Reckless Abandon (Damaged #2)

by J. C. Hannigan

  "I guess I am," I answered, trying to hide a smile.

  "Do you kiss him and stuff? Because that's gross," Chloe said, crossing her arms and frowning.

  "No way! That is gross. Besides, I wouldn't want to get cooties." I winked, earning a smirk from Grayson.

  Chloe giggled, turning her gaze to Cadence. "Hi, I'm Chloe. This is my sister Jocelyn. She's six and I'm almost nine. How old are you?"

  "Four," Cadence responded shyly, dropping her gaze to the floor.

  "I've never seen it this empty," a woman's voice said. I looked up to see a taller version of the girls approaching us with a friendly smile. I froze, my smile stuck in place as I watched Grayson's dad and step-mom approach.

  I'd met Grayson's step-mom, Vanessa, once. It was shortly after I'd found out I was pregnant, when I'd gone to Grayson's house to try and find out where he was. I felt like I had to tell him. Vanessa had been sympathetic and sweet, but hadn't had any information to give me.

  Grayson's dad looked like an older version of him. The same dark hair, the same ice blue eyes, the same Adonis features and sinewy build. The only differences between the two were that Grayson was taller and his father had gray lining his dark hair. His middle was rounder with the accompanying pouch that came with age and comfort. It was obvious he had once been every bit as fit as Grayson. It was easy to see where Grayson got his good looks; his father was quite the attractive specimen.

  From the resentment and hatred that Grayson had once carried for his father, I expected him to put me on edge. I expected him to be an angry individual—the villain, more or less. But there was a warmth behind his eyes that set my nerves at ease. He carried himself with quiet dignity, confidence and the self-assurance of a man who was happy with his life's decisions and where they had brought him. His arm was wrapped affectionately around his wife's shoulders, and the love he felt for her radiated off them both. It was magical to witness.

  More surprising was how he looked at me. I expected Grayson's father to be angry at me for keeping Cadence a secret. After all, Cadence had lived one town over for the last five years, and he hadn't known about her. Instead of anger, he looked at me with gentle understanding, and he smiled at me as if he didn't hate me for keeping his granddaughter a secret all these years.

  His eyes welled up a little as he looked down at Cadence, but he cleared his throat quickly, not wanting to frighten her with a huge display of emotion.

  Grayson cleared his throat, his hand pressing firmly against my back as if he needed to ground himself. I could feel the nervousness rolling off him in waves, although he did his best to act indifferent to the awkward situation. "Everly, this is my father, Dale Dixon, and my lovely step-mom, Vanessa," he said. "Dad, Vanessa...this is Everly and Cadence."

  "Hi," I murmured, feeling suddenly shy, awkward and completely inadequate. I could perform in a stadium in front of thousands of screaming people. I could carry myself like the shining star I'd been combed over to be on the red carpet, but apparently, I couldn't meet my boyfriend's family without turning into a knobby kneed thirteen year old.

  "It's nice to finally meet the girl that has captivated Grayson's heart," Dale said, stepping forward to shake my hand. He had a gentle yet firm grip, and I could sense no animosity coming from him. "And you. Aren't you a pretty little thing!" Dale added, grinning down at Cadence fondly. Cadence peered up at him shyly, whispering a soft hello.

  "Can we go play now?" Chloe almost whined, her patience slipping away as she gazed with obvious longing toward the playroom.

  "I can take them back if you want," Becky offered. She grinned when we nodded our approval. "Come on girls!"

  "Have fun!" I said, squeezing Cadence's hand before Chloe and Jocelyn ushered her into the play room, followed closely by Becky.

  "The coffee here is pretty good," Vanessa said. "I take the girls here once every couple of weeks, or I pawn them off on Grayson." She seemed to sense that I needed a moment, and gently tugged on Dale's sweater to make him follow her over to the concession stand after giving me another warm, encouraging smile.

  Grayson stepped closer to me, his arm coming around my waist again. "Are you okay?" he whispered, his lips close to my ear.

  "Yeah, I am." I smiled, surprised at how true that was.

