by Lisa Scott
He swallowed the knot in his throat. He was going to get ambushed on this trip down memory lane. He was remembering all the good times, and forgetting that she’d just up and walked out of his life. When someone really loves you, they don’t do that, he reminded himself. It was the mantra his mother had repeated over and over when he couldn’t shake the sadness for months after she’d been gone. He closed the menu. “Sitting here with you, it’s easy to forget all the time that’s passed.”
“I know.” She folded her hands on the table and looked away. “And I need to apologize to you for ending things the way I did.”
His heart pounded and he sucked in a breath, ready for her explanation. Then the waitress came to take their orders. The spell was broken as he grabbed the menu, fumbling through it even though he knew what he wanted. “The barbecue ranch burger with extra onion rings on the side,” he said.
A slow smile crept across Miranda’s face. “I’ll have the same.” She looked at him. “I don’t want to settle for just a few of yours.”
He shifted in his seat. Was she trying to keep things friendly but not too friendly? Afraid they’d brush fingers again when she reached over to his plate? God. Of course she was. She was engaged. And so was he. He cleared his throat. “So what were you saying, about ending things?”
She looked down and stirred her straw in the soda the waitress had dropped off. “I’d been keeping a secret from you, Kevin.”
His stomach dropped. Which was stupid. So what if she’d cheated on him? They were kids, it was over, and they were both about to get married. He forced a laugh. “Who was it?”
Her head snapped up and she blinked at him. “No. I didn’t cheat on you, Kevin.”
He spread his palms on the table. “Then what could’ve been so bad to end things between us without even telling me?” He sounded angrier than he meant to.
She looked out the window. Her eyes were slick with tears. “I was sick.”
His throat tightened and he could barely get out the words. “What do you mean?”
“I never told you that I had leukemia when I was a little girl. It consumed most of my life, and I thought it was behind me. You were the first person in my life who wasn’t linked to my illness. I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me like every one else. I didn’t want you to know.”
He reached for her hand, knocking over the salt shaker in the process. “So why did you just cut off contact with me?”
She looked at him and took a deep breath. “Because the cancer came back. March 20, 2002, the doctor called me with the test results.”
His shoulders sagged. He’d never felt this strange mix of anger and regret and sympathy roiling inside him at the same time. He was glad he hadn’t started eating yet. It was possible he might have hurled it back up. “You should have told me. I could have been there for you. You shouldn’t have gone through that alone.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t want that to be part of our relationship. You’d never look at me the same way. I’d always be something weak or damaged in your eyes; because there’s no guarantee it won’t come back. You wouldn’t have wanted that.”
“You didn’t even give me a chance! You didn’t give me a choice.”
“Kevin, the doctors said my leukemia, since it kept coming back…” She took a shuddering breath. “They said most kids in my situation don’t live past age forty. It wouldn’t be fair to you to end up with someone who probably would only have half a life. Who didn’t want kids, because I wouldn’t leave them without a mother. Yeah, I know we talked about having kids, but after I got sick again, I decided I never wanted anyone I loved to see me like that again.”
He couldn’t help it. He was angry. “So you decided for me.” He slowly blew out his breath. “What does your fiancé say about this?”
She pulled her hand away from his. “He doesn’t know.”
“You didn’t tell him?”
She shook her head. “If I die, Luke will be fine. It’s complicated. He loves me, but I know I’m not the center of his world. And that’s fine. I know he wouldn’t be destroyed without me.” She shrugged. “And maybe I’ll beat the odds. But tell me. Would you really have wanted that to be part of your future?”
He turned his hands up. “Miranda. Yes. Hell, yes. There’s never been anyone like you. Even if we only had another twenty years together, I would have wanted that. I spent all those years wondering what I did wrong.”
She reached for him, but he didn’t take her hand. “God, Kevin, I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was me, not you. I’m sorry. I thought it was for the best. I thought you’d forget me.”
“That’s impossible. I was never able to. And I never will.”
Silence settled between them. “At least you found Beth,” Miranda said.
“Right. She’s a great girl.” But she’s not you. “And you found someone, too.”
She nodded. “Yep. I think Luke and I should be happy.”
He locked eyes with her. “I think we could’ve been happy, too.”
Her cheeks flushed and she looked away. “We’ll never know. That’s the worst part. What might have been.” She reached for her burger and took a small bite.
He did the same. The conversation was over. That was all he was going to get. But what more did he expect?
They ate in silence and Kevin knew he should go home, grateful for finally understanding what happened, and then call a few of the photographers she’d listed. But he didn’t. “Wanna go for a ride?”
She paused, then nodded. “That would be nice.”
***
Miranda knew she should just go home. Say goodbye and good luck. But she just wasn’t ready to leave him yet. This was probably the last day she’d ever see him and something still felt unsettled.
“Where should we go?” he asked.
She thought about suggesting Forest Park. That had been their place. They’d taken picnics there, snuck in at night and laid out a blanket to watch the stars. They’d lost their virginity together there. No, that would be a very dangerous place to visit. Instead she said, “Have you see how big the roses are you planted at my old house?”
