie and I followed her inside. “Was Marcus like that?”
Trish laughed as we sat in her living room. “No. He was a fussy baby. Drove me crazy for the first six months of his life.”
I laughed with her. “Well, I’m glad Jackson is more like Natalie.” I smiled at my two-year-old, who sat at my feet playing with her favorite doll.
Trish smiled at Natalie. “Yes, she’s always been so good at entertaining herself.” Trish looked at me. “You’re very fortunate, Lily.”
“I know I am.” My mind went to Marcus. In more ways than one.
Trish’s mind must have gone in the same direction, because she said, “Marcus sure is excited about this new business he’s starting.”
“Yes. Although to be honest, it’s stressing me out.” Even though I knew Trish would staunchly support anything Marcus did, it seemed safe to tell her how I really felt.
“Oh? Why’s that? I know it can be scary to go out on your own with a business, but are you having doubts?”
The tone of her voice made me think she didn’t approve of me expressing any doubts whatsoever. Not in her son. “Not exactly,” I said, wondering if I should tell her what I was thinking.
She moved Jackson to her shoulder. “Then why are you feeling stressed?”
“Honestly, it’s the financial part of things. Now that he’s not drawing a paycheck, I’m worried about paying our bills.”
“Well, it takes money to make money. You know that, right?”
“Of course. But it also takes money to pay the mortgage.”
Trish smiled, but it seemed forced. “You need to give Marcus time. It’s only been a few days and they’re just getting started.”
Obviously she didn’t understand my concerns, so I let the matter drop. When I got home later that afternoon, I decided to call Marcy. As much as she liked Marcus, surely she wouldn’t feel the need to defend him or take his side. But as it turned out, after she commiserated with me on my worries, she had concerns of her own.
“You have money in a trust for Natalie, right?” she asked.
I thought about the money I’d dug up in the desert—money it had turned out Trevor and Rob had won gambling. I’d taken Trevor’s share and put it in a trust for Natalie. “Yes.”
“You’re not going to use any of that for this business, are you?”
“No. Absolutely not. That’s where I draw the line.”
“Good. Because that money is like a gift from Trevor to Natalie, and I don’t want that to change.”
I hadn’t realized she’d felt so strongly about it, but as I thought about it, I understood. Her son was gone, and she’d allowed his child to be adopted by Marcus. Of course she wanted to fee
l like Trevor was contributing something to Natalie’s future. “I understand.”
“Thank you, Lily.”
Chapter 6
Over the next two months, Marcus, Jason, and Rick worked hard to get their business going and managed to sign several of their old clients to their new firm. Despite that, I knew it would probably be a while before they turned a profit. In the meantime, I had to dip into our savings to pay the bills, and I became more and more worried about how long it would be before we saw any new income.
“Our savings have nearly run out,” I said to Marcus one evening after we’d put the children to bed. He leaned against the couch cushions and gazed at me, but didn’t say anything. He’d been working so hard, and I hated to put further stress on him, but I had to ask, I had to know. My voice softened as I spoke. “When do you think you’ll bring home a paycheck?”
His jaw tightened. “I don’t know, Lily. It’s hard to get a business off the ground.”
“Maybe I should get a job. You know, to help us get by for a while.”
He laughed once, then shook his head. “It wouldn’t be worth it. The costs of day care would take any money you earned.”
His laughter stung a bit, although I knew he was right. “What about web design?” Soon after I’d moved to California I’d begun a web design business, starting with building a website for Billi’s, the boutique my friend Billi owned, and extending to other businesses in town. After I’d married Marcus and had become pregnant with Jackson, I’d helped my clients find someone else to maintain their websites, wanting to focus on my new family instead. Now I wished I’d kept it up.
“Wouldn’t that take a lot of time?” Marcus asked.
I didn’t know how much time it would take, and secretly worried how I would fit it in with taking care of an infant and a toddler, but I was getting desperate. “I can make it work.”
Marcus rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s up to you.”
His lack of enthusiasm, combined with the stress I’d been feeling, pushed me to say the first thing that came to mind. “All I know is that we may not be able to pay the mortgage at the beginning of the month.”
Marcus stared at me as if he was weighing whether to say something that had been on his mind. “I know you won’t like this, but what about the money you put aside for Natalie? Isn’t there, like, a hundred thousand dollars in that account?”
My heart skipped a beat as my fears that he would ask for money from Natalie’s trust came to fruition. “We can’t use that money, Marcus.”
“Why not? It would just be a loan. You can even charge me interest.”
I loved Marcus, and I didn’t want to hurt him, but he had to hear the truth. “I already loaned you all the money I could.”
He lifted his chin. “You say that like you don’t think I’ll be able to pay you back.”
“Will you?” I shot back. “I’m not so sure anymore.”
A blush rose on his face and he looked away from me before abruptly standing. “I’m going to bed.”
I watched him leave the room, then stared at the wall across from me. Our conversation had gone nothing like I’d hoped. In fact, my worry had edged up several notches.
Tomorrow I’ll talk to Billi. Maybe she’ll let me take over her website maintenance. I don’t know if I’ll earn much, but every little bit will help.