  ***

  "I feel like I haven't seen you guys in forever." I sighed, relaxing into the sofa. My parents had gone out for the evening, leaving me and a sleeping Cadence home alone. Tomorrow morning Grayson would be picking me up for the airport and we would be going to LA for four days so I could tie up ends there.

  I'd been so busy the last three days with Cadence's schedule. Between school, her after school activities, and our quick dinners at Grayson's house, I'd barely had time to sit down and process anything.

  Like how incredible things felt with Grayson, for example. Or all of the things that I'd learned about him. Or the Lindsay thing.

  Luckily, Aubrey had heard about the trip to LA and insisted on doing a girls’ night before I left. I happily obliged. I hadn't really gotten a chance to see them in a while, and it would be nice to gain some insight from them.

  "I know," Aubrey murmured in agreement. She took a sip of wine, her eyes appraising me carefully. "So, what's happening lately with the whole Grayson thing?"

  "A lot, actually." I sighed, eyeing her warily. I knew it was just like them to dive straight into the hottest, most challenging topic. I absently touched the necklace at my neck. "We've been talking a lot...and honestly, I'm still a little scared."

  "That's normal." Aubrey nodded. "I sense a but?"

  "But he's never been like this with me before," I trailed off again, glancing at the TV. We had some cheesy romantic comedy on that none of us were paying attention to. "I knew in high school that he cared about me... a lot. I would even say he loved me then, but he wasn't committed to me. He was too busy keeping the walls up, too busy focused on his problems and his demons. There were moments—tons of moments—where I felt he wasn't holding back at all, but there were also tons of moments where I knew he was...where he was purposely pushing me away."

  "Mmmhmm." Alicia raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips. She knew exactly what I was talking about, and so did Aubrey.

  "But this time...he isn't holding anything back. He's still not the best at talking about it, but he's showing me. He's stripped himself bare so many times to show me all the pain and regret. He looks at me like I'm all he sees."

  "He always did that, the looking at you like you were all he sees thing," Aubrey pointed out with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Probably because you are all that he sees. But go on..."

  "He's been honest…" I sighed. "Brutally honest, to the point where it hurt me physically. He told me what he did the last five years and..."

  Aubrey and Alicia exchanged a look, as if that didn't surprise them. I swallowed hard. "I mean, I wasn't celibate in his wake either."

  "I know." Aubrey said. "You can't exactly punish him for his stupidity. I bet he didn't think you'd come back, and he certainly didn't think he'd stand another chance."

  "Nope, he definitely didn't," I shook my head ruefully. Grayson had made it clear time and time again that he'd hoped for another chance, but hadn't counted on it happening. I raised my eyes, meeting both my friends' gentle gazes. "He told me that Lindsay is trying to stir the pot."

  "Doesn't surprise me," Alicia muttered darkly. "What's she doing now?"

  "She tried to insinuate that she was one of the...girls." The thought of it still stung.

  "And do you believe that she wasn't?" Alicia wasn't asking to be cruel; she genuinely wanted to know.

  "He says she wasn't, and he seems sure of it. If I really wanted proof, I guess I could go to Katrina..."

  "Why Katrina?" Aubrey asked, her eyes narrowing. I'd told her exactly what I'd walked in to all those years before, and she definitely didn't have the highest opinion of Katrina Underhill.

  "Because she works at Tap's." I shrugged.

 
"I'd have to agree with Grayson," Alicia muttered. "I saw her at the funeral, and I saw him in passing too. Lindsay didn't look at him the way she looked at the people she's been with. Trust me, I know how she looked at those guys. She stared at him in her calculating, deceitful way. Remember the way she'd get before she'd do something dramatic?" Aubrey and I nodded. "Well, she had that look about her. I didn't think anything of it because it's Lindsay."

  "What's the worst she could do?" Aubrey wondered aloud.

  "Quite a bit." I sighed dryly. "At least when it comes to the media and stuff...she knows about Cadence."

  "How?" Alicia and Aubrey said simultaneously.

  "She ran into us when we went to the movies that night and she told Cadence that she was a friend of 'Auntie Everly'." I massaged my temple, feeling the beginning of a migraine coming on. I had tried my absolute hardest to not stress about Lindsay, but the seeds of worry kept creeping up on me when I least expected. I hadn't stopped looking over my shoulder for the last several days, convinced that something was going to happen.

