I was slightly in shock with the details he had memorised, which was backed up when I felt his finger under my chin lifting it up so that I could close my mouth again. ‘See, not strangers. We’re practically best friends,’ he smiled.
‘Wow, you have an amazingly good memory,’ I snorted.
‘I remember the important stuff.’
The waiter placed down bread and olive oil, breaking our eye contact slightly as Josh thanked him until it returned with full force.
‘What do you know about me, Gem?’ he asked, low and sexy before clearing his throat and trying to hide a smile under his teeth.
‘You're a teacher and you love your job. You're a football coach. You're a year older than me and you love the summer, especially evening walks under the sun. You have a bowl of porridge every morning because it fills you up and means your stomach doesn't growl during lessons before lunch. Your mates call you Batts after battery because you never run out of energy. You can't bear it when you put petrol in your car and the pump jumps to an odd number, which means you have to carry on filling it up until it stops on an even number.' He seemed stunned, smiling, but stunned. I watched his throat bob as he swallowed and shook his head slightly, like he couldn't believe I'd remembered such insignificant, everyday things, just like he remembered that I liked three sugars in my tea.
‘We’ve talked about some shit, haven’t we?’ he laughed, leaning in over the table and blushing.
‘Maybe the insignificant things become important,’ I replied.
‘Maybe.’ He pushed the plate towards me, offering it to me first. We continued talking over the starter and main course. He was so engaging. I could see him in front of a classroom commanding the attention of an unruly class or awe inspired kids just through the passionate way he talked about things. Everything enthused him and it wasn’t at all intimidating. I just had a desperate urge to listen to him.
‘What do you enjoy about teaching?’ I asked as he looked over the dessert menu.
‘So much.' His face lit up. ‘I love to see the change in kids’ faces when they get it, a maths equation or a spelling they've been struggling with for weeks and suddenly there it is. I've been involved with a project to help kids improve their confidence and self-esteem. That's been fantastic. Some kids have such a low opinion of themselves. I really want to change that. Wouldn't it be great if all young people weren't afraid to take risks? What if they had a champion reassuring them that they're doing great every step of their school life? Imagine what they could achieve.'
I believe he may have hypnotized me with his amazingness. I may have been dribbling, and I knew without a doubt that after vowing never to have another child, I was ready to bear his children. Three or four. Now. Right fucking now.
‘Gem.’
‘Yes.’ My elbow left the table and I jumped like I was free falling in my sleep. ‘Sorry, I was just taking in everything you said. Wow. Epic. As a woman, well that’s a different matter entirely and I don’t think we’ll go there tonight, but as a mum, I wish you were teaching my kids.’
‘Can we go back to the as a woman thing you mentioned?’ he smiled, fiddling with the napkin he’d draped over his plate. ‘I’d really like to hear more about that.’
‘All done?’ The waiter effectively put a stop to that conversation and I didn’t know if I was relieved or disappointed. We both nodded and sat back, trying to calm our smiles. He pressed his mouth into a thin line and I hid my smirk behind my hand. ‘Would you like to order dessert?’
‘I don’t think I can. I’m so full,’ I said, rubbing my stomach. His eyes lingered there and he smiled as I quickly moved it away and started drumming my fingers on the table.
‘Bring a slice of chocolate cake, please, and two spoons,’ Josh said to the waiter.
‘I can’t, honestly. I’m so full.’
‘Something else I know about you is that you love a good chocolate cake. I think you mentioned that chocolate cake soothes the soul, maybe in our second conversation.’
‘I may have used words to that effect. So stupid of me because if I eat any more, this zip is going to burst open,’ I said, pushing out my boob towards him to show the zipper down the side of the playsuit. He nodded his head in what appeared to be complete appreciation.
‘Can’t have that, can we?’ he smiled. ‘I’ll be right back.’
My eyes followed him as he disappeared. I hoped he wasn’t going to climb out the bathroom window and leave me sitting alone. I had experienced some mortifying dates but that would top them all. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw him heading back to our table with a broad smile on his face.