“I haven’t driven by in a while. How is your mom?”
“She’s good. She’s in an apartment now. We were just renting that house, but the roses are still there. I can’t believe it.”
“Let’s go look.” He turned down Main Street and still knew exactly where he was going.
How many times had he made that trip to her house from his across town? Hundreds? They’d been together over a year, and saw each other nearly every day, even if for only a few minutes after her chorus practice or his job at his grandmother’s greenhouse.
He parked across the street from their old house. The paint was peeling off the tiny ranch and the porch sagged, but bright, coral-pink roses crawled up the side of the house where Kevin had made a trellis for her eighteenth birthday. “You should always have roses,” he’d told her back then.
Staring out the window at them now, she set her hand on his shoulder. “The Dream Weaver.”
He placed his hand on top of hers. “You remember?” Grinning, he shook his head. “Wow. It’s still one of my favorite climbing roses to plant.”
“Look at how big it is, and it’s loaded with flowers.” She sighed, thinking how much their relationship would’ve grown, too, if they’d stayed together. Surely they’d be married. And they’d probably have their own house with their own Dream Weavers climbing up the side. When he’d planted it, he’d promised her there’d be enough to make a bouquet for their wedding.
She pulled her hand away and looked down at her lap. She didn’t want to see if Kevin looked as disappointed as she was feeling.
He opened the car door.
“Where are you going?”
“I meant what I said all those years ago. You should always have roses.” He dashed across the street and knocked on the front door. When no one answered, he darted around to the side of the
house and picked a few blossoms.
Her heart trembled. Luke had sent her vases filled with 365 roses to celebrate their one-year anniversary. He always liked to include the final price tag of the flower bill when he told the story.
But watching Kevin walk toward the car with a fistful of roses touched her more than all those vases. He got back in the car and handed them to her, the sweet scent flooding the space between them. “To think that was just a scraggly little bush when we put it in ten years ago,” he said.
“They’re beautiful.”
“Like you.”
She set the flowers on her lap and swallowed hard. “Kevin, it’s too late.” Her voice was thick.
He dropped his head back against the seat. “I know. It just feels so easy, like we’re right back where we left off. I always thought you were the one. But then I just wrote that off to youthful naivety after you left. But seeing you again, and knowing what really happened…” He sighed.
“It doesn’t make sense. You should hate me. What I did to you was horrible.”
He reached for her hand and pulled it to him, pressing his lips against her knuckles. “I can’t be mad at you, Miranda. You were going through something awful and you didn’t make the best decision. But I know now you didn’t mean to hurt me.”
She looked over at him and smiled. “Of course you understand. Because that’s the kind of guy you are.” This was bad. She shouldn’t be feeling what she was feeling right now. She pulled her hand back. “I should get home.”
He nodded and drove back to the diner. They sat quietly in his car, while she fiddled with the flowers in her lap. She’d done what she came to do—tell him the truth about their breakup. She needed to get home and focus on her own wedding, on her own future. A future without him. She swallowed a cry.
“I’m glad we ran into each other, Miranda. I’m glad I know the truth.”
She nodded and turned to him, cupping his cheek in her hand. “I hope you and Beth are happy in Philadelphia.”
He grabbed her hand. “And I’m sure you’ll have a nice life with Luke.” He kissed her hand again; then she pulled it away, dropping a rose on the floor as she got out. She dashed to her car before she did anything stupid.
***
“Boss, I thought we were planting Arborvitaes? Aren’t these Junipers?” Martin asked Kevin, gesturing to a row of evergreens.
Kevin shook himself out of his daze. “You’re right. Thanks. I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
Martin grinned, leaning on his shovel. “Like a wedding. Don’t blame you. I’d be nervous, too. Which is why you won’t see me getting married anytime soon. Not that anyone would want to marry me. I know nothing about women. Ask all my exes. I always say the wrong thing, do something stupid.” He sighed. “But Beth’s a great girl. You’re lucky.” Jim clapped him on the back. “I’ll go get the Arborvitaes out of the truck. And what about those roses? I didn’t see them on the plans for this job.”
Kevin felt his cheeks flush. “I grabbed those by mistake.” Which was a lie. He saw the Dream Weavers at the wholesaler, and scooped them up without asking why he was doing it. He didn’t even have a project in mind for them. But he knew why. It’d been two days since he’d seen Miranda and he couldn’t stop thinking of her. This was bad.
Martin grinned. “Those are the ones you planted for an old girlfriend, right?”
The blood drained from Kevin’s face. “I told you that?”
“Yeah, couple years back when I asked why you always use that variety.”
Kevin pretended to study them. “I forgot about that. They’re just a good climber. Nice color, that’s all.” His phone rang, snapping him out of his daze. “Hello?”
“Hey, you.” It was Beth. “We’ve got to finalize the cake tonight, so we’re doing a final sampling at the bakery. Can you pick me up at seven?”
“Sure. Of course.”