  "Shit." Aubrey shook her head. "What a conniving twat." Alicia chortled in agreement.

  "It doesn't matter." I sighed. "The truth is bound to come out sooner or later. I just need to get through this week...and this LA trip. I have to get my house on the market and tell the label I'm not doing the tour."

  If the media caught wind of my early retirement before the label found out, I was in for it. But I knew that my secret was safe with Aubrey and Alicia. They'd protected much more serious secrets for me before.

  I couldn't help but smile. It was good to have friends that I knew had my back, even if I'd let them down in the past by being too consumed with my own life to inquire about theirs.

  "Then you'll be home for good?" Aubrey asked. I nodded in response, holding my wine glass up. "Well good. Home suits you. You look happier."

  "Grayson suits her," Alicia corrected, smirking a little. I shot her a look and she shrugged. "It's not a bad thing."

  "You used to think it was," I pointed out, recalling all the warnings Alicia had given me in high school.

  "True," Alicia said thoughtfully. "But that was before. This is now. He's changed, you've changed. You've experienced life without him and now I think that you're choosing him because you want to, not because you feel you need to."

  Aubrey and I both gaped at her. "Holy shit, Alicia. That's deep. Where the hell did all that wisdom come from?"

  "I took a couple of psychology courses." Alicia shrugged again, taking a sip of her own wine. "It helps with the whole 'art therapy' thing if you actually know a little bit about the human mind and all that. Plus there's the fact that he came back and told you everything. He gave you every reason to walk away, not because he was trying to push you away but because he wanted you to know the truth when you made your decision. He didn't have to do that."

  "Touché," I responded, frowning thoughtfully. "Well, you're right. Of course, the prospect of not forgiving him has come up—several times I might add—but that just felt wrong. Forgiving him felt right. For so long, I've felt like a crucial part of me has been missing, and I hate saying that because it sounds so helpless. I mean, it's not like I couldn't function without him—I did function. But I just missed that part. It was like... missing a limb. You can make do without it, you can learn to walk again or use a prosthetic limb, but you still miss it. You still long for it...and given the chance, I don't know one person who wouldn't choose to have it back."

  Aubrey made a funny face and picked up the wine bottle, turning it around to read the ingredients.

  "What are you doing?" Alicia asked, trying to stifle a giggle.

  "There must be something in this shit. It's making you guys all wise and it's seriously beginning to wig me out," Aubrey responded, setting her glass down on the end table after giving it a distrustful glance.

  Alicia and I looked at each other and exploded into a fit of giggles. After several long minutes, I was finally able to calm down enough to wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes and give Aubrey a stern look. "What about you?" I demanded.

  "What about me?"

  "Marcus, duh," Alicia clarified, rolling her eyes.

  Aubrey grabbed her glass again, taking a deep sip and looking everywhere but at us. "I don't know, okay? He's just...we're just...we've both changed."

  "Change isn't exactly a bad thing, you know," Alicia pointed out.

  "Thank you, oh wise love guru. How is Mandy doing?" Aubrey responded dryly.

  "Ouch." Alicia pouted. "Okay, that's not my fault. She wasn't ready to tell her parents the truth about us. I'm tired of living in closets. I don't live in my own anymore, and I don't want to live in someone else's either. Don't try and pass the buck on to me, Missy. You and Marcus need to have a serious re-haul."

  "She's right, you know," I said, using my best Morgan Freeman voice, which admittedly wasn't very good. Aubrey threw a couch pillow at my face to shut me up. I deflected it with my forearm and continued on. "Seriously, I spend a lot of time with Marcus and I know he's not over you. You're not over him either, and the only thing keeping you apart is apparently his status as a 'celebrity' and the whole touring thing, which probably won't be a problem since I'm bailing on the band."

  "Oh shut up." Aubrey rolled her eyes, irritated by the pitiful dig at myself. "You know they're fine with it, and you aren't bailing out. You had a family emergency."

  "Whatever, the point is...what's the excuse now?" I asked.

  "What's yours?" she retaliated, smirking.