‘Gem,’ he said. ‘Happy birthday.’
‘It’s not my—’
‘Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Gem! Happy birthday to you!’ I clasped my hand to my mouth and started to laugh. A huge slab of cake with a sparkler was heading my way carried by two waiters. The whole restaurant clapped, and I thanked every single person with a shy smile when they wished me many happy returns. ‘One cake; two spoons. Enjoy.’
‘My birthday isn’t for six months,’ I laughed.
‘I wanted to make tonight special for you. You deserve special,’ he smiled, taking my hand and holding it across the table.
‘Thank you. No one’s ever done that before. Not even on my birthday.’
‘Glad I’ve started a tradition,’ he said, smiling. ‘Wow, that’s a lot of cake. We could share this with the whole restaurant.’
As Josh handed me a spoon, my smile was replaced with a grimace. ‘I can’t do it. My thighs would never forgive me.’
‘Your thighs look pretty good in those shorts. Eat.’
Josh dipped his spoon into the ice cream and took a corner off the cake, devouring it in one mouthful. I followed him, taking a smaller piece as I slowly lifted the spoon to my mouth. His eyes trailed the spoon and I watched his breathing become sharp and shallow. I licked the icing with a flick of my tongue, leading to another prominent swallow from Josh. Holy moly, why was this such a turn on? I was a mother of two, for God’s sake; ice cream was a regular part of my week. However, I would never be able to look at it the same way again because this was slowly moving into dessert porn.
‘More?' he asked with a slight shake in his voice. I nodded and took another corner, watching as he licked his lips and blinked like he was clearing mist from his eyes. Slowly, so slowly, I brought the spoon to my mouth and slowly, so slowly, dragged the spoon away, wiping the corner of my lip delicately with the tip of my finger.
‘What about you? Do you want more?’ I asked, my voice low and my eyes shyly studying the cake, lifting only to see him biting his lip.
‘Yes, I want more.’ I lifted the spoon to his mouth. The closer I got to him, the closer his fingers moved towards my outstretched hand curling lazily across the table. Our fingers met before they entwined together, linking and clasping lightly, then stronger as his hand wrapped itself around mine. He took the piece of cake I offered him on the spoon, and I pushed my thighs together when I heard a small breathy moan escape from the back of his throat. I wanted to put both hands on the table for support and gasp for air. The things this man was doing to me were totally unexpected. I couldn’t remember feeling this way before.
Wanted.
Desired.
Sexy.
‘So good. This cake…is so good,’ he smiled, arching his eyebrow as his thumb stroked across the top of my finger. I studied it and tried to concentrate on my breathing. Or concentrate on actually breathing. For a second, I forgot who I was. I forgot the Gem who didn’t have the tools to trust a man again. I forgot my responsibilities as a mother, knowing the kids were staying with Abi and Jamie and not their father in a home they weren’t used to with people who loved them but didn’t care for them every night.
But most of all, I forgot the person who didn’t feel she deserved to love again.
‘It’s getting late and this place is going to clo
se soon. Can I take you somewhere else? I want to keep talking to you,’ Josh said, breaking me from the thoughts that could tip the balance from feeling good into feeling something else entirely. ‘If you need to get back, I understand.’ I knew what he was getting at.
‘No, the kids are with my friend tonight. Jay couldn’t have them, so she stepped in,’ I replied quickly, realising I didn’t want the night to end either.
‘I know a bar. They stay open till one. Fancy another drink? I’m driving but we can find a quiet corner and talk for a bit longer.’
Josh settled the bill and took my hand as we walked past the quiet shops, through the bus station, and out towards the bars and restaurants at the canal side. ‘I used to come here all the time when I first started going out. We thought we were something special but I'm sure we were just idiots off our faces on cheap alcohol that was usually bright blue. I couldn't get the stain off my tongue for days,' he said. I laughed because it made me think about Abi and her morning after look; hair half up and half down, oversized glasses to hide the light, and a bright blue tongue.