As I waited for Marcus to fall asleep before going into the bedroom myself, my phone rang. It was Alyssa. We’d been talking every week or so as she’d kept me up-to-date on what was happening with her and Ty. After she’d stayed in her employer’s hotel for over a week, Ty had come to realize she was serious about wanting him to change and he’d promised he would try. She’d moved back home and things had been going well ever since.
“I’m moving out,” Alyssa said after a brief greeting.
“Why? What happened? I thought you guys had turned a corner.”
“So did I, but last night Ty fell back into his old habits. He went gambling all night. When he came home this morning, he didn’t even apologize. He just climbed into bed and fell asleep.” She paused, then with a voice thick with tears, she said, “When I got home from work tonight, I told him I was moving out.”
“What did he say?”
She dragged in a breath. “He said I should do whatever I thought was best.”
“I’m so sorry.” I thought about the fight I’d just had with Marcus and felt a kinship with Alyssa. Marriage was hard. My mother had died when I was quite young, so I had no memory of my parents’ marriage and didn’t know how they’d handled disagreements and trials. It was as if I was groping my way through a dark tunnel that had sharp sticks and large roots laid in my path. “Is there anything I can do to help?” I asked, although I had no more idea of what she should do than she did.
“It just helps to be able to talk to you.”
“You know I’m always here to listen.” I can do that at least.
We talked for a while longer, although I didn’t tell her about my fight with Marcus.
She has enough to worry about. Besides, I’m not ready to share my problems.
When Marcus came home the next evening, he was smiling. Hopeful that meant he had good news, I immediately asked him what was going on.
“I came up with a solution,” he said as he sat on the couch.
“A solution? To what?” There were many things that needed solving—how to pay our bills, how to repay the loan I’d given him, and especially how to restore the security I used to feel.
“Now, Lily, hear me out.”
Alarm bells rang in my mind. If he already suspected I wouldn’t like his “solution”, then that was a bad sign.
“Come sit down,” he said as Natalie climbed onto his lap.
I set Jackson on a blanket on the floor, then sat beside Marcus and looked at him expectantly.
He paused a moment. “We can move in with my parents.”
“What?”
He held up his hand. “Please. Let me explain.”
I clamped my mouth closed, but I already knew I wouldn’t like what he would have to say.
“I figure we have three options. One, sell the house—”
My mouth flew open to protest, but he held up his hand. Fury blossomed inside me. Who does he think he is making all these decisions for us without discussing it with me? This is my house. I bought it.
Then I reminded myself that it was our house now. But still.
“If we were to sell the house,” he continued, “we could use the proceeds to finance our needs.” He smiled softly. “I know that’s not an option, which is why I’m not suggesting it.”
My pounding heart began slowing to its normal rate.
“The second option is to draw some of the equity out of the house and use that to finance our needs.” He frowned. “I know you don’t want us to go into debt, which is why I’m not suggesting that either.”
I wanted to jump up and shout that this discussion would be unnecessary if he’d just gotten another job like a normal person, but I held myself in place and waited to hear the rest of his explanation. Jackson began fussing and I used the distraction as an opportunity to move off of the couch. My nerves were stretched tight, and I needed to think about something else, if only for a few seconds.
“Come here, baby,” I murmured as I picked him up and cradled him against me. I stayed standing as I faced Marcus.
“So,” Marcus said, dragging my attention back to him. “The obvious solution is to save on expenses by moving in with my parents.”
The solution might have been obvious to him, but to me the obvious solution was for him to give up on this struggling business idea and work for somebody else—somebody who would give him a paycheck.
“Do you really think they’d be okay with that?” I doubted Trish would love having my children, not to mention Greta, at her house around the clock. Then I realized that was the solution. Trish would refuse—politely, of course—and then Marcus would be force
d to come up with another idea. Perhaps I could even get him to think it was his idea for him to cut his losses and get a regular job.
“I already talked to them,” Marcus said, shocking me out of my thoughts. “They’re completely on board.”
Chapter 7
“Wait. What?” I asked, stunned that he’d gone forward with making arrangements without even discussing it with me first.
“That’s right,” he said. “Don’t you see, Lily? If we don’t have to pay the mortgage, that will save us a ton of money every month.”
“I don’t understand. If we keep the house, we’ll still have to pay the mortgage.”
“We can rent it out.” Marcus looked away from me as if he didn’t want to see my reaction.
“Rent it out?”
“Well, yeah. How else will we pay the mortgage?”
I didn’t like it. Not at all. Not the idea of living with Marcus’s parents, not the idea of renting out our home, and most certainly not the idea of all this upheaval.
“What do you think?”
I spoke without considering his reaction. “I think I’d prefer it if you just got a regular job. You know, one where somebody pays you every month.”
He plopped Natalie on the couch beside him and jumped up to face me. “That’s not going to happen, Lily.”
“Why not?”
“Why not? You know why not.” His jaw clenched as he looked away from me, then he met my gaze. “What about all the money you’ve already loaned me? Do you want to lose it all?”
“Of course not.” I shifted Jackson to my other shoulder as a sheen of sweat broke out on my upper lip. I hated fighting with Marcus. We hardly ever fought.
I guess we’re overdue.
Jackson began fussing, evidently feeling the tension in the room. Then Natalie began to whine.
“I hungry,” she said.
“I need to take care of the kids,” I said as I turned away from Marcus.
Lily's Story: The Complete Saga Page 75