“Great. Love you.”
“You too.” He blew out a breath and told himself to focus. He had a job to do. And a wedding to finish planning. And a life to keep living without Miranda.
***
When Kevin picked up Beth, he realized he hadn’t seen her since Saturday.
“Hello, stranger,” she said, as she climbed in his car. “Can’t wait until we see each other every day. It’s just over a month away.”
“Wow. Is it that close?”
She looked at him, narrowing her eyes. “You’re not nervous are you?”
“Just nervous that we can pull this altogether.” He flipped on the radio. Aerosmith of course. Miranda’s favorite.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s all going to come together. I’ve worked on more involved corporate events. This is easy.” She patted his hand. “I booked one of the photographers you told me about, and I’m just going to settle for a DJ instead of a band.” She set her purse on the floor by her feet. “What’s this?” She picked up a limp rose.
Kevin’s heart pounded. “Oh. That’s a climbing rose I like to use on my jobs. The Dream Weaver.” He sucked in a breath.
“It’s beautiful.” She sniffed the droopy flower, which still gave off a lovely smell. “I love the name, too. I want to use these in the wedding. Can you get me some?”
He rubbed the back of his head. “I’ve got some on the truck. But they don’t have long stems for a bouquet. It’s a climbing rose. I don’t think it would work.” Any hope of not thinking about Miranda on his wedding day would be gone with those in their ceremony.
An hour later at the bakery, he was still thinking of her.
Beth snapped her fingers in front of his face. “Red velvet or chocolate ganache? It’s not that hard of a choice.”
Kevin ran his hand through his hair. “Whatever you want, honey.”
***
The next morning he stared into the back of the truck at the half dozen pots of roses. He had to get rid of them. He plucked a flower and rubbed a silky petal between his fingers. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out Miranda’s number and called her. “I’ve got something for you. Can I stop by?”
He got her address and drove across town. Knowing it was a bad idea he pulled out two rose bushes and went up to her apartment. He shifted back and forth waiting for her to answer the bell.
Then she opened the door. And he sucked in a breath, just like he had the time he picked her up for the homecoming dance. Miranda had always taken his breath away.
Her eyes widened. “What’s this?”
“An early wedding present.”
She smiled at the flowers and gestured for him to come inside.
He set the plants on the floor. “I can’t stay long, I’ve got to get to the jobsite. I just had a few extras, and wanted you to have some, too. I want to be sure you always have roses.” Because I’m not so sure that jerk will see to it.
She wrapped her arms around her ribs like she was cold. “I’ll find the perfect spot for them. Thanks.”
He wanted to say more. But he wasn’t sure what. “Let me know if you need anything, Miranda. I’ll always be here for you.” I would’ve, if you’d given me the chance. He let himself out the door.
When he pulled up to the jobsite, his heart dropped. Beth was there.
She waved to him as he got out of the car. “I wanted to check out those roses. Martin opened the truck to show me.” The sunlight glinted off her hair and her smile was dazzling. She deserves better than this.
“I thought we had a few more than this, boss,” Martin said, peering inside the cool, dark cargo area.
Beth picked a bloom and sniffed it. “You’re right, the stems aren’t that long, but I think I could tuck a few in on the sides of the bouquet.”
Jim laughed. “You sure you want to do that?”
Beth scrunched her eyebrows. “Why not?”
“Those are the same flowers he planted for some girlfriend way back when. Might be bad luck.” Martin shrugged.
Beth blinked and turned to Kevin. “What’s he talking about?”
Kevin opened and closed his mouth. Then he said, “Back when I was dating Miranda, I planted one of these for her at her mom’s house. Turned out to be a great climber, and I still like to use them.”
She stared at the pots in the truck for a few moments. “Why did you have a blossom in your car?”
Kevin opened and closed his mouth, saying nothing.
Crumpling the flower in her hand, she tossed it to the ground. “You’re right. These probably won’t work.” She strode back to her car and drove away, leaving a swirl of dust in her wake.
Martin scratched his head. “I told you I always say the wrong thing, even when it’s not my girl.”
Kevin tipped his head back to the sky. What the hell was he doing?
***
Miranda set the flowers out on her balcony so she didn’t have to see them—so she didn’t have to think about Kevin. If only it were that easy. Seeing him again had stirred up feelings like muck at the bottom of a pond. Once that muck started floating around, it took a long time to settle. She needed to talk to someone about this, so she called her mother. Not that she’d ever been lucky in love; Miranda’s dad had left her and her mother when she was little. Her mother had never remarried again and was waiting on the happily ever after for her daughter, instead.
“What’s up honey?” her mother asked.
Miranda sighed. “I’m not so sure I should marry Luke.”
“What’s going on, Miranda?”
She paused. “I saw Kevin.”
“Kevin Fulton? That was so long ago. He was just a high school sweetheart.”
“He was more than that, Mom. Back then, I really thought he was the one.” I still do…
“But Luke is everything you could possibly want. He’s handsome, he’s rich, and he loves you.”