‘I know what you mean.’
‘Have you got similar stories to tell?’ he said, smiling.
‘Not always me, but my friends could tell you some interesting stories. I didn’t get much chance to go wild once I met Jay.’
‘He didn’t like you going out?’
‘I got pregnant pretty young, so wild nights out turned into quiet nights in.’ He carried on holding my hand but he was quiet. I told myself off for talking about the part of my life where I lost all sense of myself and hoped we could get back to where we were before we left the restaurant and everything felt good.
We reached the bar and found a table out of the way so that we could still talk. He held on to his Coke glass and I held on to mine, glancing at each other, sitting closer, so close that I could smell his clean aftershave and a subtle hint of mint leading me to assume he had popped one when we left the restaurant. The thought of him doing that was so sweet it made my spine tingle.
‘Tell me something I don't know yet, or something you haven't thought about in years,’ he said, his cheek grazing mine as he moved away from my ear. I immediately missed the warmth. I closed my eyes and a memory popped in without warning. My grandma. The woman I loved more than anyone or anything. A second mother who was more like a first.
‘I remember my grandma loved cats. She lived in an old terraced house after divorcing my granddad when they were in their late 70s after forty years of a controlling marriage. How mad is that? She always kept the kitchen door open and all the cats from the street used to come in. I loved cats; they calmed me. We’d sit at night with one on my lap and one on Grandma’s, and we’d pet them until they’d had enough. One time, a cat ran in, jumped on my grandma’s head and ran straight up the gap in the stairs. She nearly had a heart attack and I nearly peed myself laughing.’ I hadn’t thought about that in years but I found myself laughing again. ‘Jay’s allergic to cats, so I could never have my own.’
‘What about now? He’s been gone a while. Don’t you want to get a cat?’ he asked.
‘No, I’m afraid the kids will have the same allergy or we’ll adopt one that’s feisty when the kids torment it, and then I’d be left heartbroken having to find it another home. I don’t know; maybe one day.’ He nodded as he took a sip of Coke. ‘My grandma raised me. She was amazing. Do you know, she had her first tattoo at the age of eighty-four.’ He choked on his drink and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. ‘Isn’t that fantastic? Guess what it was.’
‘Jesus, I don’t know. At eighty-four, let me think. How about Do not resuscitate in a lovely curved font?’
‘Hey!’ I said, smacking him on the arm. ‘Don’t speak ill of the dead.’
‘I'm racking my brains here. I can't imagine what an eighty-four-year-old would want tattooed on her body for the rest of her somewhat short life.' Another smack.
‘The clue was in my heartfelt story of my lovely grandma, the cat lady.’
‘Ah, that’s where I went wrong. I thought that would be too obvious. I should have stuck with my gut instinct,’ he smirked as I faked complete disgust. ‘So, dare I ask where on her body she had this tattoo?’
‘On her wrist. It was a black cat. Supposed to be lucky. I think she felt lucky after surviving being married to my granddad for so long.’
‘I need to know this now. How long did she last after having the tattoo? A few years? Not cat years but human years.’
I tried to suppress a smile, knowing exactly where he would go with this. ‘Two months.’
‘Two months? Bloody hell, the ink wasn’t even dry. The black cat wasn’t very lucky for her.’
‘If you weren’t so handsome, I would walk out of here.’
‘You think I’m handsome?’ he asked, leaning in again to knock me out with his clean, minty breath. I held my thumb and finger together to indicate a smidge and he cocked his head from side to side, jokingly accepting that a smidge was good enough.
It was way more than a smidge, but I wasn’t willing to admit that yet.
Chapter 7
Gem
‘Maths? Really?’
‘Maths is my thing,’ Josh replied. As the night went on, we started to talk more about his work; mainly because his face lit up when he talked about subtractions and the value of pie, and I liked looking at his face.