  "That doesn't even make sense." I rolled my eyes.

  "Doesn't it?" she countered coyly, taking a slow sip of wine.

  ***

  The next morning came quickly, and with it, a wine headache of epic proportions. It probably wasn't my best decision to drink a bottle of wine before I had to get up at three in the morning, but still.

  Grayson pulled up to my parents' house at the ass crack of dawn. I stepped out onto the front porch, closing the door behind me. I carried a small luggage bag and my purse. My tired eyes lifted, noticing the vehicle he'd chosen to drive. My jaw went slack then I let out a dazzling smile as I stared at the green truck.

  He stepped out, opening the passenger door for me. I climbed in, my eyes quickly finding the halo that still hung from the rear view mirror. I grinned, shaking my head. I couldn't believe he had held on to it all these years.

  "I would have never pegged you for the sentimental type," I commented, my finger gently reaching out to brush against it as the memories of that night flooded back.

  "I'm not." he shrugged. "At least, not usually." He sent me a meaningful grin before his hand caught my chin and directed my gaze back to his face. My heart pounded in response; I loved it when he took control like that. He stared into my eyes for a moment before he tenderly kissed me.

  I kissed him back, my hand coming up to the back of his neck. My lips parted slightly, allowing his tongue entrance. I could feel his growing arousal as he pulled away regrettably, leaving me wanting so much more. From the carnal longing in his eyes, he was fighting the same disappointment, but we were on a schedule and if we didn't get to the highway soon, we'd get stuck in traffic.

  "Plenty of time for that later," I agreed, playfully shoving him away so I could regain my composure. Suddenly, my wine headache didn't feel so bad.

  I was quiet during the drive to the airport. I was worrying about Cadence, wondering if she'd have any issues while I was away. I was excited to spend the weekend with Grayson, of course, but that worry set heavily in my stomach and I knew that it wasn't going to go away any time soon.

  "She'll be alright, right?" Grayson asked, needing the reassurance himself. I knew the whole daughter thing was new to him, and it was probably shocking just how much worry came with it.

  "I'm sure she will be," I answered with confidence I certainly didn't feel. "She hasn't had a nightmare since she met you—I'm not counting the window lurker; that obviously wasn't a nightmare. Besi
des, I know my parents can handle her. She used to stay over there every weekend."

  "Aren't you worried?" Grayson's brow furrowed as he attempted to understand these new found feelings.

  "Of course I'm worried, Grayson." I looked at him as if he were obtuse. "The worry never goes away. It gnaws on my stomach whenever I leave her." I didn't say it, but I figured that I deserved it.

  He reached across the bench seat, taking my hand in his and squeezing it gently. "She'll be okay," he said, trying his best to be reassuring.

  We didn't say anything else for the remainder of the drive. Grayson's attention was diverted when we started merging into the busy city of Toronto.

  Finding parking was a struggle, of course. The tiny airport parking lot was a joke for its actual size. Somehow, Grayson expertly managed to park the truck in a tight parking spot, making my eyes widen with shock.

  "I don't know how you do that," I remarked, shaking my head.

  "What, park?" He chuckled. I rolled my eyes and he sent me a wicked grin before he jumped out. He met me beside his truck and took my bag from me. His eyes made me take pause, and his free hand came up through my open jacket to squeeze my hip. He pressed me against the side of his truck, the playful, carnal look in his eyes taking my breath away. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" He asked, gently pressing his pelvis against me before his lips crashed against mine. He kissed me like he had all those nights ago, and it was almost like we were back in Zoe's drive way. He finally released me, leaving me panting.

  "You're a jerk." I rolled my eyes at the smug look on his face. "Have fun getting through security with that," I added, gesturing to the noticeable bulge in his pants.

  He laughed as I frantically made sure that all of my hair was tucked under my gray beanie and put on a pair of thick sunglasses. He eyed me with amusement. "Do you think that'll help disguise you?"

  "Usually does," I responded, attempting to grab my bag from him. He moved it just out of my grasp, grinning wickedly.

  "Maybe...for Prince Eric," he snorted with amusement at his own joke then raised an eyebrow at the confused look on my face. "You know? The Little Mermaid?"