‘I was traumatised by a teacher when he made me hold a ruler in the air and repeat centimetres in front of the class just because I got a question wrong despite being able to use a ruler. I measured inches instead. Elle’s lung nearly collapsed she was trying so hard not to laugh.’
‘You’ve known Elle that long?’ he asked. His knee was definitely doing a bit of touching and I wasn’t complaining.
‘Yeah, we met on our first day at secondary school, so we would have been eleven. We bonded over boy bands. Never looked back.’
‘Bonded over boyfriends should be the name of a boy band,’ he laughed.
Suddenly we were plunged into bright light as the bar got ready to close its doors. I instinctively covered my eyes with my hands and then felt another hand on mine as Josh tried to shield my eyes from the shock of suddenly going from darkness to full on fucking illuminations. ‘Fuck.'
‘Thanks for the warning,’ Josh laughed as he connected hands with one of the bar staff. ‘Gem, this is my friend Stu. I didn’t know you were on tonight.’
‘Yeah, last minute shift cover. Gem,’ he held out his hand, ‘I’ve heard a lot about you,’ he smiled.
‘Yeah, yeah, she’s crazy amazing. Thanks for dropping me in it,’ Josh replied.
‘The guy can’t stop talking about you, and because of that, I wish you a great first date.’ Stu slapped Josh on the back and started collecting glasses. Josh pulled me into him, cradling my head against the hard ridges of his chest as I tried to cover my elated smile.
He continued to hold me against his chest as we were met with the cold night air. The busy streets normally so full of the hustle and bustle of city life were now still and quiet. ‘Come on,' he said. ‘I want to show you something.' We walked through to the car park, up the stairs and towards the only car on the whole floor. ‘Guess which one is mine,' he laughed as I pretended to look around, quickly following it up with an eye roll. He held the door open of his sleek black whatever it was and crouched down next to me when I sat inside. ‘I want to show you something that's important to me and then I'll take you home.' His hand found its way to my knee and then moved just underneath the edge of my shorts. I started to wonder why I'd missed that as an erogenous zone before. He continued to circle his fingers lazily on my skin and the small wonder turned into a big confirmation that if he continued stroking that newly found erogenous zone, I would more than likely have an intense orgasm situation on my hands. Just as I started thinking about how I could explain the small gasps that seemed to be escaping my mouth through no fault of my own, he stood up and walked around the car
to get in the driver's side.
Josh pulled up to a large sports hall not far from where I lived. He got out of the car and started rummaging through the boot before opening the door on my side and helping me out by taking my hand. ‘It’s cold and although you look amazing, you’re going to freeze. Put this on.’ He handed me a large black jacket with Coach written in grey lettering on the back.
‘You do realise this doesn’t go with my outfit?’ I said, smiling as I wrapped it around myself and put my arms through the sleeves. It buried me but immediately I could smell Josh. His aftershave. His clean smell. Possibly some mud. But mainly him.
‘Although it doesn’t match, you pull it off. The look, I mean. You pull it off. You look…great.’ We looked at each other again. There was something there so strong that I wondered if we would ever be able to navigate our way around it. I shivered and he instinctively pulled me towards him, wrapping me in his arms. I felt warm and content to stay there for the rest of my life. ‘You’re shaking. Are you cold? I can take you home.’
‘No! I mean, no, I’m fine.’
‘Then why are you shaking?’
‘I don't know. It's been a long time since I felt like…this,’ I replied honestly.
‘Like what?’
‘Good.’
‘You don't give a lot away, do you?’
‘Can't afford to.’
‘That's sad.’ He frowned.
‘Josh.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Why have you brought me to a sports centre?'
‘This is where the magic happens,' he smiled, moving back and taking my hand, leading me past the sports centre. As we turned the corner, I could see a football pitch; large floodlights were switched on and illuminating the fake grass; vivid green was everywhere. I could see the tops of the floodlights from my bedroom window and had often stared off into space looking at them, totally lost in my own thoughts.
Let Me Be Your Last Page 5
